Cook to Bang: The Lay Cook's Guide to Getting Laid

by Spencer Walker

Overview

Tired of dates that leave you with nothing but a $150 dinner tab, a doggy bag, and blue balls? Enter Cook to Bang, a guide to wining, dining, and sixty-nining for cooks who don't know their asparagus from their elbows. It offers a history of Cook to Bang seduction throughout the ages, tips for setting the bait, the best menu for each "sexual profile," methods for creating a sexy-time vibe, and a game plan for how to make your move. Born from the popular Web site, Cook to Bang is an everyman's guide to cooking your way into your date's bed.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780312600181
Publisher:	St. Martin's Publishing Group
Publication date:	05/11/2010
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	8.30(w) x 5.56(h) x 0.65(d)

About the Author

SPENCER WALKER has been a sous-chef and a private chef, and he has worked for the renowned Los Angeles catering outfit The Kitchen for Exploring Foods. Renee Russo once declared his lamb chops "orgasmic." He has been a creative executive for Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network and has written television episodes for Warner Bros., Nickelodeon, and Disney.

Recipe

BARNES BURNING NAUGHTY NOBLE NOODLES

Nothing gets your date’s barn burning like spicy sweet Thai noodles. They are somewhere between comfort food and Spanish fly. Naughty post-dinner behavior is a given. Yet the worldly nature of this meal of seduction makes you seem almost noble. Don’t be shocked when the noodles vanish and the clothes soon follow.

Total time: approximately 12 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking wingman: Beer to soothe the savage beast

Ingredients (serves 2):

• 8 OZ flat rice noodles
• 1/2 lb chicken
• 1/2 mango
• 2 green onions
• 1 handful cilantro
• 1 tbsp vegetable oil
• 1 tbsp Sriracha hot chili sauce (Thai)
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 egg
• 1 lime wedge
• 1 small handful crushed peanuts

Step 1
Boil pot of water and cook the noodles, and then drain (approx 4 min).

Step 2
Chop up the chicken in bite-sized pieces. Ditto for the mango. Coarsely chop up the green onions and cilantro.

Step 3
Heat up the vegetable oil in a pan or wok on medium heat. Cook the chicken thoroughly stirring as you go (approx 3 min). Add the mango, and half the green onions and cilantro. Flavor with the Sriracha and soy sauce, cooking until the mango softens (approx 2 min).

Step 4
Throw in the cooked rice noodles, crack the egg in, and stir-fry like a champ until the egg cooks through (approx 2 min). Squeeze the limejuice and garnish with the remaining cilantro and green onions and crushed peanuts before serving.

Editorial Reviews

Private chef Walker, formerly a creative executive for Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Network, puts his talents to misogynistic ends in this off-putting cookbook, aimed at the young male demographic who made Tucker Max a bestseller and treat The Game as a guide to life. Dedicated to helping novices "cook an amazing meal and bring out their date's inner slut," Walker presents basic cooking and entertaining techniques doused in graphic anecdotes, casual insults, frat-boy innuendos and plenty of disdain for the opposite sex. Sound advice on presentation, kitchen essentials, wine pairings, and flirting is buried amidst Walker's steadfast commitment to the low road, including digressions on farting, recipe titles like "Tap That Ass-paragus Soup" and "Miso Horny Cod," and witless bon mots like, "boozing has always been as American as apple pie eaten off Betsy Ross' tits." Stale chauvinist humor aside, Walker's guide doesn't live up to its potential, content to circle the drain endlessly with a tiring litany of female stereotypes and recycled seduction strategies.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Publishers Weekly

He teaches you how to tap your inner Julia Child and easily tap that girl's…” —Houston Chronicle

“A bumper-to-bumper culinary seduction guide covering everything from drink pairing to mood music.” —Huffington Post

“Walker's step-by-step process turns Chef Boyardee into Chef Justgotlaidlastnight.” —AOL's Asylum

“Don't take Walker's word for it: according to celebrity chef Mario Batali, 'There's two ways to make someone happy-both are by putting something in them.'” —Newsweek

“Spencer Walker's highly manticipated Cook to Bang.” —NY Magazine

“Miss Manners it's not, but undoubtedly smart stuff.” —Philadelphia City Paper

“I would suggest this book to anyone who likes to read, cook, laugh or wants to get closer to a lady friend.” —Bobby D Radio Show

“The methodology for the making of true romance can be found in Walker's masterpiece, 'Cook to Bang'.” —Crave Online

“Walker is a culinary pioneer.” —University of Arizona Daily Wildcat

From the Publisher