Table of Contents
"Don't You Think You're Overreacting?" 11
Marriage 17
The Nosy Neighbor and Our Messy House 19
Dad Can Stay Home with Sick Kids, Too, Ya Know? 35
Why My Wife Stays Up Late 45
Dad Bod. Mom Bod. Sexy Bod 53
I Am the Fourth Child 61
I Learned a Lot about Change When My Wife Became a (Shudder)… Vegetarian 73
Chill, Dude. She's Just Venting 87
Sorry to Break It to You, but Sex Isn't an Obligation 93
There Are Things I Do That Make Me Less Attractive 101
Sleep Is Currency in Marriage 111
Eleven Years in, and I Finally See How Amazing My Wife Looks in a Nice Restaurant 119
Pregnancy and Childbirth 127
All the Things I Never Should've Said to My Pregnant Wife 129
Get This … Sex Is a Very Small Part of Baby Making 135
Pregnancy Pro Tips I Learned Through Trial and Error … Mostly Error 145
Maternity Leave Isn't a Vacation 151
I Wasn't Man Enough to Witness Childbirth 159
Attempting (and Failing) to Get Out of a Vasectomy 167
Parenting 179
I Thought I Was a Good Father Until I Took My Toddler Shopping 181
25 Things People Do Daily That Are More Shameful Than Breastfeeding in Public 193
If I Had to Choose Between Having My Son's Help and Slamming My Hand in a Car Door, I'd Take the Car Door 199
I Grudgingly Let My Son Blow All His Money 207
Not Withstanding My Lack of Qualifications, Being the Father of Daughters Is Pretty Remarkable 215
All the Things I Never Should've Said After Our First Child (Not a Comprehensive List) 223
Just Because I Get Up in the Night Doesn't Mean I Deserve Praise 229
My Kids Will Never Act Like That (How Wrong I Was) 237
I Paid For A Princess Makeover but Now Have No Regrets 247
What I Said I'd Never Do as a Parent, and All the Ways I've Caved 255
Let's Talk about Poop for a Moment 261
I Bought a Minivan (Epic Eye Roll) 267
It Goes by Pretty Fast. Stop and Look Around 277
Acknowledgments 286
About the Author 287