A Parents' Guide to the Roots of Sibling Rivalry
One of the greatest sources of stress for families with closely spaced children is also one of society's best-kept secrets. Harsh feelings and aggressive actions among brothers and sisters born a few years apart routinely torment their parents, but the topic is rarely talked about openly. As a result, while thousands of mothers and fathers suffer from the scourge of severe sibling rivalry, each one tends to do so in isolation – and sometimes even in shame.
Part of the problem may be found in the television-imposed ideal of the American family. Although the offspring of Bradys, Waltons and Huxtables do not necessarily get along ALL the time, most of their conflicts consist of good-natured teasing, and when push comes to shove, they generally can be counted on to abandon their conflicts and pull together to promote peace and prosperity for the entire clan. When a family's personal experience contrasts sharply with what they have seen on the screen repeatedly, they typically conclude that there must be something wrong with THEM, rather than something amiss in Hollywood's capacity to portray reality accurately.
The fact is that if you go into hundreds of homes and spend thousands of hours watching what goes on all day long, day after day, you will learn that the overwhelming majority of families who have children spaced less than three years apart are chronically plagued by unpleasant confrontations between kids. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions. Such close spacing does not make severe rivalry inevitable, nor does wider spacing guarantee peace and quiet.
However, as a rule, compared to a scheme where there is an only child or where there is a four or five-year gap between brothers and sisters, the challenge of coping with three children under the age of five, for instance, often becomes a nightmare. When the confusion and self-condemnation of the parents are added gradually to the jealousy and hostility that already exists among the children, it gets to be an increasingly sad state of affairs.
Fortunately, if you observe very closely and examine what is going on from the perspective of the key players, you also will learn that severe sibling rivalry under such circumstances is perfectly natural. It may even be interpreted as a healthy sign to a certain extent. Moreover, you can achieve an understanding of the individual and interpersonal dynamics involved. While that understanding may not enable you to eliminate the unpleasantness, it will allow you to take effective steps toward alleviating it as much as possible.
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Part of the problem may be found in the television-imposed ideal of the American family. Although the offspring of Bradys, Waltons and Huxtables do not necessarily get along ALL the time, most of their conflicts consist of good-natured teasing, and when push comes to shove, they generally can be counted on to abandon their conflicts and pull together to promote peace and prosperity for the entire clan. When a family's personal experience contrasts sharply with what they have seen on the screen repeatedly, they typically conclude that there must be something wrong with THEM, rather than something amiss in Hollywood's capacity to portray reality accurately.
The fact is that if you go into hundreds of homes and spend thousands of hours watching what goes on all day long, day after day, you will learn that the overwhelming majority of families who have children spaced less than three years apart are chronically plagued by unpleasant confrontations between kids. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions. Such close spacing does not make severe rivalry inevitable, nor does wider spacing guarantee peace and quiet.
However, as a rule, compared to a scheme where there is an only child or where there is a four or five-year gap between brothers and sisters, the challenge of coping with three children under the age of five, for instance, often becomes a nightmare. When the confusion and self-condemnation of the parents are added gradually to the jealousy and hostility that already exists among the children, it gets to be an increasingly sad state of affairs.
Fortunately, if you observe very closely and examine what is going on from the perspective of the key players, you also will learn that severe sibling rivalry under such circumstances is perfectly natural. It may even be interpreted as a healthy sign to a certain extent. Moreover, you can achieve an understanding of the individual and interpersonal dynamics involved. While that understanding may not enable you to eliminate the unpleasantness, it will allow you to take effective steps toward alleviating it as much as possible.
A Parents' Guide to the Roots of Sibling Rivalry
One of the greatest sources of stress for families with closely spaced children is also one of society's best-kept secrets. Harsh feelings and aggressive actions among brothers and sisters born a few years apart routinely torment their parents, but the topic is rarely talked about openly. As a result, while thousands of mothers and fathers suffer from the scourge of severe sibling rivalry, each one tends to do so in isolation – and sometimes even in shame.
Part of the problem may be found in the television-imposed ideal of the American family. Although the offspring of Bradys, Waltons and Huxtables do not necessarily get along ALL the time, most of their conflicts consist of good-natured teasing, and when push comes to shove, they generally can be counted on to abandon their conflicts and pull together to promote peace and prosperity for the entire clan. When a family's personal experience contrasts sharply with what they have seen on the screen repeatedly, they typically conclude that there must be something wrong with THEM, rather than something amiss in Hollywood's capacity to portray reality accurately.
The fact is that if you go into hundreds of homes and spend thousands of hours watching what goes on all day long, day after day, you will learn that the overwhelming majority of families who have children spaced less than three years apart are chronically plagued by unpleasant confrontations between kids. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions. Such close spacing does not make severe rivalry inevitable, nor does wider spacing guarantee peace and quiet.
However, as a rule, compared to a scheme where there is an only child or where there is a four or five-year gap between brothers and sisters, the challenge of coping with three children under the age of five, for instance, often becomes a nightmare. When the confusion and self-condemnation of the parents are added gradually to the jealousy and hostility that already exists among the children, it gets to be an increasingly sad state of affairs.
Fortunately, if you observe very closely and examine what is going on from the perspective of the key players, you also will learn that severe sibling rivalry under such circumstances is perfectly natural. It may even be interpreted as a healthy sign to a certain extent. Moreover, you can achieve an understanding of the individual and interpersonal dynamics involved. While that understanding may not enable you to eliminate the unpleasantness, it will allow you to take effective steps toward alleviating it as much as possible.
Part of the problem may be found in the television-imposed ideal of the American family. Although the offspring of Bradys, Waltons and Huxtables do not necessarily get along ALL the time, most of their conflicts consist of good-natured teasing, and when push comes to shove, they generally can be counted on to abandon their conflicts and pull together to promote peace and prosperity for the entire clan. When a family's personal experience contrasts sharply with what they have seen on the screen repeatedly, they typically conclude that there must be something wrong with THEM, rather than something amiss in Hollywood's capacity to portray reality accurately.
The fact is that if you go into hundreds of homes and spend thousands of hours watching what goes on all day long, day after day, you will learn that the overwhelming majority of families who have children spaced less than three years apart are chronically plagued by unpleasant confrontations between kids. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions. Such close spacing does not make severe rivalry inevitable, nor does wider spacing guarantee peace and quiet.
However, as a rule, compared to a scheme where there is an only child or where there is a four or five-year gap between brothers and sisters, the challenge of coping with three children under the age of five, for instance, often becomes a nightmare. When the confusion and self-condemnation of the parents are added gradually to the jealousy and hostility that already exists among the children, it gets to be an increasingly sad state of affairs.
Fortunately, if you observe very closely and examine what is going on from the perspective of the key players, you also will learn that severe sibling rivalry under such circumstances is perfectly natural. It may even be interpreted as a healthy sign to a certain extent. Moreover, you can achieve an understanding of the individual and interpersonal dynamics involved. While that understanding may not enable you to eliminate the unpleasantness, it will allow you to take effective steps toward alleviating it as much as possible.
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A Parents' Guide to the Roots of Sibling Rivalry
A Parents' Guide to the Roots of Sibling Rivalry
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Product Details
| BN ID: | 2940011820267 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | William Gladden Foundation Press |
| Publication date: | 10/08/2010 |
| Series: | Understanding Early Childhood , #8 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Sales rank: | 220,017 |
| File size: | 19 KB |
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