Building Better Caregivers: A Caregiver's Guide to Reducing Stress and Staying Healthy
280
Building Better Caregivers: A Caregiver's Guide to Reducing Stress and Staying Healthy
280Paperback(None)
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781945188169 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Bull Publishing Company |
| Publication date: | 06/20/2018 |
| Edition description: | None |
| Pages: | 280 |
| Product dimensions: | 8.50(w) x 11.00(h) x 0.60(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Introduction: A Blueprint for Better Caregiving
AS WE PLAN FOR OUR LIVES, there are many things we prepare for and expect. Many of us go to school, get married, have children, lose love ones, become empty nesters, go to work, etc. Caregiving is not usually part of our expected life plan. Most people do not ask to be caregivers, prepare to be caregivers, and sometimes do not want to be caregivers. Nevertheless, we are caregivers and, more importantly, we have chosen to be caregivers.
The last statement may seem a little strange. We did not choose to have our relative, spouse, or friend become ill or injured and need care. What we did choose, however, was to care for them. Many people for one reason or another do not make this choice and do not provide care to others. So, congratulations for making that choice and being a caregiver! You are a very special person! As the authors of this book, we are here to share our expertise and the best in caregiving research. We also share what we have learned from thousands of people like you as well as our own experiences as caregivers. Together, we hope to help you gain skills you need to take care of yourself and your care partner. Probably the most important thing that these skills will give you, though, is confidence to manage your life and reduce your stress. Our goal is to improve the quality of life for both you and your care partner.
Right now, you may be wondering just what a care partner is. Your care partner is the person for whom you are caring. Your care partner may be Sally, or Jose, your "Sweetie," your "Dad," or your "Old Man." No matter what you call the person, in this book, we use the term care partner to refer to this person. We do this primarily because it is awkward to always say "the person you are caring for." A wonderful group of caregivers suggested this name and it works well for our purposes in this book.
How to Use This Book
Before we go any further, let's talk about this book and how to use it. Throughout, you will find information to help you learn and practice your caregiving skills. Some of these skills will help your care partner, but most of the skills are aimed at helping you to both care for someone else and to care for yourself. This is not a textbook. You do not need to read every word in every chapter. Instead, we suggest that you read the first four chapters and then use the table of contents or the index to seek the information you need. Feel free to skip around. In this way, you will learn the skills you need to negotiate your individual path.
So, what is in this book? You will not find any miracles or cures in these pages. Rather, you will find hundreds of tips and ideas to make your life easier. This is your "Caregiver's Toolbox." This advice comes from physicians and other health professionals, as well as caregivers like you. The content is supported by research and studies and it is as up-to- date as possible.
Caregiving is a great leveler. It does not matter if you went to school for five years or 20 years. Nor are caregiving skills related to race, age, gender, or genetics. Everyone can learn them. The good news is that there is no test, not even pass or fail.
Our assumption is that most caregivers are doing a terrific job under conditions that are often difficult. In addition to being a challenging job, caregiving can also be isolating. You may be cut off from friends and even family. This makes learning from others difficult. To help you overcome this isolation, we have talked to hundreds of caregivers as well as people who study caregiving. What we have learned, we have put into this book. Our hope is that sharing by this wisdom and knowledge from others, we can help you and others like you become better caregivers.
Stress and Caregiving
Caregiving is stressful. This is one of the things that we have been told by everyone who has experience with caregiving and caregivers. It is almost impossible to be a caregiver without experiencing increased stress. For some, this may be a little stress and for others, lots of stress. The figure shown here illustrates stressors — the things that can cause caregiver stress. In this book, we will discuss each of these stressors in detail and give you some information on how to develop the skills needed to deal with these stressors. As you gain more confidence in your skills, our hope is that your stress decreases.
But what is stress? In the 1950s, the physiologist Hans Selye described stress as "the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it." Others have expanded this definition to explain that the body adapts to demands, whether pleasant or unpleasant. In short, stress is how we react emotionally to a stressor. The stressor can be a dog barking, receiving bad or even good news, someone saying unkind words, or fear of the future. For caregivers, it is often the frustrating or difficult behaviors of our care partners (more about this later). When we are exposed to stressors, not only do we have an emotional reaction, such as anger, sadness, or crying, but our bodies also react physically with muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, or pain. Our hearts may beat faster and we might have problems breathing. Stress can cause us to shout, weep, go quiet, flee, or smile nervously.
If all this seems complex, you are right. Stress is complex. Thankfully, you do not have to understand how stress works to do something about it. Consider the following two people and their stories:
John has been a caregiver for Julianna for many months. He has lost contact with most of their friends. Julianna has Alzheimer's disease, and it seems like every day she remembers less and less. John is worried about his ability to cope and one day when Julianna cannot remember his name. John becomes angry, sits down, and cries. Julianna looks confused and frightened.
Ellen has been the caregiver for Jose for many months. He has Alzheimer's disease and it seems like every day his memory gets worse. Ellen is worried about her ability to cope, but she has found an online support group and she also talks to her friends about her concerns. One day, Jose cannot remember her name. Ellen is sad and mourns for all they both have lost. She takes a few minutes for herself and then gives Jose a dish of his favorite ice cream. He smiles.
These two examples are similar. The stressor — a care partner not remembering a spouse's name — is the same. The immediate emotional reaction of the two caregivers is also similar; they both feel sadness. There are also differences. Ellen has some support. She has both maintained contact with friends and joined an online support group. John does not seem to have any support. John's sadness is accompanied with anger that frightens his care partner. Ellen's sadness prompts her to try to show her love to her care partner. Her reward is a smile.
In the chapters to follow, you will find many tools for dealing with stress. Chapter 2, Becoming a Better Caregiver: The Basics, gives you the basic tools discussed in this book and Chapter 3, Dealing with Stress and Difficult Care Partner Behavior, is a thorough introduction to the basics of stress.
Thinking about Caregiving
By itself, changing the way you think cannot cure stress. However, positive thinking and certain caregiver skills can make caregiving easier. What you do about something is largely determined by how you think about it. For example, if you think that being a caregiver is like falling into a deep pit, you may have a hard time motivating yourself to crawl out, or you may think the task is impossible. The thoughts you have can greatly determine what happens to both you and your care partner.
The following are some of the thoughts that caregivers have shared with us and some suggestions for ways to address the problems that these thoughts present:
"When things do not go right or my care partner behaves badly, it is my fault."
You are not to blame. You did not cause your care partner's condition. Your care partner's behavior is the result of trauma or genetic, biological, environmental, and/or psychological factors. We do not feel guilty when a young child has a tantrum or wets his pants. These behaviors are part of a developmental process. Similarly, your care partner's behaviors are caused by a disease, not by you. However, in both cases you are responsible for helping to manage these behaviors. We talk more about strategies to manage care partner behavior in Chapter 3, Dealing with Stress and Difficult Care Partner Behavior.
"I feel so guilty."
Guilt is a common caregiver feeling. You are probably doing the very best you can. You may also feel guilty because you want your old life back. Believe us when we say that almost every caregiver feels this way.
"I should have done that when I had the chance."
There are lots of "if only I had (fill in the blank with anything you wish you had done) when I had the chance." Well, you have a chance now. We cannot remake the past, but we can to some extent determine the present and the future.
"I am so isolated; I feel so alone. No one offers any help."
You don't have to do it alone. One of the common side effects of caregiving is a feeling of isolation. As supportive as friends and family members may be, they often cannot understand what you are experiencing as you struggle to cope and survive daily. They do not know how to help and they stay away. You may have told them that there is nothing they can do.
Connecting with other people with similar situations can reduce your sense of isolation and help you understand what to expect based on a fellow caregiver's perspective. Other people can offer practical tips on how to manage on a day-to-day basis, give you the opportunity to help others cope with their caregiving, help you appreciate your strengths, and realize that things could be worse. They can inspire you to become a better caregiver. Support can come from reading a book or a newsletter about the experiences of other caregivers. Or it may come from regularly scheduled family meetings or from talking with others on the telephone, in support groups, or connecting online through computer and electronic support groups. Invite people to bring in a meal, use social media such as Facebook or Instagram, use FaceTime or Skype to video chat with distant friends and relatives. You will find more about getting support in Chapter 3, Dealing with Stress and Difficult Care Partner Behavior, and Chapter 7, Getting Help.
We know that caregivers do not have much time, but we also know that good caregivers do not do it alone. You need consultants such as other caregivers, family, friends, health professionals, and social service agencies. Your job is to learn from and to manage these consultants. As a caregiving manager, you gather information, make decisions, and perhaps hire a consultant or team of consultants, such as a health care professional or caregiving help. Then you must follow through.
Succeeding as a Caregiver
In this book, we describe many skills and tools to help you succeed as a caregiver and address real problems such as how to relieve caregiving stress. You may find that some are more helpful than others. Some may not be helpful at all. What we ask is that you try something before you reject it. You might be surprised and have a new caregiving tool. We do not expect you to use them all. Pick and choose. Experiment. Set your own goals. What you do may not be as important as the sense of confidence and control that comes from successfully doing something you want to do.
We have all noticed that some caregivers get on well and seem content with their task, while others have daily problems and are miserable. The difference often lies in their caregiver skills and management style.
The keys to success in any undertaking are, first, to define the problem and explore possible solutions; second, you must decide what you want to do and how you are going to do it; and third, you must learn a set of skills and practice them until they have been mastered. But we have learned that knowing the skills is not enough. To succeed, we need a way of incorporating these skills into our daily lives. Whenever we try a new skill, the first attempts may be clumsy, slow, and might not work. It is easier to return to old ways than to continue trying to master new and sometimes difficult tasks. The best way to master new skills is through practice and evaluation of the results. In Chapter 2, Becoming a Better Caregiver: The Basics, we introduce and discuss three core caregiving skills: problem-solving, decisionmaking, and action-planning.
You Are More than a Caregiver
When you are a caregiver, too often there seems to be nothing more to life than caregiving. But you are more than a carer for your care partner. It is essential to grow areas of your life that you enjoy. Small daily pleasures can help balance the other parts in which you must manage uncomfortable and demanding tasks or emotions. Find ways to enjoy nature by growing a plant or watching a sunset, or indulge in the pleasure of human touch or a tasty meal, or celebrate companionship with family or friends. Finding ways to introduce moments of pleasure is vital.
Focus on your abilities and assets rather than disabilities and deficits. Celebrate small improvements — improvement in your caregiving, in your stress level, and in your care partner's emotions and behaviors. If caregiving teaches anything, it is to live each moment more fully. Within the true limits of whatever problems you and your care partner have, there are ways to enhance your sense of control and enjoyment of life.
Some of the most successful caregivers are people who think of caregiving as a path. This path, like any path, goes up and down. Sometimes it is flat and smooth. At other times, the way is rough. To negotiate this path, one has to use many strategies. Sometimes you can go fast; other times you must slow down. There are obstacles to negotiate.
As we build better caregivers, we first must prepare to create an overall plan. In this chapter, we outlined some of the many challenges caregivers face and some basic ways you can approach those challenges. In the next chapter, we build the foundation and structure and walk you through building a personal action plan of your own. After that, you can read the chapters in whichever order you prefer and pick and choose the skills that will be most helpful to you. At the end of most of the other chapters, we list suggested readings and other resources. You will see some of these more than once, as certain resources cover several topics. Just remember, this is your Caregiver's Toolbox. You are the builder and we are here to help.
CHAPTER 2Becoming a Better Caregiver: The Basics
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE that becoming a caregiver means making many changes — changes in what you do and how you do it, and changes in how you socialize. It may mean giving up a paid job or working less. It also changes the dynamics of families and friendships. For some people, caregiving is full time, 24 hours a day every day. For other people, it takes up a few hours a week.
No matter how much time it takes or how complex the caregiving, as a caregiver you have a major decision to make. Are you going to take it one day at a time and cope the best you can, or are you going to become a better caregiver by learning skills, problem-solving, and planning? Please note the word decision. There is no way to avoid deciding. If you choose to do nothing, that is one way of deciding. If your decision is to become a better caregiver, then let's get started.
Like any skill, active caregiving must be learned and practiced. This chapter will start you on your way by presenting the three most important caregiving tools: problem-solving, decision-making, and action-planning. Remember, you are the manager. Both at home and in the business world, managers direct the show. They don't do everything themselves; they work with others, including consultants, to get the job done. What makes them managers is that they are responsible for making decisions and making sure that their decisions are carried out.
Like the manager of an organization or a household, you must do all the following things:
1. Identify problems and seek solutions.
2. Make decisions for both you and your care partner.
3. Take action.
In the rest of this chapter, we will explore each of these skills and discuss ways you can be a better manager.
Solving Problems
Problems sometimes start with a general uneasiness. In order to think more about problemsolving, imagine yourself as the caregiver in the following story. You may feel unhappy but are not sure why. Upon closer examination, you find that you want some caregiving help from your family. Some of them live quite close, but except for an occasional phone call, they have all but disappeared from your life.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Building Better Caregivers"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Bull Publishing Company and the Self-Management Resource Center.
Excerpted by permission of Bull Publishing Company.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
1 Introduction: A Blueprint for Better Caregiving,
2 Becoming a Better Caregiver: The Basics,
3 Dealing with Stress and Difficult Care Partner Behavior,
4 Dealing with Difficult Emotions,
5 Using Your Mind to Manage Stress,
6 Communicating Effectively,
7 Getting Help,
8 Preventing Injuries,
9 Exercising for Health and Wellness,
10 Healthy Eating,
11 Understanding Your Care Partner's Brain,
12 Managing Medications,
13 Making Treatment Decisions,
14 Planning for the Future: Fears and Reality,
Index,