Excuse Me While I Disappear: Tales of Midlife Mayhem

by Laurie Notaro

Overview

A laugh-out-loud spin on the realities, perks, opportunities, and inevitable courses of midlife.

Laurie Notaro has proved everyone wrong: she didn’t end up in rehab, prison, or cremated at a tender age. She just went gray. At past fifty, every hair’s root is a symbol of knowledge (she knows how to use a landline), experience (she rode in a car with no seat belts), and superpowers (a gray-haired lady can get away with anything).

Though navigating midlife is initially upsetting—the cracking noises coming from her new old body, receiving regular junk mail from mortuaries—Laurie accepts it. And then some. With unintentional abandon, she shoplifts a bag of russet potatoes. Heckles a rude driver from her beat-up Prius. And engages in epic trolling on Nextdoor.com. That, says Laurie, is the brilliance of growing older. With each passing day, you lose an equivalent amount of fear.

And the #1 New York Times bestselling author has never been so fearlessly funny as she is in this empowering, candid, and enlightening memoir about living life on the other side of fifty.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781542033503
Publisher:	Amazon Publishing
Publication date:	11/01/2022
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	212,295
Product dimensions:	4.90(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Laurie Notaro is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the humor memoirs The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club, Autobiography of a Fat Bride, I Love Everybody, The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death, a finalist for the Thurber Prize, and Housebroken, among others. She is also the author of three works of fiction, including the historical novel Crossing the Horizon. Born in Brooklyn, New York, she then spent the remainder of her formative years in Phoenix, Arizona, where she created something of a checkered past. Laurie now resides in Eugene, Oregon, has a cute dog and a nice husband, and misses Mexican food like it was her youth.

Table of Contents

Girl Gone Gray 1

The Day I Became Invisible 13

What's Happening?: A User's Manual for Your New Old Body 21

Knock, Knock. Who's There? 55

Anatomy of the Nightlife of a Lady 67

Death or Cake 79

Help! 91

Hiiiii Hoooooooo! 111

Are You Serious? 127

I Said Drug Me Like I'm Judy Garland 137

Mother's Little Helper 149

It All Goes Gray 153

It's My Menoparty and I'll Cry If I Want To 163

What Do You Mean She Doesn't Have a Pulse? 173

Take All of Me 185

Me and My Step-Husbands 199

Don't Call It a Crisis 219

My Darling Girl 231

Acknowledgments 241

About the Author 243

Editorial Reviews

Praise for Excuse Me While I Disappear

“Witty and full of sarcastic energy, the author fearlessly tackles what it means to get old…Unplugged, refreshingly off the hook, and consistently entertaining.” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Notaro’s fans who’ve aged right alongside her will feel like they’re on a call with a best friend.” —Publishers Weekly

“A great pick for readers seeking a laugh. Notaro has a fascinating perspective on why gray hair should be viewed as a superpower; after all, everyone must age, and this book offers laugh-out-loud reasons why society should welcome that.” —Library Journal

“Though her hair is gray and she’s getting junk mail from mortuaries, with every passing day she grows a little less afraid.” —USA Today

“This author shows it’s hard work to make it to 50, but she is here to help readers transition from adult to older adult with sage advice, raucous laughs, and just the right amount of potty-mouthed language…Fans of Annabelle Gurwitch and Helen Ellis will likely enjoy this book as well, plus laugh out loud at this candid comedy of errors and older people.” —Library Journal

“Conversational and laugh-out-loud funny, Excuse Me While I Disappear feels like hearing stories from your best friend. Longtime fans will be thrilled to hear more from the author, and Notaro may bring in new fans with her frank discussion of aging as a Gen Xer.” —Booklist

Praise for Laurie Notaro

“If Laurie Notaro’s books don’t inspire pants-wetting fits of laughter, then please consult your physician because clearly your funny bone is broken.” —Jane Lancaster

“Hilarious, fabulously improper, and completely relatable, Notaro is the queen of funny.” —Celia Rivenbark

“Whenever I pick up a book by Laurie Notaro, I know I’ll be in a good mood soon. Because Laurie Notaro makes me laugh. Period.” —Meg Cabot

“Pure, unexpurgated Notaro…again, she turns on the truth serum and the results are once more riotously funny.” —San Antonio Express-News

“For pure laugh-out-loud, then read-out-loud fun, it’s hard to beat this humor writer.” —New Orleans Times-Picayune

“[Notaro] may be the funniest writer in this solar system.” —Miami Herald

From the Publisher

08/15/2022

Notaro (The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club) riffs on her unpreparedness for navigating life after turning 50 and the surprising benefits of getting older in this tongue-in-cheek memoir. When Notaro eschewed her pricey hair colorist to let the gray grow in, she felt like she suddenly “disappeared” to grocery store clerks, perfume sprayers, and Best Buy technicians (a theory she proved by shoplifting). Initially upset, she soon grew to appreciate her new invisibility cloak, which prevented her from getting catcalled by construction workers. She also began to log her AARP mail as “death’s calling card” and bought a convertible (from which she belts out off-key ballads). Searching for answers for her “new old body,” she set up a middle-aged women’s Facebook group to ask: “Can bending over kill me?” (Quite possibly.) It’s a nonstop and often profane monologue of sardonic takes on menopause and midlife, shot through with off-the-cuff advice, the best of which amounts to get a good attitude and better health insurance. Notaro’s fans who’ve aged right alongside her will feel like they’re on a call with a best friend. (Nov.)

Publishers Weekly

10/01/2022

Best-selling author Notaro (Crossing the Horizon; Housebroken) returns to her roots—literally—with gray hair and the embrace of the inevitable menopausal mayhem in her newest side-splitting memoir. Fear in the rearview, Notaro reveals that age 50 translates to "time to get a non-negotiable colonoscopy" and "might as well steal that cup of frozen yogurt at the mall." Discovering the transcendence of invisibility that comes with entering midlife, Notaro shares all that getting older entails with hilarious essays that cover insomnia, incontinence, and even a near-death experience with a cake plate. From narrowly escaping indoctrination into an assisted-living arrangement by her all-too-eager husband to trolling community members on Nextdoor.com, this book proves she's only getting better—and more badass—with age, and readers can too. This author shows it's hard work to make it to 50, but she is here to help readers transition from adult to older adult with sage advice, raucous laughs, and just the right amount of potty-mouthed language. VERDICT Fans of Annabelle Gurwitch and Helen Ellis will likely enjoy this book as well, plus laugh out loud at this candid comedy of errors and older people.—Alana R. Quarles

Library Journal