151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills

by Robert E. Dittmer, Stephanie McFarland Narrated by Emily Durante

Overview

Do you work with other people? Fellow employees; your boss; customers; vendors; colleagues? Of course, we all work in organizations comprised of people. People with whom we must have strong, positive relationships in order to ensure our own success as well as the organization's. Do we get any training or education on this key skill at our companies? Rarely.



151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills is constructed to help everyone do a better, more effective job of working with others. These ideas are culled from the study of human behavior, relationships, and communication. Everything here will help you be more effective, efficient and in control of your relationships with people. In this book you will:

¿ Learn the difference between social intelligence and technical knowledge



¿ Create friends, allies, and supporters



¿ Learn how to analyze tough personal situations and solve them



¿ Understand when and how to negotiate

Product Details

BN ID:	2940172529924
Publisher:	Ascent Audio
Publication date:	07/24/2018
Series:	151 Quick Ideas
Edition description:	Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Why Interpersonal Skills Are So Important

A full litany of proverbs exist across continents and cultures that tell us that our interactions with people mean more than anything else we do in this life. In fact, author Daniel Goleman says that our emotional intelligence (EQ) with people is more important than our IQ.

Assignment

Before you read on, consider the people with whom you interact on a daily or weekly basis, both personally and professionally. What is your relationship with them? Have you carefully cultivated and nurtured those relationships? Do you feel good about those relationships?

For example, you've probably heard this one: "People don't know how much you know, until they know how much you care." And as the great Dale Carnegie once said: "People are not creatures of logic. They are creatures of emotion."

Our interactions with people are the signatures of our lives, and that includes our careers, of course — most particularly our work relationships, considering we spend a minimum of eight hours of every day on the job. For us to be effective in our jobs, we have to deal with people, and we have to deal with them effectively to be successful in our work. It's one big circular package.

The reward from good working relationships goes beyond the office, too. When we have good relationships at work, it affects the rest of our lives, from how much energy we have when we get home at night to the attitudes we bring home to our families.

People with solid interpersonal skills know how to build effective relationships, and they know that EQ is more important than IQ. They know it's the currency that buys more reward in life than any gold coin or greenback ever produced.

Epilogue

Who you know is important, but having a network of solid relationships is even more important. To paraphrase a popular advertisement: You need people.

CHAPTER 2

People Don't Care How Much You Know Until They Know How Much You Care

In developing relationships, people first need to care about you. And in order to care about you, they often need to understand that you care about them. After all, relationships need to be reciprocal to be effective.

Assignment

Think about your own experiences with others. Do you recognize people with whom you have good, solid relationships that were developed because you discovered they really cared about you? Did that lead you to reciprocate? Do you have other, weak relationships in which you don't sense that the other person really cares?

We see this daily with students at a university where I teach. Students walk into the classroom wanting to have an academic, learning relationship with the professor, but are often not sure whether the professor really cares about them or is just there to get the lecture in and go back to researching. The good professors find ways to communicate to students early on that they truly care about the students' successes.

Those that do so find students engaging them before and after class, e-mailing them with thoughts and ideas, and doing more than the minimum in class to be successful. It makes for a superb learning environment where everyone benefits — even the professor. The professor benefits by having students engaged and involved, which is much better than having lumps sit in the classroom and merely listen. The students benefit by knowing that the professor is there to be a part of their learning process in a personal way, not just as a role or function.

We've seen many professor/student relationships last years, even after college is done and the student is off to a profession. These students are often great advocates for the university and the programs the professor teaches.

Epilogue

Important and effective relationships are built on a foundation of interest and concern for the other party. If you don't care about them, why should they care about you?

CHAPTER 3

Social Intelligence vs. Technical Knowledge

Though we spend the vast majority of our lives developing our technical capabilities to make us attractive in the job market, few of us put specific focus on developing our people skills.

But it is the people skills — also known as social intelligence — that determine our overall long-term success. After all, we don't work in a vacuum; we work with other people, in a myriad of situations and circumstances.

Assignment

Using the description of social intelligence given here, rate yourself on each factor and assess how well you measure up. Then make a plan to address any shortcomings.

Think about it for a moment. Just about anyone can learn technical skills associated with his or her area of interest. Add practice to that knowledge and you get technical proficiency. Technical skills require us to understand and implement concepts, theories, and tactical knowledge, such as how to work with a specific business or industrial machine. But these do not have opinions, experiences, values, emotions — the things that make working with people both difficult and rewarding.

Although employers today certainly demand technical proficiency from their employees, they require so much more. They want people who can communicate, show leadership, solve problems, know who they are in terms of strengths and weaknesses, are confident, can adapt and flex with rapidly changing work environments, and have a sense of energy when implementing the day-to-day.

They also want employees who are socially sensitive, know how to build rapport, and influence others in a way that moves themselves and others forward. This takes social intelligence, which means being aware of who you are — the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also means knowing how to manage yourself — your energy, your emotions, and your reactions. And it means having the ability to see things from others' perspectives and build relationships through all kinds of situations.

In short, having technical expertise is not enough. To be successful today, you must be socially intelligent. The good news is that social intelligence is something you can develop and practice every day, and fine-tune throughout your life.

Epilogue

Employers today want employees who are socially sensitive, know how to build rapport, and influence others in a way that moves themselves and others forward.

CHAPTER 4

Be Socially Aware

It is important for you to recognize that any good team or effective group of people is dependent on social interactions — both personal and professional. As a consequence, you need to understand that there are always set patterns of interactions that we call networks. These networks exist on a formal and informal basis.

Assignment

Look around you. Where are the networks, both formal and informal, and who is in them? Which ones are important to your success? How can you join them?

Formal networks are those established by organizations: networks of employees who work together, who work for specific supervisors, who interact with designated others by their jobs and job descriptions. The organization dictates who interacts with whom.

Informal networks are social in nature, and can be the more important of the two types. These networks are social in that people who interact in these networks are self-selected. They choose with whom they will interact rather than have others, such as an organization, choose for them. Some are in organizations; some are outside organizations. An example is a group of friends from college who meet occasionally to have lunch and exchange life experiences. Or it could be a group of like professionals (CPAs, for example) who meet monthly to talk about their profession.

It is important to recognize these networks, identify those that are important to you, and then become part of those networks.

Epilogue

These social networks are especially important because they set up relationships that can be helpful in the future.

CHAPTER 5

Relationships Are Priority

Okay, we've started talking about relationships, and here's why: Your people skills lead to important relationships that can help you in your personal and professional lives.

Assignment

Identify the people with whom you already have relationships in your personal and professional life. Are they good ones? Positive? Helpful to you?

It is personal and professional relationships that make all the difference in hearing about that new job opportunity in another company, or that chance to meet an important person in your profession, or that opportunity to meet someone who could be important to and in your future (a future spouse?).

So we will be continually talking about people skills as they lead to positive and mutually beneficial relationships in your life.

Epilogue

Relationships are the social interactions that make societies function effectively. Gain them and maintain them.

CHAPTER 6

The Nature of Your Relationships

When you think of the people around you, particularly at work, think of the level of those relationships. Not all are similarly developed, are they? Some people you have rapport with, some people you're just getting to know, and some relationships fall in the middle.

Assignment

Make a list of your key relationships and then determine where they fall on a continuum, from solid rapport to recently introduced.

As you interact with people, you have to remember that relationships are also subject to the situations and circumstances of the moment. How well you handle them together — the nature of the relationship and the current circumstances — determines how well they will progress, or stall.

For example, a key relationship could be fine in the morning, but in the afternoon a poorly handled disagreement could alter that relationship.

If you take stock now of where each of your key relationships stand, you'll be better able to apply the tips and techniques described in the pages ahead. And you'll be able to keep them moving in a positive direction for the future.

Epilogue

Knowing the nature of your key relationships will help you know which people strategies are most effective when circumstances bring change.

CHAPTER 7

Envision What You Want From Your Relationships

As you consider the relationships you just listed (in Idea 6), think about where you want to take each relationship. Analyze your list and set relationship goals.

For example, would you like to build a better rapport with someone you just met? Is this someone with whom you will be working on a regular basis, and a stronger rapport will help you both work more effectively?

Assignment

Take your list from Idea 6, and now set goals for each relationship, ranging from three to six months. This will help you remain focused on what you want to achieve as you work through circumstances and situations that can affect the relationship through time.

That's a good goal! That's what we call mutually beneficial — a stronger rapport can help you both. In short, a better acquaintance and some coworker bonding will create a win-win: a situation in which you both gain from the relationship.

And remember: A win-win is always the ultimate relationship goal.

Epilogue

Set relationship goals that create a win-win for each party.

CHAPTER 8

Behave in a Way That Secures Relationships

The best way to build and maintain a relationship is to apply both the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule. One encourages you to treat others as you want to be treated, and the other requires that you treat others as they want to be treated.

Assignment

Look more closely at your list of relationships, and what you want from each. Now, what do you need to do to secure those relationships now and through time? Keep reading.

Generally, both fall into two basic categories: respect and trust. If you treat others with respect, a basic tenet of all relationships, they will trust you. And you need to maintain that trust to retain their respect, which means you have to do a lot of things right in every interaction. You have to maintain people's confidences, you have to allow them to save face, and you have to hear them, and let them be heard.

The list is long, and it's focused and tedious work some days (every day with some people). But if you want solid relationships that last, you have to behave in a way that secures them.

Epilogue

Securing relationships with people means you have to treat them in ways that demonstrate trust and respect with every interaction.

CHAPTER 9

Look for Ways to Serve Others

Building solid relationships means finding ways to help others, and, in time, you have to let others help you. In short, relationships are a dance of service. To be good with people, you have to firmly adopt a service mentality.

Assignment

Look at your list (from Idea 6). How can you serve those people? Once you know, act. Make the offer. Or wait until the time is right or the need has developed.

Yet, serving others can be very rewarding, in some simple ways. For example, you can serve others by being a coworker in whom to confide, a friend who inspires people, or an office cheerleader who drives someone to achieve his or her goals. The following pages give you scores of ideas and opportunities to serve others — from helping them to be heard to letting them shine.

Discover what you can do to help those around you. Serving others is a quick way to start a relationship on a positive note, and nurture a developing one.

Epilogue

Service to others is the strongest binding force in relationships.

CHAPTER 10

Don't Ingratiate

We've given this one a nice word in the title; you know it as something else. And by any other word or set of words, it's something that becomes a significant barrier to solid and positive relationships.

Not sure what I mean? Brown-noser. Suck-up. Teacher's pet. These are just some of the words and phrases used for the same thing — there are others inappropriate for this book. None of them suggest a positive relationship.

Assignment

Watch others who behave this way. What do you think of them? What is your attitude toward them? It isn't positive, is it? Do you want to be perceived that way? If not, stay away from this behavior.

Instead, one party has the power over the other. And those who recognize that relationship will denigrate you for it. You gain nothing. The person you have ingratiated yourself to thinks less of you. Others recognize it as an attempt to gain undue influence and discount you for it.

Ingratiating yourself with the boss or with others is simply not a positive step to any relationship.

Epilogue

The ability to ingratiate yourself with others might be a skill, but it's a negative and counterproductive one.

CHAPTER 11

Apply the Pygmalion Effect

What? Isn't that a musical? Well, George Bernard Shaw did base his musical on the concept, but the true credit for this psychological theory actually goes to two scholars and a horse (yes, a horse!) in 1911, and it goes like this: You will get from people what you expect of people.

Assignment

Think of one coworker with whom you have difficulty, or even your child or spouse. In every interaction, treat him exactly as if he has already become the person you wish him to be. Practice this long enough, and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

In case that description is as clear as mud, we'll let Shaw's character Eliza Doolittle explain it: "You see, really and truly, apart from the things anyone can pick up (the dressing and the proper way of speaking and so on), the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she's treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will. But I know I can be a lady to you because you always treat me as a lady, and always will."

If you believe the best of people, you will treat them as if they are the best. And, in turn, they will likely give you exactly what you believe and expect. That's the Pygmalion Effect, and it's been proven in psychological studies.

Epilogue

Use the Pygmalion Effect to your advantage: Believe the best of people, and expect the best from them.

CHAPTER 12

Believe That All People Start With Good Intentions

Repeat after me: "The glass is half full." Don't fall into the trap of assuming everyone has some ulterior motive for everything they do, which is inimical to you and your goals. Be positive and start with the assumption that everyone is operating with good intentions.

Assignment

Examine your approach to people. Do you think well of them until they demonstrate otherwise, or do you automatically assume they are opposed to you? If the latter, consider a change of attitude.

(Continues…)

---

Excerpted from "151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills"
by .
Copyright © 2009 Robert E. Dittmer and Stephanie McFarland.
Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---

Videos