50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM

by Tristan Taormino

Overview

Tristan Taormino can tell you everything you want to know about the world of kink, and more! Operating on the pleasure principle 50 Shades of Kink is a truly helpful how-to that is a perfect beginner's guide into the realm of kinky sex and can also serve as a wonderful refresher course. Whether you want to get up close and personal with blindfolds, crops and paddles or just looking for some inspiration to keep your love life fresh, 50 Shades of Kink is just the book for you and your lover(s).

• techniques and creative ideas for bondage, spanking, flogging, sensation play, rough sex and more
• lessons on how to eroticize power, cultivate deeper connections and incorporate kink into your sex life
• role-playing fantasies from the popular to the taboo

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781573449403
Publisher:	Start Publishing Llc
Publication date:	12/26/2012
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	140
Sales rank:	279,671
File size:	302 KB

About the Author

Tristan Taormino is an award-winning author, columnist, editor, filmmaker, and sex educator. She is the author of seven books and the editor of 23 anthologies. She’s written for a multitude of publications from Yale Journal of Law and Feminism to Penthouse. She lives in New York City. 50 Shades of Kink "A gentle guide. You'll be an expert quicker than you can say 'horse-hair butt-plug." —HuffPost Lifestyle "This slim volume is a guide to BDSM for newcomers, written by an expert—Tristan Taormino—and packed with useful advice about the practices and products." —Erotic Trade Only "After the international phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey, this is the book the world needed—a quality how-to guide and overview on the basics of BDSM" —Aerie's Room "Whatever your level in the world of BDSM, this book should be on your shelf." —Cara Sutra "I can’t stress enough the importance of being educated on the terms, toys, gear and how to play safely when it comes to kinky sex, and 50 Shades of Kink covers it all." —A Good Woman's Dirty Mind
Tristan Taormino is an American feminist author, columnist, sex educator, activist, editor, speaker, radio host, and pornographic film director.

Read an Excerpt

Myth: Kinky desires are not normal.
We have to stop thinking of kink as something abnormal or perverse and instead recognize it as part of a broad spectrum of desires. We should not put moral judgments on people who like certain kinds of sex. Imagine if we did that with nonkinky sex. Why does he like the doggie-style position so much? Why doesn’t she enjoy receiving oral sex more? Questions like those sound ridiculous, because we accept that some people like this, other people like that, and plenty of people like both. If it turns you on, you’re doing it with consenting adults, you’re not breaking laws or ruining your own life or someone else’s, just stop worrying and go for it. Life’s too short to second-guess your desires and what they might mean about you.

Communicating With Your Partner
The truth behind these myths is an important piece in your own journey of self- discovery and can help you embrace your newfound kinky fantasies. Once you get more comfortable with them, you may begin to imagine some scenes you’ve read about or watched in a film become a part of your real sex life. You think about what it might be like to spank your partner or be someone’s sex slave, but how do you begin? First, you need to share your fantasies with your partner, which I realize is sometimes easier said than done. But the only way you will have the opportunity to explore these desires is if you put yourself out there and tell your partner what you really want. Communication is a crucial component of an empowered and fulfilling sex life. There are a number of different ways you can do it, and it all depends on your communication style.
Be direct. The success of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has inspired a new open dialogue about kink among many different kinds of people, and the books are a great way to start the conversation. “So, I read this book, and it turned me on, and I’d like to try some of the stuff with you,” is about as direct as you can get. While you’re being so direct, you can also get specific; you can say,
“One of the things in the book that really got me going was [fill in your favorite: bondage, role play, blindfolds, candles, etc.].” You can also talk about how you might like something different: “In the book, Christian uses a riding crop on Anastasia’s vulva, but I think I’d like you to try using it on my butt cheeks instead.” Give your partner the space to listen, and tell him he does not have to respond right away if he doesn’t want to. If beginning that directly scares you, try the following techniques first and work your way up to a more explicit discussion.
Write it down. If talking about your desires face-to-face with your partner makes you feel shy, intimidated, or overwhelmed, you could write her a note. Handwritten notes are a rarity these days, so it should get his attention. You can use the same direct approach, but put it on paper, then slip the note to her. Or you can email him a note (as long as it’s not to a work email account!). Sending a handwritten or emailed note gives you a chance to compose your thoughts and takes any pressure off the situation; it gives her the opportunity to digest the new information and respond when she’s ready. As a bonus, it could spark a series of erotic notes you write back and forth to each other about exactly what you want to do together.
Use the book. If you’re not quite sure how to express your desires, let the book that inspired you do it for you. Select some of your favorite passages and print out or photocopy those pages, highlight the particularly incendiary sections, and include them with your note. Bonus points for underlining, color coding certain activities, writing in the margins, or creating your own footnotes.

Bondage Basics
When many people recall their first experience of bondage, it usually reaches all the way back to childhood. As part of cops-and-robbers or similar kids’ games, someone had to be restrained at some point. You’d grab a necktie, belt, scarf, or something else from one of your parents’ closets and tie up the bad guys. Some people look back on those experiences as fun memories. Bondage enthusiasts usually remember the first time they were tied up (or tied someone else up) with a lot more detail and glee.
For grown ups, bondage is an erotic activity with endless possibilities. If you’ve ever held down your lover’s hands while you were having sex or pinned a partner down to the bed with your body, then you’ve practiced a form of bondage. Bondage is incredibly versatile and can cover lots of erotic territory, from teasing to torment, and everything in between. It’s an ideal vehicle to explore power dynamics, since restraining someone embodies dominance, control, power, and authority. And being restrained is a way to submit, surrender, and give oneself over to another.
There are some basic rules for bondage that apply to anything you use to restrain someone or bind a part of their body. Whether it’s Velcro, a belt with a buckle, or a knot, you should always make sure whatever you put someone in is
safe. First, always have a pair of safety scissors nearby, in case you have to get someone out of bondage very quickly. Safety scissors have a blunt-edged blade to prevent injury when the scissors are held against skin. They’re available in most drugstores.
Whether you tie them in bows or fancy knots, cuffs around the ankles and wrist should be snug but not too tight; you should be able to put two fingers between the item and the person’s skin. You never want bondage to put too much strain on parts of the body; the person won’t be able to be in that bondage for very long. Better to make your captive more comfortable, so she or he can stay tied up for as long as you want! You should also check in periodically with your partner to make sure that everything still feels okay. If the person in bondage feels pain, tingling, or numbness, take the restraint off immediately.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Fifty More Shades

1. Embrace Your Inner Kinkster: Myths, Truths, and Communication 2. BDSM Basics: Terms, Roles, and Principles
3. Dominant/Submissive Role Play
4. Sexual Power Games: Pleasure and Orgasm Control
5. Sensory Deprivation: Blindfolds, Hoods, and Earplugs
6. Sensation Play: Massage Oil Candles, Nipple Clamps, and More 7. Bondage: Basics and DIY
8. More Bondage: Restraints, Bondage Tape, Gags, and Collars
9. Smack! Spanking, Paddles, and Crops
10. Smack Harder: Floggers and Canes
11. Rough Sex

Epilogue: Fifty Items for Your Toy Bag Appendix: Reading List

About the Author

Editorial Reviews

A gentle guide. You'll be an expert quicker than you can say 'horse-hair butt-plug.--HuffPost Lifestyle

This slim volume is a guide to BDSM for newcomers, written by an expert--Tristan Taormino--and packed with useful advice about the practices and products.--Erotic Trade Only

After the international phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey, this is the book the world needed--a quality how-to guide and overview on the basics of BDSM--Aerie's Room

Whatever your level in the world of BDSM, this book should be on your shelf.--Cara Sutra

I can't stress enough the importance of being educated on the terms, toys, gear and how to play safely when it comes to kinky sex, and 50 Shades of Kink covers it all.--A Good Woman's Dirty Mind

If you enjoy reading about dominance and submission or bondage but don't know where to start, this is the guide for you. From telling your partner you have these feelings to perfecting rough sex, Taormino's book is there to walk you through it all. So take a deep breath, keep an open mind, and get reading so that you can maximize your pleasures.--Bitches n Prose

This book is brilliant.--Rebel's Notes

If you are interested in kink but don't know where to start, you MUST read this book.--Book Overdose

Adventurous couples can find fun and exciting things to try and talk about in this book.--NonFiction Reads Book Reviews

50 Shades of Kink does a good job of setting the record straight. This book ought to be included as required reading with every copy of 50 Shades of Grey.--Toy Meets Girl

Not sure what sensation play involves? Think the idea of paddling someone might be fun but not quite sure which paddle or why? Have some idea of the difference between a top and bottom, or a Dom and a sub, but aren't quite sure? 50 Shade of Kink will answer all these vexing questions and a lot more besides.--Clitical

Empowering, easy to follow, purse-sized guide to everything a newbie needs to safely and enjoyably explore their kinky fantasies.--Early 2 Bed

This isn't a book for straight people, or queer people, for men, women or genderqueer folks--it's a book for anybody with a growing interest in kink.--Feminist Allies

Each chapter is the equivalent of a lecture in Kink 101, from debunking myths and the need for communication, to bondage basics and rough sex.--Malin James

Tristan Taormino's 50 Shades of Kink should be required reading for anyone interested in BDSM and kink.--Penny's Dirty Thoughts

From the basic techniques involved to inspired suggestions, you'll learn about bondage and spanking, how to eroticize power and cultivate deeper connections. Tristan will teach you the language of kink as she lifts the veil on popular taboos and fabulous fantasies. --Tamsin Flowers

I can't recommend this book enough! --Krissy Novacaine

Tristan Taormino lays out the best ways to make your fantasies into reality in 50 Shades of Kink, her newest primer to erotic exploration. It's both the perfect beginner's guide and a wonderful refresher course.--Creative Loafing Tampa

This book needs to come bundled with every copy of 50 Shades that is ever sold.--Bex Talks Sex

-- "Reviews"

From the Publisher

"A gentle guide. You'll be an expert quicker than you can say 'horse-hair butt-plug."—HuffPost Lifestyle

"This slim volume is a guide to BDSM for newcomers, written by an expert—Tristan Taormino—and packed with useful advice about the practices and products."—Erotic Trade Only

"After the international phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey, this is the book the world needed—a quality how-to guide and overview on the basics of BDSM"—Aerie's Room

"Whatever your level in the world of BDSM, this book should be on your shelf."—Cara Sutra

"I can't stress enough the importance of being educated on the terms, toys, gear and how to play safely when it comes to kinky sex, and 50 Shades of Kink covers it all."—A Good Woman's Dirty Mind

"If you enjoy reading about dominance and submission or bondage but don't know where to start, this is the guide for you. From telling your partner you have these feelings to perfecting rough sex, Taormino's book is there to walk you through it all. So take a deep breath, keep an open mind, and get reading so that you can maximize your pleasures."—Bitches n Prose

"This book is brilliant."—Rebel's Notes

"If you are interested in kink but don't know where to start, you MUST read this book."—Book Overdose

"Adventurous couples can find fun and exciting things to try and talk about in this book."—NonFiction Reads Book Reviews

"50 Shades of Kink does a good job of setting the record straight. This book ought to be included as required reading with every copy of 50 Shades of Grey."—Toy Meets Girl

"Not sure what sensation play involves? Think the idea of paddling someone might be fun but not quite sure which paddle or why? Have some idea of the difference between a top and bottom, or a Dom and a sub, but aren't quite sure? 50 Shade of Kink will answer all these vexing questions and a lot more besides."—Clitical

"Empowering, easy to follow, purse-sized guide to everything a newbie needs to safely and enjoyably explore their kinky fantasies."—Early 2 Bed

"This isn't a book for straight people, or queer people, for men, women or genderqueer folks—it's a book for anybody with a growing interest in kink."—Feminist Allies

"Each chapter is the equivalent of a lecture in Kink 101, from debunking myths and the need for communication, to bondage basics and rough sex."—Malin James

"Tristan Taormino's 50 Shades of Kink should be required reading for anyone interested in BDSM and kink."—Penny's Dirty Thoughts

"From the basic techniques involved to inspired suggestions, you'll learn about bondage and spanking, how to eroticize power and cultivate deeper connections. Tristan will teach you the language of kink as she lifts the veil on popular taboos and fabulous fantasies." —Tamsin Flowers

"I can't recommend this book enough!" —Krissy Novacaine

"Tristan Taormino lays out the best ways to make your fantasies into reality in 50 Shades of Kink, her newest primer to erotic exploration. It's both the perfect beginner's guide and a wonderful refresher course."—Creative Loafing Tampa

"This book needs to come bundled with every copy of 50 Shades that is ever sold."—Bex Talks Sex

Reviews