'It took one day. I only could allow one day to read Hands Free Life. I was busy being a dad, a husband, and a cancer patient. I knew I was distracted, but there was a purpose. I was on a mission, and I acknowledged my limited time. As I settled in to read Rachel's words, my heart stayed in my throat the entire journey. She gets it. She knows we're distracted, and it's not just the number of screens we have in our lives. It's our incredibly complex, crazy, and somewhat out-of-control lives. Rachel Macy Stafford will help you reconnect and build strong relationships. Even if you make a moderate amount of effort, your family will thank you for strengthening your relationships! Once again, I owe Rachel a big thank-you for bringing relationships and family to the forefront of everyone's mind.'
Hands Free Life: Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More
Narrated by Jaimee Draper
Rachel Macy StaffordUnabridged — 6 hours, 57 minutes
Hands Free Life: Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More
Narrated by Jaimee Draper
Rachel Macy StaffordUnabridged — 6 hours, 57 minutes
Audiobook (Digital)
Free with a B&N Audiobooks Subscription | Cancel Anytime
Already Subscribed?
Sign in to Your BN.com Account
Related collections and offers
FREE
with a B&N Audiobooks Subscription
Overview
We all yearn to look back to find we lived a life of significance. But is it even possible anymore? Considering the amount of distraction and pressure that exists in society today, living a fulfilling life may seem like an unachievable dream. But it is not-not with the nine habits outlined in this book.
New York Times bestselling author and widely known blogger, Rachel Macy Stafford, reveals nine habits that help you focus on investing in the most significant parts of your life. As your hands, heart, and eyes become open, you will experience a new sense of urgency-an urgency to live, love, dream, connect, create, forgive, and flourish despite the distractions of our culture. By following each daily Hands Free Declaration, you will be inspired to adopt mindful daily practices and new thought-processes that will help you:
¿******** Make meaningful, lasting human connections despite the busyness of everyday life.
¿******** Live in the now despite that inner nudge pushing you out of the moment toward perfection and productivity.
¿******** Protect your most sacred relationships, as well as your values, beliefs, health, and happiness, despite the latent dangers of technology and social media.
¿******** Pursue the passions of your heart without sacrificing your job or your daily responsibilities.
¿******** Evaluate your daily choices to insure you are investing in a life that matters to you.
With a Hands Free Life perspective, you will have the power to look back and see you didn't just manage life, you actually lived it-and lived it well.
Editorial Reviews
'Hands Free Life is the perfect combination of advice and anecdote. Stafford's personal stories are engaging and enchanting, while her daily declarations serve as their punctuation; reminders that we need to pause and let go of the chaos, ensuring our hands are free to embrace the grace in parenting's small moments.'
'Hands Free Life is such an important book! One of biggest challenges most of us face in today's digitally connected, fast-paced world is how to disengage from technology and connect to the things and people that matter most. Rachel Macy Stafford's powerful and down-to-earth advice helps us live with more presence, awareness, and perspective.'
'In this intensely insightful book, Rachel teaches parents how to engage with their children as they truly deserve: with heart, presence, and grace. Hands Free Life will inspire you to grow with your children and reach depths of your being like never before. Its words will allow you to discover your highest potential as a parent and thereby bestow your children with an inestimable gift: your engaged being.'
'Rachel does it again! As I read Hands Free Life, I felt my pulse slow, my lungs fill, and my anxiety lessen. Rachel's writing is a Reset button. Her advice is practical, and her message is clear, gentle, and true: Less stress! Less distraction! MORE LOVE! Thanks, Rachel, for reminding us what matters: our people.'
'In the midst of countless daily reminders to hurry up and catch up, does it ever feel like all you do is mess up? The message of Hands Free Life reads like a gift and a second chance. If you long to linger in your own life but aren't sure where to start, let Rachel Macy Stafford show you how. Her gentle words will cast a hopeful vision for your family, with practical tools to help you create the margin you long for and the relief your soul needs.'
'Reading Hands Free Life spoke to me at a deep, heart level. It challenged me to stop hurrying through life, quit worrying about what other people think, and start savoring the ordinary, everyday moments. I smiled through some parts, cried through others, and came away with fresh resolve to make each day count—not in more efficient productivity, but in more meaningful relationships. Highly, highly recommended!'
'Rachel's wise words inspired me to be a more connected, more present parent, and for that I'm so thankful. I'll be handing this out left and right to the people in my life.'
'Our society's definition of success—in which success is defined just in terms of money and power—isn't working. With a mix of powerful storytelling and practical tools, Hands Free Life offers the inspiration and the daily actions to live our lives with more grace, more joy, more gratitude, and more love.'
'Can I simply say: Read this beautiful book. It will feed your soul, free your spirit, and fill your heart. Hands Free Life is an irresistible wake-up call for all of us who wish to parent more thoughtfully, love more generously, and live more joyously.'
With her unique blend of transparent storytelling and thoughtful insight, Rachel Macy Stafford reminds us again why hers is one of the most important voices of our generation.
If you need a clear-minded and clear-hearted guide to a more fulfilling life, this is it. Again, author Rachel Macy Stafford provides us with actionable and meaningful ways to love well, live fully, and leave a legacy we can be proud of.
Hands Free Life is a heartwarming book by a talented writer who lifts you up with inspiration and plants your feet squarely on the ground, ready to focus on what really matters.
With a refreshing focus on less pressure, more love, Hands Free Life beckons us to a life that cherishes the individuality of each family member and the transformative power of presence. This book is about less pressure, more love; less comparison, more perspective; less distraction, and more life!
Rachel has written a beautiful and profoundly wise book, one that heightens our own joy of life and enables our children to fully thrive.
At last—a book about changing habits that didn’t leave me overwhelmed and doubtful, but rather excited and hopeful! Rachel Macy Stafford’s gentle tone, personal reflections, and easy-to-embrace habits inspired and encouraged me, so much so that I found myself instantly—and naturally—incorporating her insights and ideas into my day. Hands Free Life is simply a must-read if you want to be lovingly guided toward filling your days with more meaningful and enjoyable moments.
Hands Free Life came to me right when I needed it most. Essentially a road map for intentional living, Rachel’s approach, stories, and message are making a difference in my life by teaching me to grasp hold of what really matters.
I was hooked from the first story. Rachel’s writing is like a bear hug from a loving parent—warm, reassuring, full of joy, and a strong reminder of love and security. This book will speak to every loving parent’s heart with wisdom and insight that is sure to strengthen every family.
In today’s distraction-filled culture, it’s tempting to fill our days with “busy-ness” to feel like we’re accomplishing something, while the reality is we’re just moving farther and farther from the kind of authentic life we want to create. Rachel Macy Stafford’s new book, Hands Free Life is the antidote to the hamster wheel! With compassion and empathy, this “been there, done that” mother teaches readers how to build an authentic and satisfying life that matters.
I want to give this book to every parent I know. Rachel Macy Stafford’s gentle spirit and insightful wisdom leaves readers encouraged, inspired, and challenged to cultivate more intentional, present lives. I am a better mother because of Hands Free Life.
This book expresses what an amazing time we can have within the family dynamic when we learn to let go of the excessive demands we find ourselves in. It allows us to become aware of the way we self-talk about our parenting while promoting how to live life to its fullest in harmony. Rachel has so eloquently shared what it takes to “keep track of life” and how it impacts our relationships with those we love.
Just a couple of chapters into Hands Free Life, I learned not to sit down with the book unless I had a box of tissues at the ready. Rachel’s truthful style of storytelling brought me to grateful tears again and again, redirecting my gaze me back to the beauty found in my everyday, regular ordinary … and reminding me that perfectionism is not a prerequisite for a hands free journey. Such a freeing message!
Rachel’s words beautifully remind us of the little things—and the big things that make a LIFE. A happier, healthier, more fulfilled life. In Hands Free Life, we are gently but firmly guided to unplug from our 24/7 world and to passionately pursue the connectivity that is so vital to our children, partners, families, friends—and ourselves. Pick it up today—and I promise: you won’t want to put it down.
Hands Free Life is a heartwarming book by a talented writer who lifts you up with inspiration and plants your feet squarely on the ground, ready to focus on what really matters.
At last---a book about changing habits that didn’t leave me overwhelmed and doubtful, but rather excited and hopeful! Rachel Macy Stafford’s gentle tone, personal reflections, and easy-to-embrace habits inspired and encouraged me, so much so that I found myself instantly---and naturally---incorporating her insights and ideas into my day. Hands Free Life is simply a must-read if you want to be lovingly guided toward filling your days with more meaningful and enjoyable moments.
Just a couple of chapters into Hands Free Life, I learned not to sit down with the book unless I had a box of tissues at the ready. Rachel’s truthful style of storytelling brought me to grateful tears again and again, redirecting my gaze me back to the beauty found in my everyday, regular ordinary … and reminding me that perfectionism is not a prerequisite for a hands free journey. Such a freeing message!
Rachel’s words beautifully remind us of the little things---and the big things that make a LIFE. A happier, healthier, more fulfilled life. In Hands Free Life, we are gently but firmly guided to unplug from our 24/7 world and to passionately pursue the connectivity that is so vital to our children, partners, families, friends---and ourselves. Pick it up today---and I promise: you won’t want to put it down.
Reading Hands Free Life spoke to me at a deep, heart level. It challenged me to stop hurrying through life, quit worrying about what other people think, and start savoring the ordinary, everyday moments. I smiled through some parts, cried through others, and came away with fresh resolve to make each day count---not in more efficient productivity, but in more meaningful relationships. Highly, highly recommended!
Product Details
| BN ID: | 2940172636547 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Zondervan |
| Publication date: | 09/13/2015 |
| Edition description: | Unabridged |
Read an Excerpt
Hands Free Life
Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More
By Rachel Macy Stafford
ZONDERVAN
Copyright © 2015 Rachel Macy StaffordAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-33815-4
CHAPTER 1
Habit 1:
FILL THE SPACES
And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.
Ted Hughes
Perhaps when completing medical documents or school registration forms, you've come to three very important lines labeled Emergency Contacts. These blank spaces cause you to go to dark places you don't often go and ask questions you seldom want to consider. Who could you call at 3:00 a.m.? Who could decipher your inaudible sobs? Who could you trust with your most precious gifts?
My pen always hangs suspended over those lines. No matter how much of a hurry I am in to submit that form to waiting hands, I am always forced to pause. Those empty lines are sacred spaces and cannot be taken lightly. I didn't always have this perspective, though. It wasn't until recently, when I was pulled aside by a woman at a party, that I saw the significance of the Emergency Contacts spaces as they related to a Hands Free Life.
"Are you Rachel Stafford?" a woman with a familiar face asked me over the low roar of party conversation and festive music. When I nodded, she said, "You are the emergency contact for half my preschool class."
It wasn't meant as a compliment, but as the words rolled off her tongue, I felt like she'd placed a crown on my head. I felt the magnitude of the message's meaning in a way I hadn't before.
Rachel Stafford, Emergency Contact
Although there are many esteemed titles in today's society, I could not think of a higher honor at that moment. I know that might sound strange. After all, we work tirelessly to have prestigious labels added to our name — PhD, PTO President, VP of Finance, Bestselling Author, Employee of the Month, and so on. But I wasn't considering the woman's comment from a mainstream point of view; I was looking at it from a Hands Free Life perspective.
And that makes all the difference.
You see, the inherent responsibilities required to inhabit the sacred space on an Emergency Contacts line — connection, trust, time, and availability — are also essential for building close relationships, which is one of the key features of a Hands Free Life. It was through Avery's desire to learn to play the ukulele at a young age that I learned both the importance and the ease of filling the sacred spaces of our days with meaningful interpersonal connection.
Not quite four years old, Avery needed my assistance whenever she practiced the new ukulele chords her instructor Mr. Andrew taught her. I clearly remember sitting beside her on our golden-yellow sofa as the late afternoon sun poured onto my lap. Being forced to focus on one thing and one thing only caused my left leg to jiggle nervously. With clenched teeth and frazzled hair, I watched in angst as my child stumbled through "Kookaburra," the first song she ever learned.
As small, uncoordinated fingers struggled to find their home, I'd eventually have to cover her fingers with my own in order for her to make a clear sound. Despite the Grand Canyon – sized lulls between each strum, I could not fold towels (I tried) or write grocery lists (I considered it) during practice sessions. For Avery to create any musical sound whatsoever, I had to be in the moment.
For a woman whose life was based on efficiency, productivity, checklists, and tangible results, ukulele practice was a form of slow, grueling torture. But although ukulele practice cramped my multitasking style, I did it because my daughter loved that tiny wooden instrument. And when she sang, her God-given purpose filled the room and I felt an unexplained peace within my soul.
So we kept practicing — Avery on her C chord and G chord and me on sitting still and not multitasking the moment away. We both made considerable progress relatively quickly. By the time Avery moved on to her first Taylor Swift song, the urge to get something accomplished while she practiced was completely gone. Perhaps what was even more monumental was that my mind was at rest too. I stopped thinking about a million other things and allowed myself to simply be all there. Avery began announcing, "Time to practice!" more and more. As much as she loved singing and strumming, she knew this was our time — and that was significant.
During one of our connective practice sessions, I noticed the spaces between her teeth — specifically the baby teeth gaps that are only there for a short time. Her big sister's were already gone. As Avery strummed and sang with an openmouthed smile, I blinked back tears of joy because, for the first time, I could see my child clearly. Every exquisite detail of my child that had slipped by me unnoticed before was now magnified through my new Hands Free lens. Filling small increments of time with loving presence had not only drawn my child and me closer, but my outlook on life was being transformed. As my priorities began to shift, I felt great hope that I could reclaim my life despite my previously distracted existence.
If ten minutes of daily ukulele practice could strengthen the bond between my child and me, what could happen in the ten minutes that my children spoon breakfast cereal into their mouths at the kitchen table? What could I learn about them in that three-minute wait for the bus? What could develop in the four minutes that it takes for my husband to remove his tie and dress shoes as he begins to unwind for the day? What memories could I glean from my dad's still razor-sharp mind in those forty-five minutes he sits on my back porch when he comes to visit?
Suddenly those little pockets of time that were so easily devoured in the name of productivity were viewed as opportunities to focus my undivided attention on what really mattered. Making it a daily practice to be fully present while in the company of loved ones meant the difference between intimately knowing and superficially knowing the people I love. It meant the difference between living each day catching glimpses of joy or just barely surviving each day without even a smile.
Filling the spaces, the first intentional habit of a Hands Free Life, doesn't require large amounts of time, elaborate gestures, mastering new skills, or extensive planning; it does require you to show up — heart, mind, body, and soul — when in the company of those you love. In this chapter, we'll explore three ways you can fill the spaces of everyday life with loving intention. It is my hope that you discover, as I have, that regardless of your occupation, past history, or current life challenges, creating deep and lasting connection is possible.
Whether we are talking about the Emergency Contacts lines of an official document or drawing closer to another human being, the critical element needed to fill the sacred spaces is the willingness to be all there. Being someone who shows up consistently in everyday life or one who shows up in a time of need are both traits of a life well lived. After all, it's not the prestigious title behind our name or type of car parked in front of our house that gives meaning to our lives — it's knowing we didn't miss the gaps in the teeth or the lyrics of our life.
FILL THE SPACES WITH THE SONGS OF LIFE
For a culture that prides itself on immediate results and instant gratification, it may seem strange that we are also experts at putting off living — the best parts of living. "When I drop a pant size ...," "When things at work slow down ...," "When schedule isn't so crazy ...," "When I get that promotion ..." are just a few of the twenty-first-century ambitions that keep us from taking a break, having fun, and connecting with the ones we love. But this type of procrastination comes at a great cost: the opportunities of today are lost in that delay of truly living.
Although we've been led to believe that our fondest memories are made in the grand occasions of life, in reality, they happen when we pause in the ordinary, mundane moments of a busy day. The most meaningful life experiences don't happen in the "when," they happen in the "now." This concept is not earth shattering, nor is it something you don't already know. Yet we still continually put off the best aspects of living until the conditions are right. But what happens when we continually put productivity above investing in relationships?
One day I decided to find out.
As a personal research project to fuel my writing, I spent a few hours compiling every email message I'd ever received from individuals who wished they could turn back time. I simply typed the word regret in my subject search and with that, I hit the mother lode. I read the messages one by one — real stories of real people with wishes that could never come true.
I wish I hadn't spent so much time working.
I wish I'd spent more time getting to know my kids.
I wish I'd developed a relationship with my sister when I had the chance.
I wish I would have forgiven my mom a lot sooner.
I wish I would've said, "I'm sorry" once in a while.
I wish I would've said, "I love you" every chance I had.
Although we are inundated with the advice to "cherish every moment" to the point that it sounds meaningless, something powerful happens when you read the regrets of real people with real names and real pain. Their heartbreaking truths wake you up.
And that's exactly the state I was in this particular evening; I was fully awake to the preciousness of time. And it just so happened that I had the rare treat of being alone in the car with my ten-year-old daughter, Natalie. We were coming back from an outing, just the two of us. I was taking the curves of a meandering country road at the pace of a leisurely Sunday drive. The sun was setting and we were talking.
In the midst of a discussion on how to pass a driver's test, Natalie heard the first three notes of her latest favorite song faintly drifting from the car speakers. "Turn it up, Mom. I love this song!" she exclaimed.
Natalie immediately began singing without restraint — as if she was alone in the car. As if no one else's opinion mattered. As if she suddenly discovered the liberating freedom that comes with open windows on a warm summer night.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing — this was my computer whiz, my studious planner, my competitive swimmer, my baker extraordinaire. I would fully expect this musical outburst from my ukulele-playing younger daughter, but not Natalie! I couldn't remember the last time Natalie sang uninhibitedly like this — perhaps when she was three or four years old.
Looking in the rearview mirror at that moment was like looking into a crystal ball. Suddenly I could see Natalie at age sixteen: a burst of colorful style bounding into the kitchen — the scent of teenage grooming quickly overpowering the smell of bacon and eggs. I envisioned her nails, cut short and square with vibrant polish, grabbing the car keys. She wouldn't have time for a hot breakfast. With barely a wave, the door would shut, and I would be left in eerie silence wondering where the time had gone.
The collection of email messages I'd gathered earlier that day prominently came to mind. With vivid detail, I saw a tangible form of Regret. It was plopped down before me like an old dog wanting a little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little respect. And it wasn't going anywhere.
With longing eyes, that old dog looked at me, and I could practically hear his persistent line of questioning. "So what are you going to do about me?" asked Regret. "What are you going to do now so I'm not lying at your feet later when your hair is silver, your hands are arthritic, and time is no longer on your side?"
Suddenly a painful commentary went through my head: I know I can't possibly cherish every moment. I know it's not realistic to neglect my life responsibilities to soak up every word and every expression of my family members and friends. I know that telling myself to savor every stage of childhood or every season of life is just setting myself up for failure. So what do I do? How do I realistically live life now to avoid the pain of regret later?
As I looked in the rearview mirror, my daughter's chocolate-brown eyes met my gaze. With a sudden sense of urgency, I felt opportunity staring me right in the face. Stop thinking what if and sing! Sing before the song ends! I told myself.
So I opened my mouth and joined in. Surprisingly, Natalie didn't give me an exasperated look. She didn't roll her eyes and beg me to stop. She didn't chuckle and say, "That sounds terrible, Mom!" My daughter's smile grew, and she kept right on singing.
When we walked in the house a few minutes later, it was eerily quiet. Natalie surmised that Avery was still running errands with Daddy, and it would be the perfect time to purchase a gift for her little sister's upcoming birthday.
Natalie sat down at the computer and typed in the web address of Avery's favorite store. I saw the American Girl doll site appear, and I knew my meticulous child would spend quite a bit of time carefully examining each and every item before making her decision.
I stood there a moment studying the back of Natalie's head — each strand of hair perfectly highlighted by the powerful combination of chlorine and summer sun. As much as I wanted to reach out and gently smooth her hair, I felt a pull — a pull to the dirty dishes piled in the sink ... a pull to the mess scattered around the family room from a hasty departure ... a pull to check the messages in my in-box ... a pull to check at least one task off the to-do list.
But the song is half over, I remembered.
"Can I sit with you while you look?" I asked my thrifty daughter, who'd gone straight to the sale section of the site.
"Sure, Mom," Natalie replied in a cheerful voice that indicated her face held a smile even though I could only see the back of her head.
And although looking at the American Girl doll website for almost thirty minutes wasn't the most entertaining activity ever, listening to my child carefully determine what two items her sister would love best was unforgettable. And that's when it hit me. Cherishing every moment until my child leaves home is not possible. After all, there are jobs to do, bills to pay, and deadlines to meet. There are school assignments, extracurricular activities, home duties, and volunteer duties. But there are moments in between life's obligations when we are in the presence of our loved ones that can be made sacred.
Meals at the table, caring for pets, walking around the block, morning send-offs, afternoon greetings, and nightly tuck-ins all hold great potential — potential to be all there. Within the duties of life, there are opportunities to meet her gaze in the rearview mirror ... to ask her questions ... to listen to her thoughts ... to sit beside her as she does something she enjoys ... opportunities to sing along to her favorite song ... opportunities to sing along to the music of her life.
Believe me, I could fill those opportune moments with todos. I was born with the ability to spot tasks that need attention every second of every day. But during my highly distracted years, I found that it doesn't take long before those lost opportunities begin to accumulate. When they start to pile up, they get heavy and the pain becomes inescapable. And farther down the road, I imagine that pile of missed opportunities will look a lot like Regret — the kind of Regret that lays at your feet after your loved ones have gone, making you wish you could turn back time.
But this story is not about Regret. This story is about hope because there's a song playing right now. If you listen closely, you can hear it ... you can see it ... and you can learn to seize it.
It's a Lego creation on the f loor. It's a tea party in the playroom.
It's a pickup basketball game in the driveway. It's a cozy table for two in the corner of Starbucks.
It's a wheelchair ride down a musty corridor to show feeble eyes the beauty of a summer morning.
It's a phone call to an estranged friend that begins with "I've been thinking about you ..."
It's an apology, a white f lag, an olive branch between two people who love each other very much but will never see eye to eye.
It's a lingering hug, the smoothing of a stray hair, an invitation that sounds like "What do you want to do today?"
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Hands Free Life by Rachel Macy Stafford. Copyright © 2015 Rachel Macy Stafford. Excerpted by permission of ZONDERVAN.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Videos
