I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere but the Pool

by Lisa Scottoline, Francesca Serritella

Overview

"Lisa and Francesca, mother and daughter, bring you the laughter of their lives." —Delia Ephron, bestselling author

The bestselling and “perennially hilarious” mother-daughter team is back with a new collection of stories from their real lives, guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. Join Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella as they regret drunk-shopping online, try smell-dating, and explore the freedom of a hiatus from men - a Guyatus. They offer a fresh and funny take on the triumphs and facepalm moments of modern life, showing that when it comes to navigating the crazy world we live in, you’re always your own best lifeguard.

Praise for the Series:

“True tales of how we live now from a mother and daughter who are best pals—and a very funny writing team.” —People (Best Beach Book)

“The mother-daughter duo returns with a collection of breezy summer essays, perfect for the beach, the pool or even the couch. This witty, insightful assortment of stories is a wonderfully entertaining look into the lives of two modern women.” —Parade Magazine

“We get to be flies on the wall as the mother-daughter team fights, makes up, and hurls barbs just like you and your mom.” —O, The Oprah Magazine (Perfect Summer Must Read)

"Guaranteed laughs: short, sharp musings on life from [this] perennially hilarious mom-daughter duo." —Good Housekeeping

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250059994
Publisher:	St. Martin's Publishing Group
Publication date:	06/12/2018
Pages:	336
Sales rank:	679,896
Product dimensions:	5.20(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

LISA SCOTTOLINE is a bestselling and Edgar Award-winning author and a columnist for The Philadelphia Inquirer. She has been published in thirty countries. She lives in the Philadelphia area with an array of pets.

FRANCESCA SCOTTOLINE SERRITELLA graduated cum laude from Harvard University, where she won the Thomas Temple Hoopes Prize, the Le Baron Russell Briggs Fiction Prize and the Charles Edmund Horman Prize for her creative writing. She lives in New York with one dog and one cat, so far.

Together they have written I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere But the Pool, I've Got Sand in All the Wrong Places, and many others.

Hometown:

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Date of Birth:

July 1, 1955

Place of Birth:

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Education:

B.A., University of Pennsylvania, 1976; J.D., University of Pennsylvania Law School, 1981

Website:

http://www.scottoline.com

Table of Contents

Introduction Lisa 1

Perking Up Lisa 5

We're Having a Baby! Francesca 9

Spot On Lisa 14

Recipe Ambition Lisa 18

Our Ladies of Perpetual Motion Lisa 22

New Year's Meh Francesca 26

Lift and Separate Lisa 30

The Off Switch Lisa 33

Becoming Thirty Francesca 37

Mother Mary and the Eyebrow Lisa 41

Moo Lisa 46

Barking up the Wrong Tree Francesca 50

Question Authority Lisa 55

Something We Can All Agree On Lisa 59

Topsy-Turvy Francesca 63

Adventures in Herpetology Lisa 67

The Scent of a Woman Lisa 71

Pay the Troll Francesca 75

Ball o' Fun Lisa 79

Going Where the Weather Suits My Clothes Lisa 83

Brain Freeze Francesca 87

Leave a Tip Lisa 91

Scrambled Eggs Lisa 95

Anniversary Francesca 99

Batter Up! Lisa 104

Diaper Genie Lisa 108

One-Piece of Mind Francesca 113

World Police Lisa 117

Good Morning! Lisa 121

Blond and Blonder Francesca 126

Potted Lisa 130

Happy Birthday Lisa 135

Pushed Around Lisa 138

Beach Bums Francesca 143

Work Zoned Lisa 148

The American Dream Lisa 152

The View from the Ferry Francesca 156

For the Win Lisa 161

Back to School Lisa 168

Girl Vitamin Francesca 171

Which Spices Would You Take to a Kitchen Island? Lisa 175

Legends of the Fall Lisa 179

Political Partisan Seeks Same Francesca 183

Twelve Hundred of My Closest Friends Lisa 187

Running on Empty Francesca 192

If You're a Woman, They Only Want One Thing Lisa 195

Mother Mary Gets an Idea Lisa 199

Picture Imperfect Francesca 202

iPhonatic Lisa 207

Home Is Where the Bra Comes Off, Part 2 Lisa 210

On Guyatus Francesca 214

Suburban Story Lisa 219

I Like Big Brains and I Cannot Lie Lisa 223

High Note Francesca 227

Collect Them All Lisa 231

It's a Boy! Lisa 235

Remote Control Freak Lisa 239

The Bridal Shower 2.0 Francesca 243

House Dreams Lisa 248

SuperLisa Lisa 251

Hi, My Name Is Francesca 255

Netflixxed Lisa 260

Like a Rolling Book Lisa 265

Sniff Test Francesca 269

Pasta Impasse Lisa 273

Let's Twist Again Lisa 277

Don't Bot with My Heart Francesca 281

Built Ford Tough Lisa 285

Weeding Lisa 288

Keep Calm and Carry On Lisa 292

Drunk Click Francesca 295

The Bottom Line on the Bottom-of-the-Line Lisa 299

Acknowledgments 305

Editorial Reviews

"Scottoline does the heavy lifting, and her exuberant delivery, marked by a Philly accent, is irresistible. She's a firebrand and, one essay at time, she challenges conventional wisdom on a lot of things. When her tone drops low, almost conspiratorially, it's tough not to join her in a smirk or guffaw...the listening will feel like time spent with friends." -AudioFile

From the Publisher

02/15/2017
The Edgar Award-winning Scottoline and her writer daughter, Serritella, have been investigating human foibles in a series that now reaches its eighth title (following I've Got Sand in All the Wrong Places). Expect more wit and wisdom; with library marketing.

Library Journal

Mother and daughter Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella return with their eighth collection of pithy essays on a variety of topics—politics, feminism, body image, book clubs, trucks, and so much more. Scottoline does the heavy lifting, and her exuberant delivery, marked by a Philly accent, is irresistible. She's a firebrand and, one essay at time, she challenges conventional wisdom on a lot of things. When her tone drops low, almost conspiratorially, it's tough not to join her in a smirk or guffaw. Serritella's style is markedly different. Her voice is higher pitched, with a singsong quality. What she lacks in brassiness she often makes up for with earnestness. Though every essay may not leave a mark, some really will, and the listening will feel like time spent with friends. A.S. © AudioFile 2017, Portland, Maine

JULY 2017 - AudioFile