How Much Is Too Much? [previously published as How Much Is Enough?]: Raising Likeable, Responsible, Respectful Children -- from Toddlers to Teens -- in an Age of Overindulgence

by Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, David Bredehoft

Overview

A down-to-earth guide to regaining control of your kids and your family

Overindulgence is not the badge of a bad parent. In fact, it comes directly from having a good and generous heart. But despite our good intentions, the abundance we heap on our kids often becomes more than they need or can handle. Family and parenting experts Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson, and David Bredehoft help you to understand:

• How damaging overindulgence can be for children
• When you are overindulging—and how to stop
• Which methods work best to establish firm rules and structure
• How to instill responsibility and independence in your kids
• What to do when family and friends are overindulging your kids
• What grandparents can do to help

Based on new research gathered over the past ten years, How Much Is Too Much? gives you the insight and advice you need to put your children on track for a happy and successful life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780738216812
Publisher:	Hachette Books
Publication date:	01/07/2014
Edition description:	Second Edition
Pages:	368
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.70(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Jean Illsley Clarke, PhD, is an internationally known parent educator whose books include Self-Esteem and Growing Up Again. She lives in Minnesota.

Connie Dawson, PhD, is a former counselor educator at Portland State University, an attachment-oriented therapist to adoptive families, a workshop presenter, and coauthor of Growing Up Again. She lives in Washington state.

David Bredehoft, PhD, is the Chair of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Concordia University in St. Paul, Minnesota, and has over twenty-seven years of experience as a researcher, marriage and family therapist, and university professor.

www.overindulgence.info

Table of Contents

A Letter to Readers ix

Introduction xi

Section I Recognizing Overindulgence

1 What Is This Thing Called Overindulgence? Does It Really Make a Difference? 3

2 How Were Children Overindulged? It's More Than Toys and Clothes 11

3 Is It or Isn't It? The Test of Four-Clues to Overindulgence 19

4 From the Research-Fourteen Risks of Overindulging: This Is Not What Caring Adults Intended! 26

Section II Too Much

5 Have Some More: The Many Ways of Giving Too Much 37

6 I Don't Have Anything to Play With! When I Was Growing Up My Parents Gave Me Lots of Toys 42

7 I Have Nothing to Wear! When I Was Growing Up I Was Allowed to Have Any Clothes I Wanted 48

8 So Much to Do, So Little Time: When I Was Growing Up My Parents Overscheduled My Time 57

9 How Much Is Enough? I Don't Know What "Enough" Means 65

Section III Overnurture

10 What Is Nurture? All the Ways We Care 83

11 I'll Do It for You: When I Was Growing Up My Parents Did Things for Me That I Should Have Done for Myself 87

12 Look at Me! When I Was Growing Up My Parents Gave Me Too Much Attention 96

13 The Little Princes and Princesses: When I Was Growing Up I Was Allowed Lots of Privileges 101

14 Did You Have Fun Today? When I Was Growing Up My Parents Made Sure I Was Entertained 110

15 The Nurture Highway: Half of the Roadway of Parenting-Six Ways of Caring for Children, Two That Are Helpful 122

Section IV Soft Structure

16 What Is Structure? All the Ways We Keep Kids Safe 133

17 You Want Me to Do What? When I Was Growing Up My Parents Did Not Expect Me to Do Chores 138

18 I Don't Feel Like Doing That! When I Was Growing Up I Was Not Expected to Learn the Same Skills as Other Children 151

19 I Don't Need Your Rules! When I Was Growing Up My Parents Didn't Have Rules or Didn't Make Me Follow Them 160

20 Do as You Like: When I Was Growing Up My Parents Gave Me Too Much Freedom 173

21 Who Is in Charge Here? When I Was Growing Up My Parents Allowed Me to Take the Lead or Dominate the Family 184

22 The Structure Highway: The Other Half of the Roadway of Parenting-Six Ways of Structuring Children, Two That Are Helpful 197

23 The High Road-Combining Nurture and Structure: A Powerful Plan 206

Section V For Those Who Were Overindulged as Children

24 The Who and Why of Adults Who Overindulge: Forty-Two Reasons People Give In 213

25 I'll Never Do That! How Having Been Overindulged Affects Parenting 220

26 What About Me? Risks to Adults Who Were Given Too Much 231

Section VI Living with Overindulgence as the New Normal

27 Hazards in the Home: Dealing with Circumstances That Can Turn Good Intentions into Overindulgence 241

28 Hazards on the Road: Outside Pressures to Overindulge-Consumerism, the Media, Technology, the Community, and Other People 257

Section VII The Grandparents are Overindulging: What Can Parents Do?

29 When Momma Says No, I Call 1 800 Grandma: For Parents Dealing with Grandparents Who Overindulge-The Grandparent Gene 269

30 From Infants to Adults: Grandparents Can Overindulge Family Members of Any Age 275

Section VIII The Parents are Overindulging: What Can Grandparents Do?

31 Grandparents Who Want to Spoil but Can't: The Parents Beat Them to It 283

32 Now I'm a Grandparent, What Am I Supposed to Do? Give Me a Job Description 290

Letter of Hope 297

In the Therapist's Office-A Letter of Intent 299

Appendix A Parental Overindulgence Assessment Tool 301

Appendix B The Overindulgence Research Project Study Results 303

Appendix C Household Jobs Participation Chart 309

Appendix D Ages and Stages 311

References 325

Recommended Reading 331

Acknowledgments 333

About the Authors 335

Index 337

Editorial Reviews

Hudson Valley News, 2/26/14
“Learn when you are overindulging, and how to stop.”

InfoDad.com, 3/13/14
“That the authors focus on the prescriptive rather than simply reciting the results of their research is a significant strength…There are enough ideas here so that if one does not work, it is possible to try another, and then another.”

Mid-Ohio Valley Parent, April 2014
“A helpful resource for parents with all ages of children…A book that can grow with your kids.”

San Francisco Book Review, 4/29/14
“This book is so incredibly relevant in today's culture; every parent would benefit from reading it. Recommended for everyone who has anything to do with children!”

Work & Family Life, May 2014
“How Much is Too Much deals with every aspect of overindulgence: what it is, why we do it and how it affects our children—as well as the impact on us as adults if we were overindulged ourselves as a child…This important book will help us learn how this is a threat to the next generation and the ways we can change and do things differently.”

BroadwayWorld.com, 5/13/14
“An easy-to-understand guide, supported by science, that helps parents and professionals to not only recognize the problem but provides sound advice.

From the Publisher