Loving Out Loud: The Power of a Kind Word

by Robyn Spizman, Dawna Markova PhD (Foreword by)

Overview

Loving Out Loud is a little book with a big message: you have the power to make a positive impact on someone’s day, every day, and it isn’t nearly as hard as you think. Robyn Spizman has spent her career finding ways to make others happy with gifts and actions. Observing how the smallest compliment or remark of appreciation can transform an awkward moment into one of connection and joy, she set out to find words and acts designed to let someone else know we are paying attention, we care, and we appreciate them. With LOL Snapshots and LOL daily suggestions in numerous categories, Loving Out Loud is poised to inspire a movement toward a kinder, more engaged community.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781608686407
Publisher:	New World Library
Publication date:	08/27/2019
Pages:	288
Sales rank:	650,586
Product dimensions:	5.10(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Robyn Spizman is an award-winning, New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and veteran media personality who has appeared often on NBC’s Today show. She lives in Atlanta.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

START RIGHT, STAY RIGHT

Whatever your reason for picking up this book, it says something special about you. You care deeply about the relationships in your life or wish to get closer to others, be liked, and truly make a difference. You value kind words and might appreciate, or even need, gentle reminders to stay positive. Or, perhaps, you tend to keep feelings bottled up inside and want to learn how to let them out in a meaningful way without embarrassment or hesitation.

This chapter jump-starts your ability to love out loud by charting a course to start right and stay right. Think of kindness as a marathon, not a sprint. Each step in the right direction enhances your life. We've all heard the adage "Start your day off on the right foot." It's true. We create a great day, one loving-out-loud step and moment at a time.

Let this book be your road map to a life well lived. It celebrates how the power of a generous thought and loving- kindness is transformative. I've seen it change lives, build better relationships, and make a person smile from the inside out. I've watched how parents and children have formed lasting bonds, and friends and family have reunited. By loving out loud and "saying" it forward, we can rest assured we are doing our best to be a blessing to family, friends, and those around us.

As you read on, be prepared to go be fabulous. Pause and ask yourself: "Am I ready to share my love and appreciation of life and others out loud?"

Loving out loud begins with the ability to say yes. To take a risk without delay. That means starting with a positive thought and building a new habit. Or even righting a wrong to get back on track. Negative feelings take up so much of our emotional real estate. Make room for more feel-good thoughts. Sharing your feelings might make you feel vulnerable and uneasy. However, the upside is that when you do, you will reap the rewards that loving out loud can manifest. Light up someone's life and brighten someone's day.

Let's get started.

LOL: Begin your day with an open heart and a positive attitude. Catch yourself or someone else doing something wonderful, and sit up and take notice.

Do Your Giving Out Loud

It's easy to enjoy receiving a compliment or positive feedback, but wait! When we love out loud and don't wait for someone else to do the giving, the opportunity rests in our hands.

Can you recall a time when you did something that started a "love [or even like] out loud" chain of events? Maybe you reached out to someone new to invite her for lunch, and before you knew it, you had a new friend. Or you handled a conflict or difficult situation with kind intentions, created peace, and built a stronger relationship. Sometimes it's as easy as being the one to begin or end a conversation with the words I love you.

In those moments, you created a loving-out-loud possibility and opened the door for someone to enter or even reenter. This idea works if you put it to work.

Try a little kindness. When you meet someone like-minded who shares some of your interests or whom you'd like to get to know better, here's a comment to open the door of friendship: "We have so much in common; I can really see us being friends." Project the good you envision, and hopefully the rest is history.

When we reach out to others first, rather than waiting for them to affirm us out loud, we give people permission to respond to us in kind. We have the power and innate ability to kindle a relationship in a surprisingly wonderful way. Consider: when was the last time someone's words or a deed truly had an impact on your life?

LOL Snapshot

When I think of people I adore being around, who have truly had an impact on my life, my dear friend of over thirty-five years, Bettye, comes to mind. Her cheerful disposition and ability to celebrate life despite her own family's tragic loss of a grandson to random gun violence are inspiring. Every month her family cooks hot meals and serves them to 180 homeless veterans and other individuals living under a downtown bridge. Bettye's healing comes from providing food to the needy, but even more, from providing hope. Selflessly she and her family connect with others to see how they can help further.

I asked Bettye how she gives back so effortlessly, despite her personal tragedy. She replied, "Pain can either challenge us or transform us. We turned our grief to giving. It doesn't take a lot of energy to help others or share a kind word.

"You don't have to overthink this," she explained, "especially if you are truthful. People are hungry for a kind word along with a hot meal. We serve both. When you share something you feel, like 'I think you are a wonderful person,' it comes out quickly because that thought just pops right up."

Bettye concluded, "We have so many sad people in this world and people who, for whatever reasons, are overlooked. We tend not to notice them. All of us need a helping hand, kindness, and food for our souls."

LOL: Choose an LOL role model. Think of someone in your life (past or present) whom you admire, who is great at sharing positive feelings, or who has lifted you up when you were around them. Make them your LOL role model. Think of ways to be more like them and spread kindness.

Love out loud across generations. My beloved mother felt that her own mother rarely said "I love you" to her. Everyone (including my mother) knew how much my grandmother Pauline loved her. While I pleaded with my grandmother to tell my mother she loved her, she replied every time, "Your mother knows I love her." Still, I persisted, "Grandma, you know it, she knows it, but she needs to hear it." I continued, "Tell her you love her, and say it often." Finally, she did. A few months later, my ninety-three-year-old grandmother passed away, but not without sharing her feelings out loud. Those three little words meant more to my mother than all the riches in the world.

Do not put kindness on hold. So many people go to their final resting place holding on to words that needed to be shared while they were alive. These words include I love you,I'm sorry,Please forgive me, and more. We all mean well, but we get too consumed with life's humdrum routines and many challenges, and shared feelings take a back seat.

We are here now and have an opportunity to reach out and show love. While a lot of time might have passed since you connected, hopefully it's not too late and there's a chance to rebuild a relationship or reunite with someone. Ask yourself, "What can I do today to create a better tomorrow?" or "What support or help do I need to positively and productively affect the relationships around me?" Work on understanding the steps you can take to move toward a more loving life.

LOL: Have no regrets. Think of someone who, if they were not on this earth tomorrow, you would regret not having told how much you care about them. Do it now even if you think they know, it's uncomfortable, or it feels too late.

Master the Art of Appreciation

Loving out loud begins with an awareness of what's "right" around you. What's right in your world and in your life, versus what's wrong? If you look for the negative, you'll find it. Focus on the good and the positive.

In a conversation with me, Bruce T. Blythe, chairman of R3 Continuum, an international behavioral health firm, shared insights for staying positive:

In every case, happiness (and distress) comes from within. It's not the situation, but how I'm choosing to react to it. Happy people choose to be happy. Unhappy people dwell on unhappy thoughts. Think and do things that increase the likelihood of your happiness, even if they aren't a perfect "fix." Happiness comes from selflessness, not selfishness; giving with graciousness vs. expecting personal payback; self-forgetfulness versus focusing on "myself" and what I want. Happiness is not passive or self-centered. Happiness comes from active pursuits that make the world a better place because you were in it.

If you tend to be negative, Bruce suggests asking yourself, Am I an awfulizer? He explained:

Awfulizing (or catastrophizing) is an unproductive, negative thought process that makes life situations worse, or more awful, in one's mind than they are in reality. Ask if these negative (often complaining) thoughts support the well-being of others who are important to you. Focus on reactions and words that would be best for you and others. Think gratitude thoughts every day. Consciously acknowledge what you're thankful for, preferably at the same time each day, to make it habitual. Before going to sleep, think about or write down what went right today (no matter how trivial).

Appreciate the Positives in Your Life

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, shy or outgoing, it's possible to appreciate others out loud. The world needs introverts and extroverts. While this book is not designed to change you, we can all better relate to ourselves and each other. Consider this an invitation to notice the good in others. When you do so, your blessings will float to the top. Begin with bite-size moments of gratitude, and find ways to appreciate out loud the actions of others.

Everyone loves a compliment, which is a powerful motivator to express your appreciation. We usually think of a compliment as words that make us feel good ("You are such a fascinating person") or an observation about someone's personality or appearance ("That shade of pink lipstick looks beautiful on you"). While compliments are certainly meaningful when sincerely given, go one step further and shift your perspective from giving compliments to giving gratitude. Infuse your compliment with it. Think of your kind words as mastering appreciation, which is the meaningful, magnetic ability to make what you say stick. Recently my six-year-old granddaughter Dani overhead a compliment my husband gave me. She noticed how good it made me feel, smiled, and asked me if he went to compliment school.

The art of appreciation lets another person know what they are doing right, how much they matter, or what you notice about them that's special ("I really value the way you take the time to make sure my car tires are filled correctly; thank you for caring about my safety"). It ties the compliment into their actions and ices the cake with how you feel.

Your words of appreciation are like a boomerang returning kindness to you in a multitude of ways. When words are said without ulterior motive or the expectation of something in return, they come across as sincere and filled with good intentions. The receiver is more likely to believe them, as you do, and in turn your LOL acknowledgment affects them in a heartfelt way.

Personally, I appreciate the smallest acts of caring and a kindhearted spirit. A generous compliment, pure in motive, sincere in intent, echoes in my mind and keeps me afloat. Heart-to-heart compliments can turn someone's day around or start it off with a smile. That's remarkable stuff and highly underestimated!

How to Give an LOL Compliment

When sharing a compliment, infuse it with your appreciation for the person. Here are some ways to get in touch with that sentiment and validate others:

• Consider what you truly like (and appreciate) about the person: "I think you are one of the friendliest people I know. I'd love to be more like you."

• Think of things you admire about them: "I am in awe of the attention you give to details."

• Zero in on something that makes someone feel special: "Are you aware of what a thoughtful friend you are to me?"

• When focusing on physical traits, be creative: "When you wear that shade of blue, your eyes are sky-blue beautiful."

• Make observations about why someone is unique: "I absolutely love listening to you. Your stories are so interesting."

• Think of your words of gratitude as a thank-you gift: "My day is now perfect thanks to your thoughtful [birthday, anniversary, etc.] wishes!"

While at the post office, I thanked the kindhearted postal worker for his help as he advised me on the fastest way to send a package. He replied with a remark that really felt good: "You have such a generous spirit." I thought for a moment how to show my gratitude for his kind words, putting my stamp of approval on his attention, and said with a smile, "Return to sender."

LOL: When giving a compliment or making an observation about a personality trait you admire, put it in the form of a question. For example, "Have I told you lately how thoughtful you are?" Watch the smile appear on someone's face, just like magic.

LOL Snapshot

When Christine, a personable assistant at my hair salon, was in her twenties, her close friend Gavin gave her a compliment she still recalls word for word to this day, over five years later: "Christine, you sure know how to make people feel at ease." From that moment on, not only was Gavin's observation of Christine's outgoing personality sealed as a true compliment in her mind, but it also gave her renewed confidence. His words painted a picture of her strengths, and she went on to choose a career where she could put her people skills to work. Christine still reminds Gavin he gets the credit.

Show Your Appreciation of Others

Begin now. Think of a compliment you were given. What made it so striking that you remembered it and let it register? When words are positive and meaningful, they have the power to reinforce who we are at our core, or even how we wish to be perceived and remembered. Has someone commented on a color you wear that looks best on you? If so, what color was that? Do you remember the dress or shirt or outfit you were wearing? Do you wear that color more often as a result? How did the compliment affect you?

Remind and reinforce yourself. What are you good at? Think back to when you were little. As children we learn much about ourselves from what we are told. When I was in the first grade, the principal at E. Rivers Elementary School displayed my artwork in the halls and shared her praise of my colorful self-portrait. I became an art teacher straight out of college, and somehow that little comment early on never left me and made me feel ten feet tall, even though at the time I was only six years old. Learn to acknowledge your talents and feel good about yourself. Equally important, notice the talents and skills of others, and acknowledge them. It goes a long, long way.

Hang around positive people. If you are around negative people, nonstop complainers, sour individuals who still grumble about the rain following the rainbow, that attitude is contagious. Those who treasure others are usually treasured themselves. Think of positive people in your life, and call them often. Make plans to see them. Positive people are priceless. Notice their traits and behavior. Share with them how their energy affects you and makes your day. Return the favor.

Be a gracious receiver. Next time you get a compliment, let it enter your heart and be thankful for it. Don't dismiss it; accept it graciously. Replay it to yourself as needed, and share it out loud to someone else who is deserving. Keep in mind that when you are given a compliment, someone took the time to share a kind word with you, and express your appreciation: "How kind of you to share such a lovely comment," or "Look who's talking; I'm in good company, and you made my day for sharing that." An expression of honest praise is the gift that keeps on giving!

LOL: Give one compliment a day. Take a moment to look for a sincere way to share feedback with someone, and do so. You can give it directly to the person or go one step further and share it with their friend, parent, or sibling — or even their boss or spouse: "Do you know you have such a kindhearted wife? She takes such time and care with everyone she meets."

It's More Interesting to Be Interested

It's easy for some people to talk about themselves. We all love to be viewed as interesting and connect like- mindedly. We may talk about our lives, what happened that day, who we ran into, or our job. Add the kids, what we ate, where we went, and what we learned. Perhaps we tell a great story, a joke, or something we heard worth repeating.

All this, and more, certainly makes us very interesting. We think of it as sharing. We might be lively and fun to listen to, especially if we are not complaining (which is an entirely different subject). However, when we are a nonstop talker, others can't get a word in edgewise. If we return every subject to ourselves, we have work to do. If we monopolize the conversation, it's filled with "me, me, me."

It's reasonable to share what's on your mind, but when it comes to immersing yourself in "loving out loud" living, consider how you interact with others. The secret to connecting is being interested in someone else.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Loving Out Loud"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Robyn Freedman Spizman Literary Works, LLC.
Excerpted by permission of New World Library.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction – Sharing the Best of Us with The Rest of Us


I. Start Right Stay Right

A Life Well-Lived

Do Your Giving Out Loud

To Share Your Truth

The Art of Appreciation

Begin Right Now

Be Interested Not Just Interesting

Don’t Postpone Kindness

It’s Not About You

Give the Gift of Listening

Looking for The Good..and Finding It

II. Have I Thanked You Today?

How Daily Gratitude Can Brighten Your Life

Be Thankful Out Loud

Expressing Gratitude

Thanks A-Latte!

Be Specific with Your Thanks

How Gratitude Impacts Your Life

Sharing Your Thanks

Pay Little Attentions

III. Inspiring Your Partner to Love You Out Loud

Your Love Language

What Speaks to You

Showing Up

Starting Traditions

Expressing Differences

Feeling Safe and Secure

Why Words Matter Every Day

IV. Raising Kinder Children

Why Kindness Matters Most

Defining Kindness for Kids

Give Your Child A Kindness Job

What Can A Parent or Grandparent do to Raise A Kinder Child

Make Kindness Fun

How to Avoid Over-Indulging Kids

Showering Baby with Love Out Loud

V. Loving Your Friends Out Loud

Understanding Your Friends

Who Needs Me Today?

How Can I Help You?

When Your Feelings Are Hurt

Building Friends for Life

Celebrating Friends

VI. Bonding with Your Family

Past, Present and Future

Staying in Touch

Understanding Your Family and Your Role

Tradition, Tradition

Building Memories

Being Happy For Each Other

VII. Living Out Loud at Work

Showing Up

Getting the Job

Sharing Appreciation with Co-Workers

I Love My Job

Building Teamwork

Making A Difference

VIII. Preserving Memories & Loved Ones

The Sentimental Connection

Getting Organized

Living with Memories

Displaying Treasures

Staying Connected

Virtual Reminders

Forever in Your Heart

IX. Creating Love Out Loud Moments & Gifts

Making the Holidays Unforgettable

Birthdays

Special Days

New Year’s Eve

Valentine’s Day

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Back to School

Halloween

Thanksgiving

X. Conclusion

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“This warm, wise, delightfully practical book is certain to brighten your days and those of everyone around you.”
— Dawn Raffel, author of The Strange Case of Dr. Couney

“In our current culture of chaos, kindness is in short supply, though it’s needed now more than ever. With Loving Out Loud, my friend Robyn Spizman delivers simple steps for all of us to make kindness a way of life.”
— Tory Johnson, Good Morning America Deals & Steals curator

“Thank you, Robyn, for inspiring us to be the best version of ourselves. . . . Written in a way that is insightful and actionable, Loving Out Loud is a gem!”
— Nadia Bilchik, CNN editorial producer and author of Own Your Network and Own Your Space

“Helps us infuse each day with kindness and thoughtfulness and helps us build and strengthen connections with people who are important to us. A big thank-you to the ‘gifting guru’ who has gifted us this delightful guide to showing and sharing our love in the most meaningful ways.”
— Esther Levine, founder of Book Atlanta Inc.

“Everyone needs a copy of this book because it is certainly life-changing!”
— Cindy Simmons, media personality

“Robyn Spizman embodies community. She is a master connector and consistently engages with enthusiasm and kindness.”
— Cheryl Kortemeier, executive director, Corporate Volunteer Council of Atlanta

“I wish I had written this book. I am so glad that Robyn Spizman did.”
— from the foreword by Dawna Markova, PhD, cocreator of Random Acts of Kindness

“Robyn Spizman is one of the kindest guests we have on the show. It’s no wonder she holds the title of ‘TV’s Ambassador of Smiles.’ She knows so much about so many things. It’s a dream for producers.”
— Chris von Seeger, director of creative content, 11 Alive Atlanta

“I got to know Robyn Spizman while overseeing the 9 o’clock hour of NBC’s Today. . . . It’s rare you come across a person more concerned with content than Robyn. She is one of the very few who gets the job done from start to finish, adds her own signature, and on top of that, is always such a pleasure to work with.”
— Jo Mathisen, cohost, Today Show Radio, SiriusXM, and podcaster, Podclair.com