For Goodness Sex: Changing the Way We Talk to Teens About Sexuality, Values, and Health

by Al Vernacchio

Overview

A progressive, effective, and responsible approach to sex education for parents and teens that challenges traditional teaching models and instead embraces 21st century realities by promoting healthy sexuality, values, and body image in young people.

Sex education today generally falls into one of two categories: abstinence-only or abstinence-based education—both of which tend to withhold important, factual information and leave young adults ill-equipped to make safe decisions. Al Vernacchio, a high school sexuality educator who holds a Master’s degree in Human Sexuality from the University of Pennsylvania, has created a new category: sex-positive education. In For Goodness Sex, he refutes the “disaster prevention” model of sex ed, offering a progressive and realistic approach: Sexuality is a natural part of life, and healthy sexuality can only develop from a sex-positive, affirming appreciation.

Curious yet fearful of being judged, young people turn to peers, the Internet, and the media, where they receive problematic messages about sex: boys are studs, girls are sluts; real sex should be like porn; hookups are better than relationships. Without a broader understanding to offset these damaging perceptions, teenagers are dangerously unprepared intellectually and emotionally to grow and develop as sexual beings. For Goodness Sex offers the tools and insights adults need to talk young people and help them develop healthy values and safe habits. With real-life examples from the classroom, exercises and quizzes, and a wealth of sample discussions and crucial information, Vernacchio offers a guide to sex education for the twenty-first century.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062269515
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	09/16/2014
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	1,135,208
Product dimensions:	5.60(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

AL VERNACCHIO is a high school sexuality educator and English teacher at Friends’ Central School in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania. In addition to his classroom responsibilities, Al organizes sexuality-themed programs and assemblies, provides parent education on human sexuality topics, and is one of the faculty advisors for the Gay-Straight Alliance. A human sexuality educator and consultant for more than twenty-five years, Al Vernacchio has lectured, published articles, and offered workshops throughout the country. His work has been featured in “Teaching Good Sex,” a November 20, 2011, cover story in the New York Times Magazine. Al has given four TED Talks and has appeared on national programs such as NPR’s Morning Edition and 1A. Al earned his BA in theology from St. Joseph’s University and his MSEd in human sexuality education from the University of Pennsylvania. He is a member of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS); the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT); and Advanced Sexuality Educators and Trainers (ASET). A lifelong Philadelphian, Al and his husband, Michael, live in the Germantown section of the city.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Sexuality as a Force for Good ix

Chapter 1 Teaching Healthy Sex 1

Chapter 2 Creating a Family Philosophy of Sex: What We Believe, What We Say, and How We Say It 19

Chapter 3 Baseball, You're Out! Sexual Activity Without the Bases 49

Chapter 4 Love and Relationships: Becoming Your Authentic Self 71

Chapter 5 Gender Myths: Helping Kids Step Outside New and Old Gender Stereotypes 103

Chapter 6 Sexual Orientation: Whom We Love 129

Chapter 7 OK, So I Have a Body. How Do I Like It and What Do I Do with It? 161

Chapter 8 #iloveyou: Teens, Sex, and Technology 207

Epilogue 235

Acknowledgments 239

Index 241

Editorial Reviews

07/21/2014
A high school sexuality educator and English teacher at Friends’ Central School in Wynnewood, Pa., Vernacchio has been featured in a 2011 New York Times Magazine cover story. Based on his Psychology Today blog, this account of his frank, outspoken approach to sex education strays far from the stilted warnings of yesteryear. Vernacchio suggests trashing the old baseball model (first base, scoring) with the stereotype of boy as aggressor and girl as defender, and replacing it with a “pizza model,” in which kids learn to approach sexual relationships with respect for each partner’s (or “sweetheart’s”) decisions, boundaries, and desires. Taking parents through the topics he covers in class (such as values, love and relationships, body image, gender myths, sexual orientation, sex and technology) Vernacchio explains how to foster honest communication and explore the subject of sex as a “necessary and normal” part of teen life. Discussing sex with teens, the author points out, is not about being a sex expert but, rather, about establishing a dialogue. Vernacchio’s no-blame, no-shame approach will inspire parents to drop their fears, judgments, and inhibitions in order to help their kids navigate the teen years. Agent: Scott Waxman, Waxman Leavell Literary Agency. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

Al Vernacchio has masterfully accomplished what good sexuality educators have attempted for so many years: he has created a work that is both a fun, easy read as well as a thorough and thoughtful guide.” — Don Dyson, PhD, Associate Dean, School of Human Service Professions and Director, Center for Human Sexuality Studies, Widener University

“Al Vernacchio has written a wonderful book that includes numerous model answers and a new way to think about adolescent sexuality—as a force for good in life rather than simply a problem to be dealt with.” — Leslie M. Kantor, MPH, Vice President of Education, Planned Parenthood Federation of America

“Vernacchio’s no-blame, no-shame approach will inspire parents to drop their fears, judgments, and inhibitions in order to help their kids navigate the teen years.” — Publishers Weekly

“At last a book that teaches parents how to talk to kids about sex in a way that is based healthily in reality and not fearfully in doom and gloom. I wish my parents had read this book!” — Lori Duron, author of Raising My Rainbow

“An engaging, much-needed new approach to teaching children about the human sexual experience.” — Kirkus Reviews

From the Publisher

Al Vernacchio has written a wonderful book that includes numerous model answers and a new way to think about adolescent sexuality—as a force for good in life rather than simply a problem to be dealt with.

Leslie M. Kantor

At last a book that teaches parents how to talk to kids about sex in a way that is based healthily in reality and not fearfully in doom and gloom. I wish my parents had read this book!

Lori Duron

Al Vernacchio has masterfully accomplished what good sexuality educators have attempted for so many years: he has created a work that is both a fun, easy read as well as a thorough and thoughtful guide.

Don Dyson

For Goodness Sex is a breath of much-needed fresh air around a very charged subject. Bravo, Al Vernacchio!

Christiane Northrup

2014-06-25
Straightforward advice on how to talk to teens about sex.High school sexuality educator Vernacchio opens the door to his classroom and invites readers in for a closer look at the often awkward subject of teaching sex education to teens. Teens today receive many levels of information on the complex world of love, relationships and physical closeness via the Internet, all forms of media and their peers. However, that information is often incomplete or stresses abstinence only and doesn't help foster a well-rounded, healthy approach to sexuality. With frankness and earnestness, Vernacchio breaks down barriers and gives parents, educators and teens comprehensive, practical advice on all aspects of sex. He discusses the concept of using baseball as a metaphor for sexual activity, noting how this creates a skewed image—in part due to the gender assumptions it makes: "It sets up the idea that sex is a game and that there are opposing teams…it's competitive. We’re not playing on the same team; we’re playing against each other—so someone wins, and someone loses." Instead, he tells his students to envision a new model for sexual activity based on the act of sharing a pizza, which encourages discussion, negotiation and is mutually satisfying to both parties involved. Vernacchio includes thorough analysis of gender identity, sexual orientation, body images, and the use of technology to communicate sexual ideas and desires. Included in each chapter are real questions posed by real students, with Vernacchio's direct and honest responses, which offer more advice and encourage further discussion on the topic. By the time Vernacchio's students finish his sexuality and society class, they are "confident, open, and more secure in themselves, and they know their values." Readers will feel the same way after finishing this book.An engaging, much-needed new approach to teaching children about the human sexual experience.

Kirkus Reviews