Conflicted Scars: An Average Player's Journey to the NHL

by Justin Davis, Brian Kilrea Narrated by David Attar

Overview

An indispensable guide to parents of hockey hopefuls

At a time of great change in hockey, Justin Davis exposes the dark underbelly of the journey from the minors to the big leagues

Hockey culture: it's a commonly used phrase inside the game, glorifying sacrifice, toughness, loyalty, and a sense of identity. Justin Davis viewed this culture as something he was lucky enough to experience. After all, he'd won a Memorial Cup after leading the tournament in scoring, and he'd been drafted by the Washington Capitals. “In my mind,” he says, “I was the normal one.” Unfortunately, after stepping outside the game, he began to recognize the racism, sexual abuse and bullying that was so deeply ingrained in the sport. And then, as his own children grew into teenagers, the curtain was pulled back, the memories came rushing forward, and he was horrified: “Why was I naked in a bus bathroom for four hours with seven teammates? What happened to my brain, and why can't I remember the simplest things? How did I end up living in a basement where the strangers upstairs were clearly engaged in domestic abuse?”

As it navigates the sport's darkest corridors, Conflicted Scars shares the story of the common Canadian player and offers a guide for parents who need to know how and why a typical teenager with NHL dreams, from a small town, now lives anxiously, introvertedly, and battling emotional detachment.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

[A] very powerful, raw memoir calling into question many aspects of a hockey culture that glorifies sacrifice, toughness, and loyalty.” — Library Journal

“This is a deeply introspective, brutally honest memoir and a stark exposé of a part of hockey that remained hidden for far too long.” — Booklist

“I loved playing in the OHL, the second-best league in the world, and I have loved my life in the NHL. Justin’s book should be on the shelf of every hockey parent. He has some amazing stories … and every former player will vouch for them. Canada loves hockey, and rightly so, but we have to make sure the kids come first. I am glad my friend wrote this book.” — Joe Thornton, 22-year NHL veteran and Hart Memorial and Art Ross Trophy winner

“Justin Davis shows us that hockey is a lot like life. It can be glorious. It can be painful. You can fall in love one moment and be heartbroken the next. This book is a must-read for anyone who ever dreamed of playing in the NHL, or perhaps more importantly, for any parent who is dreaming that their child could be ‘The Next One.’” — Ken Reid, Sportsnet Central Host and best-selling author of Hockey Card Stories

“Justin Davis blows the doors off all your assumptions about Junior hockey. He courageously reevaluates the toxic culture he was part of and what was considered to be normal rites of passage and team-bonding by everyone involved in the sport. Conflicted Scars is essential reading for all hockey fans and an important contribution in exposing the dark underbelly of the game that has been kept secret for far too long.” — Allan Walsh, Player Agent

Library Journal

08/05/2022

In this sports memoir/cautionary tale, retired Canadian hockey player Davis gives a frank account of his entire career, from youth teams to the pro leagues, and exposes the brutality (including injury, sexual abuse, bullying, and racism) that he says pervades even children's hockey leagues. Born in a small prairie town in 1978, Davis, like many Canadian boys, began playing hockey young. He displayed uncommon skill by age seven—skating and passing smoothly and scoring goals at will—that made his coaches and parents fast-track him to development leagues. In his middle teens, he played in the Ontario Junior Hockey League, and at 18 he was drafted professionally by the NHL's Washington Capitals, although he never played in that league. He did, however, have several years of professional success playing in the Ontario Hockey League and in German Professional Hockey, winning three team championships. Later, as an educator and coach, he began noticing hockey's physical and mental toll on young players. Attempting to understand his own bodily and emotional health and to protect his own children, he began writing down memories of what he had gone through as he rose through the ranks of hockey. The result is this very powerful, raw memoir calling into question many aspects of a hockey culture that glorifies sacrifice, toughness, and loyalty. VERDICT Recommended for libraries serving youth athletes and their parents and coaches.—Steve Dixon

Product Details

BN ID:	2940176957624
Publisher:	ECW Press
Publication date:	11/04/2022
Edition description:	Unabridged
Sales rank:	933,368

Read an Excerpt

You may have seen the cover of this book and asked yourself, why?

Why would an “average” hockey player whose name barely registers with hockey fans write a book, and why would anyone bother to read it? Why would this player think that anyone would spend time reading his story when his entire hockey career is currently being overshadowed by his 16-year-old son? Well, it’s complicated. The world of hockey has had a grand reawakening, and to quote the legendary Canadian hockey broadcaster, Bob Cole, “Everything is happening.” Since 2020, a growing number of high-profile coaches have been fired because of past transgressions, and many more are secretly feeling the heat. I can guarantee you there are numerous behind-the-scenes apology tours happening as we speak, orchestrated by abusive coaches looking to maintain their place inside the game. But the dressing room doors have opened, and these predators can no longer hide behind their organizations. At the same time, junior hockey has had to address decades of hazing incidents, the research being done on CTE has been eye-opening for former players, and Don Cherry’s firing has the NHL distancing itself from its storied past. Add Akim Aliu’s letter addressing the systemic racism in the game, and one thing is certainly clear: hockey needs to get better.

When Akim Aliu first told his story, my reaction was that he was soft. In my mind, he was a terrible team player and he sounded like an egotistical, cancerous presence. We all participated in the same initiations, we were all treated terribly by veteran players, and racism was just something that we normalized. I thought he was the issue; it was our job to conform to the norms of the hockey world. Varying from those norms, especially as a player of colour, was highly frowned upon. What’s said in the room stays in the room, and it appeared to me that Akim was breaking the hockey code. I soon realized that I was the issue, not Akim. Throughout my career, I was complicit in this behaviour, and I never stood up to stop it. I was ignorant. One coach would ask an Indigenous teammate if it would be easier to send him a smokescreen than explain the drill, and anyone with an Indigenous background would be called “Chief” … I heard the N-word numerous times, in the dressing room, the stands, and on the ice, and although I knew it was wrong and wouldn’t say it myself, in my mind it wasn’t my problem. One of my childhood friends, while playing pro hockey in Germany, had bananas thrown at him during a game, but I never asked what I could do to help. Afraid of risking my own career by taking a stand, I never once spoke up to say this was wrong. Former teammates who should’ve been any coach’s favourite were somehow treated differently, even though they did everything that was asked of them. Only now can I see this clearly.

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