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Overview
· The best way to start your pregnancy
· Tactics for the bathroom and the breakfast table
· A pocket-sized solution to the morning sickness problem
· Coping with cravings
· How to preserve your sex life
· The Pregnant Father’s Cookbook
· Labor pains, true and false
· A complete hospital survival kit
· The nicest way of predicting you unborn baby’s sex
· How to cash in on triplets
· Getting a birthday present from Uncle Sam
· Three ways to help your wife get back in shape
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780818407970 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Kensington |
| Publication date: | 06/01/2000 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 56 |
| File size: | 3 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
How to Be a Pregnant Father
By Peter Mayle, Arthur Robins
KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.
Copyright © 1977 Peter MayleAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8184-0797-0
CHAPTER 1
CONGRATULATIONS!
Unless you're reading this book under false pretences, you have just become a pregnant father. Traditionally, this is a time in a man's life when he becomes a rather uneasy background figure, hovering on the fringes of the great event. From time to time, catalogs of baby's clothing and equipment may be thrust under his nose; or his opinion may occasionally be sought on the size and design of the crib or the baby carriage.
But in between helping to conceive the child and giving out cigars at the other end of the process, very little attention has been paid to the man's side of pregnancy.
And, most definitely, there is a man's side.
For the first-time father, pregnancy can be puzzling, tiring and sometimes hurtful, and a frequent strain on the patience and the digestion.
The most unsettling fact to face is that your dear, familiar wife will change. She will change not only in shape, but also in disposition. She will be subject to uncharacteristic moods and fancies, often following one another with confusing speed.
She smiles, she weeps, she feels ravenous or bilious, she wants company, she wants solitude – all in the course of the same day and quite possibly even before lunchtime.
You, sir, have months of this to cope with.
Whether you have a good pregnancy or a miserable one depends largely on your attitude. If you're prepared to become a player in this nine-month event rather than just a spectator, you'll enjoy it. Further, you'll make things a lot easier for your wife.
This book is based on the assumption that you actually want to join in. And the best time to do that is at the very beginning.
The most crucial period in setting the mood of your pregnancy is now; your behavior during these first few pregnant weeks is vital. This, unfortunately, is a problem. Because once the initial excitement has died down, the chances are that you'll start to worry.
Can we afford it? Do we need somewhere bigger to live? Supposing it's twins? What happens to the vacation we've planned? Will we have to get rid of the sports car? Will we have to get rid of our sex life? Complications! Hospitals! Doctor's bills! Midnight feedings! No more lazy Sunday mornings! No more freedom! No more parties! Panic! Help!
Calm down. These are the worries that beset almost every pregnant father, and you will find that they can be resolved quite comfortably over the next nine months.
In the meantime, your wife needs all the attention you can give her. She, after all, is trying to get used to the idea of carrying a small human being around inside her, which is an infinitely more unsettling experience than anything you think you're going through.
So in these early stages, keep your neuroses to yourself. If you start worrying out loud, your wife's going to think you don't want the baby. And if she ever starts thinking that, you're both going to have a bad pregnancy.
Of course, your wife may bring some of these things up herself. If she does, by all means talk them over with her. But if all she wants to do for the first couple of weeks of pregnancy is talk about the joys of parenthood, don't spoil it for her. You have nine months to sort out the practical details. A few days dreaming about your genius offspring will do you both good.
While you're still in that happy state of pre-parental euphoria, here are one or two simple and constructive things you can do to start your pregnancy off on the right foot.
Celebrate
There will be plenty of time for eating and drinking sensibly in the months ahead. But for one glorious evening, as early on in the preganncy as possible, take your wife out for an extravagant dinner. Buy her flowers, take taxis, have all the forbidden delights on the menu, have liqueurs, have fun. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you diet. But on this self-indulgent night, enjoy the fact that you're both having a baby.
Learn about the inner woman
You'll find it useful and fascinating to find out exactly what is going on inside your wife's body.
There are literally hundreds of books that describe in loving detail almost every minute of a woman's pregnancy. Your wife will probably have at least one of these books herself. Read it. Find out what happens to the mother month by month as the bump grows into a baby.
You'll discover that it's quite normal for a pregnant woman to have cramps and cravings, to feel occasional nausea and irritability. It's not an unkind fate that has singled her out for special attention; it's life.
In this case, a little knowledge is a helpful thing. It is far easier to be sympathetic to your wife when you know what she's going through.
But the main reason you should be on speaking terms with the mysteries of pregnancy is that it will make the whole business more interesting for you, the pregnant father. And let us not forget that the purpose of this book is to make your pregnancy a happy one.
Make every pregnant month count
Pregnancy provides you with a splendid opportunity to catch up on all kinds of things you've been meaning to do for ages.
As the months go by, your social life will probably become progressively quieter. Unborn babies are not fond of late nights and parties. They find too much food or drink disagreeable, and if forced to endure a heavy evening, they take their revenge the following morning by making their mother feel dreadful.
So you will find yourselves with more free evenings than you've had for some time.
This is the moment to read The Gulag Archipelago, instead of pretending you have. Or to take up backgammon, as everyone else seems to have done with such smug proficiency. In fact, it doesn't really matter what you turn your hand to – cooking, Kung Fu, model making, racehorse handicapping, dirty scrabble – as long as you take up something that makes use of that time.
Pregnant fathers fall into two distinct categories : those who use the pregnancy as an excuse for idleness, and those who use it to accomplish something – even if it's only reading some long-neglected books.
Invariably, those who used the pregnancy constructively had more fun and happier wives than those who vegetated.
Don't neglect the outer woman
If you value your wife's well-being during this time, never forget that her basic feelings have not changed simply because her shape has. On the contrary, she is probably more sensitive now than ever before, particularly about your feelings towards her.
Do you love her? Do you find her attractive?
Then let her know. Give her flowers, buy her perfume, notice her hair – treat her, in other words, like the woman she is. Not like some strange creature who has ceased to be feminine until she has hatched her egg.
Naturally, you would never make such an elementary mistake. Or would you? Does she really feel happy and loved?
If you're not sure, give her a kiss and one last glass of champagne before reading the next chapter.
They're split into three sections that cover home sickness, traveling sickness and away sickness at various times. (Because despite its name, morning sickness is not necessarily confined to the morning.)
At home
It's normal for morning sickness, like charity, to begin at home. And what often sets it off is the sight and smell of fried eggs, sausages and bacon.
If you feel unable to face the world without a fried breakfast, you would be wise to learn to cook it yourself, and be prepared to eat alone. Even the bravest pregnant stomach may find that kind of onslaught difficult to take first thing in the morning.
A much more sympathetic alternative is to change your breakfast menu. Try, for instance, grapefruit, toast and a boiled egg.
Something like that is easy to prepare, less offensive to the pregnant disposition, and much better for you than all that fried stuff anyway.
The kitchen is not the only place where you might have to change your early morning habits. As you can imagine, many battles in the war against morning sickness are fought in the bathroom.
Here, the great thing is to be in readiness at all times for instant retreat.
If you're having a leisurely shave, and there's a frantic hammering on the door, it's no use asking your wife to wait until you've finished.
She can't. The consequences of keeping her waiting are too ghastly to discuss.
So be on your toes, and when the moment comes take prompt evasive action.
One last thought before we leave the bathroom.
Unless your wife specifically asks you to stay with her, make yourself scarce while she is coming to terms with her stomach. Being sick is a messy and unattractive business, and most women prefer to do it in private.
CHAPTER 2KISS YOUR BREAKFAST GOODBYE, the early morning bathroom rush-hour, and the perils of public transportation.
Your wife's body, which has hitherto been the exclusive property of your wife, is now being shared by a passenger.
And one of the least pleasant side effects of this often starts very early on in the pregnancy, long before any bumps or bulges appear. It is, of course, that special kind of awful feeling known as morning sickness.
Unfortunately, as men have never experienced morning sickness, many of them are tempted to dismiss it as a display of feminine dramatics, designed to attract sympathy and attention. They couldn't be more wrong.
Morning sickness is a very real and inconvenient problem. Furthermore, it makes those women who suffer from it feel not only ill, but frequently depressed as well. Whatever you do, don't under-estimate it.
An example of how it actually feels comes from a woman whose hobbies are having babies and sailing small boats. She has had considerable experience of both morning sickness and seasickness, and she claims the two feelings are quite similar.
So if you'd like some idea of what your wife is going through, go sailing and get seasick one weekend. You may feel a lot more sympathetic towards her condition once you've had a taste of something like it yourself.
Don't let all this get you down. Normally, morning sickness only lasts for two or three months. And there is an even chance that your wife will go through the entire pregnancy without a single queasy moment.
As you might expect in these computerized times, there is in existence a set of statistics telling us how many pregnant women suffer from morning sickness, and how many don't.
According to this particular set of figures, 50 per cent of mothers didfind themselves diving uncontrollably for the nearest bathroom during pregnancy; the other half had no trouble at all.
Let's hope your wife is one of the fortunate 50 per cent. If she's not (and you'll know within the first couple of months), you must be prepared to take some rather unusual precautions.
In really severe cases, the only sensible thing to do is go and see your doctor. But if it's just normally awful, you may find the following hints are of some help.
Traveling
There's no need to stay rooted at home throughout your pregnancy.
But it's wrong to assume that you can travel about freely as soon as the morning is over. Morning sickness has been known to happen in a mid-afternoon traffic jam at 57th Street and Park Avenue, with spectacular results. You just can't be too careful.
Preferably, you should avoid public transportation.
Much as they might want to help, bus and train drivers can't make unscheduled stops to accommodate the demands of an uneasy stomach. And taxi drivers, faced with the prospect of a passenger about to throw up, are likely to be more concerned with their upholstery than your wife's discomfort.
But what if, like most of us, she has to use public transportation?
She probably won't be allowed to take travel sickness pills. She can't predict when she's going to feel ill. She can't ask the driver to stop.
No, there's only one answer. It may not be elegant, but it does provide a small measure of comfort, and it can be taken everywhere (even to the movies).
It is the regulation airplane sick-bag, complete with sealable top.
This won't stop your wife from feeling sick, or indeed from being sick. But it does mean that she has something to be sick in. Also, she can remove all traces of the catastrophe for discreet disposal later on.
Pregnant women who have tried this simple device have found it surprisingly comforting, and say that it does help to reduce the panic that often accompanies sickness in a public place.
As for the receptable itself, the airline bags are best. Airlines, after all, had them well-made, and we have never heard of one failing yet. Ask your traveling friends to bring some back for you whenever they fly, or write to the Public Relations Officer of an airline, and ask him for a supply.
Of course, if you're lucky enough never to have to use public transportation, the problem is lessened considerably. You can usually pull in to the side of the road.
Nevertheless, we still recommend a supply of airline bags in the glove compartment, just in case.
Without going into details of the unpleasant episode in the traffic jam at the corner of 57th and Park, suffice it to say that one airline bag, accurately used, would have saved a great deal of embarrassment all round.
In other people's homes
When you, your wife and her delicate disposition go visiting, all three of you will have a better time if you prepare the ground first.
This is definitely a job for you, rather than your wife. She probably dislikes making a fuss, and would prefer to keep quiet and hope for the best.
Courageous though this is, it is courting disaster.
Consider, for example, a small dinner party at a friend's house. Supposing your wife is served something that makes her feel ill on sight? Supposing she's been seated in a corner, where she has to clamber over two other guests and a potted plant to get away from the table? Supposing she's not sure exactly where the bathroom is?
The possibilities are enough to make you lose your appetite completely. However, these horrors can be avoided with the help of a few words from you.
Presumably, your friends will know that your wife's expecting a baby. You should warn them well in advance that she's also expecting to feel ill from time to time.
With luck, they will then ask you if there's any kind of food your wife can't face eating. If they don't ask, tell them. Otherwise you might be one guest short for the evening.
(A seemingly harmless bowl of spaghetti once caused a pregnant guest to barricade herself in the bathroom for two and a half hours. The other guests, with embarrassing courtesy, delayed starting their meal until the lady emerged. The evening was not a success.)
Seating is almost as important as eating. Ideally, your wife should be placed as far away from kitchen smells as possible, with a clear avenue of escape to the bathroom. If there's some fresh air around, she should be near that too.
Finally, both of you should know the way to the bathroom before you sit down. And find out about any small peculiarities it may have, such as cunningly concealed lavatories or obscurely placed light switches. The middle of a crisis is no time to be fumbling around in the dark.
Having done your homework, you can relax. You've done all you can. From now on, you're in the lap of the gods.
CHAPTER 3CRAVINGS: in which we discover that an insane desire for a peanut butter, pickle and Hershey bar sandwich on date nut bread is absolutely nothing to be alarmed about.
Having tiptoed through the delicate ordeal of morning sickness, you may be tempted to breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to a return to normality at meal times.
Don't sigh too soon.
It's quite possible that your wife's appetites will undergo a complete change. Instead of feeling faint at the sight of a boiled egg, she may begin to consume, with great relish, a curious mixture of foods that would make a strong man recoil.
This doesn't happen to all pregnant women. Your wife could go through the entire pregnancy with nothing more exotic than a lamb chop passing her lips. However, you should be prepared for the alternative – a desperate, almost addictive desire for some truly extraordinary flavor combinations.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from How to Be a Pregnant Father by Peter Mayle, Arthur Robins. Copyright © 1977 Peter Mayle. Excerpted by permission of KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Title Page,Dedication,
Copyright,
Congratulations!,
Kiss Your Breakfast Goodbye, the early morning bathroom rush-hour, and the perils of public transportation.,
Cravings: in which we discover that an insane desire for a peanut butter, pickle and Hershey bar sandwich on date nut bread is absolutely nothing to be alarmed about.,
Sex: what to do about it and when to do without it.,
The Pregnant Father's Cookbook with recipes and hints devised, described and illustrated by Len Deighton.,
Is this the Real Thing? Is it indigestion? How do you know when it's time to go?,
Your Hospital Survival Kit, and a guide to who's who in the waiting room.,
There's One Born Every 10 Seconds* a random selection of information and advice that doesn't really fit anywhere else in the book.,