Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy

by Ken Page

Overview

With exercises, practical tools, and inspiring stories, Deeper Dating will guide you on a journey to find the love—and personal fulfillment—you long for

Lose weight. Be confident. Keep your partner guessing. At the end of the day, this soulless approach to dating doesn't lead to love but to insecurity and desperation. In Deeper Dating, Ken Page presents a new path to love. Out of his decades of work as a psychotherapist and his own personal struggle to  find love, Page teaches that the greatest magnet for real love lies in our "Core Gifts"—the places of our deepest sensitivity, longing, and passion.

Deeper Dating guides us to discover our own Core Gifts and empowers us to express them with courage, generosity, and discrimination in our dating life. When we do this, something miraculous happens: we begin to attract people who love us for who we are, we become more self-assured and emotionally available, and we lose our taste for relationships that chip away at our self-esteem. Without losing a pound, changing our hairstyle, or buying a single new accessory, we find healthy love moving closer . . . Deeper Dating integrates the best of human intimacy theory with timeless spiritual truths and translates them into a practical, step-by-step process.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781611801224
Publisher:	Shambhala
Publication date:	12/30/2014
Pages:	264
Sales rank:	373,298
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

KEN PAGE, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and author of the popular Psychology Today blog Finding Love. Ken has led hundreds of workshops on intimacy and spirituality for thousands of participants. He has taught at Columbia University, the Omega Institute, Iona College, Rowe Conference Center, and the Garrison Institute. Ken founded Deeper Dating in 2004 as an event platform in which trained facilitators speak on sexuality, intimacy, and spirituality in the world of dating and then lead participants in a series of fun and enriching exercises. The live events he has led provide an alternative to the bar scene and superficial dating events. They have drawn thousands of men and women of all ages and sexual orientations and have received much media attention.

Table of Contents

Introduction: The New Map to Love 1

How to Speed Your Path to Love 7

Stage 1 Discover Your Unique Core Gifts 17

1 Your Gift Zone: The Birthplace of Intimacy 19

2 Your Core Gifts: A Key to Finding Your Beloved - and Yourself 37

3 How to Love Yourself First 61

Stage 2 Recognize Which Attractions Lead to Love and Which Lead to Pain 79

4 Attractions of Inspiration and Attractions of Deprivation: The Most Important Distinction of All 81

5 How Your Attractions Reveal Your Core Gifts 105

6 Tapping Your Deepest Roots: How Five Minutes a Day Can Change Your Life 121

Stage 3 Learn the Skills of Deeper Dating 133

7 The Seven Skills of Deeper Dating: How to Lead with Your Gifts 135

8 A Deeper Dating Guide to Finding Love: Where to Look-And What to Do When You Get There 151

9 Taming the Great Saboteurs of New Love 169

10 How to Find the Light in the Middle of the Tunnel 183

Stage 4 Cultivate Lasting Love 201

11 Cultivating Sexual and Romantic Attraction to People Who Are Good for You: Your Sexual Core Gifts 203

12 Being Loved into Fullness 227

Afterword: Beyond Deeper Dating 233

Acknowledgments 237

Deeper Dating Resources 241

Notes 244

Index 249

About the Author 256

Editorial Reviews

10/06/2014
In this optimistic guide to finding love, noted psychotherapist Page rejects the dating mantras commonly found in magazines and dating guides—how to come across as more confident, how to look better, how to get more dates—in favor of a more grounded approach to finding intimacy. He aims to help readers discover their own “Core Gifts” and start relationships with others who value those qualities. Page suggests that such help is necessary because people so often conceal their most valuable traits in order to preempt criticism and rejection. He goes on to offer suggestions about how people can find their ideal romantic partner, which range from tapping into one’s pool of connections to acting with bravery and honesty in everyday situations. Readers will find Page’s advice somewhat self-evident, but that’s in many ways the beauty of it—intimacy can’t be achieved through any magic pill, but rather through plenty of introspection, hard work, and openness. What readers will gain most from this self-help manual is Page’s sincere belief in love and his conviction that loving partnership really can be achieved. Agent: Myrsini Stephanides, Carol Mann Agency. (Dec.)

Publishers Weekly

Deeper Dating is counter-intuitive, and it is among the best manuals for succeeding in finding and keeping love we have seen. According to its author, the core attractor for the person best suited for a great love is the part of you with which you may be most uncomfortable: your vulnerability and authenticity. He explicitly votes against a presentational self attempting to make an impression. Not only does he encourage you to leave your defenses at home, he shows you with many illustrations and exercises just how to prepare for the ultimate relationship with someone who is just right for you.”—Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D., authors of  Keeping the Love You Find and Making Marriage Simple

“Deeper Dating is a beautiful journey into deeper intimacy, an inspiring and important guidebook for everyone seeking authentic love.”—Judith Orloff, MD, author of The Ecstasy of Surrender

“If you are truly ready for big, heart-opening, lasting romantic love, this workshop-in-a book offers the proven step-by-step process. Highly recommended.”—Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret

“Deeper Dating was a revelation for me. This enlightening book helped me to see the way we go about dating deeply influences the kind of relationship that will emerge. If you desire a soulmate, lead with your soul. So many of us come from that place of looking for that person who 'completes' us, but Ken helped me to see that I desire a partner who 'reflects' the best in me. Show your core gifts of vulnerability and authenticity and you'll find a partner who does the same.”—Chip Conley, author of Emotional Equations and Peak

“A unique and brilliant contribution. Chock full of practical wisdom as well as tender care. Highly recommended!”—Edward Hallowell, MD, New York Times bestselling author of Driven to Distraction

From the Publisher