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CHAPTER 1
The Realm of Awareness
WAKING UP IN THE REALM OF AWARENESS
It was my eleventh birthday and my parents surprised me I with a trip to the circus. I was going to see really cool circus acts ... birds of prey, trick dogs and ponies, and acrobats. I got pink popcorn and candy apples. I was having a great time, that is, until a little car drove into the center ring and seven clowns piled out.
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't surprised to see clowns at a circus. I was in fifth grade. I'd seen circus clowns on T.V. and plenty of pictures of them, but, except for little kids on Halloween, I rarely saw them in person. On one hand, I knew these clowns were regular people with clown make-up. On the other hand, along with the strong smells of the circus and everything getting louder, those clowns completely freaked me out.
I was confused. When I looked around to see if people were running away, no one else seemed uncomfortable. Those clowns bumped into each other and the people all around me laughed. When the fat one sniffed the skinny one's flower and it squirted him in the face, everyone laughed even harder.
I sat there like a bump on a log, frozen. I stared at their ugly white faces and gross black mouths, their strange eyes and weird huge feet. With their orange hair and red noses, they didn't look human. They were dressed crazy and acted crazy.
A part of me was worried that at any minute they would run into the stands and get me. I couldn't tell anyone. People would say, "They're just regular people with clown make-up. They're not going to hurt you." I was scared, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I was scared. I felt like throwing up and my heart was beating a mile a minute.
To top it off, I felt so uncomfortable with those feelings that I disguised them with a dark, dark mood. For the rest of the day I was either angry or impatient with everyone for no good reason. And I didn't like myself much, either. I was more than glad when it was time to go home.
That night I got dressed for bed and brushed my teeth like a robot. The only feeling I had was relief when I flossed and finally got that stupid popcorn and candy apple pieces out from between my teeth.
Before I could count to ten, I fell asleep. Suddenly, I was hearing a conversation in my bedroom. I heard a woman's voice say, "As soon as Dakota wakes up, we'll go." I sat upright in bed, half asleep. Standing at the foot of my bed was an old woman wearing a loose, flowing dress with huge colorful flowers. She was talking to a tiny man flitting around her who wore a black tuxedo, cape and a top hat.
She introduced herself, "I'm Auntie Pono, And this fellow here," she said, pointing to the little man, "is your imagination. He's that part of your mind that can see the impossible and make the unreal look real. You can call him "Imp"." Imp took off his hat and bowed with a flourish.
Auntie Pono said, "Tonight, I'm going to show you an easy way to take care of your troubles. It's called Ho'oponopono. Right now, we're in the Realm of your Awareness and here's where we begin a journey into your mind. We are going to a part of your mind that you are not aware of yet. Tonight, we are going to your Gardens, your Sacred Gardens. It's a place without beginning and without end, a place where there is only light and love. It's there that you'll meet the most wonderful person you will ever know, the True You."
I wiped the sleep from my eyes and yawned. I had to take a minute to adjust to what I was seeing and hearing.
"Auntie Pono, I have no idea what you are talking about."
When I think back, it was weird how I just accepted that Auntie Pono and Imp were in my room, but they didn't feel like intruders at all. I had a sense that I had known them forever.
"My precious Dakota, remember the circus yesterday? How do you feel about that day now?" Auntie Pono asked.
"It was fun?" I said it like it was a question, and even I didn't completely believe it. Just mentioning the circus reminded me of the clowns. My heart started beating faster and the muscles in my legs tensed up, like I might have to run at any minute.
"Fun? It doesn't sound like it," Auntie Pono said. She looked deep into my eyes. "You were having lots of fun watching the circus until something happened. Right?" I nodded. Her voice was soothing and I felt comfortable listening to her.
"Dakota, when you were four years old, you made an innocent mistake by deciding to hold on tight to some scary thoughts. Along the way to your Sacred Gardens, I'll introduce you to some wonderful parts of yourself you've never met before. When we get to the Gardens, they will help you free the little you of all that fear."
My chest started feeling really tight. I was so confused that I began to feel frustrated with Auntie Pono. You could hear it in my voice.
"Right," I said. "Like we're going to take off our shoes and crawl into my ear and into my brain with a flashlight. Like we're going to form a search team and rescue some little kid who's been hanging out there for seven years."
I folded my arms in annoyance. I was dubious.
"Oh no, you can wear your shoes if you want to." she said, her brown eyes twinkling, "And you won't need a flashlight when you're inside."
"Auntie Pono!"
"It's okay to be confused, Dakota. You'll see that, just like the universe, your mind is an endless mystery. And that's more than okay!"
My anger disappeared and I chuckled. Even though Auntie Pono was talking about serious stuff, I was also watching Imp. He jumped off her shoulder and onto her head, where he did three somersaults. That Imp had a lot of energy.
"We are going to begin this trip by going into your head, but don't let that limit your thinking. Your mind is not just in your body or brain; it is part of all that exists now, has ever existed, and will ever exist in the future." I tried to make sense of what Auntie Pono was saying but it made my head spin.
Meanwhile Imp was inching down Auntie Pono's forehead until he looked directly into her left eye. "Okay, Imp, we're going," she reassured him. To me, she said, "You have a great imagination, Dakota. So for now, let Imp help you imagine that you're floating on a cloud."
The next thing I knew, Imp flew over to me and started patting my head. I began to feel relaxed and I closed my eyes. I imagined lying safe and secure on the softest of soft clouds.
"Now you can see with your mind's eye," Auntie Pono whispered to me. "Imp is already working to help you accept that, because of your amazing mind, you can, well, go inside your mind. First stop, inside the Realm of Awareness."
Data from Dakota17
I took a psychology class in high school last year and, because of what I was studying, I finally added two and two together. When Auntie Pono talked about my Realm of Awareness, she was talking about the conscious mind, (Uhane in Hawaiian).
Consciousness has many different definitions depending whether you're a scientist, philosopher, or psychologist. Basically, it's the normal state of being awake and aware of what's happening. This is where we do most of our thinking and get a sense of who we are in our bodies and in the world.
Our conscious mind influences how we act, feel and remember. It is in our conscious mind that we begin the Ho'oponopono process to return to our perfect selves, because we consciously choose the Ho'oponopono viewpoint.
When we are little, we only know what we have been told, or what our experiences have led us to decide about the world. As we grow, we are influenced by our parents, friends, books, the media, and more experiences.
We are especially influenced by our imagination. In some ways, our conscious mind is limited, especially compared to the subconscious. The cool thing is that since we humans can consciously use our imagination, we can be creative without limits.
Another random piece of information: if you have an intense fear of clowns, you have a phobia called 'coulrophobia'. Believe me, you are not alone!
CHAPTER 2
BREEZE SETTLES THYNK DOWN
The minute Auntie Pono said the words "Realm of Awareness", I was doing the very thing that I thought was impossible ten minutes before. Imp was standing on my shoulder, pointing a flashlight into my ear. At the same time, I had shrunk to the same size as Imp. And, I wasn't wearing shoes. It was all very weird. We got on our knees and crawled into my ear, which was just the right size for the smaller me. I looked behind me to see Auntie Pono following close behind.
We were somewhere else entirely. There was no floor; we didn't need one. We weren't exactly flying and we weren't floating. We just didn't seem to need a floor.
And Imp's flashlight was gone. At first, I could hardly see anything. Slowly, our surroundings got lighter. I could see splotches of pastel pinks and blues, but I couldn't make out any shapes, except for Auntie Pono and Imp, who had not left my side since I first met them in my bedroom.
Imp made himself small enough to jump onto my shoulder. For the first of many times that night he proceeded to scratch my head. He wasn't just scratching, which felt terrific, by the way. He was activating and energizing my imagination.
Quietly and quickly, a beautiful and peaceful forest grew up around me. It reminded me of a place my family went camping once, except I could see glimpses of a rainbow colored light beyond the trees. As we walked through the forest, that curtain of light captivated me and, for a moment, the forest faded.
Auntie Pono explained, "That is just one of many curtains and doors inside your mind. Behind each one is a different area of awareness. The more you get to know your mind, the easier some barriers will be to pass and travel through." It all seems incredible now, but then, everything seemed absolutely natural.
"Every day," she continued, "you will be closer to letting go of everything that isn't your True Self. All the barriers will disappear and, for fleeting moments, you will experience being connected to everything." It is six years later and I'm still figuring that one out. It's not that I don't believe it, I do. It's just that, sheesh, I'm only human and I don't always remember how to let go of stuff or that it's even possible!
When Auntie Pono said the words, "your True Self", a nearby curtain opened and a beautiful woman, formed of the same rainbow light as the curtain, came through and danced in the air. She looked a little like Miss Lilly, my third grade teacher, only her hair was gold and her eyes sparkled like stars.
She floated over to us and explained herself, "I am a messenger from a place deep inside you. I carry energy from your wisest self, your Inner Divinity." Her voice was musical and her words came out like a song, a little like a lullaby. "My job is to help you see the big picture - that giant world beyond yourself. I am your observing self, but you can call me Breeze. Nothing is too big or small for me, I'm comfortable with it all and I am happy to help you through your whole life."
"The thing about Breeze," Auntie Pono said, with a loving voice that sounded a little like Breeze, "is that she is always patient, gentle and accepting." You could hear in her voice how much Auntie Pono liked Breeze. "She doesn't get mad or sad, discouraged or flustered. She doesn't compare or worry. And she never judges you."
Breeze cooed, "Of course. I only know this moment and I only know Love. Every moment lasts only for an instant, so there is no point in living at any other moment. Accept and cherish the moment you're in."
As she spoke, I became more aware of the green forest around us and it felt like it was mine. Where there hadn't been a floor before, I was now standing on soft duff left by fallen redwood needles. It felt heavenly as I inhaled the scent of the trees and the cool fresh air.
I watched as Imp flew around Breeze. He had a sappy look on his face, like he was in love. But in an instant, Imp's expression changed back to the mischievous one I had seen earlier.
He was paying close attention to another form that appeared from behind a tall tree. Imp jumped back and forth between this new character and Auntie Pono and me. As the form got closer it became clearer and I could see a little man dressed like a formal school teacher in a suit and tie. He wore a button that read, "I v Logic".
This little man stood stiffly in the clearing of the trees. Clouds floated off the top of his head, like thought bubbles in the comics. The curious thing was that every thought cloud had a different shape and a different color.
"Dakota, just as I am part of your mind, so is this fellow, your thinking self," Breeze said, introducing this very serious resident, who didn't seem to be paying much attention to us. "He nicknamed himself Thynk, like Tink, or Blink, or Wink, but not as cheery and lighthearted. Together, we make quite a team because we see the world from two viewpoints. It's important to know that we are both part of you. If you're curious, those clouds he is creating are thoughts and the colors are feelings."
Auntie Pono said, "Dakota, when you plan your day or remember to do your homework or give the right answers in a math test, you have Thynk to thank. He works with your imagination, and together they come up with great ideas and and a few uninspired ones, too.
"Imp and Thynk are the reason you have such kind and generous thoughts. Because your imagination helps you sense how other people feel, you can be a compassionate person. Imp is also very helpful when you make a mistake and need new ideas to fix the error."
"However ...," said Auntie Pono. She was quiet for a moment and I listened more intently. "However," she continued, "Breeze would never say so, but Thynk isn't always a team player."
Imp was standing on Thynk's shoulder, whispering in his ear, and Thynk was nodding vigorously. "Sometimes Thynk and Imp want you to believe that it's important to compare yourself to other people." Auntie continued, "Sometimes they want you to decide whether someone is right or wrong.
"It's Thynk who judges what's happening as being good or bad. It's Thynk who tells you to worry or have expectations. It's Thynk who distracts you with pictures, words and stories when you want to concentrate at school or go to sleep. And believe me, Imp is usually encouraging him."
Auntie Pono explained, "Thynk doesn't understand how he can create suffering with so many of his thoughts. He can be much louder than Breeze and sometimes he pushes her away. No problem really, Dakota. They're both important, and it's up to you to keep them in balance. Remember though, just because Thynk thought it, it doesn't mean that is real or true."
All this time, the thought clouds that were coming off Thynk's head were getting bigger and darker. Thynk was paying more attention than I thought he was. "This is a bunch of poppycock!" he pouted. "I know what I'm talking about. I'm smart and I have a job to do."
Imp mimicked Thynk's stance, folding his arms as if he were also angry. Thynk was getting red in the face. Imp's face became red. Breeze floated over and blew into both of their ears.
That seemed to calm Thynk's chatter long enough for Auntie Pono to say to him, "You are important, Thynk, and you certainly work hard. However, you deserve a vacation sometimes. Thank you for slowing down, Thynk."
Auntie Pono put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Dakota, there are many ways you can help Thynk calm down. One is to relax your body, finger by finger, toe by toe. Sometimes when you are nervous you may hold your breath or take extra fast and short breaths. That makes Thynk start believing that you are actually in danger.
"Slow down your breathing and Thynk will be able to take a rest. You too, Imp. When you quiet your thoughts, Dakota, Breeze will be able to help you make wise decisions." For a moment, there were fewer clouds and they brightened in color. But just for a moment.
"Give me a little credit here, folks," Thynk said. "I work hard. I never stop. I can't be paying attention to Breeze all the time. If I weren't so busy, Dakota, you would walk into the street without looking, you wouldn't know how to draw a trapezoid, you wouldn't be able to choose between chocolate or broccoli ice cream." By this time, Thynk was yelling again. Just as fast as they became lighter, the clouds got bigger and darker.
I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the tsunami of loud thoughts coming from Thynk. The thought clouds were getting darker and they seemed to be closing in on me. I held my breath and I could feel a knot forming in my stomach.
Breeze touched my hand, and as fast as that panicky feeling had appeared, it disappeared. I let out a loud sigh and I felt my regular breath return. This time, Thynk's thoughts didn't stop me from being in charge of my breathing.
CHAPTER 3
There's No Stopping Imp
Breeze tightened her hold on my hand and we began to fly around Thynk, leaving him, Imp and Auntie Pono on the ground. It felt like second nature for me to be flying this way, but I kept a steady grip on Breeze's hand as we spiraled to the very top of a redwood tree. We landed in a nest of sticks and twigs with soft layers of leaves and moss. "Nice touch, Imp," laughed Breeze, looking down on him. Facing me, she explained, "This is an old egret nest. Enjoy." I leaned back, caught my breath, and relaxed.
From the height of the redwood tree, I looked over the edge of the nest and could see miles and miles of forest. Beyond the trees, I saw water, beyond the water, sky, and beyond the sky, limitless space. At first, I just stared, but then I started questioning: How did I get here? What is that I see beyond the sky? How can I feel so big here and so small at the same time?
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "I Love You, Clowns Are Scary"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Kitty Wells.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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