The Family Outing: A Memoir

by Jessi Hempel

Overview

“Fascinating, funny, and wise, The Family Outing is an affirmation to all of us who know the pain and shame of hiding our truest self, and a stirring invitation into the courage, freedom, and joy of living our whole truth.”—Glennon Doyle, author of #1 New York Times bestseller Untamed, founder of Together Rising

A striking and remarkable literary memoir about one family’s transformation, with almost all of them embracing their queer identities.

Jessi Hempel was raised in a seemingly picture-perfect, middle-class American family. But the truth was far from perfect. Her father was constantly away from home, traveling for work, while her stay-at-home mother became increasingly lonely and erratic. Growing up, Jessi and her two siblings struggled to make sense of their family, their world, their changing bodies, and the emotional turmoil each was experiencing. And each, in their own way, was hiding their true self from the world.

By the time Jessi reached adulthood, everyone in her family had come out: Jessi as gay, her sister as bisexual, her father as gay, her brother as transgender, and her mother as a survivor of a traumatic experience with an alleged serial killer. Yet coming out was just the beginning, starting a chain reaction of other personal revelations and reckonings that caused each of them to question their place in the world in new and ultimately liberating ways.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780063079021
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	09/26/2023
Pages:	320
Sales rank:	524,539
Product dimensions:	5.20(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Jessi Hempel is host of the award-winning podcast Hello Monday, and a senior editor-at-large at LinkedIn. For nearly two decades, she has been writing and editing features and cover stories about work, life and meaning in the digital age. She has appeared on CNN, PBS, MSNBC, Fox, and CNBC, addressing the culture and business of technology. Hempel is a graduate of Brown University and received a master’s in journalism from UC Berkeley. She lives in Brooklyn.

Table of Contents

Prologue 1

Part 1 Origin

The Stakeout 13

Crush 22

Oh Lamb of God 31

Therapists 41

Part 2 The Closet

Infinity 53

French Training 60

We Will Serve the Lord 69

Our Bodies, Ourselves 80

I Am the Problem 88

Help Us 98

It's Not You 102

All of the Ways We Pretend 109

Both Hands 118

Part 3 Hurt

Outing Dad 129

Can I Have the Keys? 139

You've Reached a Number That Is No Longer in Service 147

Three-Headed Monster 159

I Don't Even Remember the Fight 166

Family Conference Call 176

Part 4 Heal

Transformation 187

What Persists 198

Tattoos 213

Transitions 221

Surfing 230

Oscillations 236

Marriage, Round One 242

H-I-Fucking-V 252

The Duckling in Her Bra 262

Everything Falls Apart 268

Falling 278

Magic Penny 285

You Will Make Mistakes 291

Conclusion 300

Acknowledgments 305

Editorial Reviews

06/13/2022

The author of this eloquent, intricately woven debut is the first in her family to come out as queer, but she’s not the last. As journalist Hempel explains, a series of family interviews during the pandemic revealed her life was founded on a web of “hidden truths.” Her father, raised Christian, lived a double life for decades, until Hempel’s sister discovered their dad had been furtively courting other men online. Their mother, Patti, harbored a weighty secret of her own: As a teenager, she was close with a man who, unbeknownst to her, was an accomplice to the notorious Ypsilanti Slayer. Alienated from her distant husband, Patti fell into bouts of severe depression that, for years, kept Hempel and her younger sisters—both of whom would later have their own coming out (one as bisexual, the other as a trans man)—“afraid that honesty break her.” Hempel’s work has an urgent, intimate feel as she documents her family’s unraveling and eventual rebuilding: “Coming out is the act of letting go of our planned lives in pursuit of the lives that wait for all of us.” Of course, it’s hardly that easy: Old wounds fester, and new troubles arrive, but what rises from the rubble is a deeply moving portrait of generational trauma and painstaking repair. This interrogation of familial fissures and bonds radiates with empathy and grace. (Oct.)

Publishers Weekly

Fascinating, funny, and wise, The Family Outing is an affirmation to all of us who know the pain and shame of hiding our truest self, and a stirring invitation into the courage, freedom, and joy of living our whole truth.” — Glennon Doyle, author of #1 New York Times bestseller Untamed, founder of Together Rising

"What’s fascinating about Hempel’s memoir, aside from its striking confidence, is the way a tabloid-ready curiosity about a family becomes, in this author’s hands, an ever-expanding exploration of the nature of storytelling, of memory, and of what it means to be human. This is the perfect kind of memoir. You might pick it up because you’re fascinated by what seems to be an anomaly, but what you find in its pages is something far more familiar: your own perpetual quest for liberation." — Garrard Conley, New York Times bestselling author of Boy Erased

"The Family Outing is a rich and vital addition to queer literature and our understanding of intergenerational trauma. Hempel’s prose is sensitive, sharp, and revelatory. I fell in love with Jessi’s family and this memoir." — Alysia Abbott, author of Fairyland

"What happens when a journalist turns an investigative eye on herself? If that journalist is Jessi Hempel, she writes The Family Outing, a brave, honest, ultimately loving and hopeful memoir that examines long-hidden family secrets and searing questions of identity. This important story of fracturing and healing is a lesson to all of us on being our true selves, in and out of our families." — Ann Hood, author of Fly Girl

"Eloquent, intricately woven ... a deeply moving portrait of generational trauma and painstaking repair. This interrogation of familial fissures and bonds radiates with empathy and grace." — Publishers Weekly

"As she explores how her family healed from the secrets it kept, Hempel also offers provocative glimpses into the complexities of what it truly means to forgive and love. A thoughtful, compelling, unique memoir." — Kirkus Reviews

"Skillfully wrought ... Bringing each family member alive on the page and bringing her own story up to date, the author wisely concludes that the work of transformation is never done. And so, her story continues." — Booklist

“A stunning memoir and contemporary exploration of the diversity of family dynamics and coming-out narratives.” — Library Journal (starred review)

"A stunning memoir about finding your true self and living freely in the world." — Buzzfeed

“Incredibly moving … a tremendous accomplishment." — Daily Hive

"With rich detail and deep empathy, Hempel chronicles the highs and lows of [the family's] journey to healing, through marriages and divorces, personal growth and grief. Along the way, they began creating families of their own and grew stronger together." — NPR, "Books We Love"

From the Publisher

★ 08/01/2022

Hempel, host of the Hello Monday podcast, shares the story of her family's personal and collective coming out journeys in this magnetic memoir. Within five years, Hempel and her father had each came out as gay, one sibling as bisexual, the other as transgender, and her mother as a trauma survivor. She writes of the resulting challenges of these revelations, the liberation of living authentically, and moving forward as a family. She revisits these experiences with her family by conducting virtual conversations during the pandemic referred to as "The Project," which she incorporates into the book by giving her family space in their own story, adding a unique, insightful layer to this memoir. Hempel's writing is evocative and approachable. It will appeal broadly to fans of literary memoir and will hold particular significance for LGBTQIA+ readers and anyone on their own journey to live as their true selves. Readers seeking more memoirs on the intersections of queer identity, family dynamics, and generational trauma may also enjoy Putsata Reang's Ma and Me. VERDICT A stunning memoir and contemporary exploration of the diversity of family dynamics and coming-out narratives.—Kate Bellody

Library Journal

This memoir, based on interviews Hempel conducted with her siblings and parents, is about change and growth. Hempel’s lively narration perfectly captures that spirit of seeking as she recounts, with humor and some sadness, the events that helped her family members find their way back to each other. After Hempel and her father came out as gay, her brother as trans, her sister as bi, and her mother as the survivor of a traumatic event, they realized the secrets they’d all been keeping would eventually destroy them. The love Hempel feels for her family is apparent in the thoughtful, compassionate way she writes and speaks about them. This is a bighearted book about the work of healing, made even better by Hempel’s warm and intimate narration. L.S. © AudioFile 2022, Portland, Maine

DECEMBER 2022 - AudioFile

This memoir, based on interviews Hempel conducted with her siblings and parents, is about change and growth. Hempel’s lively narration perfectly captures that spirit of seeking as she recounts, with humor and some sadness, the events that helped her family members find their way back to each other. After Hempel and her father came out as gay, her brother as trans, her sister as bi, and her mother as the survivor of a traumatic event, they realized the secrets they’d all been keeping would eventually destroy them. The love Hempel feels for her family is apparent in the thoughtful, compassionate way she writes and speaks about them. This is a bighearted book about the work of healing, made even better by Hempel’s warm and intimate narration. L.S. © AudioFile 2022, Portland, Maine

DECEMBER 2022 - AudioFile

2022-07-13
A business and technology journalist’s account of how revealing—and making peace with—painful secrets made her family whole.

As Hempel, a senior editor at large at LinkedIn, reports, her parents kept secrets that, though unspoken, “worked their way into the fabric of my being.” Those secrets—of her shy mother’s proximity to an alleged murderer of women and her deeply religious father’s closeted homosexuality—first manifested as terrifying childhood nightmares of bodily endangerment that continued into young adulthood. A therapist helped her banish the dreams by talking through her feelings, and Hempel embarked on a successful media career. However, by the time she reached 30, she could only feel a “big hole where I felt a family should be.” She had been living as a lesbian since college and had long been out to her parents. Yet it was that same openness about her sexuality that she believed triggered the implosion of her family, starting with her parents’ marriage. Her father pulled away from her mother to explore online gay relationships, while her mother fell into depression and had the first of several breakdowns. Her trans brother began experimenting with meticulous dance routines and limits on food intake to exercise control over a life that seemed to be falling apart. The author and her sister, Katje, became involved in a cultlike organization called World Works and then became estranged when Hempel left the organization. Slowly, they found their way back to a decent relationship, at which time Katje revealed she was bisexual. But it would take a worldwide pandemic and forced isolation from each other before all family members could finally reconnect and learn to fully accept each other. As she explores how her family healed from the secrets it kept, Hempel also offers provocative glimpses into the complexities of what it truly means to forgive and love.

A thoughtful, compelling, unique memoir.

Kirkus Reviews