How Do I Sexy?: A Guide for Trans and Nonbinary Queers

by Nillin Lore, Sophie Labelle (Foreword by)

Overview

What even is “sexy,” and how do you do it? A tough question for trans and nonbinary queers struggling to find their sexual selves in a landscape rife with misogynistic, transphobic and homophobic ideals and expectations. In How Do I Sexy? Mx. Nillin Lore provides affirming and helpful direction based on over a decade of their own personal and professional experience as an educator, advocate, support worker and award-winning sex blogger.

You’re invited to do some deep introspection, find a look that feels right and gain insight on sexiness from fellow trans and nonbinary queers. You’ll also find valuable tips on navigating dating sites, finding community, managing rejection with grace and engaging in sexual relationships. Principled and compassionate, Mx. Nillin Lore will help you figure out who you want to be, who you want to be with and how to make it happen—both in the streets and between the sheets.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781990869532
Publisher:	Thornapple Press
Publication date:	08/23/2024
Pages:	264
Product dimensions:	5.25(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Mx. Nillin Lore (they/them) is an AuDHD, trans and queer activist, advocate, and educator based in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. They have had queer erotica stories published in a number of anthologies including Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year volumes 4–6 and The Big Book of Orgasms Volume 2. They co-authored a chapter of Trans Bodies, Trans Selves and are the editor of Heckin' Lewd: Trans and Nonbinary Erotica.

Table of Contents

Foreword
Acknowledgements
Chapter One: The Ventura Effect
Chapter Two: What the Hell Even is “Sexy”?
Chapter Three: Coping With Fear, Shame, Guilt, and Insecurity
Chapter Four: Making Your Personal Mantras
Chapter Five: Saying No to Traditional Gender Roles; and Other Harmful Ideals
Chapter Six: Get Your Sexy On
Chapter Seven: Dating, Flirting, and Finding Community
Chapter Eight: Trans Queer Affirming Sex; What It Is and How To Have It
Conclusion
Glossary
Resources
Index

What People are Saying About This

erotica writer and teacher - Orlando Silver

I have such gratitude for this playful, affirming book. It brought me to tears to see my own personal experiences represented with such nuance and love. How Do I Sexy? explores the search for authentic pleasure within queer bodies that often elude definition. So many books about human sexuality are written about us, rather than by us. The power of this book is that these are our stories, using our language and on our terms. I am thrilled to see it released in the world.

creator of Molly's Daily Kiss and author of Molly's Daily Kiss: Submission Of Truth - Molly Moore

Nillin's work in the sex blogging community has that magical quality of being both hot and filthy, and educating and thought-provoking. They are one of the most authentic sex bloggers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. They share their joys and their hardships with equal honesty and bravery. Their work is truly a celebration of queer love and sex.

Girl on the Net

Mx. Nillin is a truly thoughtful writer whose work is always informative, frequently moving and often incredibly hot. Their sex blog is one of the best—they weave personal experience with education and advocacy so beautifully. Nillin's work is sorely needed in a world where sex and pleasure is still seen in deeply reductive, binary ways. With their welcoming approach and ability to knit honesty and vulnerability with education, I can think of few better guides through the landscape of "sexy'" than Nillin!

author of 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do - Kate Sloan

Nillin’s warmth, humor, and adventurousness are a shining light in the sex writing community. They live their queer, pervy life proudly, and in doing so, inspire others to be truer to themselves too. Reading their work serves as a wonderful reminder that sex is best when infused with fun, freedom, self-knowledge and self-expression.

Amity Pulsatrix

"Very informative, affirmative and compassionate writing that can help pretty much anybody figure out how to be sexy!"

M.Ed., author of Love’s Not Color Blind - Kevin A. Patterson

We don't always get the kind of guidance for having and enjoying our sexuality in a positive and healthy way. That guidance comes in even shorter supply for our trans, nonbinary, and queer friends. Having a voice like Nillin's writing on this topic is both spot on and wildly beneficial!

Editorial Reviews

"Very informative, affirmative and compassionate writing that can help pretty much anybody figure out how to be sexy!"

Amity Pulsatrix

How Do I Sexy? isn’t just a good book, it’s a vital and sorely needed one. LGBTQ+ young people are still rarely represented in mainstream sex education. Many of us make it to adulthood with very little knowledge of our bodies, our sexualities, and how to engage intimately with others. This book is like a warm, comforting hug that says ‘hey, you’re lovable – and sexy – exactly as you are!’ It’s both a celebration and an invitation. No matter where you are in your queer, trans or non-binary journey, there will be something in here for you.”

Coffee & Kink

Nillin’s warmth, humor, and adventurousness are a shining light in the sex writing community. They live their queer, pervy life proudly, and in doing so, inspire others to be truer to themselves too. Reading their work serves as a wonderful reminder that sex is best when infused with fun, freedom, self-knowledge and self-expression.

author of 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do - Kate Sloan

We don't always get the kind of guidance for having and enjoying our sexuality in a positive and healthy way. That guidance comes in even shorter supply for our trans, nonbinary, and queer friends. Having a voice like Nillin's writing on this topic is both spot on and wildly beneficial!

M.Ed., author of Love’s Not Color Blind - Kevin A. Patterson

Mx. Nillin is a truly thoughtful writer whose work is always informative, frequently moving and often incredibly hot. Their sex blog is one of the best—they weave personal experience with education and advocacy so beautifully. Nillin's work is sorely needed in a world where sex and pleasure is still seen in deeply reductive, binary ways. With their welcoming approach and ability to knit honesty and vulnerability with education, I can think of few better guides through the landscape of "sexy'" than Nillin!

Girl on the Net

How Do I Sexy? is a fantastic read and a book that’s worth keeping on the shelf for reference or revisiting.

Bending the Bookshelf - Sally Bend

I have such gratitude for this playful, affirming book. It brought me to tears to see my own personal experiences represented with such nuance and love. How Do I Sexy? explores the search for authentic pleasure within queer bodies that often elude definition. So many books about human sexuality are written about us, rather than by us. The power of this book is that these are our stories, using our language and on our terms. I am thrilled to see it released in the world.

erotica writer and teacher - Orlando Silver

Nillin's work in the sex blogging community has that magical quality of being both hot and filthy, and educating and thought-provoking. They are one of the most authentic sex bloggers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. They share their joys and their hardships with equal honesty and bravery. Their work is truly a celebration of queer love and sex.

creator of Molly's Daily Kiss and author of Molly's Daily Kiss: Submission Of Truth - Molly Moore

"Nillin's work is sorely needed in a world where sex and pleasure is still seen in deeply reductive, binary ways." —Girl on the Net 

"Having a voice like Nillin's writing on this topic is both spot on and wildly beneficial!" —Kevin Patterson, M.Ed., author of Love’s Not Color Blind

"Nillin’s warmth, humor, and adventurousness are a shining light in the sex writing community." —Kate Sloan, Author of 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do 

"Nillin's work in the sex blogging community has that magical quality of being both hot and filthy, and educating and thought-provoking." —Molly Moore, creator of Molly's Daily Kiss and author of Molly's Daily Kiss: Submission Of Truth 

From the Publisher