Table of Contents

Black Horses in Dreams (Before Ruffian)

When I Think of the Horses Kept in the Dark of Mines 1

Horses in the Snow 1

The Blue Horse Puzzle 2

Morgan Horse Farm 3

Sleeping with Horses 3

The Horse I Never Had 4

The Horse Lullabies, The Insomnia 5

The Young Girl Dreams of Escape 6

Small and New in the Lamp of Her Mother's Eye (Ruffian's Birth)

With Blue Green Grass Holding Kentucky Night Water 8

Right After Birth 8

First Day in the Light 9

April 1972 10

That First Summer 10

The Last Days in the Pasture, After the Hottest Days of Summer 11

Just Before Weaning Day 11

Taken, Picked Like Unripe Fruit (Weaning Ruffian)

Early, with Only Lanterns of Light 14

Weaning Day-1 14

With Starlight Still on the Pond Like Silver 15

Weaning Day-2 16

Weaning Day-3 16

In Their New Stalls 17

Now the Pastures are Empty 17

Ruffian's Last Weanling Month 18

Ruffian, If I had Seen You at the Fence 18

As with Dancers the More Confident Fillies were in Front (Ruffian as a Yearling)

To Start, They 20

Like Ballet Warm Up at the Barre 20

By the Time the Horses File Around the Paddock 21

For Ruffian, a Squeal, a Few Bucks 22

After Days of Figure Eights in the Stall 22

Her Beautiful Thin Strong Legs 23

Some Nights I Think of Her 24

Sky Colorless 24

Yearlings in the Pasture 25

She Was Good To Be Around (Ruffian as a Two-Year-Old)

It was Her Stride, Long, Almost Dream Like, Floating 28

Before She Had Her Name 28

When I Look at Ryder's Painting, the Race Track 29

Ruffian's Maiden Race 29

Just Before Ruffian's Maiden Race 30

Ruffian, Her First Race 30

That First Race in Black and White 31

She was Transformed 32

Sometimes it Seemed She Wasn't Real 32

Horse Tattoo 33

One Blacksmith said He Gould Pick Up an Anvil with One Hand 33

You Can't Think Ahead 34

Saratoga, Ruffian's Cradle 34

Other Horses Turned to Jelly When She Looked Them in the Eye (Ruffian as a Three-Year-Old)

Recovery, After Ruffian's Hairline Fracture 38

In Camden, Ruffian Tossing 39

By March Ruffian 39

Ruffian 40

Spring of Ponds Near 41

I Don't Never Like to Stay Too Far Away from Ruffian-1 42

I Don't Never Like to Stay Too Far Away from Ruffian-2 42

After Angel Cordero Tried to Tire Out Ruffian, Exhaust Her Early 43

I Never Like to Stay Too Far Away from Ruffian-3 44

Ruffian in the Winner's Circle 44

What's Next 44

When there was Nothing Left for Her to Prove 45

In the Blue Pewter Air 46

She Wanted to Run, a Fast Dance 46

That Last Spring Ruffian was Ghostly 47

She was The Wonder. The Big Filly 47

An Onyx Bundle of Energy 48

It Always Ends the Same Way 49

On the Day of Ruffian's Match Race 50

Darkness Croons to Her Daughter (Ruffian's Death)

On the Day of Her Last Race 52

On That Day 53

July 6, 1975, That Day, Only Ruffian 53

When the Ambulance Came 54

After She Pulled Up, After the Blood was Drying on July 55

After the Accident 55

She was Jumping Around 56

Her Jockey Moved in a Blur 56

After the Ambulance Ride Ruffian Bled So Inside the Cast the Cast Broke from the Pressure 57

As Ruffian Slept 58

When I Think of the Recovery Stall 59

Maybe Because She was Born Three Days Late 59

After She Broke Through 60

As If She was a Piece of Sky 61

After Midnight 61

Years Before Earth Beetles Have Made Lace of Her Lovely Bones 62

Though She Didn't Run for the Roses 62

Her Whole Body was Buried 63

July 7, 1975-1 64

She was Buried Just as the Last Light 64

July 7, 1975-2 65

Rain, the Cherry Petals Going Pale Rose Snow 66

Like Nothing We'll See Again (After Ruffian)

Her Jockey's Song 70

Shattered, The Licorice Daughter 71

When I Think of the Jewish Mourning Custom 72

Ruffian, Whole and Gorgeous in Photographs 73

Watching That Horse, as Her Trainer Always Called Her, on Tape 74

Another Horse Would Have Become Dog Food 74

With the Craze to Keep Something of Ruffian, Even Her Brother Icecapade's Photo 75

Early Mornings at the Track, The Grass Rhinestoned, Luminous 75

She Ran Like a Fawn 76

She Was a Dancer 76

Now Ruffian is Nibbling Apples from a Tree They Never Shrivel or Drop From 77

In the Photographs on the Mantel 78

Acknowledgments 80