Beware the Ninja Weenies: And Other Warped and Creepy Tales

by David Lubar Narrated by Christopher Gebauer, Suzy Jackson

Overview

Watch out for the Vampire Weenies.
A boy steals a ticket to an amusement park and gets the roller-coaster ride of a lifetime-literally. The first
day of middle school turns into a free-for-all when the gym teacher offers the class a get-out-of-gym-free
card. Sick of his sister's vampire wannabe friends, a kid decides to teach them a lesson at their next party.
But the tables are turned when some surprise guests show up.
Critically acclaimed author and master of the macabre David Lubar is back with thirty-three more warped
and creepy tales for fans of his bestselling Weenies short-story collections. And in the tradition of the
four previous collections-In the Land of the Lawn Weenies, Invasion of the Road Weenies, The Curse of the
Campfire Weenies, and The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies-he reveals the inspiration behind each
story at the end of the book.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Whoever thinks the short story is dead, or that kids don't like short stories, haven't talked to any real live kids and haven't read the latest is this popular series.” —School Library Journal on Attack of the Vampire Weenies

“Lubar's creativity is still going strong in these 35 short stories that present suspenseful, surreal tales. These scary stories and urban legends will delight reluctant and ravenous readers alike.” —Booklist on The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies

“This book will talk itself right off the shelves, and reluctant readers will devour it.” —School Library Journal on The Curse of the Campfire Weenies

“Another cool collection. This would be perfect to read around a campfire—or at any sleepover. They are creepy, but also hilarious.” —Detroit Free Press on The Curse of the Campfire Weenies

“Lubar strikes again. Another winning round-up.” —Booklist on Invasion of the Road Weenies

“Pleasingly short, well-crafted pieces…mixes the comic and the creepy, the merely weird with the truly haunting.” —San Francisco Chronicle on Invasion of the Road Weenies

“These stories creeped us out — and we loved it. Four stars!” —Chicago Tribune on In the Land of the Lawn Weenies

Kirkus Reviews

The Weenie-Meister's sixth collection offers 32 more macabre minitales. He puts the Gorgon back into "Gorgonzola," pauses for a rousing night of vampire "Catfishing in America" and redefines "Smart Food" through an encounter with talking broccoli, among other ventures. Throughout, Lubar continues to produce short-shorts expertly spun around figures of speech, tweaked story titles and disquieting twists of fate. Pandering particularly to readers with a taste for icky treats, he trots in a protean alien who sets itself up as a sideshow self-mutilator, a bully tricked into blasting out his own cheeks and a smile-obsessed child who melts his teeth away by overusing whitening strips--among other hapless victims of bad behavior, predatory monsters or plain bad luck. The tales' extreme brevity--the longest tops out at a whopping 10 pages--makes them especially well suited to reading aloud. To be devoured with relish--though maybe not broccoli. (end notes) (Short short stories. 10-12)

Product Details

BN ID:	2940176308167
Publisher:	Recorded Books, LLC
Publication date:	06/09/2020
Series:	Weenies , #6
Edition description:	Unabridged
Age Range:	8 - 11 Years

Read an Excerpt

PLAYING SOLO
 
 
Henry fired a mortar round at the cluster of aliens. Perfect! It hit their group dead center, and blew them up in a geyser of brown soil and green flesh.
“Nice!” Stan said. “I’ll flank the other squadron while you distract them.”
“Got it,” Henry said into the microphone of his headset. He pushed the right thumb stick to rotate the camera toward the other group of enemies. Then he tapped the D-pad to switch weapons. No use wasting mortar shells. He fired short bursts from his plasma rifle, knocking chips of stone off the broken statues that sheltered the enemy. They responded by sending a hail of blind fire in his direction.
“Almost there,” Stan said.
Henry panned the camera back, but couldn’t spot his friend.
“As soon as you attack, I’ll move closer,” he said. “Okay?”
Instead of answering, Stan screamed, “Aliens!”
“Ouch! Stop that.” Henry lowered the volume. “Of course there are aliens. That’s the whole point of this game—to fight the aliens.”
“No. Real ones!” Stan yelled.
Henry rotated the view all the way around until he got back to the starting point. He didn’t see anything that hadn’t been there before. No new enemies had shown up on the radar map, either.
“Aaggggg! Noooo!”
A message scrolled across the top of the screen.
CONNECTION LOST. STANROCKS720 HAS DROPPED OUT.
“Very funny,” Henry muttered. He had no idea why Stan had quit, but he was happy to play the game by himself. He switched back to the mortar, slipped closer, and took out the second group of aliens with another perfectly placed shot. Then he headed over the ridge, where he suspected he’d find ammo crates and health pickups.
“I knew it,” he said when he saw the stockpile of supplies. Now that he had full health and plenty of ammo, he decided to keep going. According to the walk-through he’d checked before starting this session, there were only five levels left. It would serve Stan right if he missed out on the ending.
Half an hour later, Henry felt someone tugging on his sleeve. “Can I play?” his little brother, Ruben, asked.
“Go away.” Even if Ruben had any chance of lasting more than five seconds in the game without getting vaporized by an energy whip or blown to pieces by an omega mine, Henry wasn’t going to put up with a split screen, which was the only option for two players on the same console.
“Please…” Ruben said.
“I mean it,” Henry said. “Go away!”
Ruben stormed off. Henry didn’t even look up. He couldn’t care less about his little brother at the moment. He’d just discovered a stash of mini-nuke proximity grenades. They’d be perfect when he attacked the stronghold at the end of the level.
Ten minutes later, Ruben started screaming. “Aliens! Help meeeee!!!!”
Henry heard footsteps race through the living room, along the hall, and into the kitchen. The back door slammed as Ruben ran into the yard. There was another scream, but Henry didn’t pay any attention to it. His little brother was always screaming. Henry had more important things to deal with.
Finally, two hours later, Henry watched the credits scroll down the screen. “I did it.” He’d beaten the game on his own, clearing the last five levels without any help from Stan.
Henry dropped the controller from his half-numb hands and staggered to his feet. His back ached from sitting in one spot for so long, and his legs tingled. He didn’t care. He’d finished the game. That was the important thing. He needed to brag to someone about his accomplishment. Not just someone—he wanted to brag to everyone. But he’d start with the most convenient, and easily impressed, person.
“Hey, Ruben, where are you?”
No answer.
Henry walked out to the backyard. Instead of grass and a swing set, he found an enormous crater, like someone had set off a bomb. He went around the house to the front yard and looked down the street. Half the houses were on fire. A bunch of others were just gone, like a giant had scraped them up with a spatula.
Henry didn’t see any people at all.
“Hey,” he called, in case someone could hear him. “I beat Alien Warfront. All by myself. On the hard setting.”
After a moment, Henry gave up and went back inside. Might as well play another game, he thought. There was no point wasting the day. He called a couple of his friends, to see if anyone wanted to play online, but nobody answered.
So Henry played by himself and he was totally happy, until the electricity went off, the water stopped running, and the invaders made a second pass through town to wipe out any stragglers.
Despite all his gaming skills, Henry didn’t turn out to be a very challenging opponent when he fought against real aliens. The battle was brief. And then it was GAME OVER forever.

 
Copyright © 2012 by David Lubar

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