Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook

Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook

Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook

Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook

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Overview

Settle in for a stay at Schrute Farms Bed & Breakfast with this hilarious unofficial cookbook featuring rustic, beet-heavy recipes that Mental Floss calls, "the perfect treat for any mega fans of The Office"

**2021 Foreword INDIES Award Finalist for Humor**

Ask Yourself, "What Wouldn't an Idiot Make for Dinner?" The answer is exactly what you will find in this cookbook. With Beet This, you can make your next meal in true Schrute-Farms style with recipes that are equal parts rustic and merciless. Straight from Honesdale (the Keystone State's culinary mecca) this cookbook is packed with old and hearty, Pennsylvania-inspired recipes that would earn Dwight’s perfectenschlag stamp of approval, including:
  • Beet Biscuits with Rabbit Gravy (a breakfast classic)
  • Beet and Cabbage Salad
  • Beet Fries
  • Russian Beet Soup
  • Whole Roasted Beets
  • Spicy Fried Rattlesnake with Pickled Beets
  • Moist Chocolate-Beet Cake
  • For a B&B nightcap, Home-Distilled Beet Vodka
  • and so much more. . .

Sharpen your Santoku, load your spud gun, and prepare to be transported to a magical, beet-filled corner of Northeast Pennsylvania. Or don't. And die of hunger. Idiot.


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781646041886
Publisher: Ulysses Press
Publication date: 07/27/2021
Pages: 144
Sales rank: 1,063,827
Product dimensions: 5.20(w) x 7.10(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Tyanni Niles began her writing career at a young age when she would fill pages of a composition notebook with stories. She published a single copy of her first book, Cindy’s Report, in elementary school (it now sits on a shelf in her home). She enjoys writing short stories and flash fiction. In her spare time, she likes to make friendship bracelets and other crafts. Tyanni is a huge fan of The Office. If she could relate to any character from the show, it would most likely be Pam Beesly, although writing and crafting give off Toby and Phyllis vibes. She lives in Brooklyn, New York. You can find some of her writing pieces on Instagram @tyanniajeewrites and on her website at www.tyanniajee.com.

Samuel “Fact” Kaplan is an author, psychologist, and humorist based out of Oakland, California. As a psychologist, he works with families and kids with disabilities, using humor, art, music, and games to create connections and help kids heal from complex traumas. He is the coauthor of the books Goodnight Dorm Room, Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year, and The MANual. Samuel is very fast. His speed is comparable to that of a shark crossed with a baby tuna that is also being chased by the aforementioned shark.

Keith Riegert is an author and the publisher at Ulysses Press. He is also a cofounder of the book publicity and digital marketing firm Pacific & Court and teaches Analytics and Consumer Insights at NYU’s School of Professional Studies in the Center for Publishing.

Table of Contents

Foreword 5

Introduction: Beet That, Idiot 7

Beet Farming 101 8

A Beet-Worthy Kitchen 10

Breakfast

One Raw Beet 15

Beet Biscuits with Rabbit Gravy 17

Shredded Beet Porridge with Sown Wild Oats 19

No-Bake Beet Bar 21

Aunt Gertrude's Beet Gruel 23

Salads

Pickled Beet English Salad 25

Dutch Herring Salad with Beets 26

Swiss Beet Salad 28

Neapolitan Salad 29

The Beta-Brassica Pact: Beet and Cabbage Salad 30

Snacks and Sides 31

Schrute Jerky 33

Beet Fries 35

Beet Chips 37

Beet Green Chips 38

Kartoffelpuffer (German Potato Pancakes) 39

Butterbrezel 40

Beet Bread 42

Roman Beets with Raisin Wine Froth 44

Sweet and Sour Beets 45

Beet Pickles 47

Buttered Beets 48

Crimson Creamed Beets 49

Polish Cwikla 50

Sautéed Beet Greens 51

Whole Roasted Beets 53

Pickled Mangelwurzel 54

Fire Roasted Beets 56

Soups and Stews 57

Borscht 58

Russian Beet Soup 61

Beet and Beef Stew 62

Pfefferpotthast 64

Pennsylvania Pot Pie 67

Mains 69

Russian Stuffed Tongue 70

Stuffed Beets 72

Cold Poached Fish 74

Pigeons in Jelly 76

Cabbage Pie 76

Philadelphia Pepper Pot 80

Stewed Shin of Beef 82

Christmas Goose 85

Veal Loaf 87

Fried Peppers with Pork Chops 88

Spicy Fried Rattlesnake with Pickled Beets 90

Horsemeat Burger with Horseradish Mustard 92

Pork Knuckle 95

Homemade Bratwurst Filling 97

Rinderroulade 100

Sauerbraten 103

Kartoffelkloesse 106

Woodchuck in Wine 109

"Exotic" Meat Pie 111

Trout Schnitzel 114

Beet Spätzle 116

Sweets 119

Moist Chocolate-Beet Cake 120

Beet Pudding 122

Gooey Chocolate Beet Cookies 124

Beet Cinnamon Buns 126

Red Velvet Cupcakes 129

Drinks

Grandmother Gertrude's Beet Wine 133

Uncle Bert's Beet: Beer 134

Beet Vodka 136

The America 139

The Irrigation 140

Nighttime 141

The Scranton: The Real Original-Manhattan 142

About the Author 143

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