Do you need to quit golf? Take a short quiz!
1. Do you show your golf scorecards to, well, uh . . . anyone?
2. At dinner, do you find yourself practicing your grip on your utensils? (The Vs of the fork's first tine, for the righthander, should point to the right shoulder.)
3. Look above you. Are there marks on the ceilings of your house because you can't help but try to "bust one" even when you're indoors and there is no ball?
4. Have you taken to reflexively calling your children "pards?"
5. Do other golf aphorisms make their way into your personal life? (Examples include finding your lost car keys and with a shrug saying, "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and again," or feeding your actual dog and exhorting, "Time to let the big dog eat!")
6. Does your dry cleaner, never having seen your swing but processing your bill, assume you are a golf pro?
7. Do you think of all spatial relationships in the real world in terms of golfing distance? (When parking at the mall and your wife suggests you are too far away, do you say, "What? It's like a stock gap wedge to Panera from here." When she disagrees, do you break out the Bushnell and shoot the store's signage?)
If you answered "Yes" to any of the above, you really, really need to quit golf.