Hang Up the Phone!: The Guide to Getting Over Your Ex in 30-Days!
252
Hang Up the Phone!: The Guide to Getting Over Your Ex in 30-Days!
252Hardcover
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781449043179 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 12/21/2009 |
| Pages: | 252 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.69(d) |
Read an Excerpt
Hang Up The Phone!
The guide to getting over your EX in 30-days!By Christopher Johnson
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 Christopher JohnsonAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-4316-2
Chapter One
The beginning of the end
Lust, Love, Infatuation, ok who is confused?
When you are in a relationship there are several words that can be involved during different stages of the relationship. A relationship can start based off of Infatuation which sometimes can be confused with the phrase "Love at first sight." Or Lust and Infatuation can play a huge role in relationships that move swiftly. And then at the end of relationships, love can be the most confusing thing to deal with as it may not be reciprocated by the loving partner. As you can see there is no clear way to deal with this shifting paradigm that is enclosed in what we call an intimate relationship. Our feelings do not come with a definition attached to them. It is imperative that we have a clear understanding about what we may or may not be feeling for a person we're in a relationship with.
I wanted to start this book discussing what is or was the foundation of the relationship you are trying to get over. The three words- Lust, Infatuation and Love, - often get entangled and can leave aperson in a peculiar predicament, especially when trying to heal and get over a past relationship. These words also play a part in figuring the degree of difficulty you may face when trying to get over someone. The epicenter of your relationship will be defined by one of these words. It's easy to confuse them, so pay close attention. Love can be mistaken for lust, or lust can be mistaken for infatuation, or love can be mixed with a touch of infatuation. I know it can be a lot to comprehend, so let's take an in-depth look at each word individually to ensure you will be able to move forward amicably once you understand what it is you are moving from.
Number 1 on the list is the word that some may have trouble with daily- LUST! This word can get you in a heap of trouble! Part of the problem is that no one - not even trusted dictionaries - fully agree on the definition. But consider the consensus; to have an eager, passionate, and especially an inordinate or sinful desire, as for the gratification of the sexual appetite or of covetousness. Need I say more? You know the only thing this word has in common with the word love is that they both start with the letter L. Stay away from this word! It will cause you endless headaches and bring you to an almost certain demise. Even God has set the limit on this word by dedicating a commandment to it! "You shall not covet your neighbors anything!" That goes for his house, car, spouse, job, etc! If you don't believe me take a look at Exodus 20:17 in the Bible. In the Hebrew language the word 'tahkh' (pronounced as TEHN-nah) stands for covet, which is defined as "selfish or lustful nature, or "to have a strong uncontrolled, inordinate, selfish desire." The word desire used in both definitions expresses an action that takes place in the mind. Since lust starts in the mind you can see that its origins can have nothing to do with the other person involved hence the term used in the definition "selfish". A relationship should be beneficial to both parties. If not, when one's passion or lustful desire has been satisfied, the party involved will have no use for the other. This is not good. Some relationships come to a terrible fate because one person has no feelings towards the other, which can lead to them not caring what or how the other person may feel when it comes to their decision to move on from that relationship. BE CAREFUL WITH THIS WORD! It can only lead to trouble. You have been warned!
Number 2 is the word Infatuation. Now for this particular definition the dictionary offers more insight. According to Webster's Dictionary the word means: to be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for, made foolish. Wow, talk about something that can make you feel stupid! Notice I underlined the word intense. This can be the key contributor to the phrase "Love at first sight" that I mentioned at the start of this chapter. Now, I do believe in this phrase. But you have to deal with it in a very sensitive nature if you are a believer as well. If not, what can happen people? You can be made a fool the other underlined portion of the definition! Please, bear with me for a moment. I would like you to also look at the phrase "short-lived." If your relationship is based on this word, that means the origin or the engine that drives that particular relationship can only be used for so long! For short distances basically! Meaning a relationship that is in danger of ending in an abrupt manner and does not have a long-term future. In my opinion you don't want to base hopes, dreams, marriage and your future on a relationship that will not give you enough gas to see you through to the finish. If you have been guilty or a victim of this short lived passion, don't feel bad. Let's just say it started with good intentions but just was not capable of the long haul that we desire when searching for love. We want love to endure. If a relationship is driven by Infatuation, that cannot happen. So if the bad relationship you just got out of was driven by Infatuation, then you have no other choice but to redeem yourself of the foolishness and move forward and learn that those feelings, although exciting and pleasing, led to an unfavorable result that caused you to be made the fool. Yeah, I know that kind of stings to hear. But the truth is not always pleasant, but it is the truth.
The 3rd and final word is of course the one we search for daily! The prime time star of all words! It can cause pain and in the same breath give you unlimited joy. That word is Love. More songs have been written about Love than any other word. It inspired some of the world's best (and worst) poetry. It has set on fire, as well as broken, countless hearts throughout human existence. Many things are said about Love. I always say if Love was a physical person, it would be the richest person in the UNIVERSE. Since this is such a powerful word the definition is more complicated. Dictionaries coin love to be: a great intense pleasure in something. Used to express affectionate approval for someone. Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Pay amorous attention to someone. Not for any inducement or in any circumstance. An intense feeling of deep affection.
Now here is the problem: There is no meter or measure this definition can offer that can provide instruction on the perfect idea of when, where, what, and how to Love. That is the conundrum. It implies that we can only contemplate what and how we are going to involve Love in our life and situations as well as a vague description on what Love is. Well I am not settling for that! I pulled out every book I had in my personal library. Lo and behold I found a book that had a perfect definition of Love in it. For those of you that have read any of my other books you know where I'm going with this. I always mention this book! I can't hide it! It is the Bible. I want you to understand that even though you may not have a vast knowledge about that book you still can benefit from its contents. The uncanny way this book, written thousands of years ago, can still be prevalent in this day and time is remarkable! This is proven by the explanation of Love offered by the Apostle Paul. Paul, inspired by God, gives the world's most beautiful ode to love. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 he professes: "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and infected with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of evil done to it. [It pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteous, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love does not behave rudely is not provoked, thinks no evil." WOW! Now that's a definition! I chose to trace the first signs of this type of love and I was led to one of the first original languages; Greek. In the Greek language there are five words that this definition personifies. Agap, Eros, Philia, Storge, and Thelema.
"Agape" (pronounced as ah-GAH'pay) refers to the love God has for humankind. Unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications (such as with Eros). It can be looked at as holding one in high regard. This is the word that should be the model for humanity and how we interact daily with every person we come in contact with.
"Eros" (pronounced as Er-Os like the e in elf) or the "erotic love". This is the love that this chapter and relationships are based on. This is the love for a spouse in a relationship that is, physically and internally driven. This is applicable to dating and marriage. I love how the great philosopher Plato contemplates the beauty that is found WITHIN a person you share this kind of love with. That is what you should consider before entering a long-term relationship with a person. That is why I believe in the statement that says, "It's not what's on the outside that counts but what's on the inside!"
"Philia" (pronounced as Feel-e-ah) is constituted as love for friends, family, and people in your immediate circle. In other words, it represents a sense of loyalty to them.
"Storge" (pronounced as stor- gay) is love that is shared between parent and child.
And finally "Thelema" (pronounced THEL-eh-ma) is the love you have for your job, career, or hobby.
I almost feel that I should apologize for taking up so much time when dealing with the word Love. But I feel that it is imperative to get a full grasp on the word Love, so you can make the right decision when choosing to move on from a mate and choosing your next one. Sometimes people use the word Love in a careless manner. Well, I believe that if a person says they Love you, they probably do. But maybe just not in the area that you may need or think they do! That is deep. Throughout my studies on this whole relationship ideology, I have found that most of the time, the key problem that can keep a person from letting go, is the fear that what they had in that relationship was Love. Not only that, but the fear that it will not come back. Even though we all do not Love perfectly, you can bet your last dollar that it will show up again to give you another chance. That is why I devoted so much time to this word. When you move on from a wound that is caused by some facet of Love you must understand that you WILL get another chance at perfecting it. But you must be prepared for it. This is the focus of my book. My hope is that I can help people get over a relationship gone wrong quickly in order to be ready for true Love when it appears. I also wanted to clear up a part of the definition of Love that can be taken out of context when you factor in the different types of Love we can have for a person. That is the long-suffering part. This pertains to the wrong impression someone may hold in a negative way for a person. They hide it under the guise of jealousy and anger and claim Love is what makes them put their mate through this. They might say, for instance "I get jealous whenever you are on the phone with anybody other than me, because "I Love you" or "I yell at you and hit on you because I Love you." This is not the type of long-suffering the Apostle Paul was talking about in my opinion! That's not long-suffering, that is ridiculous suffering. I hope you can see the reason why I am agitated by people that do this. It causes domestic violence and can almost hold a person (and their heart) hostage for all the wrong reasons.
As I have stated previously the reason I decided to start the book clarifying these words is due to the fact that we get confused at times when it comes to our true feelings for someone. That is why it is important that if you are going to move forward from this recent failed attempt at a relationship or Love, you must be sure you are ready to go forward. You must be more aware of the nature of your feelings for your new mate more than you were in your past relationships. Not to mention you want to go into your new relationship with a grasp of the amount baggage and how many pieces of it you are carrying (hopefully none will be left by the time you get through reading this book [??]). That's why it is important for you to know the meaning of all of these words. With Love being the main focus of course.
Allow me to offer my own philosophic take on the word Love. When Love shows up no one can control it. It is powerful and asserts itself in its own time. But sometimes it is in the control of people that don't know how to treat it or use it. That is why sometimes people who may be in Love get hurt. The hurt that can linger around long after the abuser of it has left. It can also cause demise to any other relationship that it applies itself to thereafter. But there is hope! Yes, there is one thing you can count on. It will be back. LOVE always returns!
I have found Love to be an enemy, my confidant and a friend in my life. I too, have used Love to hurt others because it had hurt me. Yes, I know that is wrong on so many levels. In the past, sometimes I got to the point that I did not want to be around or use the word Love ever again. But we are not made like that. We need, want and should be able to say I am Loved. Or I Love. That is why I have devised a way to communicate with Love on a subconscious level. A level that can heal any and every misuse, wrong account and deficit that has been created by this word Love.
Once I developed the thirst and hunger to find Love I wanted to try my best to get over past hurts quickly, in order to clear the way for me to receive it again. I sat down one day and wrote a letter to Love as if it was someone that I could talk to. I know it may sound strange. But believe me once you do it, you will feel and have a new understanding and appreciation for it. This is of utmost importance especially in getting over a failed relationship where you felt Love was or was not present. Here is an excerpt from my letter. When you finish reading it, I encourage you to write your own letter.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Hang Up The Phone! by Christopher Johnson Copyright © 2009 by Christopher Johnson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Preface....................ixForeword....................xiii
Introduction....................xvii
How to use this book....................xix
The 30-day program....................xxvii
The beginning of the end....................1
1. Lust, Love, Infatuation, Ok who is confused?....................3
2. It may be hard to say goodbye, but it is necessary!....................15
3. Denial is not just a river in France!....................24
4. Do not sacrifice yourself to Close the door....................36
Communications must be monitored....................45
5. The D.N.A. File....................47
6. D.U.I. (Dialing While Under The Influence)....................56
7. Beware of the Virtual Booby Trap....................62
Emotions seen & unseen that can hold you back....................67
8. Turn OFF the POWER....................69
9. DEMAGNITIZE pictures....................81
10. Gifts from the HEART....................90
11. Get rid of the "weusedto's"....................95
12. Change the ol'routine....................100
13. Change up the iPod library....................102
14. Ok, I made a mistake and let my ex take a "Test Drive"....................107
15. Forgive yourself!....................113
16. We don't need no stinking grudges here! (Do not repay evil with evil)....................117
Your support group starts with YOU before anybody is invited!....................125
17. NO friends ALLOWED! We do not need the coalition involved!....................127
18. This is not Family Feud!....................134
19. Make better relationships!....................143
The future startsNOW....................147
20. NO DOUBLE DIPPING!....................149
21. Recycled drama free life!....................153
22. Move out the way! You are blocking my blessing!....................158
23. Fall in LOVE with your SELF 1st!....................162
24. The Rebirth, the journey begins again!....................165
The Process....................169
Christopher's Dictionary....................175
30-day Inspirational Journal....................183
Extra Letter to Love....................215
Scripture references/ Book references....................216
About the author....................219