Read an Excerpt
IT: Identity Trespass
Myth of Self Esteem and Truth of God Esteem
By Jacqueline DeLaney AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2016 Jacqueline DeLaney
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5049-7573-5
CHAPTER 1
INTRODUCTION: IDENTITY QUESTION
Who are you? What is your identity? These are questions often answered by people in terms of their occupation, profession or service to others with such responses as the following: "I am a parent." "I am a minister." "I am a teacher." On other occasions, people will produce an identification badge or card to answer the question, who am I? In pondering over these questions and responses, I came across the following:
Have you ever met a man who is the center of attention wherever he goes? ... Well, that's the way it was two thousand years ago with Jesus Christ. ... He never wrote a book, commanded an army, held a political office, or owned property. He mostly traveled within a hundred miles of his village. ... Jesus changed the world for the next 20 centuries ... that unknown carpenter's son from Nazareth. (Chapman, 2012)
To know your identity is to know who you are, and how you came to be you. More important, knowing you is to know that your identity is in Jesus Christ, because you were created in the image of God.
Much of humankind's emotional pain is predicted on not knowing their identity in Christ, and in whose image they were created. Through the lens of formational counseling and prayer principles, developed by Dr. Terry Wardle (professor, theologian, author, and founder of Healing Care Ministries), this book was designed with the expressed purpose of impacting Christian identity in others. Marcus Borg, author and theologian, points out that fundamental to one's identity and self-worth is their Christian identity formation. Furthermore, Borg emphasizes that Christian identity formation is the most fundamental meaning of the Christian Gospel. In fact, he goes on to explain his assumption in an uncomplicated recognizable way as follows: "You are created by God; You are a child of God; You are beloved by God; and You are accepted by God" (Borg 2003, 191). Therefore, a deficient knowledge of our true identity in Christ will result in much emotional turmoil and dysfunctions in our personal lives. Several years ago, I attended an event and heard Maya Angelou, (1928-2014) author and poet, articulate that, "When we know better, we will do better". Therefore, our identity in Christ is impacted with knowledge of who we are in Christ.
As part of my role as a pastoral care counselor at my church, I met with a new member, who was in the process of divorcing her second husband. She expressed feelings of shame and bewilderment to be in another situation of a failed marriage. It is important to note, that both of her previous husbands are church pastors. However, there are no children from either marriage. She informed me that, not only, is she a third generation Christian, but has been an active and faithful participant in church most of her life. Nonetheless, she expressed being very confused about her blindness to similar dysfunctional personality traits in her second husband that she experienced with her first husband. She also wonders why she does not feel good enough about herself, and often compares herself with others.
I also learned that her parents divorced when she was in elementary school. What's more, throughout childhood, she experienced many disappointments with her father's erratic weekend visitations. Therefore, she often created a rationale for his absenteeism, to avoid any negative opinions from others. Yet, she is grateful to her mother and maternal grandmother for their nurture, provisions, and religious affiliation with her church denomination.
To my chagrin, this person withdrew her membership from our church before our second meeting. Approximately three weeks after our meeting, her divorce became final from her second husband, and that same week she relocated to another city. However, within a few days of her relocation, she married again for the third time. Her new husband also is a pastor of a church.
The above story can be well defined within the framework of Dr. Terry Wardle's "Structures of Healing Model". The Healing Care Groups Curriculum: Leader's Guide states the life situation relates to dysfunctional behavior. This behavior then transmits to emotional upheaval that relates to lies and distortions that shape emotional wounds (Wardle 2001, 4-6). As a result, out of this structure, many Christians experience a false personal identity. This faulty identity is often rooted in the negative messages received from those significant people in the early years of life. Therefore, Christians are oblivious to their Christian identity. Neil Anderson points out the following:
... your hope for growth, meaning and fulfillment as a Christian is based on understanding who you are — specifically, your identity in Christ as a child of God. Your understanding of who God is and who you are in relationship to Him is the critical foundation for your belief system and your behavior patterns as a Christian. (Anderson 2000, 24)
Our Christian identity must be based on the truth of our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
Unfortunately, there are many Christians who characterize themselves based on perverse early life messages received from other emotionally wounded people. The recipients of such messages experience an internal "personal identity crisis". As a result, when we lack knowledge of our identity in Christ, our belief system is distorted, and these distorted beliefs can contribute to our identity crisis. However, in our understanding the fundamentals of core longings, we will impact our Christian identity. According to Thomas and Frank, these blessings come from God, and are the basis of our identity, sense of our connectedness and purpose (Thomas and Frank 2009, 3).
My personal experience in formational prayer and counseling at Ashland Theological Seminary has enlightened me to the significance on the subject of impacting Christian identity in others. Therefore, I am extremely motivated to share the information about this transformational experience with others. Dr. Terry Wardle ignited this motivation in me during my time on the campus of Ashland Theological Seminary in the Doctor of Ministry program.
I remember very vividly the tears rolling down my face as Dr. Wardle responded to a statement I made in class. It was pertaining to me being overly concerned and critical about my performance in a situation outside of class. Dr. Wardle turned and moved directly in front of me, as he looked directly at me, he said, "Jackie, you are beloved, and you are chosen, and you are empowered by God. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you anymore, and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any less." As I heard those words from Dr. Wardle, I experienced the very presence of the Holy Spirit. It seemed to me, at that moment; Jesus was speaking directly to me. It was a defining moment for me. It was also the beginning of my emotional healing journey toward "knowing and feeling" that my "self" has significance rooted in my identity in Christ. I want others to experience this kind of "eye-opener" within their beings.
Since the church, as a component of spiritual formation, is to impact believers' Christian identity, it is crucial that it become more vigilant in this transformational process. This formational process works best in a "small group forum" over a certain period of time spent together outside of the "Sunday Morning" worship experience. This process has the ability to become, by and large, a ministry within the church that assists the Pastor in the area of member discipleship, which is necessary throughout one's earthly journey.
Such a ministry, in the church, creates a pathway for us to witness the power of God in working through our emotional weaknesses. We can then, more adamantly, identify with the Apostle Paul: "and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Gal. 2:20). All Scripture references in this book are from the NRSV translation unless otherwise noted.
CHAPTER 2
CONTEMPORARY FOUNDATION OF IDENTITY
I embark upon this chapter with a comment that I recently heard on the radio from Oprah Winfrey (television host and current owner of the OWN television network). She said:
Every human being is looking for one thing, and that is to be validated, to be seen and to be heard ... at the end of almost every interview in one form or another, somebody would always lean in and say, 'was that okay?' After interviewing numerous guests on my program for twenty-five seasons, I started to see that pattern. And what I realized is that everybody is looking for the same thing. No matter if it is politicians, senators, presidents, Beyonce in all of her Beyonce-ness. We are all looking to know did you see me, did you hear me, and did what I say mean anything to you. So just saying hello is a way of validating even a stranger. (February, 2015)
The above words seem to tell us that as humans, we need to know that we matter to others. According to Dr. Wardle, author and professor at Ashland Seminary, "Everyone wants to know that they matter and have a special place at the table of life" (Wardle 2004, 27). We have an innate call to be truly known as significant and loved by others. God has created and set this longing within us to be loved and known for who we are. What is more, our true identity is not to be grounded in what people think of us, but in how God views and values us (Shaw 2013, x). Humankind has been magnificently made by God, and given by Him relational blessings that are manifested as core longings.
Due to our unprocessed emotionally trauma from our early years, many us experience core longings deficits. Therefore, we need the aid of a structure to position us for healing that will positively impact our identity in Christ. Formational counseling provides a model that provides the needed structure for emotional healing in broken people. "Formational counseling is a ministry of Christian care-giving that integrates pastoral care, spiritual direction, and spirit-directed counseling with a view to bringing hope, healing, and spiritual well-being to broken people" (Wardle, 2003).
Core Longings
Humankind was created by God to experience special relational blessings defined by Dr. Anne Halley as core longings. God made humans to: "feel, desire and experience love, security, understanding, purpose, significance and belonging" (Halley 2009, 10). Therefore, we were created to experience complete love, security, to be fully understood, to know our purpose, to feel significant, and to know that we belong to our Creator. As recorded in Genesis (Gen. 1:31), the first book of the Bible, before the fall, Adam and Eve experienced these unconditional blessings from God, and enjoyed a harmonious relationship with Him. However, the sin of Adam and Eve resulted in their relational brokenness with God. This sin distorted their thinking, in that; they were alone without any direction to figure out how to meet their own core longings. Shaw also finds that this distorted thinking and broken relationship with God led to the beginning of humankind's modification of self-identity (Shaw 2013, xiv). Therefore, the quest to answer the question of identity continues in humankind.
"Who are you?" is a question Neil Anderson asks regarding humankind's identity. He alleges that this question may appear to be a simple inquiry requiring a simple answer. Yet it can be a very difficult question for many people to answer (Anderson 2000, 23). The answer is not simple, because of humans' ambiguous search in seeking significance in their identity. Eric Geiger agrees that, "Everyone searches for a clear identity. We long to possess a strong sense of who we are. And we crave to be known for something" (Geiger 2008, 7). We have a need to unequivocally be known and understood by others, which produces significance in our identity.
When we are unaware of our identity, we will look for meaning in things, relationships, money, and in any other way that presents itself to us. "People everywhere are wearing themselves out trying to find a way to stand out from the crowd and be recognized as a unique and a special human being" (Wardle 2004, 25). We yearn to experience the consciousness of significance within ourselves. Since significance is synonymous with meaning, it is connected to human identity (Shaw 2013, xv). As Wardle and Shaw both point out, God has created each of us with the blessing of significance.
Early Life Attachment Formation
Kirwan finds our significance, or sense of self worth, develops from a vision of ourselves through the expressions we have received by the significant people in our early years of life. Loving affirmations throughout our lives promote good self-identity and self-image. Being rejected by significant others in our early formative years can be the basis for a negative self-image later in life (Kirwan 1984, 74). Consequently, much of our emotional development is a result of our attachments and relationships with our parents or primary caregivers during our formative years.
Along these lines, Siegel and Hartzell explain how these early attachments affect our primary foundation for our emotional interactions with others. Poor attachments in these early years can even have a negative impact on early brain growth. Unmet attachment needs due to one's parent's behavior can cause disorientation, which may develop into disorganized attachments to others. Nevertheless, our emotional problems are by no means beyond repair and healing. It is important to note that since we are social people, it is always possible to receive healing from our early experiences. One healing method is through the process of sharing our narratives. As we network and share with others, we can heal our past wounds (Siegel and Hartizell 2003, 132). Thus, emotional and spiritual growth is enhanced through relational attachment with others.
Anne Halley writes that in the absence of healthy attachments to improve our developmental process of emotional and spiritual growth, we remain unaware of our Christian identity (Halley 2009, 24). This lack of awareness also prevents us from connecting to our core longings, which are blessings from God. However, humans were formed by God to mature and be in fellowship with Him as they experience His nurturing presence. This is physically possible, because God devised humankind's neurological brain structure (Halley 2009, 24). Our physical brains are designed to provide us the ability to be in relationship with God.
The significance of early brain development in relation to attachment theory is included in the formational inner healing model. According to this model, we observe an integration of the following three important notions: "(1) The current research on brain, trauma, and childhood development; (2) Spiritual development and direction; and (3) Christian empathic response" (Halley 2009, 16). We as humans have been created to be in relationship with God and other social beings. Daniel Siegel, founder of Interpersonal Neurobiology, concludes that we exist within the interactions of people in families, communities, including the world at large, and they have impacted the formation our social brains. Cozolino, consequently, finds the progression of our culture continu continually impacts how we learn to understand ourselves, and to commune with others (Cozolino 2010, x). Therefore, it is imperative to understand that the humankind has a physical brain, which has a need for social attachment with other human beings.
Again Siegel and Hartzell see (along with Halley) the complexity of understanding the fundamental nature of what it means to be human has been discussed for centuries. Included in these discussions are personality developmental theories, which insist God created humans with knowledge (obtained prenatally) about their emotional being (Halley 2009, 16). Furthermore, it has been discovered that emotional attachment and bonding occurs while the baby is in its mother's womb. We know also that our consciousness (or the soul), the intellect (or the mind) perform as one unit in the physical brain. Neuroscience studies have found that these mental processes are the result of neuron activity firing within the brain (Siegel and Hartzell 2003, 31). The brain is a complicated part of humankind according to the following:
The human psyche, defined as the soul, the intellect, and the mind, is a functioning entity that is believed to be a process that emerges from the activity of the brain. The brain, an integrated system of the body itself, has been explored in the exploding new findings of neuroscience. (Siegel and Hartzell 2003, 31)
The consciousness of humans materializes from the movement of neurons that occur inside the brain.
Halley points out that a neuron is a vital cell in the tissues of the human brain. Neurons are environmentally sensitive, and transmit this sensitive information to other neurons, which signal the body to respond accordingly. In as much as a large part of the brain's wiring is genetic that provides axons to travel the right pathways; this process is dependent on sensory awareness acquired during our early years of life. Neurons connect to each other and provide synapses to stimulate the nerves. Acting as the neuron's antennae are dendrites that appear like tree branches. Dendrites are coated with thousands of synapses as receptors to sense the neurotransmitters, which are chemically signaled. These signals arrive from electrical impulses, and are stored in the axon with the ability to repeatedly convert into electrical information. This process provides the brain's mechanism for computational abilities (Halley 2002, 18). God has designed an intricate physiology referred to as the brain for humankind to receive information and know its awareness as a being.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from IT: Identity Trespass by Jacqueline DeLaney. Copyright © 2016 Jacqueline DeLaney. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
