Darby Strickland has written an exceptionally helpful, winsome, and authoritative resource that should be required reading for all helpers in the church. Rather than giving a simplistic line-in-the-sand answer to the question “Is it abuse?” she builds carefully on Scripture and her years of counseling experience to explore the heart of abuse and its many horrific manifestations in ways that equip readers to discern when oppression is occurring and how to move forward with wise, compassionate care of victims. As an elder and counselor, I found Darby’s approach to this complex and heartrending issue immensely clarifying and seasoned with wisdom that I can use immediately in my pastoral care of others. I pray this important book will enjoy a very wide readership within the church.
For the pastor, leader, or counselor, few issues can seem more perplexing and confusing than abuse. That is why I am grateful for Darby Strickland’s most helpful book. Darby strikes the difficult balance of being clear and compassionate as well as comprehensive, covering an impressive amount of content related to abuse. I have not come across another resource that is as thoroughly biblical and imminently practical. If you find yourself in a helping role of any kind, this book should be required reading. You will read it and weep for those who are and have been oppressed, but you will also rejoice in the comfort and encouragement of gospel hope.
I love this book! I don’t know of another written from a biblical perspective that provides such an accurate and comprehensive description of the dynamics of domestic abuse. For two decades, my top recommendation to pastors and counselors seeking to understand these dynamics has been a secular book, simply because it touched on the many subtleties of abuse that most Christian resources lack. However, I believe this book provides what has been missing in our circles—an in-depth resource that will truly help to equip God’s people to better understand and respond to a problem that is ever present in our churches. I am particularly grateful for Darby’s thorough description of the impacts of spiritual abuse and the effects of domestic violence on children. Far too few resources touch on these important topics, but they have not escaped our Savior’s notice, and I believe he will use this book to help to awaken the church to the plight of his children who are being oppressed in their homes. Is It Abuse? is an absolute gem, and I plan to recommend it often!
The presence of oppressive marriages in the church is grievous. We must take notice. The road of caring for souls in oppressive marriages is long and painful. We cannot be timid or impatient. With the grace, mercy, and compassion of Christ, we need to intervene. There are words of redemption to speak and works of redemption to do. There are serious obstacles to overcome. We need wisdom. We need biblical, practical resources. I praise God that Darby Strickland has written such a resource. Is It Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims belongs on the shelf of every pastor and church leader.
This book is now my go-to resource on domestic abuse. I have looked for a book on domestic abuse that is the total package: biblical, practical, accessible, and theological. I have finally found it. It is gospel-rich, well written, and chock-full of practical wisdom. Darby Strickland is a gift to the church.
This is a significant book that raises and answers an extremely important question for counselors and church leaders: “Is it abuse?” Too often we have gotten the answer wrong by failing to recognize oppression and to protect victims. The author is also careful to help us to avoid another wrong answer: to falsely label ordinary marital sin struggles as abusive. She employs her wealth of knowledge and experience as she helps us to accurately identify different categories of habitual oppressive behavior (abuse). She then wisely shows us how to offer compassionate biblical help to victims. I especially appreciate how she faithfully applies Scripture throughout, how she carefully addresses delicate issues, how she fearlessly confronts sin, and how she encourages the involvement of the local church.
Is It Abuse? is a stunning work. It is brave without being incendiary. It is carefully and thoroughly biblical. It is relentlessly practical. Yet Strickland also steadfastly avoids the traps of oversimplifying either the problem or the solution. Written from a wealth of experience, this book is for oppressed spouses and those trying to intervene redemptively in abusive marriages on behalf of Christ. If you ever read a book about abuse in couples, let it be this one.
Darby’s work in understanding abuse, its power structure, and its wounds provides critical help to victims and to those walking alongside them. Is It Abuse? equips pastors and all of us to identify abuse in its various insidious forms and then be equipped with the knowledge and skills to help victims to find freedom, hope, and healing. This resource and the wisdom it provides are integral to pastoral ministry—and indeed to the work of everyone who is ready to speak for the oppressed and cry out for justice. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Darby has served the church well by answering what seems like it would be a straightforward question: "Is it abuse?" But if you’ve experienced abuse or walked alongside someone who is experiencing abuse, you know a fog of confusion surrounds this question. Don’t wait for a crisis near you to read this book. If you read this book before you need it, you will be grateful . . . and so will the person who is reaching out to you for guidance.
Darby’s materials are always ranked #1 on my list of resources for understanding and addressing abuse! Through church-wide conferences, specific leadership training, and her print and internet materials, Darby’s faithfully biblical insight and expertise have provided solid guidance for our church as we have stepped deep into this crucial ministry to brokenness and need. I welcome Is It Abuse? gratefully and enthusiastically.
Is It Abuse? is a wonderful addition to the growing library of biblical resources regarding domestic abuse. Through clear language, real-life examples, and biblically informed responses, Darby Strickland has given the church the clearest and most complete work on understanding the dynamics and impact of abuse to date. This work is the first book pastors and biblical counselors should read on their journey to understanding domestic abuse.
This is an exemplary biblical counseling manual. It offers biblically based, theologically minded insights into abuse; practical wisdom on counseling abuse victims gained from years of experience; and ready-to-use tools that can be implemented in the counseling process. The soul-wrenching work of counseling women who face abuse is challenging. Our sister has plunged deep into the dark and tumultuous waters of domestic abuse and borne the burdens of other sisters to give us tremendous insight and practical wisdom to understand and address this horror. The church will be greatly blessed and equipped by Is It Abuse?
Darby has gifted God’s people with a well-researched and biblical manual on marital abuse. She deftly equips counselors, pastors, and caring leaders to navigate through the difficult and often confusing narrative surrounding what’s wrong and what to do. Step by step she demonstrates what to listen for and how to make sense of conflicting information. Her chapter on the entitled thinking of the oppressor will help you to understand why abuse is not a marriage problem but a problem inside the heart and mind of the oppressor that must be addressed before any true marital healing can take place.
Darby’s materials are always ranked #1 on my list of resources for understanding and addressing abuse! Through church-wide conferences, specific leadership training, and her written and online materials, Darby’s faithfully biblical insight and expertise have provided solid guidance for our church as we have stepped deeply into this crucial ministry to brokenness and need. I welcome Is It Abuse? gratefully and enthusiastically.
Dr. Joan McConnell Women’s Ministry and Counseling Westminster Presbyterian Church Lancaster
I love this book! I don’t know of another written from a biblical perspective that provides such an accurate and comprehensive description of the dynamics of domestic abuse. For two decades my top recommendation to pastors and counselors seeking to understand these dynamics has been a secular book, simply because it touched on the many subtleties of abuse that most Christian resources lack. However, I believe this book provides what has been missing in our circles—an in-depth resource that will truly help equip God’s people to better understand and respond to a problem that is ever-present in our churches. I am particularly grateful for Darby’s thorough description of the impacts of spiritual abuse and the effects of domestic violence on children. Far too few resources touch on these important topics, but they have not escaped our Savior’s notice, and I believe he will use this book to help awaken the church to the plight of his children who are being oppressed in their homes. Is it Abuse? is an absolute gem, and I plan to recommend it often!
Joy Forrest Founder & Executive Director Called to Peace Ministries
Is it Abuse is a stunning work. It is brave without being incendiary. It is carefully and thoroughly biblical. It is relentlessly practical. Yet Strickland also steadfastly avoids the traps of oversimplifying either the problem or the solution. Speaking from a wealth of experience, this book is for oppressed spouses, the spouses who are harming them, and those trying to intervene redemptively in abusive marriages on behalf of Christ. If you ever read a book about abuse in couples, let it be this one.
Alasdair Groves- Executive Director
This is a significant book which raises and answers an extremely important question for counselors and church leaders, “Is it abuse?” Too often we have gotten the answer wrong by failing to recognize oppression and to protect victims. The author is also careful to help us to avoid another wrong answer which would be to falsely label ordinary marital sin struggles as abusive. She employs her wealth of knowledge and experience as she helps us to accurately identify different categories of habitual oppressive behavior (abuse). She then wisely shows us how to offer compassionate biblical help to victims. I especially appreciate how she faithfully applies Scripture throughout, how she carefully addresses delicate issues, how she fearlessly confronts sin and how she encourages the involvement of the local church.
Dr. Jim Newheiser Director of the Christian Counseling Program
Is it Abuse is a wonderful addition to the growing library of Biblical resources regarding domestic abuse. Through clear language, real life examples, and biblically-informed responses Darby Strickland has given the church the clearest and most complete work on understanding the dynamics and impact of abuse to date. This work is the first book pastors and Biblical counselors should read on their journey to understanding domestic abuse.
Chris Moles Author of The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Violenc
Darby's work in understanding abuse, it's power structure, and its wounds provides critical help to victims, and those walking alongside them. Is it Abuse? Equips pastors and all of us, to identify abuse in its various insidious forms, and then be equipped with the knowledge and skills to help victims find freedom, hope and healing. This resource and the wisdom it provides, is integral to pastoral ministry, and indeed to everyone who is ready to speak for the oppressed and cry out for justice. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Rachael Denhollander Speaker
