Happy Endings: Uplifting End of Life Stories

by Lorna Bell, Dwight Flegel (Photographer), Quality of Life Publishing Co. Staff (Editor)

Overview

Happy Endings is a collection of forty stories about people who said good-bye in unique and uplifting ways. This is not to say their narratives—generously shared with the author by families and caregivers—are without pain and sorrow. Yet, the final stage of life holds remarkable possibilities to strengthen bonds between loved ones and confirm our faith in the hereafter. An elderly woman prepares a magnificent deathbed of rose petals from bouquets in her sickroom . . . a young boy climbs aboard a pony only he and his mother can see . . . a delirious man hands his daughter a piece of tissue in the perfect likeness of an angel. Dying is the natural conclusion to life, and these stories invite you to re‑examine your own perception of death. Most of all, they remind us that, while our time here on Earth is temporary, our spiritual existence is not. The publication of Happy Endings led to the discovery of more stories in the same vein and a second volume, More Happy Endings, containing an additional forty-five stories, followed the first. Here, both volumes are brought together in a single package.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780970042002
Publisher:	Happy Endings Productions
Publication date:	10/28/2000
Pages:	192
Product dimensions:	6.44(w) x 6.06(h) x 0.40(d)

About the Author

A nurse for forty-seven years and hospice nurse since 1995, Lorna Bell’s first book, Gentle Yoga: For People with Arthritis, M.S., Strokes and Wheelchairs (coauthored with Eudora Seyfer), was motivated by her desire to help those with mobility problems. She considers herself a storyteller rather than an author, and since she’s been a hospice nurse, Lorna has wanted to help break the uncomfortable silence that often surrounds those concluding their lives.
 
Happy Endings “exemplifies the beautiful, hopeful side of a difficult, sad subject,” she says. “Stories like these have been kept a secret long enough.” The author lives in Dallas with her husband, Ron. They enjoy gardening, walking, photography, and visiting their four children and eight grandchildren.

Read an Excerpt

Happy Endings

Uplifting End of Life Stories

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By Lorna Bell

OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA

Copyright © 2006 Lorna Bell, RN, CHPN
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4976-2247-0

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CHAPTER 1

They Choose When They Are Ready

Some people know when they will die.

Others actually choose when their death will occur.

"I'm ready," is a common statement.

Death seems to be more a process that is allowed than something that happens to us.

Bed of Roses

"This is what I will be wearing when I die," my patient stated as she held up a beautiful blue Dior peignoir. In my years as a hospice nurse, most of my patients wore diapers, hospital gowns, even "birthday suits," but I had never seen anyone wearing such an exquisite gown.

One day, this patient told her daughter that she was in the presence of her departed husband. She said it was a private conversation, and she wanted to be alone with him. The daughter asked if she could stay, but the mother insisted on privacy. The mother said that she and her husband had much to share in a short time. The daughter honored her mother's wishes.

This happened on a Tuesday, and the mother later explained that her husband would be back and that she would be "going home" with him on Sunday. Throughout the week she kept asking her daughter, "Is it Sunday yet?"

When Sunday arrived, the patient urged family members to leave for work as usual. Then she asked her son-in-law to buy her some roses and carnations. She also wanted him to bring the other flower arrangements that had been sent to her into her bedroom.

Her son-in-law returned at 2 p.m. with her flowers, and she asked to be by herself.

Thinking she was resting, her family didn't check on her until 6:15 p.m. They found her lying on a bed of roses, flower petals and flickering candles surrounding her, and she was wearing a radiant smile and her elegant blue Dior gown. Her rosary was in her hands.

The family later learned that their mother had prearranged for an airline ticket for the next day, so her casket could be transported. The destination? The city where her husband was buried. She wanted to be laid to rest by his side in her beautiful blue gown, on a bed of roses.

Cyndi Martin, Georgia Cancer Specialists

"It is not strange that early love of the heart should come back, as it so often does when the dim eye is brightening with its last light. It is not strange that the freshest fountains the heart has ever known in its wastes should bubble up anew when the lifeblood is growing stagnant. It is not strange that a bright memory should come to a dying old man, as the sunshine breaks across the hills at the close of a stormy day; nor that in the light of that ray, the very clouds that made the day dark should grow gloriously beautiful." – Hawthorne

The Jokester

"I'm a jokester," Bill said several times during his morning admission to our in-patient hospice. Bill loved to talk, so his admission took several hours longer than usual. Each question reminded him of a story or a joke, and when Bill held court, he couldn't and wouldn't be hurried. He was especially proud of the black book he had started in 1938. It was filled with his favorite jokes.

When Bill's family and friends went out for lunch, he shared his master plan with me. He wanted me to advise his children that he had set a time, a deadline as he called it, after which he would receive no visitors. He wanted everyone to say goodbye, and then to leave him alone to concentrate on dying.

Many of his family members and friends were coming from out-of-town, and some were flying in that night. Bargaining for the children, I suggested a deadline of five days. Bill shook his head "no." "Two days?" I asked. He shook his head "no" again, and replied, "eight o'clock tonight."

I warned Bill that he was looking pretty good, and he might not be able to die that quickly, even with peace and quiet and concentration. After I agreed to relate his wishes to the family, Bill told me his favorite risque joke to cheer me up.

Bill's family accepted his deadline and said their goodbyes. They were gone by 8 p.m. that night. At 10 p.m., an out-of-town relative who did not know about the deadline came in. I checked Bill's room, but we didn't disturb him, as he appeared to be fast asleep or deeply concentrating.

Several hours later, Bill died peacefully in his sleep.

Leslie Ware, Hospice Atlanta

"He searched for his accustomed fear of death and could not find it." – Leo Tolstoy (from The Death of Ivan Ilyich)

Pat's Farewell

"I'm dying, and I want to see and talk to everyone. And I want you to spoil me rotten."

When my patient, Pat, heard she was terminal, she called her family and friends together for a celebration. Everyone she knew and loved came to joke, laugh, and be with her. The family had a video camera, and they recorded the stories she told. They ate all of her favorite foods: lobster, London broil, and strawberries dipped in chocolate. She selected gifts of her fondest things from the house, and wrapped them with care for her children and grandchildren. She took the time to write letters to everyone she knew and loved. She put them in a stack and asked that they not be opened until she had died.

On Saturday, she told her friends to go home. Her kids stayed and partied with her, sitting around in their pajamas, drinking beer all night, eating junk food, and laughing. After Sunday breakfast, she said she was really tired, and she went to bed. Pat never woke up. On Tuesday, with her kids all around her, she took her last breath, and died peacefully.

Pat had prepared her family for her passing. She left directions that she be cremated in her pink chiffon negligee and the black cowboy boots she had loved but hadn't worn, because they hurt her feet. Instead of a funeral, her family had instructions to have a huge barbecue on their property. They hung her ashes in a birdhouse up in a tree, to "fly" out over the land during the celebration of her life.

Afterward, everyone came into the house and opened their presents and letters. Pat's death was so peaceful, and her children were so well prepared, that her end was not at all tragic, but a grand finale to a beautiful life.

Kristin Griffin, Hospice Atlanta

"Be still prepared for death; and death or life shall thereby be the sweeter." Shakespeare

The Weigh-In

Most of our patients begin to lose weight as they approach death and often are distressed by their loss of body mass, strength, and stamina. But I had one patient who eagerly anticipated her daily weigh-in. Not until she reached her goal weight of 107 pounds did I understand the reasoning behind her delight at wasting away.

Beaming from ear to ear, she stepped down fom the scales and reported, "Now, I'm finally ready." She explained that she weighed 107 pounds when she was a young bride. Her goal was to be wearing her wedding dress when she was reunited with her husband, who had died several years before. For that special reunion, she looked forward to being "the same size I was when we were married."

She died shortly after that and was buried in her wedding gown—a perfect fit.

Betty De Jesus, Southwest Christian Hospice

"Come death, if you will: you cannot divide us; you can only unite us." – Franz Grillparger

Special Delivery

Mona was not going to talk about her lung cancer, take any medication, or use oxygen. "I'm okay!" she would say during our weekly visits. It was unclear who she was trying to convince, herself or me. As her social worker, I found her in worrisome states of neglect each visit. Mona's lung cancer had been diagnosed quite by accident, when she fell and was x-rayed for fractures.

Mona had been the wife of an Army Chaplain, the mother of three grown sons, and had traveled around the world. Now, Mona was engulfed in fear and denial, and she was resistant to offers of help. Consequently, she had become a recluse in her own home, never venturing out. She sat in her chair, drank her Jim Beam, and smoked her cigarettes. She reflected on a life that included adultery, pondering what punishment God had in store for her.

Over time, the family hired a sitter, Margaret, who was both kind and tolerant. Mona and Margaret hit it off, and my concerns about Mona's neglect were resolved. As Mona's health declined, Margaret managed her weakness and loss of control with great patience. As the moment of death neared, Mona began the breathing that heralds the end, and Margaret called our agency for help.

Meanwhile, Mona's priest, who had been driving by, stopped in just in time to give her the Last Sacrament. As he and Margaret began lifting her from the wheelchair, Mona breathed her last breath.

How ironic that the woman who feared God and His punishment was delivered to His home in the arms of one of His servants!

Suzanne LaFrambois, Hospice Atlanta

"Some people make their own epitaphs, and bespeak the reader's goodwill. It were, indeed, to be wished that every man would early learn in this manner to make his own, and that he would draw it up in terms as flattering as possible, and he would make it the employment of his whole life to deserve it." – Goldsmith

Light the Way Home

My mom was diagnosed with dementia when she was in her 80s. She was very forgetful, but remained physically active.

Mom was a talented pianist. If someone named a song and asked her to play it, she couldn't. But if they hummed the same song, she could play it from "memory."

As she grew older, her forgetfulness worsened, and she began to wander. She would slip away and get lost. Finally, it got so bad that we had to put her in the Sisters' Convalescent Home.

Her wandering at the Convalescent Home continued, and she would often visit the night nurses' desk as she walked about the building. To help her find her way back to her room, Sister Carol devised a way to guide her. She left a lamp on in the doorway of Mom's room, which Mom could see from far away.

When Mother became sicker, she told us that she was ready to die, but, for some reason, she didn't. Sister Carol suggested that maybe she needed to be led "home." That night, after Mom was in bed, Sister Carol slipped in and turned out the light. Mom died that night.

Larry Crisler, Son and Caregiver

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe one of two things will happen - there will be something solid for us to stand upon, or we will be taught to fly." – Anonymous

Dying to Get to Texas

When we admitted our patient with lung cancer to our home hospice program, he told us of his plans to "make the rounds" to see his many kids. He wanted to say his goodbyes by traveling with his wife across the country in their van. Born and raised in Amarillo, Texas, he was determined to die "at home" on Texas soil. Naturally, we called him Tex.

I checked Tex's health status before their departure and found his condition had worsened. We explained that he would need to leave immediately if he hoped to drive to Texas, as his health was quite poor. Tex had become oxygen dependent, so Tim, one of the delivery guys, made oxygen holders for the cylinders in the van. We made arrangements to replenish his oxygen supply along the way. However, Tex was deteriorating very quickly. It became apparent that he had, at most, a few days to live.

The road trip was cancelled and flight plans were made with Delta Airlines, with oxygen on board. There were impediments at each step. Tex would have to change planes in Dallas. Then, on the day he left, it snowed in Atlanta. Because snow is so rare in Atlanta, some flights were cancelled. We breathed a huge sigh of relief as his plane took off.

During the flight, his wife kept saying, "Honey, we are almost there. We'll be home soon."

He was at death's door when his daughter's station wagon met them on the tarmac at the Amarillo airport. Tex had to be lifted into the waiting car. His wife said to him, "Honey, we're home ! We're in Texas!"

Tex said, "Thank you," and died.

Lee Ann Henderson, Hospice Atlanta

"You know, if we were to put this apple down and leave it, it would be spoiled, gone in a few days. But if we were to take a bite of it ... like this ... it would become part of us, and we would take it with us forever. Everything is on its way somewhere ... Everything." George Malley, Phenomenon

Two by Two

My Great Aunt Ida Mae and Uncle Chris lived in a little cabin out in the bayou near Monroe, Louisiana. They had been sweethearts for over 55 years. My uncle had some health problems and became too much for my Aunt Ida Mae to handle. She had to put him in a nursing home, but she spent every day with him, until she developed an aneurysm. She was hospitalized for two weeks. They were not used to being apart, and two weeks seemed like a long time.

When Ida Mae was discharged from the hospital, she drove to the nursing home and brought Uncle Chris back to their little cedar cabin in the swamp. They apparently sat down on the couch together and put their arms around each other like old times. That's how we found them—in each other's arms. Aunt Ida Mae had died suddenly of complications from the aneurysm repair, and the coroner said Uncle Chris must have died at almost the same time. It was easier for us kids to face their deaths knowing they were knocking at heaven's door together.

Will Reid, Family Member

"A coincidence is a small miracle where God chose to remain anonymous." – Heidi Quade

CHAPTER 2

Final Gifts

Giving or receiving a special token of caring may be all a person needs to say goodbye.

Angel in My Hand

My father was in the hospital and had been told he was about to lose his battle with pancreatic cancer. It had quickly spread to his lungs and throughout his abdomen, causing him severe pain.

Daddy was an old John Wayne lookalike, a west Texas cowboy who loved people. But he had grown quiet and accepting, and he slept much of the time.

I was sitting with him at the hospital after his surgery. Other family members had arrived to take their turn. I put on my coat and woke him, taking his hand to say goodbye for the night. He held my hand tightly, as though he didn't want me to leave. He talked as though he was saying goodbye forever, and I was alarmed and began to cry. Daddy pulled me close and whispered that he had just been to heaven and back, and that he was ready. As I cried, he tried to console me, saying, "Do you see what I have in my hand?"

There was a tissue sticking out of his other fist, and I said, "You asked me for a Kleenex, Daddy. There's a Kleenex in your hand."

"No, no, open my hand. See, there's an angel!"

As I pried open his free hand, there, in his palm, lay the perfect likeness of a tissue-paper angel, with a face, dress and wings! He could not have fashioned it himself, as I had been holding his other hand.

My father died a few days later. I have kept his angel, as it brings me comfort. After all, how could a man with an angel in his hand not be all right? I have lovingly placed this angel in a frame, along with Daddy's saying: He shall give His Angels charge over thee that they keep thee in all thy ways. (Ps 90:11)

Delores Mercer, Daughter and Caregiver

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." – Teilhard de Chardin

Buffy's Rainbow

My friend, Pat, had an eight-year-old daughter named Buffy. One day this little girl went for a bike ride with her friends and was hit by a car. She was seriously injured and, after two days, Pat allowed the doctors to remove the little girl's life support. Buffy was dead.

Devastated and exhausted, Pat went home. She found herself drawn to Buffy's room. On Buffy's desk, Pat found a recent story Buffy had written and illustrated.

The story was about a woman who had died and gone to heaven. She discovered that heaven was more beautiful than anyone could imagine. She wanted to let the world know what they had to look forward to. She could not think of a way to tell her loved ones, and she began to cry. Her tears became rainbows and fell to earth in a myriad of colors. People came running outside and rejoiced at the sight. The woman was happy.

Buffy had drawn a beautiful picture of rainbows, rejoicing people, and a woman's face in the clouds, smiling with joy. Buffy's Mom felt that her little girl somehow knew she was going to die and left the drawing and story to comfort her.

Buffy's family members and friends heard about the story and brought balloon bouquets to the funeral. At the grave site, all the balloons were released at once into the afternoon sky. Buffy would have said it looked like a giant rainbow.

Candace Pokerney, Community Hospice of Northeast Florida

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Happy Endings by Lorna Bell. Copyright © 2006 Lorna Bell, RN, CHPN. Excerpted by permission of OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Acknowledgements,
Introduction,
BOOK ONE: Happy Endings,
Chapter One: They Choose When They Are Ready,
Chapter Two: Final Gifts,
Chapter Three: Messages from Heaven,
Chapter Four; The Animals Are In On It,
Chapter Five; Angels Lead the Way,
Epilogue: Closing Reflections,
BOOK TWO: More Happy Endings,
Chapter One: They Choose When They Are Ready,
Chapter Two: Final Gifts,
Chapter Three: Messages From Heaven,
Chapter Four: The Animals Are In On It,
Chapter Five: Angels Lead The Way,
About the Author,
Share YOUR Happy Endings,