Read an Excerpt
Angel Unaware
Poems
By Victoria Carroll
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2011 Victoria Carroll
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4670-4499-8
Chapter One
History, not wanted yet, Lean'd on her elbow, watching Time, whose course, Eventful, should supply her with a theme; -William Cowper, "Yardley Oak"
The Observing Angel Witnesses a Sudden Change
I
On temporal assignment from heaven's regal place
and atmosphere, I found the surroundings here
at first to be quite pleasant. I perched beside
a river with four mouths; its babbling sound
reminded me of home, stilled and soothed my mood.
Watching those two was easy-they didn't do much;
mostly they walked in the garden or merged into one.
So I ignored them, preferring to watch the animals.
Enthralled by the song of wrens in luscious trees,
I missed the one event that changed my lot-
or their lot, really-mine by occupation. Ranks
above me, two cherubim stood guard beside
the garden's gate-and we-outside! barred
from feasting on the fragrant tree of life, whose scent
was peaches, pears, and apples all in bloom.
II
The humans were always talking about their sin
(which word itself means nothing I understand),
and how an offering of blood covers it.
I took a knife to my own skin one time
and found no fluid there, much less the red
liquid I see when lambs are slain. I'm like
the turnips and squash that Cain offered to God.
(I know because I sliced them when he left,
angry that God refused them, demanded blood.)
I'll give you blood, I heard Cain think. I observed
him watch Abel's fluid drain like sap
onto the well-plowed ground; then he planted him.
Was he trying to grow him back, or cover the deed?
Like those from Eden he was banished, but marked for life.
Eve's Confession
I could tell
the fruit would taste delicious:
its smell
lingered in the perfect breeze
to tease
my hunger, my appetite for sweet
fruit, dripping
of juice. I hesitated a brief
spell like the falling
of a leaf. It was too great-
this promise
to know all things, to be
as God
in full command of all.
That call
seemed louder than his words.
For a moment
I forgot we had permission
to eat
of every other tree-even life.
In my hand
the fruit lay heavy, pregnant
with sweet
and promising juice. I tasted.
While the pulp
was still on my tongue, I gave
to Adam.
He tasted. And, behold!
We knew
much more than we did before.
A stirring
twinge, a tingle rose in me
when I saw
Adam's ... excellent ... root.
I blushed
to see my own body, there,
so bare.
I had to cover the bushy
hair between
my legs; my breasts were ...
full and
longing. Aroused by this
new feeling,
we kissed. There was a-
guilt?-
though I don't know why:
married,
we are supposed to yearn,
(aren't we?)
with sweet anticipation
for one another,
enjoy becoming one, but now this
lacked something
that was there before, though we tried
to get it back.
Then God called us in the garden
and we hid.
I'm sure he knew what we did,
though he asked-
perhaps to see if we would
admit our deed.
At his voice, we trembled.
The knowledge
we'd gained has bound us; less than before,
we're not as God.
Oh, that bloody carcass of the lamb
he slew and skinned
for us, to cover what we had sought
to hide with leaves,
poorly stitched and insufficient!-
First to die.
After our exile, cursed in work
and childbirth
with sorrow and death, I'm not at all
convinced
that it was worth it to eat that fruit.
No matter
how I spit, I cannot get
its taste,
now bitter, from off my tongue.
My stomach burns
even yet with its juice, the pulp
heavy and hard
like a stone in my hand.
Cain's Confession
One moment my brother-standing
upright in the field, insisting,
Our God requires blood
to cover sin. The next-
prostrate on the ground, breath
and blood escaping with a sigh.
And I-crouching over him
pawing the bloody dust
to cleanse my hands. Then-
Mother, clutching her breast
to suppress a shriek, rivers of dew
on her ashen cheeks. Later-
Father, squeezing his fists to stone,
pounding the air: But for the mark
I'd kill you; then tears for me,
O, my firstborn son.
To Fill the Earth
At first I found it strange, the way
the female human divides
to multiply. She pushes forth
from there between her legs
a little replica-of father
or of mother; she calls it child,
is cumbered with its care until
it grows full size. The man
seems to think he plays a part
in this. I've never seen
a baby angel, and wonder why
my Master made enough of us
but not of them.
A Long Walk
I was there when Enoch walked with my Master.
I didn't find his disappearance a disaster,
though his family and friends
searched for him
as if they thought some harm snatched him from them.
What I found strange: his fiery speech
which seemed to be a grave attempt to teach
that God would come
with chosen ones
to make a final judgment of all humans.
Of all who heard, but one gave heed:
a young man, Noah, third from Enoch grown.
He seemed to comprehend that speech
and wondered not
when Enoch walked
beside my Master from earth to home.
The Angel Learns To Swim
When my Master came down to talk to Noah of ships,
or rather, one big ship and lots of rain-
enough to fill the earth, not even I
could comprehend this thing called rain, or flood.
But when it came-huge water drops from heaven,
and gushing streams from out the earth's deep core,
I fled to the highest peak of the mountain range
and watched the people scramble for higher ground.
No one saw me that day when I hid on the cliff
toward which they climbed. In the distance, the ark rose
and dipped in the storm, but never tipped or capsized.
I watched humans reach for rocks, for hands extended
to help. Some were too weak to swim or float,
were swept away while others clung to trees
or one another. I have to admit that I wanted
to assist them, but could not, restrained by my Maker's charge.
Horses and cattle and sheep all struggled to hold up
their heads, going under as often as men. Even vultures
which perched on bodies that floated seemed only to care
about breathing, too tired to eat. Trees came uprooted,
rocks were dislodged from their place. When the turbulent water
rose to my feet, I flung my wings in resignation.
I could watch no longer, doing nothing. I swam to the ark,
clung on for safety and watched the humans sink.
Thereafter, colors in the sky, and this: the eating
of slain animal bodies called meat, decree
to kill whoever killed a man, command
to fill the earth again with human flesh.
Confession of a Wife Separated at Babel
I'll never forget the day we almost reached heaven
with our tower of bricks and slime for blocks and mortar.
The sound of words split air like rock hit hard, sent
bits of shard scattering. I heard you speak, my love,
but what you said I couldn't understand. (I'd never heard
those syllables before-and that accent!) Confounded,
I had no choice: I joined with those whose speech
I recognized. Bewildered, how was I to know
my children's children would war against yours?
How was I to know that generations hence would still find
speech a barrier, strong as a wall, high as our tower?
How was I to know you still loved me? All I heard was
hâmôn
tieng am ý
ruido
noise
The Angel Observes Impulsive Behavior
I have not even one name that I can share,
but Abraham had two names-and so did Sarah.
I don't know why my Master altered their names:
the visible part of them remained the same.
Strange how they often changed their minds and hearts:
Take Hagar. Later, She's spiteful, make her depart.
Or Abram: Say you are my sister, not my wife.
When the long-awaited son experienced strife
from the first-born son of hand-maid Hagar's womb-
Cast Hagar out, and her unruly son.
A fellow angel talked to her by the well,
and by the fountain earlier; the words swelled
in me, being prohibited. My lips aren't made
to speak in human sounds. But I was shade.
Ishmael's Complaint as the Other Son
I don't know what her problem was-old woman-
kicking me out with my mother, chasing us into
the desert to die. But we fooled her, fooled
them all. My mother said that God told her
I would become a nation, my hands against
every man, and every man's hand against me.
Well, why not? How else can I rule-fulfill
the place decreed? Still, I would like to see
my father's face again, if only for a moment,
would like to say to him, my fist raised:
You sacrificed me to the desert but I survived,
found my own mountains to climb, and I'm strong.
He's all wrapped up in Sarah's kid, now,
who is, I suppose, halfway at least, my brother.
Burnt Offering
I still ponder (even now) the reason to offer
lambs or rams as sacrifice, but when
my Master told Abraham to take his son-
his only son by Sarah-to the altar
and slay him there upon Moriah's mount,
I thought I'd heard amiss. It could not be
that God would ask this thing. And yet, he-
Abraham-chopped the wood, then mounted
saddled donkeys, and off they went three days.
(I followed them unseen, amazed to look.)
Abraham told two men to wait; he took
elements of sacrifice. When Isaac asked, he raised
his head toward heaven, sighed, "God will provide
himself a lamb for this burnt sacrifice."
I saw his body tremble at the coming task.
The son, wood shouldered, went obediently,
and even, bound and laid, refused to ask
another question. (I thought this contradictory
to orders to murder no man.) Knife raised, Abraham
readied himself. Well-timed, my acquaintance spoke
and Isaac's life was spared. Instead they offered
a ram caught in the thicket. Was this the hope
of Abraham? (Still, today, I ponder that event
and wonder-unsure, unable to understand,
not allowed to know: why'd my Master demand
this thing?) Yet, Abraham seemed lighter when he went
back down that mount, weighing what his God had meant:
as many seeds as stars exist, and sand.
Rebekah's Confessions
I
I never dreamed he'd ask me to be the wife
of his master's son, when I offered, at the well, to water
his ten camels and him. It seemed the right
thing to do. I was pleased to learn the family
connection and his commission to find a bride.
A faithful cousin ... and my chance to get away
from the tribesman here whom I was supposed to wed
(though no official announcement yet was made).
So I said Yes, I'd go with him without
delay. The journey was jolting, hot and dry,
and I grew weary of the endless camel ride.
But when I saw Isaac walking from the well to meet me,
I leapt to his arms and never regretted I went
that long and dusty distance to live in his tent.
II
When Isaac favored Esau, I imparted all
maternal care to Jacob. I saw in him
our family's future. I well remember the night
the angel spoke to me, when the boys fought
within my womb: "The second will rule the first."
At first I lacked the heart to tell Isaac
that Esau sold the birthright for a bowl of beans.
Later I wished I had. He would have known,
then, why I schemed with Jacob-the taste
of goat for deer, the feel of animal hair
for skin, the smell of Esau's garments speaking
Jacob's voice. Too late, Esau learned
even another wife could not restore
the firstborn right of promise: holy seed.
The Observing Angel Questions Human Planting
What is this force which humans express to one another? It seems to draw them together like the power the earth has to hold things down; but it's not identical with them. For example, Jacob desired (that's the word he used) Rachel. When her father gave him Leah instead, he claimed he'd been defrauded, though he ended up with four women, twelve sons, many daughters.
What makes the females replicate is still a mystery to me-it's not a matter of will or willingness; nor does it seem to be a result of the man's desire, for I heard Jacob shout at Rachel, "Am I God, who has withheld your fruitfulness?" as if this replication was like a field sown with seed that should bring forth plants.
The last time Rachel's body split, her breath went out like wind when the storm has passed, and only a hush remained-son of my sorrow. "No-son of my right hand, child of old age," Jacob claimed.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Angel Unaware by Victoria Carroll Copyright © 2011 by Victoria Carroll. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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