Publishers Weekly
09/14/2020
Reiner, a lecturer in the English department at Towson University, contends in his lucid and well-researched debut that traditional masculine norms prevent boys and men from “tap into the full range of their deeper humanity.” Frank interviews with men of all ages and reflections on his own experiences as a man raising a young son add emotional depth to Reiner’s research into the “developmental male arc” from infancy through middle age. He cites studies showing that infant boys are actually more “socially engaged” with their mothers than infant girls, yet require “much more help calming down and feeling emotionally secure,” and debunks myths about the links between testosterone and aggression. According to Reiner, the “toxic mindset” that becoming a man means “learning how to toughen up and compete” is feeding current epidemics of loneliness, violence, and suicide among men. His solution, glimpsed in scenes from a Washington, D.C., private school and a correctional institution, is to teach boys and men how to experience the full range of their emotions and express their vulnerability. Parents, educators, coaches, counselors, and scholars of gender studies will want to take a look at this humane and inspirational portrait of an emotionally grounded, resilient masculinity. (Dec.)
Kirkus Reviews
2020-11-05
An impassioned argument for asserting a more sensitive model of masculinity to better equip men to meet the emotional challenges of our modern world.
Reiner explores how outdated ideas of masculinity have been holding men back from meeting their full potential while also triggering increased acts of violence, feelings of isolation, and spiking rates of depression and suicide. Shedding light on increasingly hypermasculine recreational activities, including aggressive team sports and violent video games, he counters this by explaining how the women’s movement has gained productive force through strong support networks and increased emotional resiliency. “Whether or not the Future Is Female,” writes the author, “the sad reality is that the Now of Males is decidedly bleak. This is why it’s time we start leaning into and learning from these emerging models of masculinity. If we don’t, boys and men will continue to stagnate and fall behind. Or worse.” Reiner recalls personal struggles from his childhood and how they have influenced his parenting of a young son. Throughout, he recounts discussions with therapists and educators and cites a number of academic studies and the writings of popular self-help authors such as Brené Brown and Tony Robbins. These passages are less rigorous than some readers may desire. More memorable are Reiner’s case studies of men of all ages, including his own students and a group of prisoners attending an ongoing experimental group encounter session. (Note: The author’s research involves almost exclusively heterosexual men.) Though Reiner doesn’t offer a comprehensive game plan and includes few groundbreaking insights, he mounts an enthusiastic appeal for a collective approach toward achieving a new form of masculinity. “We need to learn how to extend ourselves to and support one another in ways that, historically, men haven’t felt comfortable or safe doing or haven’t felt permission to do,” he writes. “We need to replace unnecessary competition in our interactions with a proprietary sense of responsibility.”
An adequate jumping-off point for men willing to put in the work of self-evaluation.
