Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician's Guide

by Harville Hendrix, Helen LaKelly Hunt

Overview

The first-ever book on Imago Relationship Therapy from its creators geared toward therapists.

Developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt in the 1980s, Imago Relationship Therapy helps couples—and everyone in significant relationships—shift from conflict to connection by transforming the quality of their interactions.

Now, for the first time, the essential principles and practices of Imago, as illustrated in the New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want, are presented for the benefit of both novice and seasoned clinicians.

Using the Imago processes, couples create a Conscious Partnership in which they feel safe, fully alive, and joyful, learning to be mutually empathic for each other’s childhood challenges and present to each other without judgement. Hendrix and Hunt help couples learn and practice Imago Dialogue, moving from blame and reactivity to mutual acceptance, affirmation, and empathy, thus deepening their connection.

Joining theory and practice with elegance, and filled with examples, exercises, and dialogues, this is a book no couples therapist can afford to be without.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780393713817
Publisher:	Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	04/20/2021
Pages:	512
Sales rank:	269,547
Product dimensions:	6.30(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.50(d)

About the Author

Harville Hendrix, PhD, is an internationally respected couple’s therapist, educator, speaker, and New York Times best-selling author. He lives in Dallas, Texas.

Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, is an internationally respected couple’s therapist, educator, speaker, and New York Times best-selling author. She lives in New York City.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Preface: A Brief Intellectual Autobiography xi

Introduction 1

Part I Imago Metatheory

Introduction to Metatheory

1 The Space-Within 17

2 The Space-Between 36

Part II Imago Clinical Theory

Introduction to Clinical Theory

3 Our Connecting Brain 67

4 The Human Agenda: Restoring Connecting 81

5 The Human Problem: Ruptured Connecting 100

6 The Imago: The Search for Original Connecting 124

7 Conscious Partnership: Sustaining Connecting 150

8 Developmental Challenges of Connecting 174

Part III Imago Clinical Processes

Three Couples Starting Imago Relationship Therapy

9 Imago Dialogue: The Process of Connecting 190

10 The Imago Therapist: Facilitator of Connecting 226

11 The Imago Therapist: The Mechanics and Artistry of Connecting 246

Part IV Imago Clinical Practices

Six Steps to a Conscious Partnership

12 Revisioning 267

13 Recommitting 284

14 Reimaging 304

15 Removing Negativity 324

16 Restructuring Frustrations 339

17 Re-Romanticizing 363

Conclusion: From the Clinic to the Culture 385

Appendices

1 Dialogue: Appreciation 392

2 Sample Script: Guided Visualization 394

3 Worksheet: My Relationship Vision 396

4 Dialogue: Our Relationship Vision and Our Relationship Potential 398

5 Worksheet: Our Relationship Vision 400

6 Worksheet: Our Relationship Potential 401

7 Worksheet: Implementing Our Relationship Vision 402

8 Worksheet: Shared Relationship Vision Scale 404

9 Worksheet: Deepening Your Commitment by Identifying Exits 405

10 Dialogue: Sharing an Exit 406

11 Dialogue: The Commitment 408

12 Worksheet: Imago Profile 410

13 Worksheet: My Childhood Challenge 412

14 Worksheet: My Relational Need 413

15 Worksheet: Minimizers and Maximizers 414

16 Dialogue: Childhood Challenge, Relational Need, and Defense 415

17 Worksheet: Childhood Challenge, Relational Need, and Defense (Summary) 418

18 Dialogue: The Parent-Child Dialogue 419

19 Worksheet: Summary of Partner's Childhood Challenge and Needs 422

20 Dialogue: The Zero Negativity Pledge 423

21 Contract: The Zero Negativity Pledge 425

22 Calendar: 30-Day Zero Negativity Challenge 426

23 Worksheet: The Space-Between 427

24 Worksheet: My Frustrations List 428

25 Worksheet: My Partner's Frustrations List 429

26 Worksheet: The Core Scene 430

27 Flow Chart: The Behavior Change Request 431

28 Dialogue: The Behavior Change Request 433

29 Worksheet: Opportunities for Change in Our Space-Between 437

30 Worksheet: Caring Behaviors 438

31 Dialogue: Caring Behaviors 439

32 Worksheet: Positive Flooding 441

Figures

4.1 Expressions of the Four Human Functions 98

5.1 Messages of Repressive Socialization 105

5.2 The Sequence and Consequence of Ruptured Connecting 121

7.1 Journey to a Conscious Partnership 151

A Six Steps to a Conscious Partnership 263

14.1 From Symbiosis to Differentiation 310

16.1 Cycle of Frustrations 341

Tables

1.1 Individual Versus Relational Paradigm 35

4.1 Imago's Psychosocial Journey of Childhood Development 92

5.1 Childhood Challenges and Defensive Character Adaptations 115

8.1 Characteristics of the Connecting-Challenged Couple 176

8.2 Characteristics of the Exploration-Challenged Couples 179

8.3 Characteristics of the Identity-Challenged Couple 181

8.4 Characteristics of the Competence-Challenged Couple 183

8.5 Manifesting of Defensive Adaptations in Adulthood 185

9.1 The Reactive Monologue versus the Imago Dialogue 191

A Safety in the Space-Between 265

12.1 Mirroring Dream Relationship Statements (Overview) 274

12.2 Mark and Diana: Our Relationship Vision 280

13.1 Sharing an Exit in Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 296

13.2 Commitment Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 298

14.1 Differentiation Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 313

14.2 Childhood Challenge and Need Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 316

15.1 Zero Negativity Pledge Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 329

15.2 Dialoguing Around a Put-Down (Sentence Stems) 334

15.3 The Space-Between Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 336

16.1 Restructuring Frustration (Sentence Stems) 350

16.2 The Core Scene (Sentence Stems) 354

16.3 The Core Scene Rewrite (Sentence Stems) 354

16.4 Behavior Change Request Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 355

16.5 Gifts of Change Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 361

17.1 Caring Behaviors Dialogue (Sentence Stems) 371

References 443

Resources 453

Notes 457

Index 463

Editorial Reviews

"Relationships can be healed from the interwoven wounds of historical ruptures. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the architects of Imago, one of the primary schools of contemporary therapy, provide a thorough, comprehensive, and scientifically-based program that brings relational living to life. "

Jeffrey K. Zeig

"The book could be an entire college course in couples therapy! Every couples therapist can celebrate the groundbreaking discoveries Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt make in this foundational text. They dissect what really happens in the couple experience—the interactive fields of energy, particles, and waves and how, in practical, applicable steps, the positive connectivity of the Space-Between ultimately creates relational wellbeing. "

Stan Tatkin

"Combining decades of professional and personal exploration of what makes for a healthy and vibrant romantic relationship, Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix have created a magnificent approach for us all, with practical wisdom and scientifically sound insights into what happens in the 'space between' two individuals. Here in Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between, you'll discover a rich strategy to offer couples a way to become free from the often hidden binds that may restrict a person from joining together as a 'we'. Illuminating and practical, the Imago strategy is consistent with attachment research's findings that making sense of our own family history is the best way to ensure that we are most likely to have rewarding relationships in the future—spaces between that are filled with mutuality, compassion, and respect, freeing us to love fully and live our fullest life."

Daniel J. Siegel

"Straight from the creators of the highly influential Imago Relationship Therapy, this book presents the wonderful treatment method to clinicians. It's the epitome of authoritative finality and needs to be on every couples and family therapist's bookshelf. Buy it! "

John M. Gottman

"You might buy this book because you loved the lessons from Getting the Love You Want. You might buy this book because you will personally profit from the knowledge, expertise, and experience of two extraordinary teachers. You might buy this book because your couples will love your increased wisdom and interventions. You might buy this book to increase your ability and confidence to handle your toughest cases. Whatever the reason, you won't be disappointed by this terrific book and its fresh perspectives on the extraordinary complexities of relationships. "

Peter Pearson