Publishers Weekly
★ 11/20/2023
Queer 17-year-old Ariel Burns begins to fear her own mind when intrusive thoughts about harming others intensify during a pivotal summer in this arresting verse novel by Cole (Dear Medusa). Ariel likens the thoughts to a “green and scaly” crocodile, appeased only by careful rituals: counting, isolating, walking in circles, escaping into movies, and working her carnival job. But as the rituals lose efficacy, Ariel’s world narrows and past traumas surface. Recognizing her behaviors as symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, and lacking consent from her conservative, religious parents to attend therapy, Ariel manages her self-diagnosis with help from her older sister, coworkers, and new friends. Against a heady backdrop of carnival attractions and filmmaking that yield painfully apt metaphors for challenges surrounding identity, Cole sharply exposes the legal shortcomings and binary fallacies that sometimes complicate healing. Vivid, emotionally charged verse renders terse, illuminating discussions of gender, race, religion, and sex that candidly contextualize OCD, and give teeth to this dazzling, layered story of self-acceptance and agency. Ariel reads as white. An end note addresses the author’s experience with OCD. Ages 14–up. Agent: Patrice Caldwell, New Leaf Literary. (Mar.)
From the Publisher
“A poetic, visceral, deeply affecting story that will stay with me for years to come, not only because of its beauty and intensity but because it's the first time I've seen OCD represented so accurately in fiction.”
—Allison Britz, author of Obsessed: A Memoir of My Life with OCD
★ "Vivid, emotionally charged verse renders terse, illuminating discussions of gender, race, religion, and sex that candidly contextualize OCD, and give teeth to this dazzling, layered story of self-acceptance and agency." —Publishers Weekly, starred review
★ "A revelatory, razor-sharp, and powerfully honest depiction of the reality of living with OCD." —Kirkus Reviews, starred review
★ "A poignant, raw masterpiece....there is a searing vulnerability in Cole’s verses that stays with the reader long after they have finished the book, making this a necessary and important read." —Booklist, starred review
★ "This deeply compassionate and sharp-edged dive into OCD is a must for all collections." —School Library Journal, starred review
★ "This moving, compassionate, and powerful work is vital reading for those struggling with mental health or those who love earnest novels-in-verse." —Shelf Awareness, starred review
"Ariel’s first-person narration is gripping, likely to evoke a deep sympathy that will help readers." —The Bulletin
"This powerful novel in verse provides an intimate look at the patterns of obsessive-compulsive disorder and offers an opportunity to explore the ways our inner voices affect our behavior and self-concept." —The Horn Book
School Library Journal
★ 02/01/2024
Gr 9 Up—Ariel must complete a series of rituals including tapping, counting, and chanting to keep her family safe. If she misses a beat or tally, the scaly green crocodile creeps in with horrific intrusive thoughts of stabbing, slicing, crashing, and burning others. A hidden secret even from her bestie, Leah, only Ariel's sister Mandy knows the truth about the rotting, putrid depravity inside her. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, but maybe her brain does. She is grappling with society's expectations of her size, her parents' expectation of faith, questioning her gender and sexuality, and thwarting the crocodile tangle into chaos in her mind. Verse is a perfect fit for Ariel's narrative, as her intrusive thoughts beat a sharp staccato that interrupts her story metaphorically. Although Mandy is away at college, she provides a safe space of sorts for Ariel to talk that neither her parents nor Leah offer. Addressed in a sensitive and clinical but clear way, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is explained by psychology student Mandy in a highly accessible story about the amygdala who sounds the alarm in the brain. Ariel develops new coping skills, so she has the ability to live her life authentically and robustly with hope. VERDICT This deeply compassionate and sharp-edged dive into OCD is a must for all collections.—Lisa Krok
Kirkus Reviews
★ 2023-12-06
Vulnerability and openness may hold the key to survival for a teenager struggling with violent, intrusive thoughts.
Without best friend Leah there, Ariel’s usual summer job at Wildwood carnival just feels scary and unfamiliar. To make matters worse, Ariel’s sister, Mandy, is away at college, leaving Ariel to bear the full brunt of their parents’ disappointments and her own violent, aggressive thoughts, which continue to escalate. Though she tries to mask her internal struggles to cope with her heightened ritualistic behaviors, things reach a fever pitch—until Mandy shares information about intrusive thoughts and OCD, and Ariel, a white lesbian, begins to suspect that’s what she’s suffering from. Having parents who aren’t supportive of therapy means she’s left to find ways to manage until she can seek out treatment on her own, but Mandy, along with new Wildwood friends Ruth (who's Black) and Rex (who's trans and reads white), prove to be lifelines. Immersive dialogue and realistic emotions lend a sense of intimacy to the narrative; as Ariel begins to accept that her thoughts do not make her a monster, she also begins to accept her tall, muscular frame and non-feminine gender presentation, too. The verse format provides readers with the space that Ariel desperately craves from her uncontrollable thoughts, balancing out the density and weight of the subject matter.
A revelatory, razor-sharp, and powerfully honest depiction of the reality of living with OCD. (Verse fiction. 14-18)