Dad or Alive: Confessions of an Unexpected Stay-at-Home Dad

by Adrian Kulp

Overview

The perfect book for that special dad in your life.

When Adrian Kulp first learned that he was about to become a father, he was essentially a teenage boy trapped in the body of a thirty-two-year-old high-powered executive. He did what his wife asked him to do: grow up. He packed away his Phillies baseball memorabilia, hid his GI Joes, and converted their guest bedroom from his private man cave into a nursery. Goodbye sticky beer cozy. Hello Diaper Genie.

Based on his mercilessly funny and brutally honest blog, here is the hilarious story of one man’s journey from being the one who brings home the bacon to the one who fries it—along with assembling the crib, learning how to “accessorize” his daughter, and flying with an infant for the first time. From numbing booze-free co-ed baby'showers to navigating the Farmer's Market with a baby (and loaded diaper) strapped to his chest, to locking himself out of a childproofed toilet, this often-sweaty and exhausted SAHD (stay-at-home dad) gets down and dirty about surviving life as a new parent—dad or alive.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780451413338
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	05/07/2013
Pages:	272
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.90(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Adrian Kulp has worked as a comedy booking agent for CBS late-night television, as an executive for Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions, and as a vice president of development for Chelsea Handler’s Borderline Amazing Productions. This book, Dad or Alive, has been optioned for television.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 "Forget About the Game, We've Got Shit to Do" 1

Game Five 13

The Awkward Sex Reward 14

You Need a Shower 17

Chicks Love Car Seats 22

Chapter 2 "Wombsday" 25

Someone Take Me to the Hospital 27

Deliverance 34

In Moderate Pain 40

Demolition Derby 48

Chapter 3 "One Step Forward, Three Steps Back" 51

In the Doghouse 53

She's Gonna Have Daddy Issues 59

Breast in Peace 64

Keep Laughing, It's Not That Funny 69

Fly the Unfriendly Skies 72

Hello Goodbye 84

Chapter 4 "Sahd State Of Affairs" 89

Lost and Not Found 91

Step into My Office, Don't Mind the Toilet 95

Chairman of the Bored 100

Battle of Grocery Hill 105

Hazel the Maid 113

Chapter 5 "Out and About" 117

I Dream of Diaper Genie 119

Blocking Out the Negative 125

The Interloper 132

My Two Dads 136

Take Our Kid, Please? 142

Chapter 6 "A New Frontier" 147

A Piercing Scream 149

Peter Cottontail on Acid 156

Pony Up 160

Bjurination 163

Dad IS Alive 167

Chapter 7 "Wild and Unruly" 171

Crying over Spilled Milk 173

The Great Escape 177

An Assault on the King 181

Mouth Like a Trucker 183

Chapter 8 "Discomfort Zone" 187

All Dolled Up 189

Papa's Got a Brand-New Bag 193

Swimming with Sharts 197

First Time for Everything 200

Here Today, Gone Tonight 208

Chapter 9 "It's Your Turn" 213

A Hairy Situation 215

Work Drinks 218

Man Overboard 222

Chapter 10 "It Only Took You Twelve Months" 227

The Grass Is Always Greener 229

Backseat Driver 235

One Nutty Birthday 238

Chapter 11 "Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?" 245

Born to Inseminate 247

The Best Thing Going 251

Acknowledgments 255

Editorial Reviews

Adrian Kulp hadn't planned to be a stay-at-home dad, but when his working wife asked him to take care of his toddler daughter and infant son, he couldn't refuse. That, of course, didn't mean that he felt that he was well-prepared to do the job. That lack of training and the improvisations that it caused him became the subject of, first, a popular blog and, now, this book. (The next step is a film, the rights of which have already been optioned.) Dad or Alive manages to balance its self-deprecating admissions of incompetence with sweet stories of Ava, Charlie—and himself growing up. A trade paperback original.

Praise for Adrian Kulp and Dad or Alive
 
“If this is what ‘staying at home’ is like, then please throw me to the razor-wolves of outside reality any day.”—Patton Oswalt, author of Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
 
"If I've learned anything from this book, it's to keep your weight on your back foot while interacting with a child.  It makes for a swifter escape."—Kevin Nealon, author of Yes, You're Pregnant, but What About Me?
 
"As a new father myself, this book is essential.  I've learned immensely from Adrian and become a better parent by learning from his countless mistakes.  This book is proof that he's let down his children time after time and also highlights the unreliability of Child Protective Services."—Steve Byrne, co-creator/writer/producer/star of Sullivan & Son
 
"This book made me laugh.  So much fresher and funnier than the diapers he's been changing—you're in for a great read!"—Louie Anderson, author of The F Word: How to Survive Your Family
 
“Adrian and I have known each other a long time. We used to hang out a lot more. Then he had a family and became an amazing dad. And I felt bad for him. Not because of the father thing but because he’s an Eagles fan.”—Nick Swardson, comedian
 
"Adrian Kulp shines a perfect hilarious light on being a stay-at-home dad and fatherhood in general.  Forget a man in uniform.  I love a man in a Bjorn."—Wendy Liebman, comedian
 
"Not only is this book hysterical, but I can also relate to everything Adrian is talking about.  DAD OR ALIVE is a must have. Now go and buy it."—Jo Koy, comedian

From the Publisher