Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships

by Jason B. Whiting

Overview

How can love, which is so beautiful and fun, cause such emotional ups and downs? Dr. Jason B. Whiting, a licensed marriage and family therapist, focuses on common relationships to show that deception is at the root of most marital problems. Overcome this and gain back that trust and excitement you've been longing for in your relationship.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781462118618
Publisher:	Cedar Fort, Incorporated/CFI Distribution
Publication date:	12/01/2016
Pages:	176
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.40(d)

Table of Contents

Introduction: Connection and Confusion ix

Part I Deception in What We Say 1

Chapter 1 Dishonesty and Deception 1

Love and Lying 1

Why Lie? 3

Reactivity and Honesty 8

Sweet Little Lies 8

Moving Up and Down the Lie Ladder 13

Chapter 2 Betrayals and Accountability 16

Big Lies 16

The Damage of Betrayals 18

The Importance of Trust 20

Chapter 3 Rationalization and Reality 24

Excuse Me-Rationalizing in Relationships 24

The Reasons We Rationalize 26

Seeing Yourself Honestly 28

Rationalizing our Rationalizing 29

Drawing Portraits, NOT Caricatures 30

Chapter 4 Smugness and Self-Pity 32

Moralizing in Marriage 32

Self-Righteousness and Self-Pity 33

Playing the Victim 38

Part II Deception in What We See 42

Chapter 5 Anger and Safety 42

The Power of Anger 42

The Deception of Anger 45

Controlling Our Anger 47

Safety and Soothing the Self 48

Soothing Your Partner 50

Chapter 6 Defenses and Détente 52

Defending the Self 53

Lowering the Shield and Getting to Détente 57

Chapter 7 Denial and Responsibility 62

A State of Denial 62

Motivated Reasoning 67

Conscience and Reality 70

Chapter 8 Emotion and Acceptance 73

Emotion Changes What We See 74

Depletion 75

Emotion as Connective Plasma 78

Emotional Awareness and Self-Care 80

Emotional Acceptance 84

Part III Authentic Connection 89

Chapter 9 Friends and Companions 89

Let's Be Friends 90

An It or a Thou 90

The Power of Modes 94

The Virtuous Friendship 94

Fun and Romance 98

Chapter 10 Heart and Mind 101

When Your Boyfriend Gets Married without Telling You 101

Our Bifurcated Brains 102

The Heart as the Horse 103

The Mind as the Rider 109

Healing the Heart and Training the Mind 110

Chapter 11 Responding and Conversing 113

Be Responsive 114

Be Positive 115

Be Present 116

Have a Voice 118

Beware Your Memory 121

Chapter 12 Passion and Compassion 127

Connecting and Transforming 129

The Pathways of Connection 131

Deep Compassion 136

Creating Passion and Compassion 137

Love and Vulnerability 139

Afterword and Acknowledgments 145

Sources 147

About the Author 164