Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words

by Kimberly Harrington

Overview

“Kimberly Harrington deftly and hilariously uncovers all of the lies and bullshit women are told about motherhood. This book made me laugh, sure, but it also made me feel seen.”  — Jennifer Romolini, chief content officer at Shondaland.com and author of Weird in a World That’s Not

An emotionally honest, arresting, and funny collection of essays about motherhood and adulthood.

“Being a mother is a gift.”

Where’s my receipt?

Welcome to essayist Kimberly Harrington’s poetic and funny world of motherhood, womanhood, and humanhood, not necessarily in that order. It’s a place of loud parenting, fierce loving, too much social media, and occasional inner monologues where timeless debates are resolved such as Pro/Con: Caving to PTO Bake Sale Pressure (“PRO: Skim the crappiest brownies for myself. CON: They’re really crappy.”) With accessibility and wit, she captures the emotions around parenthood in artful and earnest ways, highlighting this time in the middle—midlife, the middle years of childhood, how women are stuck in the middle of so much. It’s a place of elation, exhaustion, and time whipping past at warp speed. Finally, it’s a quiet space to consider the girl you were, the mother you are, and the woman you are always becoming.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062838759
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	05/01/2018
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	246
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Kimberly Harrington is the author of Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words and But You Seemed So Happy: A Marriage, In Pieces and Bits. Her work is included in the collections Merciless & Unpredictable: A McSweeney's Guide to Parenting and Keep Scrolling Till You Feel Something: Twenty-One Years of Humor From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. She’s a columnist and regular contributor to McSweeney’s and her work has also appeared in The New Yorker, the New York Times, and The Cut. A long-time copywriter and creative director for design studios and brands, her clients have included Apple, Nike, and Netflix.

Table of Contents

First

I Don't Want to Be Dying in Order to Tell You These Things 3

Jobs

Fuck. This. List. 9

Job Description for the Dumbest Job Ever 17

The Super Bowl of Interruptions 23

I Am the One Woman Who Has It All 33

Undone 37

Dear Stay-at-Home Moms and Working Moms, You're Both Right 45

Time-Out

Just What I Wanted, a Whole Twenty-Four Hours of Recognition Once a Year 55

"If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy": Revised and Expanded 59

Vows

Tiny Losses 65

If You Love Your Grandparents, Go Visit Them 81

Let's Have the Wedding Later 89

It's Complicated 95

Time-Out

Your Cute Wedding Hashtags Twenty Years Later 105

Kids, It's Time You Knew the Truth-Your Mother Is a Real Piece of Work 107

Showdowns

Overshare 115

Thank You for Including Me on This Meal Train but Unfortunately I'm a Horrible Person 125

Your Participation Trophies Are Bullshit 129

September 17, 2010: The Day I Turned the Car Around 137

The Ghosts of Halloweens Past 147

Time-Out

Radiohead Song or Accurate Description of My Parenting? 155

Are You Sure There Isn't Something Else I Can Do Before the End of the School Year? 157

Schools

The Walls That Define Us 163

Pro/Con: Caving to PTO Bake Sale Pressure 169

The Punching Season 173

Please Don't Get Murdered at School Today 179

I Don't Care If You Go to College 183

Time-Out

What Do You Think of My Son's Senior Picture That Was Shot by Annie Leibovitz? 189

Anne-Marie Slaughter Is My Safe Word 193

Bodies

Who Does That? 201

If You Can Touch It 209

As Young as We'll Ever Be 219

Hot-Ass Chicks 225

Ashes to Ashes 237

Time-Out

Fifty-One Things You Should Never Say to a Mother Ever 251

Is There a Parenting Expert on This Plane? 257

Freedoms

Do You Have Faith in Me? 263

Thirteen with Dudes 269

Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Should 281

Last

You Are All the Joy 289

When I Die 301

Acknowledgments 305

Editorial Reviews

Harrington excels in the short, funny lists that punctuate the book…and conveys true heartbreak in longer, more personal pieces on topics like her miscarriage and having a child with Asperger's…[Amateur Hour] is thought-provoking and memorable. The chapter about the day she finally made good on her threat to turn the car around if her children didn't start behaving will stay with you for a long, long time.

The New York Times Book Review - Katherine Heiny

03/05/2018
This funny, angry, and moving essay collection from Harrington, a copywriter and regular contributor to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, considers life for women dealing with motherhood, work, marriage, self-image, expectations, ambition, fatigue, and everything else. “Our culture has set the bar so high that it’s hidden in a place where we’ll never find it,” she writes. Per the subtitle, the writing is often profane, but just as often poignant, as in Harrington’s opening salvo, addressed to her children and titled, “I Don’t Want to Be Dying to Tell You These Things,” which states “you will be disappointed to learn that parents, and adults in general, do not have all the answers.” Full of “righteous anger” about how quickly new mothers are expected to leap back into full-time work, nostalgia for the “nowhere-but-here” days spent with toddlers, and grief for lost loved ones, Harrington is at her best in the most personal pieces, including discussions of working from home (“The Super Bowl of Interruptions”) and of trying to parent without overpraising children (“Your Participation Trophies Are Bullshit”). The collection also has short throwaways (“Your Cute Wedding Hashtags 20 Years Later”) and clever humor pieces, such as an essay presenting motherhood as a job description. All of the topics covered are familiar, but Harrington’s approach to them is singular, and readers—particularly those who have been in the motherhood trenches—will smile, laugh, and maybe even shed a tear.(May)

Publishers Weekly

Kimberly Harrington deftly and hilariously uncovers all of the lies and bullshit women are told about motherhood. This book made me laugh, sure, but it also made me feel seen.”   — Jennifer Romolini, chief content officer at Shondaland.com and author of Weird in a World That’s Not

“Amateur Hour finds Kimberly Harrington as funny, cutting, honest, and brilliant as ever.” — Christopher Monks, editor of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency and author of The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life

“Her quirky, dissenting energy should resonate with parents who find little use for the usual mommy-blogger fare.” — Kirkus

“Funny, angry, and moving...readers—particularly those who have been in the motherhood trenches—will smile, laugh, and maybe even shed a tear.“ — Publishers Weekly

“Amateur Hour will make readers rotate through laughter, tears, and cringing, and are all written with refreshingly honest and bold abandon.” — Allison Banner, Booklist

“It takes real talent to be consistently funny while sharing both your worst fears and greatest dreams. Kimberly Harrington is a mother of two who does just that with her debut collection. . . . Whether she’s aiming for your funny bone or your heart, Harrington’s takes on motherhood are spot-on.” — BookPage

“Kimberly Harrington is one tough mother. Filled with the blunt, witty observations... Amateur Hour is a candid look at both the joys and horrors of family life, including pregnancy loss, marital strife and the guilt and exhaustion of 'work-life balance.'" — Salon

“With her trademark humor, Kimberly Harrington tackles the nitty-gritty aspects of motherhood in Amateur Hour. More concerned with brutal honesty than keeping up appearances, she bears all in frank prose covering everything from the senior pictures to her deep-seated desire for more family fights—and isn’t afraid to dish it out, either. Required reading for Mother’s Day (and every subsequent day after) is her piece demanding that mothers be given more than one day each year to be celebrated.” — Ms. Magazine

“For new moms who want to view the road ahead. And ‘been there, done that’ moms who want to nod in agreement and laugh out loud at Harrington’s perfect observations.” — SatelliteSisters.com

“Amateur Hour is a feisty, arresting collection of essays that bring intimate laughter and tears often in the same breath. In a world of endless mommy tell-alls that feel like the literary equivalent of house chardonnay, this is top-shelf whiskey.” — Electric Literature

From the Publisher

Kimberly Harrington deftly and hilariously uncovers all of the lies and bullshit women are told about motherhood. This book made me laugh, sure, but it also made me feel seen.”  

Jennifer Romolini

Amateur Hour will make readers rotate through laughter, tears, and cringing, and are all written with refreshingly honest and bold abandon.

Allison Banner

It takes real talent to be consistently funny while sharing both your worst fears and greatest dreams. Kimberly Harrington is a mother of two who does just that with her debut collection. . . . Whether she’s aiming for your funny bone or your heart, Harrington’s takes on motherhood are spot-on.

BookPage

For new moms who want to view the road ahead. And ‘been there, done that’ moms who want to nod in agreement and laugh out loud at Harrington’s perfect observations.

SatelliteSisters.com

Amateur Hour is a feisty, arresting collection of essays that bring intimate laughter and tears often in the same breath. In a world of endless mommy tell-alls that feel like the literary equivalent of house chardonnay, this is top-shelf whiskey.

Electric Literature

Amateur Hour finds Kimberly Harrington as funny, cutting, honest, and brilliant as ever.

Christopher Monks

Kimberly Harrington is one tough mother. Filled with the blunt, witty observations... Amateur Hour is a candid look at both the joys and horrors of family life, including pregnancy loss, marital strife and the guilt and exhaustion of 'work-life balance.'"

Salon

With her trademark humor, Kimberly Harrington tackles the nitty-gritty aspects of motherhood in Amateur Hour. More concerned with brutal honesty than keeping up appearances, she bears all in frank prose covering everything from the senior pictures to her deep-seated desire for more family fights—and isn’t afraid to dish it out, either. Required reading for Mother’s Day (and every subsequent day after) is her piece demanding that mothers be given more than one day each year to be celebrated.

Ms. Magazine

2018-02-26
The modern motherhood memoir in a series of sardonic spoofs.Creative director and humor writer Harrington reversed the typical American experience of childbearing, working 60-hour weeks while taking care of her newborn children before staying home with them a few years later, when a layoff forced her into freelance work. Using plenty of swear words, as advertised, she chronicles her years on both sides of the mommy wars, tallying the insults of an unenlightened corporate culture and the exquisite tortures of working from home with kids. The narrative features blog-style recollections punctuated with "time-outs": conceptual interludes featuring hashtags, listicles, pretend dialogues, and quizzes ("Radiohead Song or Accurate Description of My Parenting?"). The least successful of these experiments are still clever, and though her comedic timing often fizzles, the frenzy of styles and self-conscious gimmicks keeps things lively and justifies her career as a professional thrower of ideas at walls. Harrington embraces the bravado and casual irreverence of the advertising industry even as she mocks it, and she never tires of portraying herself as an ill-fitting matriarch, a Don Draper who awoke one day to find himself leading a Girl Scout troop. The author is at her wittiest when transforming her outrage—especially at the sorry plight of mothers in the United States and their "cultural irrelevance" after maternity leave—into absurd, acerbic commentary. Like all effective satire, Harrington's best bits arise from deep anger, and she reminds readers that, more than meal trains or forced holidays, mothers desperately need policy reform. Too often, her essays switch unexpectedly into truisms and parenting advice for soul-weary breeders, saccharine (if sincere) messages of encouragement that do not pair well with a plateful of sarcasm. Even if many of her observations and experiences prove more common and less funny than the packaging suggests, her quirky, dissenting energy should resonate with parents who find little use for the usual mommy-blogger fare.Bitterly hilarious in spots.

Kirkus Reviews