A Church Beyond Belief: The Search for Belonging and the Religious Future
192
A Church Beyond Belief: The Search for Belonging and the Religious Future
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Overview
Addresses “belonging before believing” and other new patterns for remaking congregations
As we move beyond the “emergent” or “missional” church paradigm, pastors and other church leaders are discovering a new reality: people (especially younger generations) are coming to church not as believers, but to find a place to belong—with or without faith. This book describes the dilemma and the distractions that currently prevent congregations from being the place where that sense of belonging can unfold and guide newcomers in the discovery of faith.
The authors argue that despite elaborate talk of change, spirituality, transformation, and conflict resolution, congregations are still mired in old patterns of belonging. Using broad-based career experiences, surveys of religious life, historical precedent, and insights from social psychology about what it means to belong today, the book suggests new and effective approaches to help churches make vital connections.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780819229007 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Morehouse Publishing |
| Publication date: | 10/01/2014 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 192 |
| File size: | 1 MB |
About the Author
Michael S. Bos is the Senior Minister at West End Collegiate Church in New York City and President of The Collegiate Churches of New York. He is Moderator of the Board of Trustees of New Brunswick Theological Seminary and formerly served as Executive and Teaching Pastor at one of America's mega-churches. He lives in New York, New York.
Read an Excerpt
A Church Beyond Belief
The Search for Belonging and the Religious Future
By William L. Sachs, Michael S. Bos
Church Publishing Incorporated
Copyright © 2014 William L. Sachs and Michael S. BosAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8192-2900-7
CHAPTER 1
She's Not alone
The Urge to Fit In
Until crises she could not have imagined began to reshape her life, Ashley would have laughed at the idea that she was simply trying to fit in. She thought of herself as assertive and independent. She could be the life of the party and did not mind being outrageous. Looking back on high school and college years, she wondered that she avoided lasting consequences. By some instinct she stopped short of risky behavior. She gave the impression of being more adventurous than she was. She could smile at her antics while wondering how she slid past serious trouble.
She had wanted to be a rebel, at least by night, and productive enough by day to get ahead in life. She succeeded and for a while could proclaim loudly that she was free to do as she pleased. She made this point to her parents and reinforced it by her behavior with friends. Later she marveled there was not more conflict at home. Now well into adulthood and beginning to imagine how it would feel to be thirty, she could still declare her independence, while admitting to herself that she was not certain what this meant. The aggressive edge had softened. Too much had occurred. Life was not so simple. Freedom had complexities and limits.
Now Ashley was looking for something she never dreamed would be missing: a place and a group of people where she felt she belonged. Growing up she could take it for granted even as she pushed back at her world. She was starting to grasp that as a child and even as a rebellious teenager, being accepted had been her intense hope. She barely knew how much this mattered at the time, and would have been enraged if anyone suggested it. But the therapy that followed divorce began to open her eyes. She finally admitted to herself, though as yet to no one else, that all she ever wanted was to belong. Growing up, this had meant desperately trying to fit in. Belonging in a significant way meant only that: fitting in.
She wanted to be liked, maybe even admired, when she was younger. She called attention to herself in the hope of being acceptable. Peer approval meant the world to Ashley. As college and work expanded her life, the urge to fit in—to be acceptable to others—intensified. Beneath her façade was a young woman who needed to know she had a place in the world and who was not sure she did. She longed to find the setting in which she felt understood and welcomed. That was her pursuit, above all others. And it still was, even though she had been chastened by life. "The scary thing is," she mused, "I want to be real and I'm not sure I know how."
Who was the authentic Ashley? She was still discovering, only now she could smile at the thought as she finished her coffee one Sunday morning. Now she said boldly that it was not good enough to fit in; she wanted to belong, or so she was discovering. "Whatever belonging means," she shrugged to herself. Suspending her internal conversation she went to shower and dress, and then to decide which congregation she would visit. As she left the apartment she wondered at what she was doing. Thinking of congregations to visit certainly was a change.
The intensity of this pursuit continually surprised Ashley when she considered it. But she had begun to understand it. The world in which she grew up was clearly defined by family, school, and neighborhood. Her progress through this world was easy to measure and seemed assured. The wider worlds she encountered would be faced with the same assurance, she presumed. But her presumption was wrong. The world was not what she thought, and there was more to her life than she had allowed. She could no longer fit it, because her life had changed. She could no longer fit in because she was more and life was more. But where did she truly belong? If fitting in was no longer good enough, where could she belong? Where could she be her true self in a way she had yet to discover?
Ashley knew that she had become impatient. She was energized and she was in a hurry. She could no longer assume there were limitless opportunities and endless time. Now time was short and the stakes were higher, even as the direction she should take was uncertain. She had to do something. She had to create a new life. She had to find a place where her life could be shared and her possibilities could blossom. It was not a matter of "settling down" as her parent still intoned. She had to create the right circumstances with the right people, who would understand her search and respect her for who she was. Meanwhile she felt odd and alone. She could not see that the world is full of people like her, people whose lives have changed, for whom there is no clear way to go forward. Ironically, though many like Ashley do not see it, they are not alone.
Lost in transition
It is apparent that there are millions of young adults like Ashley who are "lost in transition." Sociologist Christian Smith has studied American young adults closely and reached troubling conclusions. His particular interest is in eighteen- to twenty-three-year-olds—in other words, people at the point of transition to adulthood. Smith gives special attention to moral threads in young adult personal identity. He declares that maturity and personal well-being center on holding clear and grounded moral convictions. In a complex society people must be able to consider moral options. Decisions about moral values frame healthy relations and attune people to spiritual truths.
But the moral lives of many young adults are adrift. In some respects there are clear convictions: most young adults shun absolutism and uphold individualism. Yet most prove unable to define and defend a clear moral position. Apart from recourse to individual choice, and perceived threats to it, many have little to say. It's not that they have adopted extreme views; it's simply that they have little conviction at all. To the extent that they hold moral views, they cannot explain why they do.
More alarming, most young adults have difficulty grasping how their actions impact the lives of others or even that events may be related to actions they have taken. They may claim to resist infringing the individuality of others and take umbrage at perceived infringements of their own lives. However, they have difficulty sorting out more complex patterns of social relations, and taking responsibility for their roles in them.
Ironically, Smith finds, for an age group that staunchly defends individualism, these young adults prize their social relations. Confusion about moral values versus individual prerogative reflects their underlying intention: they are determined to gain a place in a group. Smith observes that what begins as individualism often turns on interests of social relations. The result is that one-third of the young adults surveyed reduce moral values to what others would think. For young adults who seem defined by individualism, fitting in with peers is a basic drive.
One outcome of this reality is that a striking number of young adults today have no civic or charitable involvement. They do not know how to embrace a cause and to work with others to secure it. To the extent that they have political instincts, their involvement, or even interest, is momentary. They have little capacity for sustained commitment.
Likewise their social relations prove fluid and tribal. They immerse intensely in a group for a season, until circumstances, or just whim, send them in search of the next group. Such fluidity is not always of their choosing. Life transitions abound for this age group. More than simply growing up and assimilating, they have seen wars and economic downturn, and family upheaval due to job loss and divorce. With unprecedented mobility they have found electronic avenues and amusements of dizzying sorts. The result is that questions of moral formation and of being personally and socially grounded are going unanswered.
Yet somehow, sorting out one's beliefs, securing individual prerogative, and finding the right social nexus have become life's tasks for this age group. The pursuit of one's self always occurs in relation to others, even if tentatively. But which others? Which pursuits? The means of connecting to other people have multiplied. Adults of all ages now flock to social media where their whims find graphic display. How many "friends" can one amass? What late breaking news can one describe? How much far-flung approval can one gain? Draped in individualism, social media embody the pursuit of fitting in, of being appealing to others. For a moment it satisfies; then it is gone and the hunt for the next dramatic tidbit begins. Fitting in does not last.
The ambiguity of this pursuit does not satisfy all. A minority of young adults opt for rigid, authoritarian religious and political systems, Smith finds. The postmodern celebration of uncertainty, whim, subjectivity, self-construction, and fluidity frustrates some. In the midst of this social haze, leaders promising assurance become appealing to some. With unprecedented opportunities for individual choice, some opt for regimentation, even tight structure and restrictive lifestyles. This need accounts for the rise of religious groups more exclusivist in worldview and restrictive in what one may believe and do. Such ideas exert little abstract appeal. The lure is an image of a clear path to a genuine personal life in a demarcated set of relations to others. A reward and punishment system in isolation from the rest of the world gives personal benchmarks and a sense of transcending worldly confusions.
Though a minority may find appeal in such rigid religious structures, the impulse that draws people to it is broadly shared. Despite the seeming triumph of individualism, self-expression, and fluid values and commitments, there is a deeper urge. Ironically, individual acting out becomes a contemporary pursuit of fitting in, of gaining attention and approval of others, if only briefly.
Testing the Boundaries
What "fitting in" meant for Ashley's parents and grandparents has decidedly changed. For her grandparents, "fitting in" as we now see it, was presumed. You were born, grew up, educated, married, matured, and died in defined circumstances. If you moved, it was for education or military service, or work. In any case, the intention was to return "home" as soon as possible. To be sure, there have been periods of mass migration in American history, especially of people moving westward or to large urban areas. At times large numbers of Americans have sought fresh possibility; however, they did not intend that their lives would remain unsettled. Once a satisfactory situation was found, and it was pursued intensely, most Americans of prior generations gladly relinquished the idea of moving and turned to the task of fitting in.
Prior generations sought steady, lifelong employment in the same company or profession, a familiar neighborhood and friends, and memberships in local religious and civic groups. Fitting in meant the maintenance of a recognizable, orderly local world. They had tasted the wider world, and retained interest in it. But their local context, likely the one into which they were born, retained their loyalty. Family and friends were defined by it. Stable social relations mattered most.
This generation had children who tested the boundaries of fitting in. They became the generation of Ashley's parents and they were inclined to challenge the settled social worlds they inherited. For varied reasons they concluded that America and its role in the world were misdirected and they set out to make corrections. Causes defined these "baby boomers": civil rights became the paradigm. Then protests against the Vietnam War and for women's equality followed. For some of this generation, the result was that the nation went afield; for others, the nation did not go far enough. An intense "culture wars" flared and its brushfires continue. The focus was social; the tasks were political. America was proving to be more diverse than most had imagined, but a powerful consensus emerged: there had to be a place at the table for everyone.
Though circumstances were broader and more fluid than in the previous generation, Ashley's parents and their generation still aspired to fit in. Their assumption about social justice was that it entailed equal opportunity to fit in for all. This pursuit was driven by an emphasis on individual rights to be sure, but recognition by society was still a goal. Eventually most of the "baby boomers" went home to jobs and families. But they made their mark. To be accepted for who one is became a fulfillment of the American dream. To a significant degree, Americans could look back on the second half of the twentieth century with feelings of accomplishment. The nation had changed. But much remained unresolved.
Even as epic struggles brought beneficial changes, dis-enchantment increased. There had always been American undercurrents of alienation and disaffection. The "beat generation" of the 1950s defied social norms of fitting in and cast an alternative social world. It was disengaged and sullen. Literary and artistic circles picked up the theme to a degree. As most Americans fit into jobs, neighborhoods, and families, some roamed mentally if not physically.
As protest movements galvanized, the impulse to drop out widened. In the 1960s and 1970s "turn on, tune in, and drop out" became a movement of sorts. The phrase was promoted by academic turned drug culture advocate Timothy Leary. Reflecting the idyllic innocence of the moment, Leary maintained that psychedelic drug usage would detach people from destructive social convention and bring needed cultural change. Personal freedom meant discovery of the various levels of consciousness within one's self. Drugs were thought to reduce inhibitions and release the true self. In turn, one could discover self-reliance and the capacity to choose one's destiny apart from authority figures and institutions. The naiveté was alarming.
Unfortunately, widespread drug usage became a continuing fact of American life. A linkage between personal freedom and disdain for perceived norms had been secured. The rejection of one form of fitting in had been replaced by a far more destructive form. Sadly this impulse also has persisted. The legacy of the past half century of American life is littered with groups and cults that promised freedom and imposed destructive conformity—from Jim Jones's formation of the Peoples Temple to the Branch Davidians in Waco, Texas.
Fortunately, this destructive legacy has influenced the lives of only a few. But two lessons can be learned from it: first, this legacy illustrates the extent to which people will sacrifice their freedom and individuality in order to fit in, to be acceptable to a group; second, such groups reveal the desperate spiritual search on which many Americans have embarked. Ashley is not alone, although she and her generation feel so acutely. They face agonizing, spiritual uncertainty. Opting for fitting in can be a powerful temptation; but many of them resist it.
Suspended in Spiritual Space
In a New England church one afternoon three women met with the minister to plan their father's funeral. He had lived a long and fulfilling life. The family was a mainstay of the town, though the daughters had moved away decades ago. There had been nominal church membership with sporadic attendance and infrequent financial gifts by the father and mother. The family was known and liked, so the daughters were welcomed back with presumed familiarity.
However it soon became clear that no familiarity with the church, or Christianity, or any religion could be presumed. The minister's efforts to discuss an appropriate funeral service met with blank stares. Finally, trying to find the most basic starting point, he opened a Bible to an arbitrary page, handed it to one of the sisters, and asked: "Do you have a favorite passage?"
Twitching nervously, one of the sisters finally spoke: "What book is this?" she asked. Another sister picked up the thread: "Why are little numbers printed across these pages?" she wondered. The third sister remained silent and stared at the floor.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from A Church Beyond Belief by William L. Sachs, Michael S. Bos. Copyright © 2014 William L. Sachs and Michael S. Bos. Excerpted by permission of Church Publishing Incorporated.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Acknowledgments,Prologue: Ashley Visits Congregations,
CHAPTER ONE: She's Not Alone,
CHAPTER TWO: Disconnections,
CHAPTER THREE: How Belonging Happens,
CHAPTER FOUR: The Messy Business of Belief,
CHAPTER FIVE: The Magic of Community,
CHAPTER SIX: Belonging without Walls,
Conclusion: Beyond Fitting In,
Notes,
Select Bibliography,
What People are Saying About This
"Bos and Sachs have given us a book that is timely, thought-provoking, and utterly engaging. Never before have I seen belonging and belief so beautifully described. Anyone who wants the church to become a true spiritual community where all are welcomed and faith flourishes needs to read this."
—The Rev. Canon C. K. Robertson, PhD, Canon to the Presiding Bishop & Primate, The Episcopal Church
“This is a superb book; it takes the sociological data about spirituality, believing, and modern life and explores the challenges and opportunities this data provides for a congregation. Underpinned by considerable learning, this is accessible, perceptive, and fascinating. Get your vestry to read this book.”
—Ian Markham, Dean & President, Virginia Theological Seminary
“In the tradition of Robert Bellah’s Sheila and Sheilaism, Sachs and Bos here give us Ashley and Ashleyism. The result is an insightful, well-documented, and narratively presented portrait of today’s young adults and of the spiritual and religious longings that drive them. All of this is accompanied by sharp-eyed and experienced analyses of both the limitations and possibilities of the congregations presently available to the Ashleys among us.”
—Phyllis Tickle, Author, The Great Emergence: How Christianity is Changing and Why
“This book speaks powerfully and imaginatively to our context and times. In an age when many describe themselves as ‘spiritual, but not religious’, Sachs and Bos offer us an accessible, wise and creative book that engages faithfully and richly with the cultures that Christians and congregations seek to reach and transform. Beautifully written, this is a well-crafted book that will enable all kinds of congregations to move forward more confidently with their ministries and outreach. I cannot commend it highly enough.”
—Martyn Percy
Dean, Christ Church Oxford