Publishers Weekly
05/01/2023
Psychologists Mersy and Vencill debut with a pragmatic guide aimed at helping couples navigate desire mismatches. Framing sexual desire as an individualized, one-size-does-not-fit-all equation, the authors outline the constellation of factors that can impact libido, from the interpersonal (relationship concerns, parenting stressors) to the sociocultural (homophobia, religious values). Paying particular attention to sexual shame and the ills of gendered sexual stereotypes, they encourage readers to break free of the heteronormative “Sexual Staircase” model, in which sexual activity inevitably culminates in penetrative intercourse, and embrace the inclusive “Wheel Model,” which allows fluid movement between sexual activities, all of which are of equal value. To help readers achieve this, the authors provide such exercises as “intimacy dates,” which involve blocking off time for sexual exploration with a partner, and suggest keeping a sexual health journal to reflect on personal preferences. Mersy and Vencill’s advice is grounded in clinical experience, delivered in accessible prose, and backed by a sex-positive attitude that accounts for a host of sexual orientations, preferences, and other factors—they include sections on how desire is affected by disability and depression. Those seeking to strengthen their sexual connections will find this a comprehensive place to start. (Aug.)
From the Publisher
Fogel Mersy and Vencill’s advice is grounded in clinical experience, delivered in accessible prose, and backed by a sex-positive attitude that accounts for a host of sexual orientations, preferences, and other factors . . . Those seeking to strengthen their sexual connections will find this a comprehensive place to start.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Brilliant. . . . This is the most inclusive, up-to-date book on sexual desire I have ever encountered, with the potential to help countless individuals.”
—Laurie Mintz, PhD, author of Becoming Cliterate
“Desire is the most important sexuality book of the last decade.”
—Barry McCarthy, PhD, author of Couple Sexuality After 60
“An incredibly comprehensive, thoughtful, inclusive, and encouraging book for anyone looking to understand sexual desire or improve their relationship with their partner.”
—Dr. Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction
“We (and our partners) are the lucky beneficiaries of the brilliance and generosity of Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill.”
—Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, author of Loving Bravely
“This is an incredibly comprehensive book on all things sexual desire! . . . A must for any person wanting to want in the context of a relationship.”
—Lori Brotto, PhD, author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness
“This book is useful for lovers and those who work with lovers therapeutically. . . . I recommend this for anyone who is seeking to strengthen their relationship and for any professional who is working to help lovers find more success in intimacy.”
—Lexx Brown-James, PhD, LMFT, CSE, CSES, author of The Black Girls’ Guide to Couple’s Intimacy
“Essential, comprehensive, and inclusive. . . . Guide[s] the reader not only to understand the complexities of desire but also to implement changes that will hopefully lead them to their best sex life yet! . . . Once you read this book, you will never think of desire in the same way again!”
—Alex Iantaffi, PhD, SEP, CST, CST-S, LMFT, coauthor of Life Isn’t Binary
“Drs. Fogel Mersy and Vencill have written the most comprehensive book on sex and desire that I've read as a couples therapist. Filled with reassuring science and exercises, this book should live on the shelves of every therapist and person curious about sex and desire.”
—Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, CGT, author of I Want This to Work
