What's keeping you from slimming down? It may be Fattitudes! Fattitudes are the thoughts and feelings that sabotage your weight--loss goals. Dr. Jeffrey R. Wilbert and his wife Norean, who have had personal and professional experience fighting the war against fattitudes, tell you how to stop self-sabotage.
Learn how to: Discover the feelings, thoughts, and unresolved issues that make up your fattitudes.
Invent new modes of thinking and feeling.
Extinguish your old, self-defeating patterns.
Transform your new, fattitude-free way of thinking into healthy living.
If you reach for the Ben and Jerry's when you're feeling blue, feel unable to stop eating, or find yourself dieting and failing, again and again, Fattitudes provides an easy-to-follow, step-by-step new "D.I.E.T." plan. With compassion and advice that really works, it enables you to transform both your body and mind, as you witness yourself becoming thinner, healthier, and more in control--of your eating, and your life.
What's keeping you from slimming down? It may be Fattitudes! Fattitudes are the thoughts and feelings that sabotage your weight--loss goals. Dr. Jeffrey R. Wilbert and his wife Norean, who have had personal and professional experience fighting the war against fattitudes, tell you how to stop self-sabotage.
Learn how to: Discover the feelings, thoughts, and unresolved issues that make up your fattitudes.
Invent new modes of thinking and feeling.
Extinguish your old, self-defeating patterns.
Transform your new, fattitude-free way of thinking into healthy living.
If you reach for the Ben and Jerry's when you're feeling blue, feel unable to stop eating, or find yourself dieting and failing, again and again, Fattitudes provides an easy-to-follow, step-by-step new "D.I.E.T." plan. With compassion and advice that really works, it enables you to transform both your body and mind, as you witness yourself becoming thinner, healthier, and more in control--of your eating, and your life.
Fattitudes: Beat Self-Defeat and Win Your War with Weight
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Fattitudes: Beat Self-Defeat and Win Your War with Weight
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Overview
What's keeping you from slimming down? It may be Fattitudes! Fattitudes are the thoughts and feelings that sabotage your weight--loss goals. Dr. Jeffrey R. Wilbert and his wife Norean, who have had personal and professional experience fighting the war against fattitudes, tell you how to stop self-sabotage.
Learn how to: Discover the feelings, thoughts, and unresolved issues that make up your fattitudes.
Invent new modes of thinking and feeling.
Extinguish your old, self-defeating patterns.
Transform your new, fattitude-free way of thinking into healthy living.
If you reach for the Ben and Jerry's when you're feeling blue, feel unable to stop eating, or find yourself dieting and failing, again and again, Fattitudes provides an easy-to-follow, step-by-step new "D.I.E.T." plan. With compassion and advice that really works, it enables you to transform both your body and mind, as you witness yourself becoming thinner, healthier, and more in control--of your eating, and your life.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780312275495 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | St. Martin's Publishing Group |
| Publication date: | 05/05/2000 |
| Sold by: | Macmillan |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 256 |
| File size: | 209 KB |
About the Author
In his over 15 years of practice as a therapist, Jeffrey R. Wilbert, Ph.D., has treated hundreds of clients who have struggled with a variety of weight issues. Since 1992 he has directed the Fattitudes Foundation for Emotional Overeating, and he is currently the psychological consultant to the Just Results training program in Dayton, Ohio, which facilitates healthy weight-loss by integrating personal training, professional nutritional counseling, and psychological support.
Norean Wilbert, R.N., is a registered nurse and hospital administrator in Dayton. After struggling with emotional overeating all her life, she is now on track and is a weight-management success story in progress.
Read an Excerpt
Fattitudes
Beat Self-Defeat and Win Your War with Weight
By Jeffrey R. Wilbert, Norean K. Wilbert
St. Martin's Press
Copyright © 2000 Jeffrey R. Wilbert and Norean K. WilbertAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-312-27549-5
CHAPTER 1
Fattitudes, Frustration, and Failure
More than likely, you're reading this book because you're one of millions of people who suffer with a daily internal war.
You've probably struggled for years. You've tried all the diets. You've done the liquids, the pills, the grapefruits, the star-sponsored miracle plans. You've kept the food diaries; you've recorded your goals; you've put motivational pictures on the refrigerator. When you go through the checkout line at the grocery store, your eyes are drawn to the tabloids and magazines, all of which trumpet with each issue a new, effortless way to shed those pounds and get those tight buns, a sexy shape, and a washboard tummy.
You've given many weeks, and you haven't taken off the weight.
What's really frustrating is that you're regularly bewildered by your own behavior. You can't count the number of times when you've been on track, eating right, exercising, and lo and behold, you drop some pounds. Then you rejoice. You feel good. You're on the way. But then, something happens. Something throws you off course. The diet's not working anymore. In utter frustration, furious at yourself, you quit. Again.
So, you surrender. You stop doing many things you love to do and stop going places you love to go, since you dread running into people you haven't seen in a while. All because when you walk into a room, you know everyone is staring, everyone is judging, everyone is ridiculing. You don't play with the kids or grandkids like you want to, because you can't keep up with them. You know you should exercise, but you don't have the energy, so you sit around and hate yourself, asking the questions: Why bother? What's the use?
The strange thing is, you're capable and competent in most other respects. You work. You take care of the kids and the family. People turn to you during crises because you're "The Rock." You're Supermom. Superdad. Maybe both. You're a perfectionist. Always trying to keep everyone happy. You're so good at helping others, but you can't help yourself.
You feel out of control of your eating—and out of control of your life.
So, you picked up another diet book. Is this one any different? We think so. We hope you'll think so, too. One thing you definitely won't find in these pages is a food plan. You won't find any menus, recipes, or fat gram tables. Because you don't need that. You know all that stuff already. Right? You could probably nail the nutritional analysis of any food set in front of you within seconds. Knowing what you should do is not the problem. What you really need is a new way to understand why you don't do it
Fattitudes will provide that: a new way to look at and talk about an old problem, and a way to understand, once and for all, the universal obstacle to healthy weight management. This book shows you how to gain control by understanding your inner workings, and teaches you how to help yourself and quit hurting.
But, most importantly, it should help you recognize the hundreds of ways you destroy yourself and prevent your own success. You'll also be able to identify others who unwittingly help you along the road to failure. You'll learn how not to be your own worst enemy, which is what ties all overeaters together. It is the thread that connects everyone who struggles with weight, despite individual differences. The universal obstacle to healthy weight management is self-defeating behavior. And that's why we need to understand fattitudes.
What's a Fattitude?
Let's first understand how people work. The simplest way to put it is that we think, feel, and act. We don't sit around and let the world come to us; we're active creatures who try to make sense of things, who try to organize what we see, hear, and feel and make it all understandable. Generally speaking, we perceive, understand, and act in accordance with goals related to our personal well-being, psychological survival, self-esteem, and emotional comfort. A simple model of human behavior is that thinking influences both emotions and action. In that vein, a fattitude can be defined as a thought, feeling, or pattern of thinking or feeling that leads to self-defeating behavior in weight management efforts. A fattitude is a shorthand way of describing a complex psychological process that's often unconscious. What's really important to understand is that when fattitudes are afoot, failure follows; when you are prone to self-defeating behavior, nothing works—not even the best diet or exercise program.
A man or woman plagued by fattitudes is often an emotional wreck. There's an internal war of competing goals and motivations that produces what seems like an endless, tormenting conflict over staying on track with healthy living. A person with fattitudes usually feels preoccupied with food and dieting, has poor self- and body-esteem, and shows symptoms of emotional eating such as bingeing, grazing, and eating for reasons other than physical hunger.
You know very well what we mean. You want with all your heart to lose weight and to look and feel better, and you know what to do to accomplish this. But still you continue to do things that are counterproductive. You sabotage yourself just when things are going great. That's because you suffer from hidden fattitudes that exert a powerful influence over your decisions and behavior.
Fattitudes Result In ...
* An internal war of competing goals and motivations
* Inner torment leading to emotional exhaustion
* Yo-yo dieting and weight management failure
* Shame, guilt
* Bingeing and/or grazing
* Preoccupation with food and dieting
* Poor self- and body-image
* Emotional eating
A fattitude isn't something you can observe on an X ray. It's not some gizmo in your brain that controls your behavior. A fattitude is a thought habit: an old, overlearned way of perceiving yourself and the world. Fattitudes may even be remnants of childhood survival strategies to which you still cling, operating automatically and requiring nothing deliberate on your part. They might be consistent, shadowy aspects of your mental outlook, or they might appear in momentary, imperceptible flashes of destructive energy.
The best way to understand a fattitude is to put it into words. For example, Madeline was a fifty-year-old married woman who was fifty pounds overweight for about twenty years. She had tried all the diet programs without any lasting success, engaging in a frustrating cycle of losing and regaining weight for most of her adult life. She wanted to rid herself of her weight curse, but couldn't seem to sustain her efforts at healthy eating for longer than one or two weeks. She showed up at my office as a last resort.
As we worked together, we tried to look beyond what she ate and delve into why she ate. Little by little, the hidden conflicts became visible, and it became clear that Madeline was fighting a raging battle inside herself over the desire to lose weight. Although she wanted to slim down, there were opposing reasons why she needed to stay fat. Through self-investigation Madeline was able to identify and label ten specific fattitudes that acted as obstacles to her success. The most powerful of these had to do with her marriage, an unsatisfying relationship in which Madeline wished for romance and excitement, while her husband was content to sit around and watch TV. Madeline slowly became aware that one of her fears was that if she lost weight she'd become attractive again to other men. She feared she might not have the willpower to decline an extramarital affair, which might lead to the demise of her marriage, something she would find both frightening and morally unacceptable. Her primary fattitude: "I need my fat to save my marriage."
She discovered other fattitudes that were less prominent but still problematic, such as, "If I lose weight, people will expect more of me," and "If I get smaller, I might get 'run over' at work." Thus, Madeline had goals and motivations that competed with each other, and it was understandable now why she was unable to alter her lifestyle to lose weight: Her fattitudes got in the way.
Madeline's story is helpful because it illustrates the fact that fattitudes lurk and are often hidden. Madeline struggled for many years and had no idea whatsoever about the reasons why she failed. Fighting with fattitudes is a lot like boxing with the Invisible Woman or Man: You can't see the punch, but you sure can feel your jaw breaking. That's why insight is so important: If you can throw some paint on your unseen foe, you can jump out of the way next time he takes a swing at you.
Anybody can have fattitudes. They're not a result of ignorance or stupidity. As one client, Danielle, thirty-five, wrote,
It was never a lack of knowledge that kept me from controlling my body size. I am a registered nurse. I went to school and learned all about the effects of nutrition on the body. Through my years of yo-yo dieting I became an expert on the latest weight-loss strategies. I know the significance of calories, fat grams, exercise, genetics—you name it. Knowledge does not necessarily ensure appropriate action.
So, the message is that nobody is immune from fattitude infection, no matter how much you know about health, medicine, or even psychology.
The turmoil associated with hidden fattitudes is often intense and overwhelming. Many Fattitudes clients have entered counseling feeling exhausted and despairing of ever winning the battle. Sometimes they beat themselves up believing that weight management is really a simple problem with an easy solution. But overeating is a complex problem that's hard to solve, particularly when fattitudes are involved. One group member, Darla, forty-six, described it well:
It's not a food problem or a not knowing how to eat problem. It's about obsessing about food and being fat, and thinking that food is your number one problem in life. And that if you lost the weight and kept it off that you would be happy and your other problems wouldn't be so bad. It's about using food to shove down the anger, despair, hurt, disappointment, shame, humiliation, and feeling defective or not good enough. You give all you've got to others and don't get your own emotional needs met, and food is the only good thing you've got going for yourself all day long. You feel so empty inside and you just want to fill that empty space up. You keep trying to do it with food so you eat and eat until you're so full you can't think of anything else —except the despair of knowing you'll be gaining more weight.
It's not about food. Let's not forget that.
Fattitudes and Intimate Relationships
Intimate relationships can be considered the "baggage claim area" of life. We all know how painful and difficult close relationships are at times. If you ever want to measure someone's level of mental health, all you have to do is look at the quality of their involvement with others. Close relationships are the best theater for our emotional baggage to go on display.
The same goes for fattitudes. They come out to play most often when the issue of intimacy is stirred up. When we form or attempt to form a relationship deeper than mere acquaintanceship, the risks to our personal safety and psychological well-being skyrocket. Remember the common kitchen-wall plaque"? It says, "A true friend is one who knows all about you, yet loves you just the same." Often, we're afraid to be known for who we really are, since rejection hurts so much. When we let people into our hearts, we also face the risks of abandonment, loss, and psychological injury. So, when the stakes are high, as they are in intimate ties, our psychological survival strategies often kick into higher gear, and fattitudes become more troublesome and more plentiful.
By definition, a relationship requires two people. Which means, of course, not just one but two sets of emotional baggage with which to contend. The mix of personal problems and quirks can work out satisfactorily, if each partner is willing to look at his "luggage" and work at dealing with it. Or, it can create complicated snafus that derail the entire relationship. Fattitudes work the same way. There are many relationship patterns that act to create, maintain, and strengthen fattitudes and thus heighten the pull toward failure. When relationship fattitudes exist, the problem of healthy weight management becomes even more challenging to solve. Sometimes our failure is assisted by accomplices, people who inflict their own fattitudes on us. It is no wonder succeeding at weight loss is so difficult.
Onward and Upward
Finding and foiling your fattitudes is hard, hard work. You didn't accumulate fattitudes overnight, nor will you rid yourself of them in that time frame. Lynn, forty-three, wrote, "The part of me that is an overeater has a strong, strong will. It's a daily effort and it can be exhausting and frustrating. But only I can do it for myself." And one of the best truisms to keep in mind is that until you deal with the demons, you can't tackle the fat.
So, that's where we head next. You've got to unearth and identify your fattitudes, so you can end the frustrating cycle of self-defeat. In the next two chapters we'll discuss the two broad categories of self-defeating behavior: self-sabotage, when you fail completely on your own, and assisted sabotage, when you have an accomplice who works against your success just as hard—if not harder—than you do.
As the old proverb says, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." So read on! We've got a lot of work to do!
CHAPTER 2Self-Sabotage: How We Fail With No Help at All
One of my clients came to the office for a session about two months into our weekly schedule of psychotherapy, sat down, and looked at me as if something significant had just dawned on her. She said, "I've finally realized who's doing it." I waited a few moments for her to clarify, and when she didn't, I asked her what she meant. She said, "It's my father's voice. I hear him." Now, I knew this client wasn't hallucinating, so I assumed she was talking about the running dialogue of negative thinking in her head that we had spent so much time trying to understand. "He's the one who told you you'd never amount to anything?" I asked. She nodded, then began to cry.
We then talked about how she'd heard a never-ending stream of criticism during her childhood, a never-ending series of expectations she could never match, and a never-ending absence of true emotional support from either parent. "He's still in my head, telling me I can't be good at anything," she said. "He tells me I can't be successful, that I still don't measure up and shouldn't even bother trying. And the worst thing is, I believe him."
Sometimes the authors of our fattitudes are from our pasts, voices we keep alive because they're so much a part of ourselves that we don't know what to do without them. Other times, the fattitudes come from more current sources. Whatever their origins, fattitudes lead us to fail at weight management. We have to identify the enemy before we can wage war against it. We can start by understanding the fattitudes underlying self-sabotage. They can be grouped into three categories: Diet Mentality Fattitudes, Fitness Fattitudes, and Feeling Fattitudes.
Diet Mentality Fattitudes
In 1998, Americans spent close to $40 billion trying to get slim. Forty billion dollars. That's a whole lot of money. According to recent research, about ninety-five percent of those who diet fail, so that's a whole lot of money poured down the drain. Why do we throw away money on programs, pills, concoctions, equipment, and products that have this high a failure rate? Because the diet industry is clever, and employs a lot of very bright people who know how to market effectively. They spend a lot of money convincing us to spend a lot of money. And it's these clever marketing strategies that can be blamed for a whole set of fattitudes. We've been brainwashed and often we don't even realize it. We need to understand some of these toxic brain boogers in more detail.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Fattitudes by Jeffrey R. Wilbert, Norean K. Wilbert. Copyright © 2000 Jeffrey R. Wilbert and Norean K. Wilbert. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
AUTHOR'S NOTE,ACKNOWLEDGMENTS,
PART I A FAT BODY BEGINS WITH A FAT HEAD,
INTRODUCTION: We Have Met the Enemy,
ONE: Fattitudes, Frustration, and Failure,
TWO: Self-Sabotage: How We Fail with No Help at All,
THREE: Assisted Sabotage: With Friends Like These ...,
PART II FIGHTING YOUR FATTITUDES: THE FATTITUDES DIET,
FOUR: "D" Is for Discover,
FIVE: "I" Is for Invent,
SIX: "E" Is for Extinguish,
SEVEN: "T" Is for Transform,
EIGHT: A Final Word,
What People are Saying About This
With this book, the Wilberts are exposing one of the biggest secrets to successful weight management that has long eluded yo-yo dieters. Fortunately, they are willing to share the combination that can open the door to a healthier body weight for others. Their book gently takes its readers by the hand and helps them to disarm the dieting demons that have sabotaged their past attempts at weight loss. Having counseled people in weight management for the past 25 years as a Registered Dietician, this book will now be assigned reading in my practice.
—Robyn Flipse, R.D., author of The Wedding Dress Diet
The Wilberts provide a user-friendly approach to understanding and changing the attitudes that add pounds and make losing weight so frustrating. Fattitudes offers readers practical help in controlling emotional eating and straightening-out relationships with friends and family members who would undermine their dieting. This book will help the reader remove the psychological barriers that interfere with permanent weight loss.
—Edward Abramson, Ph.D., author of Emotional Eating: What You Need to Know Before Starting Another Diet and To Have and To Hold: How To Take Off the Weight When Marriage Puts On The Pounds
Fattitudes is a breakthrough. If you've been on a diet more than once, before you start the next one, you need to read this book. The easy to follow, step-by-step Fattitudes plan will help readers understand and resolve their hidden obstacles to health and fitness.
—Paul Barclay, President, Just Results Lifestyle Studios, Inc.
Great insights for gaining control over your self-defeating behaviors. Highly recommended!
—John P. Foreyt, Ph.D., Professor, Baylor College of Medicine
I find this book to be a truly unique slant on dieting. Medically speaking, the authors give very sound advice. The authors encourage readers to look inside themselves to find out why their overeating takes place, then suggest useful steps to overcome personal obstacles. This book is for the chronic dieter who is now ready to make a commitment to healthy living.
Ramona Slupik, M.D., F.A.C.O.G., Northwestern University Medical School, medical editor of The American Medical Associations Complete Guide to Womens Health