Let Her Lead

by Brady Boyd

Overview

A pastor’s inspiring message for Christian women—and those who love them.
 
Let her be her. And let her be heard. For Pastor Brady Boyd, these are the two main wishes for his young daughter and the world she’ll encounter as a woman.
 
In Let Her Lead, Boyd calls on the church and the wider world to let women be who they are and speak their voice with confidence and conviction. The question of women in leadership remains touchy for many people, especially church people. In this brief and engaging book, Boyd defuses the tension by offering a fresh, practical, and biblical perspective and revealing the leadership roles women play at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Through it all, Boyd imagines a bright future that could be awaiting his daughter and what she may be invited to do. And he shows all of us—men and women alike—the roles we can play to create that better reality.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781625393067
Publisher:	RosettaBooks
Publication date:	09/05/2019
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	85
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Brady is the Senior Pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He is the husband to Pam and dad to Abram and Callie. He has lived in Texas, but was born and raised mostly in Louisiana which explains his obsession with LSU football. Follow Brady on Twitter @pastorbrady or check out New Life Church at www.newlifechurch.org

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Let Her Be Her

A woman's worth has been substantial all along. A quick read of the first chapter of Genesis reveals three helpful truths about humankind — women, as well as men — and while we may debate the timing, order, and priority of the creation scene, what's known for sure is that divinity, unity, and diversity were involved. Men and women were created in God's divine image; men and women walked in unity with God, and also with each other; and men and women were men and women. They were different one from another, per God's perfect plan.

Divinity

God's original posture toward humanity was not at all ambivalent: he created them — male and female alike — in his glorious image, and he purposed them — again, male and female alike — for three primary tasks. They were to reign over the animal kingdom; they were to fill the earth and subdue it; and they were to enjoy the creation around them, this paradise laid out by a loving and generous God.

The triple occurrence of "they" here is important. God did not create only man in his image; he created woman that way too. God did not task only man with dignified work; he tasked woman that way too. "They" ruled together, sharing authority and dominion equally. Which is kind of ironic, because before the curse of the fall made people power-hungry and petty and corrupt, nobody had any use for authority, dominion, and clout. "Both men and women were responsible to fulfill their ministries of service for God's glory," my friend Bill Hybels says, "in the manner God had gifted them and to the degree to which they had been apportioned faith."

In other words, women were not created as afterthoughts, add-ons, or additives, like the kind I put in my truck's gas tank, to give me a little boost. No, they were an integral part of the deal, from the very beginning of time. God welcomed his first divine daughter in a pretty powerful way: he referred to her by the Hebrew term ezer kenegdo, which translates in English to "helpmeet" or "helpmate." As the NIV version of the famous verse has it: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18).

But before your mind rushes to Aha! I knew it! This guy wants all women to only serve men! Barefoot and pregnant and submissive and subdued. I knew this is what a man would suggest! — let me note two key items.

First, let's keep in mind that if God intended woman's sole role to be nothing more than an obedient, subservient sidekick to her husband, then any woman existing in a state of singleness would be living outside of God's will. Obviously, this is not the case.

And second, of the twenty-one times the phrase ezer kenegdo is used throughout Scripture, sixteen of them are used to refer to God himself. For example:

"Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me. Lord, be my help." (Psalm 30:10)

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield." (Psalm 33:20)

"House of Aaron, trust in the Lord — he is their help and shield." (Psalm 115:10)

"Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God." (Psalm 146:5)

God uses the same name for Eve that he uses for himself, which means that unless God had a massive inferiority complex, he had something more in mind than woman as congenial add-on to man.

Rather than referring to Eve as a second-class citizen, he says, "Think of it this way: I am what Eve was meant to be for Adam. And I am the great I Am!" Listen, Eve was created to show up for her mate. She was meant to do more than submit. I love how one author puts it: "If Adam must think for, decide for, protect, and provide for the woman, she actually becomes a burden on him — not much help, when you think about it. The kind of help man needs demands full deployment of her strengths, her gifts, and the best she has to offer. His life will change for the better because of what she contributes to his life."

"Helpfulness," in the Genesis sense of the term, is about as far as you can get from the idea of woman as lesser-than, dumber-than doormat/assistant/slave. Women, according to God, are valuable. They matter deeply to him. And therefore deeply matter to us.

* * *

I'm from the south, which is often a wonderful thing and sometimes a perplexing one. Perhaps perplexing things happen up north; I know for sure they do down south. For example, in various southern states whose identities I'll keep to myself, I have seen firsthand this troubling dynamic: A mom and a dad have both a teenage daughter and a teenage son. Sometimes the boy is older; sometimes the girl. Both are — relatively speaking — responsible, reliable kids. Both get good grades, or both excel at sports. Both tend to run with "good kids." Both customarily show respect and kindness and love. But despite all these similarities and good qualities, the daughter is treated differently than the son. The daughter has a twelve-o'clock curfew; the son can stay out as late as he wants. The daughter is told no when she asks for a cell phone, but the son is handed a slick new iPhone, because the boys get the toys, right?

The daughter has to bum rides off friends every weekend; the son is freely given the keys to his parents' cars. The daughter is encouraged to find a "nice young man" to marry; the son is slipped college applications left and right. At social gatherings, the daughter is asked to "join the women" in the kitchen; the son is invited to play pool or watch sports. The daughter is kept on an ultra-short leash, while the son is left to explore the world.

As I say, maybe this kind of backward behavior is at work in places such as Montana and Michigan and Maine as well, in which case, mea culpa to my southern friends. To all people in all geographies: Stop the madness. Please.

We are saying something about the value of a woman when we diminish her experience of life on this earth, especially while simultaneously elevating the experience of men. And if you think this differentiation of young boys and young girls is harmless and has no bearing on future behavior, think again. In research compiled for her book Lean In, author Sheryl Sandberg found that in a clinical test, "if you ask men and women questions on totally objective criteria, men inaccurately assess their performance slightly high, while women inaccurately assess their performance slightly low."

Women do not believe they are valuable. Which stands to reason, given we have told them this is so.

When by our assumptions and our actions we ask women to be seen but not heard, to be pretty but not powerful, to be courteous but not challenging, to be amiable but not ambitious, to be submissive but not smart ... when we expect them to merely cook and clean and change diapers, to show up but not speak up, to wear doilies on their heads during church services and whatever you do, keep your thoughts to yourself, we are saying something weighty about their value, about the worth of their very lives. And what we're saying, in my view, just ain't that great.

But the inverse is also true. When we prioritize the divinity in people, we esteem them — men and women alike. We honor them — men and women alike. We raise up their God-given value — men and women alike. We practice mutual surrender, mutual submission — as men, and as women, alike. We buck the trends of our wayward culture, which demands that a woman's value equates to her chest size, her sex appeal, her charm. And it's happening younger and younger these days. If you've seen the reality show Toddlers and Tiaras, then you know exactly what I mean. When overzealous parents are trotting out three- and four-year-old girls in fishnets and full makeup and asking them to glance coyly over their shoulder so that the judges will boost their scores, we've got a problem on our hands. Here's what we're telling those future women: "If you want the world's attention, you'll have to be overtly sexual to get it. If you expect to compete in this 'man's world,' if you ever hope to be valued or heard, then swinging your hips and shimmying your shoulders is really your only choice."

When we minimize the worth of women, we minimize the worth of her Maker. This is never a wise thing to do. Jesus says, "I came for the sake of freedom." We're to be about freedom too — freedom from suppression, freedom from marginalization, freedom from bondage, freedom from anything that lessens the value of womankind.

We enslave women and girls not just when we trick them into lives of destitution and servitude or when we trade them across borders as sex slaves — and for more than 20 million, tragically, this is their current lot — but also when we leave them feeling trapped in a world that values them only for the size of their breasts. We begin to free them when we plant more helpful seed, and then water it until a useful harvest bursts forth: "You are the apple of your Father's eye!" we can affirm. "And your value is not lost on me. What you see is valid, and what you're experiencing is meaningful. The thoughts you think? The questions you keep? The dreams you're dreaming these days? Rest assured that all of this really matters. It matters to God, and it matters to me."

People who walk through life with confidence do so because they believe that their life has worth. If we want to help our girls confidently step into their God-given roles in this world, we must reinforce the fact that they indeed matter to us. A practical example, from the frontlines of my own home: For as long as I can remember, I've told my daughter Callie that she is free to one day marry anyone she wants as long as two things happen to be true: the guy has to love Jesus with all of his heart, and he has to treat Callie as well as or better than I do. Admittedly, I've set the bar high. I've chosen to love her with such fully formed, godly love that the half-baked "love" from some pimply faced sixteen-year-old boy is probably not going to appeal to her. It will be nothing more than an unsatisfying substitute, sort of like being served greasy fast food when you've been in a five-star restaurant all your life.

I put these stipulations on giving my daughter away as a bride because in doing so, I take one step toward redeeming divinity in her. I tell the world that she is valuable, that she is a reflection of goodness and of grace and of God.

Unity

Not only was divinity evident at creation, but unity was present and prized too. When God breathed into life the start of humankind, the earth's first authentic, life-giving community was formed. Adam couldn't experience community with animals; God knew he needed one that was "suitable" for him. Hence, woman. And when Adam's "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh" suddenly came to life, I have to believe there was an audible gasp. This wasn't a matter of hierarchy; it was instead one of biology: two people, one flesh, one God to lead their way. For the first time — and, as it turns out, the only time for a while — perfect unity was having its way. Mutual submission, mutual love, mutual respect, mutual service — God's vision for humankind had finally become real.

Fast-forward to last week, in the halls of New Life Church. A woman in her early forties approaches me following a worship service and asks about my perspective on something. "It's my marriage," she says. "I feel like there's no hope for us." She explains the dynamic that has been unfolding in her home for the better part of fifteen years and then offers up a recent example. She and her husband were having trouble coming to agreement on a big decision regarding his job, the outcome of which potentially would affect where they lived, where they worshiped, and where their kids went to school. "When I told him my perspective," she says to me, "my husband said, 'I hear you, but I don't agree with you. And since I'm the boss, we're going to go with my plan.'"

This is not exactly the vision God had for our homes and our houses of worship, when he lovingly breathed into life humankind. In the Garden of Eden there were no power-grabs and no trump cards; there was no dissonance, no one-upmanship, no swagger. Who gave the orders? Who made the decisions? It's simple: God, alone, was in charge.

When we prize unity in our relationships — those comprising males and females alike — we evict the egotism that always takes us down. "One gender holding power over the other" writes John Ortberg, "was not God's plan laid out at the beginning of creation. It is clearly here part of the curse.... Why would we cheer part of the curse?"

Ortberg rightly assesses the famous verse that encapsulates the consequences of the woman's grave sin: "He [God] told the Woman: 'I'll multiply your pains in childbirth; you'll give birth to your babies in pain. You'll want to please your husband, but he'll lord it over you'" (Genesis 3:16). You'll recall that two chapters earlier, childbearing was presented in grand and glowing terms: Be fruitful! Multiply! Fill the earth and subdue it! Now, though? Not so glowing, and certainly not so grand: Pain. Pain multiplied. Your babies will only get here through pain.

Same goes with marriage: In Genesis 2:18, 24, we find God reflecting on the man he had just created and determining that it's not good for him to be alone. What he needs is a helper comparable to him. Yes, woman. That ought to do. The plan, then, was this: the man will leave his mom and dad and become "one flesh" with his beautiful bride. Sweet, right?

But then comes sin. And with it, the sweetness falls prey to subjection. He says, "I'm the boss, so we'll just go with my plan." To which she thinks, "He's hell-bent on being the head of this home? Fine. But I'll be the neck."

Nice attitude, eh?

We get exasperated with the opposite sex, thinking, "Well, this is just how God made it to be. Look! It says it right there in Genesis: this is part of his plan, after the Fall." But what we fail to recognize is that God's statement in Genesis 3:16 — "You'll want to please your husband, but he'll lord it over you" (NIV) — was not a prescription but a prediction. He essentially says, "Look out! This is where you'll both fall prey."

Our current relational quandary was cited as a consequence but never a command, which means we actually have a way out of this horrible mess. By our words and by our actions, we can start to reclaim God's original intent.

Recently, Pam and I had a big decision to make, about how to contribute financially to a debt-relief initiative our church has undertaken. I guess I could have powered up, charted a unilateral course of action, and (politely) informed her of what "we'd" be doing. But why in the world would I do that? This is the woman who holds my heart in the palm of her hand, the one whose voice informs everything of significance I do. I've been married to Pam for more than two decades, and with precious few exceptions — mostly my fault, really — we have made key decisions together, unified, as one. I seek God. She seeks God. We come together and talk. We pray about what we're sensing. We choose as wisely as we know how. "A husband and wife filled with the love of Christ together approach the real authority in their family and ask him — God — what he wants," writes Charles Trombley. Together, they fulfill his will."

And, I would add, then I — alone — accept responsibility for the worthiness (or worthlessness) of the choice.

I see the theme raised up throughout Scripture of God blessing husbands who determine to include and look after their wives in this way.

You husbands, be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantage. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground. (1 Peter 3:7)

The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:23–24)

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church — a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor — since they're already "one" in marriage. (Ephesians 5:25–28)

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Let Her Lead"
by .
Copyright © 2013 Brady Boyd.
Excerpted by permission of Bondfire Books, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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