Heart Healing: The Power of Forgiveness to Heal a Broken Heart (Forgiveness Book, for Fans of Chicken Soup for the Soul, How to Heal a Brolen Heart or Radical Forgiveness)
194
Heart Healing: The Power of Forgiveness to Heal a Broken Heart (Forgiveness Book, for Fans of Chicken Soup for the Soul, How to Heal a Brolen Heart or Radical Forgiveness)
194Paperback
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781633535886 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | TURNER PUB CO |
| Publication date: | 10/15/2018 |
| Pages: | 194 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.50(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
INTRODUCTION
What is most personal is most universal.
— Carl R. Rogers
I'm sharing my heart healing story at the beginning of this book, not because it is unique, rather because I know the power of stories. As you read mine, I imagine you will be reminded of similar feelings you have had or are having in the midst of a broken heart. You will see that while our circumstances are different, we share some or all of the emotions and thoughts activated by heartbreak — and in this, I pray that you will know that you are not alone.
You will also see that healing a broken heart is not a linear process. For instance, if your heart initially closes as a way of protecting you from the devastating onrush of pain, and then over time opens, this doesn't mean that your heart may never close again. It is through waking up to our beliefs — thoughts charged with emotional energy, thoughts that have been thought over and over again — that we learn what triggers our physical sensations and emotions and that we uncover the programming (the operating system) that informs our life. It is through this awareness that we can choose to accept the invitation to upgrade the software of our mind and heal our heart.
I have had the gift of working with and guiding thousands of women and men as they navigated the pain of heartbreak to heal their hearts and find the courage to boldly Love again with audacity. I share my journey with you so you will know that Love is your birthright and see that ultimately a broken heart is an open heart — allowing the light of Love to flow in and out.
You didn't just break my heart; you broke our future.
— Steve Maraboli
On May 2, 2017, I eagerly awaited the return of Beau, the man I loved. He'd been in China for three weeks. We had dreamt about Asia and were planning to live and travel there beginning in January 2018 for at least a year. China and tea had captured his heart.
I was delightfully imagining the sexy lingerie I'd wear to greet him upon his return and the food I would have ready for him. I knew what made his mouth water.
May 3, 2017
I hadn't heard from Beau during the previous two days. When we had last spoken on Sunday, he'd said he'd be up in the mountains for a few days and didn't expect to have Wi-Fi or cell service.
I had called Beau as soon as I had gotten home on Sunday after leading a two-day workshop in New York City, where I had listened intently to thirty interfaith seminary students, then taken a four-hour trip back to Massachusetts.
He was distressed as he told me that while the people he loved lived in the United States — his three kids, four grandkids, and ME — the country he loved and that was calling to him was China — 7,000 miles away. After about fifteen minutes of listening, I lovingly said, "Beau, I know this is important to you, and I want to listen, but I've been listening to thirty people for two full days — I have to go to sleep." I'd sensed annoyance in his voice as he said, "Okay, go to sleep."
I hung up the phone, but a few minutes later, I called him back. I so wanted to be there for him. Isn't this what we do for those we Love? He spoke more about his internal struggle. After about twenty minutes, I was shocked to hear myself blurt out, "Are you breaking up with me?" Without missing a beat, he said, "No, our relationship is good." But during the two days since, while I hadn't heard from him, I had wondered why I had asked that question out of the blue. I'd wished I could take it back. While I didn't obsess about it, sporadically throughout the day, it had popped into my mind. Then I remembered, he had reassured me that our relationship was good.
May 4, 2017
I woke up very excited that Beau would soon be home. It was a beautiful sunny May day. Watching the sunlight dancing on the pond from the bed that Beau had bought just for us, I envisioned our bodies entangled like spaghetti — delighting in the view we were so blessed to wake to each morning. A delicious morning of lovemaking had taken hold of my imagination. He would be home in just five days.
An hour later, as the morning sun filled the living room with the glorious light of a new day, I was sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap, not expecting my world to change when I opened my email. This is what I read:
I am back on my path. The path I was on when we met. Our love filled my life with joy. I thought it was my new path to be with you ... but over here I have seen my way again. And I have realized it is my way, not our way.
There is not much else to say except I have been blessed by your presence for the time you were with me.
But now I must set out again on the road that I was on.
I wish you all the best — bestselling books, novels, special friends, full happiness, bliss.
I will be back on May 9. I have things to wrap up and to prepare for an extended time in Asia. I do not think it will be a good time for us to be sharing my house as I will be in the process of wrapping up my time on the pond. Getting ready for my water to be the Mekong, the Yangtze, the South China Sea, Lake Lugu ...
All my love and best wishes, Beau
In the thirty-five seconds it took for me to read the email, my life changed. I stood up, clutching my laptop. As I looked around the room, nothing seemed real to me. There it was, that feeling I hated — being cast out. Pain coursed through me as though I had been stabbed with a rusted jagged edged dagger, right in the center of my heart. My chest collapsed, and my breath got caught in my throat. Hello, heartbreak, I had hoped never to meet you again.
In the midst of this shock, unable to move, II heard these words, loud enough to hear and clear enough to understand, directly from my now broken open heart, 'Obviously, this is the best he could do;' and 'What is it about me that has me once again experiencing this feeling of being cast out?'
I moved through the day in a fog. It was as though I had been surgically exorcised from my life, a life that was safe, familiar, and filled with love, visions, and dreams that made my heart sing. Even though my physical environment hadn't changed, I no longer had a place in it.
I was now in the midst of my very own heartbreak, and the irony did not escape me. I had just, three weeks earlier, completed my new book about heart healing. Now I had some big dealing and healing to do.
I was furious each time I reread Beau's email. Best wishes!! Are you out of your fucking mind, Beau! Today was up there with the worst days of my life. Everything that had felt safe and known to me was no longer a solid foundation I could depend on. One thing I knew for sure was that I didn't plan to be moved out of here in five days. I was the one who had turned this place, where Beau had lived in monk-like fashion, into a home.
Somehow, I managed to put one foot in front of the other — thank goodness for the power of shock.
I didn't want to call and tell anyone, because then this horrible nightmare would be real. Everything in me wanted to go back to an hour ago when I saw that Beau had sent me an email. I was so excited to open it and read about his time in the mountains of China and his new tea discoveries.
After sitting so still that all that seemed to be moving was my breath and the blinking of my eyes, I called Josie. We'd been friends for eight years and had spent endless hours in her hot tub talking about men. She had truly been the wind beneath my wings when I knew it was time to end my previous relationship. We hadn't spent a lot of time together since Beau had captured my heart, although we'd spoken a few times a week while she was in Florida for the winter. She regularly commented about how special it was to be with us. Love was contagious around us. She loved seeing me joyously and happily in love. As soon as she said, "Hi," I started bawling.
"What's wrong? Suze, what's happened?"
"Beau broke up with me in an email an hour ago."
"That fucker. What's wrong with him? Come down here, stay with me. We'll drive from Florida back to the Berkshires together."
As I continued to weep, I managed to say, "I'm going to call Calla and ask if I can stay the weekend at her house." Through a barrage of tears, barely able to catch my breath, I mumbled, "I have to get off the phone. I'm miserable."
"Susyn, you know you can call me anytime, day or night. I can't believe this is happening to you. What the fuck is wrong with him? In an email! I love you. There are so many people who love you."
"Bye, Josie," I said.
As though moving through quicksand, I got dressed and made my way to my appointment with my osteopath for the pain in my hip that had begun a few weeks earlier. Once in the examining room, she asked, "How are you today?" I immediately dissolved into tears, and while gulping for breath, told her, "I got an email this morning from my boyfriend breaking up with me and telling me to move out before he arrives home in five days. He has been in China for a few weeks."
As she expertly manipulated my body to relieve my physical discomfort, she encouraged me to allow my emotions to flow. I did. Thirty minutes later, when I got up from the table feeling some physical relief, she hugged me as her words momentarily soothed my distress, "You've had a terrible shock. What a cowardly way to end your relationship. Take care of yourself. You don't have to make any decisions right now." Taking a deep breath, I left the examination room, feeling grateful for my now pain-free hip.
I drove home in a daze, knowing that I had to get away. I wished there was some way for me to step out of my life.
Back at the house, I called Calla. She was shocked as I read her Beau's email. She had visited us a few months earlier and had seen how happy and loving we were together. As my tears flowed and my heart ached, I asked, "Will you be home this weekend? Can I come to your house tomorrow and stay for the weekend?" Her response was immediate, "Of course you can. Come right now." Barely able to speak, I whispered, "I'll be there in the morning. Bye."
My new friend Mary was coming over for dinner. She didn't know what she was stepping into!
I started to prepare dinner by rote, first measuring the rice and getting the rice cooker going, then chopping the ginger, garlic, and scallions for the stir-fry. I'd cooked hundreds of nourishing, healthy, mouthwatering meals in this kitchen. During our first few months together, Beau was often surprised that I loved to cook. Tonight, cooking captured my attention. For a while, my tears stopped, until the moment Mary opened the door and walked into the house.
"What's wrong?" the words shot out of her mouth.
"Beau broke up with me in an email this morning."
Looking at me quizzically, she asked, "Did you have any idea this was coming?"
"No," I declared as a fleeting memory crossed my mind of the question that had jumped out of my mouth during our last conversation, "Are you breaking up with me?"
Sitting down to eat, I had no appetite. I moved the food around my bowl, the bowl Beau and I had bought together. Everything I saw and touched elicited a memory as my eyes welled over and over again with tears. Mary kept reminding me to take care of myself, to be gentle with myself, and to allow my feelings to flow. When we finished eating, she went home. I was drained and just wanted to get under the covers and hide.
I crawled into our bed, the bed he had bought for us because he loved me, he loved us.
When first faced with heartbreak that pulls the rug out from underneath us, and when the life we know is radically changed, putting one foot in front of the other is an accomplishment. Here are actions to consider and take to deal with the immediate shock:
•Acknowledge and allow your feelings to flow. (They may include rage, anger, numbness, disbelief, hurt, abandonment, hopelessness, fear, shock ...) •Be gentle with yourself.
•Reach out and share what you are experiencing with a trusted family member, friend, or professional, or express what you are feeling in a journal.
•Ask for what you need from trusted family and friends (for example, may I stay at your house; please don't give me advice unless I ask for it; hug me, allow me to feel my feelings ...)
May 6, 2017
At this moment, I am heartbroken. The irony is my new book is titled Heart Healing! I am empty. This morning, I hated Beau for the cruel email he sent to me ending our relationship. In brief moments of clarity, of course I know that if he could have done better, he would have. This was the best he could do. I wondered, why would I want to be with a man like this?
I'm an empty vessel. The good news is that I have no appetite, so the seven pounds I gained over the winter will easily be gone. Heartbreak is my unexpected weight loss plan!
I stepped into life with Beau wholeheartedly. I was reveling in the glorious feeling of having a home again; not the house we were in, but the feeling of home that I so greatly loved, cherished, and immediately felt with Beau. The rug has been pulled out from underneath me.
My first memory of this feeling of being cast out is when I was three years old; when my mom went to the hospital, I was sent to my grandparents. I was the only one sent away; my two older sisters stayed home with my dad. Yes, my grandparents loved me, but I had never been away from my family — or even away from home before, and leaving my mother as she cried in the huge New York City hospital was scary.
This is the only part of what I remember from my time at my grandparents. (My nighttime ritual with my mom was to go into the bathroom, and when I sat on the toilet, she would turn on the faucet to help me pee before bed.)
In the bathroom alone at my grandparents', I'd turned on the faucet before sitting down on the toilet at bedtime. Within moments, my grandmother came in, and I imagine that what she said in her Eastern European accent was something like, "No need to have the water running." As the flow of water stopped, I felt myself disappear. My familiar nighttime ritual was now gone — everything I was familiar with was gone. I was away from my home, my parents, and my sisters for the first time in my life. At that moment, I closed my heart in a treasure chest bound with chains and a padlock with the key nowhere to be found. I stopped eating and talking. My grandparents drove me home many days before my mom returned from the hospital.
May 7, 2017
It is interesting to me that, for decades, I remembered a poem I first read in a literary book written by students in my elementary school about a treasure locked away in a secret garden. My memory of the exact words of the poem dissolved as my heart opened on a spiritual journey with Don Miguel Ruiz in 2002.
On that day, I had been emotionally distraught and unable to free myself from the certainties that I was doomed to forever feel my I'm not enough and that I would never truly experience Love. The poem, which I had first read in elementary school and immediately learned by heart, had been playing through the echo chamber of my mind throughout that day.
As we sat in an amphitheater amidst the pyramids of Teotihuacan, Don Miguel, who was down below on the stage, asked, "Who is afraid of me?" I was drawn to him. In what I can only describe as a trance, I walked down the seats of the amphitheater and stood before him. I remember him gazing straight into my eyes.
After some time, he turned to our Dreamers group and said, "I'd need a lot of Viagra to get through to her." I had locked away my heart so deeply and for so long; I was embarrassed and ashamed by what he said about me. I continued to be transfixed as I held his gaze. Then I collapsed, I swooned as my eyes closed. I had swooned, and my eyes closed. When I opened my eyes again, my head was cradled in the lap and arms of Gary. He was whispering to me softly over and over again, "You are beautiful. You are Loved." It was as though I had been reborn. After a time, I was helped to stand up. My legs were wobbly.
I felt like a clean vessel. No more constriction, my heart had opened. The treasure chest was unlocked. Later that day when we were walking on the road to another site, I ran like the wind. My body — my very being — was spacious.
On our last day at the pyramids, we climbed the steps to the Pyramid of the Sun, where man becomes God. I realized as we sat at this portal that I was also one with the pilot who flew a plane into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. I committed at that moment to never hating again. But yesterday morning, I hated Beau. It was not a screaming and yelling hate, calling him names and wanting everyone I knew to know what a horrible person he was; rather I felt a deep wound that his cruel email elicited.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Heart Healing"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Susyn Reeve.
Excerpted by permission of Mango Media, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword 13
A word about words 16
How to use this book 17
Introduction 20
Part I My Personal Heart Healing Story 24
Introduction 25
Key 1 Transform Your Emotions 45
Key 2 Keep Your Attention On Yourself 45
Key 3 Open Your Heart, Heal the Wounds of the Past 47
Key 4 Trust the Power of Love 48
Part II The Concepts: Heart Healing & The Power of Forgiveness 67
Introduction 68
Concept 1 What Is Heart Healing? 69
Concept 2 The Promise of Heart Healing 71
Concept 3 Why Heart Healing Now? 74
Concept 4 Old & New Paradigm 77
Concept 5 The Tools of Heart Healing 80
Concept 6 What Is Forgiveness? 82
Concept 7 What I Know about Forgiveness 84
Concept 8 What Are You Forgiving? 85
Concept 9 Some Thoughts on Letting Go 88
Concept 10 Forgiveness in Action 95
Concept 11 Revenge or Forgiveness 100
Concept 12 A Forgiveness Roadmap 103
Concept 13 Commit First 111
Part III Practicing Forgiveness 116
Introduction 117
Lesson 1 From Self-Sabotage to Intuition 118
Lesson 2 From judgment to Acceptance 121
Lesson 3 From Victimhood to Divinity 123
Lesson 4 From Rejection to Gratitude 125
Lesson 5 From Disease to Well-Being 129
Lesson 6 From Aging to Evolving 135
Lesson 7 From Disappointment to Honoring 141
Lesson 8 From Control to Parenting 144
Lesson 9 From Resentment to Unconditional Love 148
Lesson 10 From Rivalry to Respect 153
Lesson 11 From Feuding to Harmony 157
Lesson 12 From Opposition to Sacred Union 160
Lesson 13 From Expectations to Understanding 163
Lesson 14 From Non-Awareness to Grace 167
Lesson 15 From Assuming to Listening 171
Lesson 16 From Anger to Compassion 174
Lesson 17 From Selfishness to Generosity 177
Afterword 182
Acknowledgments 183
Appendix 185
Resources 189
Susyn Reeve 193
What People are Saying About This
l love Susyn’s writing! Her new book, "Heart-Healing: The Life-Changing Power of Forgiving and Letting Go of the Past", touched my heart and opened my mind to forgive and let go of the emotional wounds that had kept me stuck for much to long. I’ll be reading and using this book over, and over again and, of course, recommending it to everyone I know.”
- Elissa Goodman, Holistic Nutritionist and author of "Cancer Hacks"