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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781595558725 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Elm Hill |
| Publication date: | 10/30/2018 |
| Edition description: | Reprint |
| Pages: | 48 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.25(w) x 9.30(h) x 5.38(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Who Is in Charge?
I said yes. I'll put myself under submission to God as my Father and ultimate sovereign over my family and me. I wanted my son to learn a Biblical (correct) image of God through my example. My wife and I began even before birth. We loved to sing to our sons even in the womb. One of our favorites, the classic song, "Jesus Loves Me," comes with profound words according to Karl Barth, a prominent theologian. For he has said that the most profound thought he ever had was "It was what my mother taught me in this little song. 'Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.'"
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH" my two-year-old screamed until his lungs were empty. Then again. I was awake by this time. Jumping out of bed, I took him into my arms.
He continued with his screams for a while. He was obviously frightened by something. Our conversation, if you could call it that, went back and forth, "What is it, Timothy?" then "AHHH," "Waaah," or heavy breathing. During this time I was planning my reasoned answer according to worldly wisdom. Then after "What scared you?" I finally made out one word, "monster," between his cries. Instead of my worldly-wise answer, i.e., to explain how monsters were not real, let's look under the bed and see together, etc.; the Holy Spirit stopped me cold. Instead I answered in the opposite by saying, "Yes, I know the monster was real." Suddenly, he stopped crying and looked straight into my eyes. His gaze spoke to me as if to say, Finally, Daddy understands. What was this tremendous revelation by the Holy Spirit that could cause me to make a 180-degree turn? He reminded me that in Romans 8:38-39 monsters are included in those things that are "never able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." I spoke to Timothy, "Jesus' love is stronger than the monster." Then I rocked him as I sang "Jesus Loves Me." He was sound asleep before the second verse. My sons began early to learn who I believed was in charge and about a chain of command. Many years later I had the opportunity to share this story in an interesting setting: "meet the teacher." I'll get back to that story later.
I am not educated in philosophy but looking back on this event, I realize now I had my first lesson in syncretism. Worldly wisdom, even in so-called Christian circles, would be the 'not real' response. However, biblical Christianity is clear: there is an unseen enemy. Both Old — e.g., powerful beings desiring to thwart God's will here on earth [Daniel 10:13] — and New — e.g. "We wrestle against ... spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" [Eph. 6:12] — Testaments affirm this. The two different answers — monsters are real vs monsters are not real — result from two competing worldviews that don't mix, and in fact are opposites! In case you are still wondering what syncretism is, it is the attempt to fit, shoe-horn if you will, an idea from one philosophical and/or religious system (worldview) into a differing worldview.
CHAPTER 2The Chain of Command
The Bible explicitly teaches the family chain of command. The father is over his children and the husband is over the wife. As a helpmate in the home, the wife and mother holds her place between the father and children. I remember a childhood occasion when my dad let me and my brothers know that Mom was 100 percent in charge when he wasn't at home. I put that lesson to use. Whenever I found my wife needing to raise her voice or otherwise struggling with authority, I let my sons know I would surely punish them for an insurrection of that type. I followed through a few times. They quickly learned that Mom was not to be disobeyed or even talked back to. At the same time, I permitted my sons to hold any disagreement with me and promised that I would hear them out without them feeling angst. I wanted them to know they had my attention and both an open door to me by their submission to the one under my authority, their mom, who was the one they most interacted with. This reminds me of the Biblical pattern found in Hebrews 4:12-16. We have direct access to God the Father, Creator of the whole universe, because of our submission to the One he sent, Jesus, His Son.
"A ten-sh hut!" That drill sergeant in boot camp wants to be a pain. He acts as if he enjoys it when his authority is challenged, because in reality this chain of command grows stronger with "tension." By the time boot camp is done, the graduating recruit has learned well this military "family" structure. I recall causing a huge momentary disappointment to my sons that was encouraged by the Holy Spirit. I had taken my wife out on a weekend "date." Afterwards, with the whole family gathered around, we looked at pictures of our venture into a park because of a cave tour my wife and I enjoyed together. The park had one of the best playgrounds I had seen. I built up my sons' attention and excitement by talking about how big and high, oh, three or four times higher than I was tall, swings and slides were, making them sound ten times bigger than they really were. I also told them that both Mom and I talked about how much fun they would have had if they were there with us. Then, surprising my sons, I spoiled it all by saying I was glad they were not there with us. All three of my sons' faces dropped like a rock. Then I explained. I loved Mom so much that I wanted this to be a special time together with just her. They all were reminded they did not hold first place in Daddy's life. Their security of being in a loving home, where Mom and Dad's love for each other was unapologetically announced to be the most important, grew leaps and bounds that day. Our youngest son, TJ. (Timothy), caught that lesson. Now a young man, he knows the reason split parents buy frivolous gifts for their children. It's just an attempt to buy favoritism. This marital unfaithfulness magnifies insecurity in the children. Security, whether military or within the family, comes through experiencing faithfulness in the command chain above you.
1.1. House mouse poem [Prov 14:12; 16:2, 3, 25]
In 1986, when petroleum products were getting cheaper all the time, I found myself laid off from an oil company. The work I had been doing wasn't economical any longer. With three young sons five years old and less, our family suddenly found itself without steady predictable income. I was working on getting another job but it was taking much longer than I expected. I wasn't really losing patience with God but I admit it was a struggle. I wanted to depend upon God but also knew I needed to do some things too. About that time we had a mouse decide to come live in our home. I tried to catch it in one of those live traps, planning to let it go in the woods but that didn't work out. So I bought some standard mousetraps and set them. One night I awoke hearing a loud snap. Jeremy, my oldest son, heard it too. We both got up to see what happened. The mouse was trapped and obviously dead. It wasn't a pretty sight. My five-year-old Jeremy asked why that had to happen. I began to teach my son Proverbs 14:12 and 16:25 "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death." This also included teaching Isaiah 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." We wrote a poem together.
A small gray pretty mouse decided to make his home in our house.
He stayed under our stove in the day but at night he came out to eat and to play.
He didn't care to say please after he found that cheese.
His thought was to eat what he could not caring if he should.
That shiny metal post stood in the center of a shiny table of wood.
The cheese was on this platter as if someone wanted him fatter.
The humans usually left trash but he thought this was different; too easy? SMASH!
Authority and Responsibility
A chain of command obviously implies authority. But responsibility is always paired with authority. For example, many of our political battles between local vs federal control (authority) started out by voters relinquishing local and state responsibility to the federal government. Wait a minute, that's for another book; a different topic; back to raising sons. As I wrote earlier, both the Old [Deut. 32:46 and 47] and New [Eph. 6:4] Testaments clearly give parents responsibility and authority to teach their own children. After consideration of education choices, my wife and I decided to permit our sons to go to public schools. (Since then there have been school shootings and moral decay where "sexual orientation" of all kinds must be at least condoned if not embraced. Perhaps, were we to make that choice today, it would be different.) We both realized it was still our job to educate them and that began in an informal way much before the formal schooling began. Whether for the good or bad, I knew I was teaching, at least by example, the character (nature) of the Heavenly Father to my sons. But being human myself and not perfect, I sometimes had to swallow my pride and allow my children to educate me. I recall my middle son, Toby, telling me that it upset him when I raised my voice in disciplining him. Upon reflection of Scripture "Let your speech be simply 'yes' or 'no'; anything more than this comes from evil" Matthew 5: 33-37. I realized he was right. I asked him to help hold me accountable for learning my lesson (not repeating the error). With everyone in the family including extended family of grandparents taking a role, learning was accomplished often before the subjects were introduced in public schools. I remember Toby coming home from school in second grade with a beaming face saying he actually learned something for the first time in school. As both their age and grade level increased, I took more interest in public school education — especially when the topic of sex education came up.
1.2. Dad and son, birds and bees day was special time
I wanted to be the one to break the news to my sons that their bodies would be changing in that growth time known as puberty. I planned a special day with Jeremy and several years later with TJ. where we played, rode bicycles, went swimming, and of course had the birds and bees talks. Toby reminds me to this day that he didn't get the special day. I found out too late his school was having their deal and so we rushed through the dad-son sex education talk in an evening at home. But I took each in turn (at the end of the special day) to see The Man Who Ran, a Christian open-air play, near one of our recreational lakes. The theme of the play was about Jonah trying to run from God instead of doing what God had called him to do. His calling on my life at that time was being a father to my sons. I desired them to not shy from their own general and special callings either. As the apostle Peter writes in I Peter 2:9, "A people for his own possession" with a job to do he warns the reader to "abstain from passions of the flesh" (verse 11) and goes on instructing about submission to lawful authority (vs 13-18).
1.3 Zygote probability [Matt 25:34; Eph 1:4, 5]
You can't avoid biology when the subject is the birds and the bees. Since I had done my undergraduate B.S. in Math and my senior paper topic was on 'probability,' I had to squeeze that in too. I began with something simple; something they could easily understand: flipping a coin. I could easily guess heads or tails. It's a 50/50 chance. But what about guessing the outcome twice, or more times in a row? I finally got to this astounding fact. Considering the probability of a specific egg from Mom and a specific sperm from Dad, the probability of my son being genetically who he is is equivalent to being able to guess correctly the Publisher's Clearing House 10-million-dollar winner out of the blue; not just once but twice in a row. I went through the calculations being sure they saw all those zeros. I reminded them that was how special and different from anyone else they really are. God had created each one on his heavenly "potter's wheel" unique, a one-of-a-kind. It's a blessing to understand our Creator God just a little in this fashion.
1.4 In grade school on parent day
Even as an older man, in many respects I'm still on that "potter's wheel." My Heavenly Father may interrupt me at any time. I need to always have a "will" that's soft to be reformed as needed on the wheel. It's always for my own good (Romans 8:28) and sometimes He interrupts me just to remind me He loves me. How could I demonstrate that attribute of God to my sons? I asked. I'm limited. How could I butt in and remind my sons that I love them even when I wasn't there? How could I make my sons feel loved and special in unexpected spontaneous ways? God answered my prayer and I'll share one example that I found fun. My sons, at least at the younger age, thought it was fun too. On "meet the teacher" day in the elementary grades, I would often be encouraged to sit at my son's desk. Getting bored, I would put love notes inside my son's books I would find there. Then during the year my son would be reminded at different times how much I love him.
1.5 Jeremy sixth grade - skills for adolescents
With my determination to obey my Heavenly Father, I took my authority and responsibility over my sons seriously. I had not always taken opportunities to "teach all things whatsoever Christ had commanded me" outside my own family. Over time as I grew older and wiser, I have found it less intimidating to speak about the role of Christ and the Holy Spirit to overcome "schemes of the Devil" [Eph 6:12]. One of those times I was tempted to say 'no' or at least 'water it down just a bit', but didn't, was during a meet-the-teacher event in middle school. During the normal annual "meet the teacher," one class was left out. It was brand new. It also had the dubious title "Skills for Adolescents." I'm sure it was a required class so the schools could accept certain federal funds, but ... didn't I drop that topic once already? Since the "Meet the Skills Teacher" was held later on a different day, very few parents, only about fifteen, made the effort to attend. Since there were so few, the skills teacher had us all sit in a circle. Then said the method she was holding the parent meeting would be exactly like the classes she had with my sixth grade son. Then she asked each of us to share something specific concerning the topic "Success in Communication with Our Child." Wow, another Holy-Spirit moment as three stories immediately came to mind of what I am sharing here. I truly felt in the center of my calling on that night when it came to be my turn to share. I could feel the tension and noticed some squeamish faces as I talked about Jesus and the Holy Spirit as real persons.
The clash of worldviews: biblical Christianity vs humanism was starting to become clearer to me. The very real sense that public education was evil became known in that event because what I shared would not be the content within the classroom where the public school teacher had responsibility over her sixth grade students, including my son. Even if the teacher believed what I said and wanted to share as I did, they wouldn't. It isn't allowed.
1.6 Jeremy eighth grade - viewing adult-themed films in public school
Two years later when Jeremy was in eighth grade, I received a letter informing me that the school was planning to show films about sex and sexually transmitted diseases. As parents we were invited to preview the films. So I did. I checked on my state law about what rights parents had and discussed the situation with my wife and son. After viewing the films, I replied with my own letter to the school official in charge. The public schools had "undressed" their worldview well enough for "sex education" that I couldn't help but notice the stark differences between what my son was being taught in public school vs. what his mom and I taught him based on the Bible. I got involved in school politics before general politics. I do have to agree that there are some good teachers but they are limited in what they can say or do. Humanism permeated public education and has the legal upper hand and not just in sex education.
1.7 I am a promise, I am a possibility
Occasionally, there are cracks in this humanistic culture. Our three boys filled one of those cracks when families were invited to present something at our elementary public school talent show. In fact, we have a video that I think one of our sons played at their wedding reception. Our three boys sang, "I am a promise" by Bill and Gloria Gaither up on stage in front of many other parents and school personnel. Their mom and I were in the audience beaming with pride — on second thought, I think I was occupied with the video camera.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "I Wish Sons Came with Instructions"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Harry Rockefeller.
Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Foreword vii
Introduction ix
Who Is in Charge? 1
The Chain of Command 5
1.1 House mouse poem [Prov 14:12; 16:2, 3, 25] 6
Authority and Responsibility 9
1.2 Dad and son, birds and bees day was special time 10
1.3 Zygote probability [Matt 25:34; Eph 1:4, 5] 11
1.4 In grade school on parent day 12
1.5 Jeremy sixth grade - skills for adolescents 12
1.6 Jeremy eighth grade - viewing adult-themed films in public school 13
1.7 I am a promise, I am a possibility 14
1.8 Money 14
1.8.1 Rockefeller household budget 14
1.8.2 Actual budget 15
1.8.3 1,000 dollars at Christmas 17
1.8.9 Offer of PC at high school graduation 18
1.9 Feed your pet before you eat 19
Building Character 21
2.1 Nickel for telling the pee-truth story 22
2.2 Wisdom 23
2.3 Handling success 24
2.4 Persistence 24
2.5 Spank for disobedience only 25
Letting Go 27
3.1 Discerning good from evil-eavesdropping 28
Conclusion 31
4.1 Micah 6:8 32
4.2 Psalm 119:129-136 33
4.3 2 Chron 7:14 33
4.4 Rev 5:12 34