Aim Low: Quit Often, Expect the Worst, and Other Good Advice

by Dave Dunseath

Overview

This parody of motivational self-help books advises the reader to keep expectations low in order to find true satisfaction in life.

Why should you strive to aim low? Because every time you aim low, you’ll feel like you’ve died and gone to Disneyland. You’ll be in a place where you’re never concerned about hard work, where you never feel guilty for goofing off all day, where nobody expects anything from you, where choosing to eat a third corn dog—or not—will be the hardest decision of your day.

Aiming low is as easy as breathing. You can practically do it without thinking. And all the skills required to get there—like quitting or making excuses—take less time to learn than you might imagine. All you really need is this book and the stark realization that you don’t really want to “be all that you can be” (what—are you crazy?? that’s the Army, for crying out loud). In fact, your expectations can go so low that anything you do achieve is completely surprising.

• Anytime you hear someone say it’s a win-win situation, they either don’t know all the facts or they have a stuttering problem.
• Admit your mistakes and you will mature and grow. Don’t admit them and you might get away with it.
• Hope is like a crutch. Once you start relying on it, you’ll be too afraid to make a move without it. Crutches are only good for two things: getting awesome parking at the mall and sympathy dates with hot chicks. Otherwise, they’ll just slow you down.
• Whoever said nothing is easy has never tried quitting.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781418554033
Publisher:	HarperCollins Christian Publishing
Publication date:	03/21/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	177
File size:	997 KB

About the Author

Dave Dunseath was born in Summit, NJ. After successfully completing grade school on time, he braved the beatings and humiliation of junior high and high school. Dave graduated from the University of Central Arkansas in 1982 with a B.B.A. in Marketing. Since that time, he hasn't used his degree one single day of his professional life. Dave is currently a session drummer in Nashville, TN. His goals may be limited, but at least they're reachable.

Read an Excerpt

aim low

Quit Often, Expect the Worst, and Other Good Advice

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By DAVE DUNSEATH

Rutledge Hill Press

Copyright © 2007 Dave Dunseath
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-40160-242-0

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Chapter One

history of losers

History is a set of lies agree upon. -NAPOLEON BONAPARTE

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, before diet sodas and sacrifice bunts, three ships sailed across the Atlantic and changed the world forever. They were the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

But they were not alone.

Following in their wake were three lesser-known ships. They were the Blamer, the Avoider, and the Envier.

So who were these distant finishers, these forgotten souls whose spirit and vision led them to see the world as Blamers, Avoiders, and Enviers? Well, few apparently knew where they were headed. Most, if not all, believed they would never succeed. We do know that as soon as they reached the shore, they stuck an umbrella and an ice chest in the sand and declared it the Beach. They loved the Beach, even though it was crowded with pricey condos and two-hundred-dollar rounds of golf.

They made their way inland and sought shelter in trailer parks and around cul-de-sacs. And everyone talked about how wonderful the Beach was and agreed that anything was better than wearing a tie to work.

The Blamers, Avoiders, and Enviers spent their days waiting for things that never seemed to happen, so they gave up trying. They fought constantly against a ruthless tribe of pillagers called the Creditors. Yet they still managed to fill countless hours of free time playing games. Their favorite game was called the "Complaining Game." The object of the Complaining Game was to figure out why they had to do things they didn't like doing and why they weren't getting to do things other people were getting to do. They played the Complaining Game every chance they could, even though it always ended the same way and everyone went home a loser.

Then one day, and no one can say when exactly, three more ships arrived. They were the Lawyer, the Attorney, and the Paralegal. No one could tell them apart, so everyone just referred to them as My Lawyers.

The Blamers, the Avoiders, and the Enviers invited My Lawyers over for an evening of Complaining. My Lawyers loved the Complaining Game but suggested three things be included to make the game more enjoyable: billable hours, consultation fees, and outrageous cash settlements. They called their new game "Filing Lawsuits."

My Lawyers told everyone their new game would make them all winners. And as long as they continued Filing Lawsuits with My Lawyers, they could do all the Complaining they wanted, but they could do it back at the Beach from a pricey condo in between two-hundred-dollar rounds of golf-and never have to wear a tie to work again.

And everybody was happy.

So to this day, the descendants of those original Blamers, Avoiders, and Enviers continue to work as hard as their ancestors did. For they too believe it really doesn't matter whether you win or lose, as long as you know My Lawyers.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from aim low by DAVE DUNSEATH Copyright © 2007 by Dave Dunseath. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

	Acknowledgments	xi
	Introduction	1
1	History of Losers	13
2	Ethics	17
3	Parenting	29
4	Success	37
5	Attitude	49
6	Hope	61
7	Money	71
8	Cheating	81
9	Anger	91
10	Forgiveness	101
11	Work	109
12	Regret	117
13	Criticism	125
14	Discipline	131
15	Love	141
16	Optimism	147
17	Wisdom	157