| Acknowledgments | xi |
| Preface | xiii |
| Introduction | xvii |
| How to Get the Most out of This Book | xix |
Chapter 1 | Empowering Your Children with the [logical or] of Love | |
| Praise | 5 |
| Too Much Praise, Too Much of a Good Thing | 6 |
| The Referential Speaking Effect | 9 |
| Empower Your Child with the Power to Be a Child | 13 |
| Directions of Power: Dependence and Dominance | 16 |
| The Dependent Pattern: Facilitating Independent Power | 22 |
| Dominant Children | 24 |
| Why Do We Overempower? How Do Children Think? | 25 |
| Take-Charge Techniques for Parents | 30 |
| Rewards and Punishments | 30 |
| Overpunishment and Opposition | 36 |
| Positive Messages | 37 |
| Reasoning and Talk | 38 |
| Overemotional Responses | 39 |
| Setting Limits by Time-Out | 39 |
| Setting Limits for Arguers | 43 |
| Avoiding Power Struggles | 48 |
| What About Genetics? | 54 |
| Questions and Answers | 54 |
Chapter 2 | United Parenting | |
| Parent Rivalry | 79 |
| Father Is an Ogre | 80 |
| Mother Is an Ogre | 86 |
| Daddy Is a Dummy | 90 |
| Mother Is the Mouse of the House | 91 |
| How to Avoid Ogre and Dummy Games | 97 |
| Why Do We Sabotage? | 99 |
| Abuse: When There Can't Be a United Front | 100 |
| When Parents Love Their Children but Not Each Other | 102 |
| Adoption and Foster Parenting: Can There Be a United Front? | 108 |
| Adoption | 108 |
| Foster Parenting | 110 |
| Maintaining a United Front with Relatives | 111 |
| Grandparents | 112 |
| Aunts and Uncles | 116 |
| Maintaining a United Front with Child-Care Givers, Nannies, and Other Important People | 117 |
| Sibling Rivalry | 118 |
| Rivalry Between Parent and Same-Gender Child | 123 |
| The Parent-Teacher United Front | 123 |
| Selecting Your Children's Teachers | 127 |
| Changing Your Children's School | 128 |
| Exceptions to the Parent-Teacher United Front | 128 |
| Curriculum Differences | 129 |
| Physical or Verbal Abuse | 130 |
| Sexual Abuse | 131 |
| The Teacher-Parent United Front | 132 |
| Questions and Answers | 133 |
Chapter 3 | Teaching Habits That Encourage Learning | |
| Homework and Study | 161 |
| A Time and a Place | 162 |
| How Parents Can Help (but Not Too Much) | 166 |
| Motivating Children to Study More | 170 |
| How-to-Study Hints | 172 |
| Using All Senses | 172 |
| Memorization | 174 |
| Note Taking | 175 |
| Studying from Textbooks | 175 |
| Learning Math Facts | 176 |
| Studying for Math Tests | 176 |
| Spelling | 176 |
| Foreign Languages | 177 |
| Finding Ideas | 178 |
| Organizational Skills | 179 |
| Anxieties and Disabilities | 183 |
| Writing (Pencil) Anxieties | 184 |
| Creative Writing | 185 |
| Reading Anxieties | 185 |
| Math and Spatial Disabilities | 186 |
| Learning Disabilities | 189 |
| Test Anxiety | 192 |
| Attention Deficit Disorders (ADDs) | 192 |
| Morning, Noon, and Night | 203 |
| Morning Routine | 203 |
| Mealtimes | 204 |
| Bedtime | 208 |
| Chores and Work | 211 |
| Practice in the Arts | 214 |
| Why Do We Do It? Why Do We Nag? | 216 |
| The Communication Habit | 217 |
| Fun and Games | 218 |
| Questions and Answers | 220 |
Chapter 4 | Setting Positive Expectations | |
| How to Model Achievement | 243 |
| You Are Their Models | 243 |
| How Do You Like Your Work? | 244 |
| Change the Work Script | 244 |
| If You Hate Your Work | 245 |
| How Was School Today? | 247 |
| Changing the School Script | 247 |
| If You Hated School | 249 |
| Designing an Achiever Image | 249 |
| Describing Your Spouse as an Achiever | 251 |
| When Parents Are Immigrants | 254 |
| When Parents Can't Control the Models--or Can They? | 255 |
| Special Talent Teacher or Coach | 255 |
| Family Members | 256 |
| After Divorce | 257 |
| When a Spouse Dies | 258 |
| Television and Literature Heroes | 259 |
| Peer Role Models | 260 |
| Placing Yourself and/or Your Spouse Back on a Pedestal | 264 |
| Setting Expectations | 264 |
| Expectations for Adolescents | 268 |
| Gender Expectations | 269 |
| Schoolwork Is Central | 270 |
| Perfectionism and Competition | 273 |
| Boredom | 280 |
| Grade Expectations | 286 |
| Post-High School Expectations | 288 |
| Intrinsic Learning | 292 |
| Questions and Answers | 295 |
Appendix A | Position Statement on Students with Attention Deficits | 313 |
Appendix B | Resources | 316 |
Appendix C | Booklists | 318 |
| Notes | 323 |
| Index | 325 |