Table of Contents
Preface xi
1 What the Fuck Is Happening to Me? 1
2 I Went Bald on 9/11 11
3 Life as a Bald Man and Why It Sucks 19
4 How to Get a Personality, and Fast! 31
5 What People with Personalities Do 35
6 What to Say 41
7 How to Look 45
8 Glasses 55
9 Facial Hair 61
10 Plugs, Drugs, and Rugs 71
11 Drugs! 81
12 A Tale of Toupees 89
13 Shaving Your Head 99
14 DWB (Dating While Bald) 105
15 Sex Robots Are on the Way, and No, They Are Not the Answer 115
16 How to Act on a Date 121
17 The Sex Decision 125
18 Bald Sex (aka B.S.) 131
19 Marriage 139
20 Bald Man Tips for a Healthy Marriage 145
21 Toupee, Part Toupee 151
22 Loving Someone Bald 165
23 Employing the Bald 173
24 Skinspirations 179
25 Matthew McConaughey 189
26 What Does It All Mean? 195
27 Toupee: Threepee 205
28 So You Are Bald! 211
29 (Kinda) Serious Conclusions 219
Acknowledgments 231