Hardcover(Graphic Novel)
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Overview
Ted ‘I-need-more-enemies’ Rall updates 1984 in a scathing look at where we could be headed; and this is all Rall, no holes barred, no prisoners. His best and most chillingly funny work yet!
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781561632794 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | N B M Publishing Company |
| Publication date: | 05/01/2001 |
| Edition description: | Graphic Novel |
| Pages: | 96 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.50(w) x 9.50(h) x 0.70(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
2024
A Graphic NovelBy TED RALL
NANTIER · BEALL · MINOUSTCHINE Publishing inc.
Copyright © 2001 Ted RallAll right reserved.
ISBN: 1561632902
Chapter One
IT WAS A BRIGHT HOT DAY IN APRIL, AND THE BATTERED TEXAS INSTRUMENTS WATCH ON WINSTON'S WRIST, PURCHASED IN A MOMENT OF IRONIC CONSUMERISM AT A FLEA MARKET, WAS BEEPING THIRTEEN.WINSTON NODDED AT THE BORED DESK ATTENDANT AND SCANNED HIMSELF INTO HIS LUXE/RIVER VU/2 BR IN BATTERY PARK TOWER D. HE WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES-HE KNEW THAT.
INSIDE, A SCREEN FLICKERED, CASEY CASEM, JR.'S VOICE READING OFF A LONG LIST OF CONSUMER GOODS AVAILABLE AT BARGAIN PRICES.
DAMN BROWNOUTS!
SOMETIMES, WINSTON WONDERED WHY WEB TV NEVER TURNED OFF, BUT HE WAS A WORD GUY-HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND INTERNAL COMBUSTION, MUCH LESS MICROTECH. ALL HE KNEW WAS, HE LOVED TRADING POINTS TO BUY THINGS. AND ALL THAT MATTERED WAS GETTING BY, GETTING AHEAD AND GETTING DEAD.
YOU ARE THE HIGH BIDDER. YOU HAVE BEEN DEBITED 114 UNITS.
YES! I'M THE FUCKING KING!
OUTSIDE THE TRIPLE-PANED WINDOW, THE GLEAMING CITY BAKED UNDER THE OZONE-FREE SUN. JUST A FEW BLOCKS AWAY, WINSTON'S OFFICE AT FREEDOM MEDIA OVERLOOKED THE UBIQUITOUS SLOGANS OF THE NEW MILLENNIAL PROTOCOL.
SCATTERED ABOUT THE CITY WERE THE THREE ORGANS OF THE CORPORATE-GOVERNMENT COMPLEX:
INDEPENDENT TECHNOLOGIES, WHICH OWNED ALL THE TECHNOLOGY COMPANIES AND LICENSED NEW ONES.
POPULIST PARTY HEADQUARTERS, WHICHCONCERNED ITSELF WITH STIFLING INDEPENDENT THOUGHT.
FREEDOM MEDIA ENTERPRISES, A MULTINATIONAL THAT OWNED AND CENSORED THE PRESS, RADIO AND WEB TV.
WINSTON AWOKE FROM HIS SHOPPING REVERIE WITH A START.
WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?
BIOGRAPHY OF WILLIAM GATES SECURED AND BILLED.
HE'D SPENT (3?) HOURS BUYING STUFF HE DIDN'T LIKE, HALF OF WHICH WAS ALREADY EN ROUTE.
IT HAD BEEN ANOTHER PERFECT DAY. WINSTON PREPARED FOR BED, SUBCONSCIOUSLY BLOCKING HIS SCREEN.
NATURALLY, WEB TV'S SIGNAL WENT THOUGH FLESH.
EARLIER THAT DAY, WINSTON COMMITTED A SERIOUS CRIME. IT WAS THE ONLY FELONY BESIDES POSSESSION OF DRUGS OR UTTERING OBSCENITIES.
IS THIS THE REAL MEMORY ENHANCER 4.0?
KINDA IT'S A REAL I.T. BOOTLEG.
PEOPLE HAD SPENT 5 YEARS IN A SLAVE LABOR CAMP OVER BOOTLEGGED GAMES-BUT IT WAS WELL WORTH THE RISK.
AND THAT WASN'T THE WORST OF IT. WINSTON SPENT HOURS IN THE CHATROOM, DISCUSSING ANAL SEX WITH LIBERTARIANS FROM THE KYRGYZ REPUBLIC.
I'VE JUST SENT YOU NAUGHTY PIX. PLEASE DOWNLOAD.
AREN'T THOSE-? OKAY.
HE LIKED THE CHALLENGE OF RIDICULING HIS OPPONENTS' ARGUMENTS. BUT EVEN SO, THE BEST PART WAS USING HIS BOSS' ACCOUNT.
ALTHOUGH A FEW KEYSTROKES LAID WASTE TO THE FREE-THINKERS, HE HAD A BIG WEAKNESS. HE COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THE PAST WITH ANY DEGREE OF CERTAINTY.
DID I PAY THE STUDENT LOAN? YES. NO, WAIT-NO.
HE VAGUELY RECALLED A SERIES OF DIVORCES AND REMARRIAGES DURING HIS CHILDHOOD-PERHAPS 30 OR 38, MAYBE MORE-AND SOME POLITICAL UPHEAVAL THAT DIDN'T CONCERN HIM.
SON YOUR MOM AND I ARE SPUTTING.
YEAH, YEAH-I KNOW YOU STILL LOVE ME AND SHIT.
THERAPISTS HAD NEVER HELPED HIM. WOMEN BORED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, AND HE WAS HAPPY: IT GAVE HIM MORE TIME TO SPEND ON HIMSELF, THINKING ABOUT NADA.
WHAT ELSE WAS THERE? ALL FACT, ALL LANGUAGE-EVEN EXISTENCE ITSELF-HAD BEEN PROVEN TOTALLY ARBITRARY. NEOPOSTMODERNISM WAS THE PINNACLE OF THOUGHT. PARADOXICALLY, IT WAS ALSO THE UTTER ABSENCE OF THOUGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SO RACIST!
RACISM IS ARBITRARY! KNOWLEDGE IS DEAD!
THE NEXT DAY AS HE LEFT WORK THROUGH TECH SQUARE, A FAMILIAR IMAGE APPEARED ON THE FAMOUS UNIVISION: THE PRESIDENT!
THE EUROS HAVE BEEN ILLEGALLY DUMPING THEIR PRODUCTS HERE IN THE CANAMEXICUSA FEE ECONOMIC ZONE. WE MUST IMPOSE SANCTIONS ON THE ANTI-FREE MARKETEERS!
FUCKIN' A!
DAMN RIGHT!
THE PRESIDENT WAS RIGHT! THE EC BASTARDS WERE OUT TO DESTROY SOCIETY! THESE SCUM HAD TO BE STOPPED NO MATTER WHAT!
YOU LOOK 15% EUROPEAN-MAYBE I OUGHT TO BEAT YOU PURE!
YOU'RE WELCOME TO TRY!
THERE WAS A COUPLE OF THEM RIGHT THERE! WINSTON TORE INTO THEM AS THEY DESERVED!
NO! I'M RUSSIAN!
LIAR!
THE COUPLE BARELY ESCAPED DEATH BEFORE THINGS GOT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
NO, IDIOTS-RUSSIA IS A CANAMEXICUSAN ALLY! HAVEN'T YOU MORONS WATCHED YOUR WEB?
WINSTON RECOGNIZED THE BURLY MAN IN THE CROWD ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY.
HEY, THAT'S THE NEW S.V.P.-I DIDN'T KNOW HE ACTUALLY EXISTED!
BEFORE THE NEWS CONFERENCE HAD PROCEEDED FOR THIRTY MORE SECONDS, UNCONTROLLABLE EXCLAMATIONS OF RAGE SWEPT THE CROWD. DESPITE PROPOSED LAWS TO BAN THEM, A GAY-PRIDE PARADE IN SAN FRANCISCO WAS ENCOURAGING THE SPREAD OF DISEASE AND THE DESTRUCTION OF HETEROSEXUAL FAMILY VALUES!
THESE FLAMBOYANT PERVERTS ARE FLOUTING DECENCY-AGAIN! AND THE POLICE, WHO OUGHT TO BE ARRESTING THEM, ARE TOO OVERWHELMED TO ACT!
THE HATRED ROSE TO A FRENZY. NOW HOMOS WERE LURING CHILDREN BY ABUSING WEB TV!
SWINE! SWINE!
DAWN WAS 12 WHEN A LESBIAN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT INSTANT-MESSAGED HER ...
HOW MUCH WORSE COULD IT GET? MILITIA NUTS OUT WEST HAD BLOWN UP A KEY CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS.
YOU SCHUM! MY LEGALLY-PURCHASED PRODUCTS WERE IN THAT BUILDING!
UNITED SHIPPING WILL REOPEN A WEEK FROM MONDAY, ACCORDING TO CANAMEXICUSAN AUTHORITIES.
IF THE SOCIAL ORDER IS EVER TO FALL APART, IT'LL BE BECAUSE OF LEFTISTS OR RIGHTISTS!
I'D GANG-RAPE THEM AND CHOKE THEM TO DEATH WITH THEIR OWN COCKS.
THESE EXTREMISTS THREATENED EVERYTHING WINSTON CARED ABOUT-THEY HAD TO BE KILLED!
FORTUNATELY, NOBODY TOOK THEM SERIOUSLY ... THEY WERE RELICS OF THE INDUSTRIAL PAST.
WINSTON RETURNED TO TECH SQUARE, KNOWING IN ADVANCE THAT HE WOULD SEE THE LOUDMOUTHED WOMAN AGAIN.
THE HEATHENS ARE TRYING TO TAKE GOD OUT OF THE CLASSROOM!
SWINE! SWINE!
KILL 'EM ALL!!
SHE WAS TYPICAL UPPER MANAGEMENT: HARD, PIERCED AND VAPID. HE WANTED TO HATE HER, BUT THE MORE HE FANTASIZED ABOUT MURDERING HER, THE MORE HIS PITY TURNED INTO LUST.
KILL ATHEISTS!
KILL ATHEISTS!
WHAT A HOTTIE!
HE KNEW HIS EMOTIONS CAME FROM A MOVIE, YET THEY FELT GENUINE.
HE WAS ABOUT TO USE A LINE FROM A MUSIC VIDEO ON HER-FUCK COPYRIGHT LAW!-WHEN HE SAW A NEW STORE HE WANTED TO CHECK OUT AND FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE GIRL.
IS THIS THE OFFICIAL BOOTLEG OR THE BOOTLEG THEREOF?
HUH? UH, YEAH.
THAT'S WHEN HE NOTICED THE BOSS BUY STARING AT HIM. DAMN FAGGOT! HE'D PAY FOR HIS PERVERSE IMPERTINENCE!
REPORTING SEXUAL AGGRESSION WAS BLISSFULLY SIMPLE.
WE JUST GOT THE PERP'S DNA, HE'LL BE ARRESTED TODAY.
COOL!
JUSTICE MADE WINSTON THIRSTY, SO HE DECIDED TO VISIT A TRENDY BAR THAT SERVED ONLY LATTES AND MARGARITAS.
LATTE OR MARG? AND QUIT STARING AT MY TITS.
HE NEVER TALKED TO ANYONE. WHY BOTHER? PEOPLE WERE MORE INTERESTING IN THE ONLINE ETHER THAN IN THE "REAL" WORLD. BESIDES, NO ONE PERSON KNEW ANYTHING MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. EDUCATION WAS UNIFORM, EXPERIENCE WAS STANDARDIZED, AND ORIGINALITY WAS RUTHLESSLY STOMPED OUT.
OK. I ADMIT IT. I DIDN'T WATCH THE ULTRABOWL.
FAG.
THE CHAIN BAR-CAFÉ'S BEVERAGES WERE BITTER AND OVERPRICED, BUT EVERYONE DRANK THEM ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY WERE SO POPULAR.
HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT I.P.O., HUH? HAVE A GOOD ONE!
UH-HUH.
FOR GOD KNEW HOW LONG, SOME PRANKSTER HAD BEEN CLOGGING WINSTON'S INBOX WITH REPEATEDLY. RESENT FILES. AS USUAL, HE REPORTED THE OFFENDER TO THE WEBMASTER.
DAMMIT! BOTH THE WAR DIARIES AND NOTEBOOKS FOR AN ETHICS IN ONE E-MAIL?
THAT AFTERNOON, F.M.E. SECURITY NABBED THE CULPRIT. THEY'D TRACKED HIM THROUGH AN OLD SATELLITE CODE HE'D FORGOTTEN TO PURGE.
IN 3 MONTHS ALL THE SOAP IN LUXEMBOURG WILL TASTE LIKE YOU.
KNOW YOUR LEVEL
IT HAD BEEN A PAINFULLY LONG DAY, AND ALL WINSTON COULD THINK ABOUT WAS PLAYING HIS NEW GAME. BUT THEN-
OH-HI, MRS. PARSONS.
IT'S THE CHILDREN. THEY HAVEN'T GONE OUT ALL DAY.
HOW IRONIC! WINSTON COULDN'T AFFORD KIDS OF HIS OWN, BUT HE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HIS NEIGHBORS' SO THEY COULD GO OUT DRINKING.
IT'S A DOUBLE-HEADER, SO WE SHOULD BE BACK IN A FEW HOURS.
WORST OF ALL, THE LITTLE BRATS WERE DRONES IN TRAINING. THEY PLAYED AT INFOTECH, THREATENING WINSTON WITH GETTING FIRED AND BLACKBALLED. SOMEDAY THEY'D BECOME EXECS; THEN IT WOULD BE TOO LATE TO EVER RESTORE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
SURE! I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR NOTES TO WINDOWS 2024.
I'M INTO SMALL CAP STOCKS.
ME TOO!
HAD THERE EVER BEEN GOOD OLD DAYS? IT DEPENDED ON WHO YOU ASKED ... BUT NO ONE REALLY CARED ANYWAY.
BEFORE-BEFORE WHEN?-HISTORY HAD BEEN REVISED. BUT THE DEMISE OF PRINT MEANT THAT ELECTRONIC ARCHIVES COULD BE EDITED WITH A FEW KEYSTROKES, OR SIMPLY DELETED. AND WITH MINDS CLUTTERED BY SPORTS STATISTICS, SONG LYRICS AND PLOT LINES, NO PERSON COULD TRUST HIS RECOLLECTION OF YESTERYEAR.
FINALLY WINSTON MADE IT BACK TO HIS OVERPRICED, UNDERFURNISHED UNIT.
KICK ASS! I'M ON LEVEL 5!
WITHIN HOURS, WINSTON KNEW HIS NEW GAME INSIDEOUT. IT WAS OVER. HE WAS BORED. AND NOTHING WAS WORSE THAN BEING BORED.
I COULD HAVE A BEER OR I COULD JERK OFF OR I COULD DO BOTH.
SUDDENLY: BREAKING NEWS!
A GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR AMALGAMATED SEMICONDUCTOR: THE ACQUISITION OF CONSOLIDATED ZONALCO. BOTH COMPANIES' SHARES ARE IN PLAY!
ANALYSTS EXPECT THIS MEGAMERGER TO RESULT IN THE LAYOFF OF 120,000 WORKERS, 64% OF WHOM WILL PLUNGE INTO POVERTY.
ON NEWS OF THE MOVE, TEKTRON IS UP 3 1/8 ON THE MANAGUA NIGHT MARKET.
COMING UP: THE HOUR IN ENTERTAINMENT.
KICK ASS! I NAB 625 UNITS!
ONCE AGAIN, MADONNA HAS REINVENTED HERSELF! BODY REARRANGEMENT SURGERY HAS GIVEN HER A BOLD NEW "UNICORN" LOOK. NOW LET'S HEAR HER NEW HIT SONG "34.2".
HEH.
WINSTON WAS PLEASED, ALBEIT IN AN IRONIC WAY.
DOWN IN THE STREET THE WIND FLAPPED A CORPORATE FLAG TO AND FRO, AND THE WORD INDIETEK FITFULLY APPEARED AND VANISHED.
INDIETEK: THE CORNERSTONE OF THE ECONOMY, AND THEREFORE THE NATION ITSELF. WHAT COULD A SINGLE MAN DO AGAINST SUCH POWER-AND WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO?
WHEREVER HE WENT, WHEREVER HE LOOKED, ADVERTISING TOLD WINSTON WHAT TO WEAR, WHERE TO GO AND WHO TO LOVE. AND IT HAD WORKED OUT: HE'D NEVER BEEN HUNGRY OR COLD, NOR HAD ANYONE HE'D MET.
THAT'S A NICE SHIRT
ALL THAT WAS ASKED FOR-NOT ASKED, BUT IMPLIED-WAS APATHY. AND CONFORMITY MEANT POPULARITY. AND THAT WAS FUN!
HEY-COOL SHIRT!
THANKS
HUMANITY HAD ARRIVED AT THE HIGHEST STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT: ANARCHO-CAPITALISM AND SUBSIDIARY GOVERNMENT. HISTORY HAD ENDED IN 1991, SO THERE WAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN HAVE A GOOD TIME BEFORE ONE CROAKED.
47 MILITIA NUTS DIED IN THE RAID.
TOO BAD LIFE'S NOT WORKING OUT FOR THEM.
WINSTON WAS DREAMING OF HIS SECOND STEPMOTHER.
HE'D COLLAPSED AFTER THE SMART PILLS HE'D GOTTEN FROM SOME GUY KICKED IN.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN 10 OR 11 YEARS OLD WHEN HIS SECOND STEPMOTHER DISAPPEARED. SHE WAS A STUMPY, MASCULINE WOMAN WITH A BAD DYE JOB, BUT SHE'D ADORED HIM.
SHE'D TAUGHT HIM HOW TO DRAW, BUT HE'D FORGOTTEN HIS SKILLS AFTER THE DEMISE OF TREES HAD ELIMINATED PAPER.
BUT SHE'D MET SOME GIRL ONLINE AND RUN OFF TO "EXPLORE" HER SEXUALITY. HE'D NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.
HMM ...CUTE CHICK
SUDDENLY HE AWOKE WITH A START.
THAT SHIT NEVER HAPPENED ... THE BITCH MADE ME LIVE IN THE BASEMENT!
THAT'S AN AWFUL STORY ... WHAT A BITCH!
I LIKE TO THINK THAT SHE MUST HAVE HAD ISSUES.
LATER, AT WORK
THE DAY PASSED SLOWLY. FINALLY: THE FAVORITE TIME OF WINSTON'S DAY!
GREAT GAME, HUH?
AS THE SWEAT POURED OUT OF HIS BODY, WINSTON PLAYED MIND GAMES.
DID ROGER MUDD GO TO JAIL? WHO WAS WOODWARD BERNSTEIN? WASN'T AMALGAMATED PAPERS ONCE CALLED MANHATTAN?
HE REMEMBERED SOME FACTOIDS WITH TOTAL CERTAINTY, BUT HE DIDN'T TRUST HIMSELF: OFTEN HE'D CHECKED OUT HIS KNOWLEDGE AFTER SOME FACELESS WEBMASTER HAD ALTERED IT.
THE LAST ELECTION WAS IN '08 ... BUCHANAN WOULD HAVE WON OVER DE BEERS IF IT HADN'T BEEN ANNULLED ... IS THAT RIGHT?
SITES WENT OUT OF BUSINESS. HACKERS RAN AMOK. TEXT ATTRIBUTED TO AN AUTHOR FREQUENTLY WAS WRITTEN BY AN IMPOSTER. INFORMATION WAS FLUID, UNRELIABLE AND MUTABLE. "YOU JUST CAN'T ARGUE WITH NEOPOSTMODERNISM," PEOPLE LIKED TO SAY WITH A WINK.
NO, NO, NO-THAT WAS IN '06. READ THE 17.1 VERSION.
BUT I HEARD THAT THING WAS FULL OF BUGS!
(Continues...)
Excerpted from 2024 by TED RALL Copyright © 2001 by Ted Rall
Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.