From Publishers Weekly:

Gerontologist Pillemer shares findings from his survey of 700 people in "very long marriages" (the shortest here have lasted three decades, the longest, more than five) for tips on maintaining successful long-term relationships.  The respondents, charmingly called "the experts" by Pillemer, share "storehouses of invaluable lived experience" on areas including questions to ask yourself before settling down, domestic violence, and late-in-life sex.  Communication is discussed at length via six lessons, including being polite to your partner within "the comfortable informality of married life" and choosing the appropriate time for serious conversations.  The experts break down conflict by examining the "five major stressors" that affect most relationships, with rules for dealing with the in-laws and properly delegating household labor.  In addition to summarizing his survey's results, Pillemer shares the experts' own words.  One respondent describes divorcing her husband and remarrying him 64 years later, while an 88-year-old "rough and tumble" Korean War veteran suggests taking an interest in your partner's preferred activities, remarking, "I went to operas.  Operas!"  The benefits of such a comprehensive study incorporating so many years of experience should be ample, for newlyweds and contemporaries of the respondents alike.  The advice is astute, fresh, and well selected by Pillemer.  This book would serve as an excellent gift for newlyweds.

Praise for 30 LESSONS FOR LOVING:

“Throughout human history, but perhaps less so in recent times, older people or elders were valued for the “voice of lived experience.”  Karl Pillemer, a gifted gerontologist, has produced a volume that reflects great wisdom from [people] who have succeeded and failed in their marriages.  From detailed interviews of more than 700 older people, Pillemer has culled thirty life lessons about loving that reflect great wisdom.  There are many morals to the stories told – No one is a mind reader, make your home a safe haven, and secrets for keeping the spark alive.  Couples of all ages will enjoy reading this book together and will profit from using this book as a guide as they develop as partners throughout the lifespan.” —Kathleen McCartney, PhD, President of Smith College
 
“It’s a treasure trove of great advice from some of the wisest people in the world. They've experienced just about everything in their relationships over the years, and their advice to us is both enlightening and enriching." —Hal Urban, Author of Life's Greatest Lessons and Positive Words, Powerful Results
 
“Writing in a voice that is at once informative and insightful, discerning and prescriptive, probing and restrained, Karl Pillemer eloquently captures the hearts and minds, the witness and wisdom of a huge and varied collection of elders who have nourished, negotiated, and sustained life-long love relationships. This rich and revelatory book offers us a rare gift: vivid narratives born of struggle and resilience, hard work and humor, and forged out of mutual respect, loyalty, and love.”—Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, Emily Hargroves Fisher Professor of Education at Harvard University and Author of The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50
 
“Karl Pillemer presents the wisdom of the ultimate experts in relationships, those who have made love and marriage work over the long run by learning from their mistakes and striking a viable balance between their hearts and minds.” – Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Living & Loving after Betrayal and How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It.
 
"30 Lessons for Loving is a real contribution for helping us make important decisions about relationships, and nurture love once we have someone we treasure.”—Pepper Schwartz, PhD. Professor of Sociology, the University of Washington and co-author of the Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples
 
"There is one thing in life that cannot be rushed - experience! So the wise listen to those who have gone before them, eager to learn what they can from the experience of others. The experience of others shows us the path of joy, and warns us away from the paths of anguish and pain. I thoroughly enjoyed 30 Lessons for Loving, it contains ten thousand years of experience.”—Matthew Kelly, motivational speaker and President of Floyd Consulting
 
"30 Lessons for Loving" is a must-read for anyone contemplating marriage. The knowledge and wisdom gathered from this huge group of elders is both modern and timeless. It is inspiring, insightful, witty, and often — surprising. This is everything about living — and loving — in a long relationship I wish my grandmother had told me. I highly recommend it for engaged couples and newlyweds."—Amy Dickinson, “Ask Amy” syndicated advice columnist and panelist on NPR’s “Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me”

“So much wisdom; profound food for thought; answers to tough questions. A refreshing resource.” — Pat Love, EdD., LMFT, The Truth about Love