Men Have Called Her Crazy: A Memoir

by Anna Marie Tendler

Overview

*NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER*

“This book is so many things I didn’t know I needed: a testament to the work of healing, a raw howl of anger, and an indictment of misogyny’s insipid, predictable, infuriating reign.” —Carmen Maria Machado, author of the National Book Award finalist Her Body and Other Parties and the Lambda Literary Award winner In the Dream House

A powerful memoir that reckons with mental health as well as the insidious ways men impact the lives of women.

In early 2021, popular artist Anna Marie Tendler checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a year of crippling anxiety, depression, and self-harm. Over two weeks, she underwent myriad psychological tests, participated in numerous therapy sessions, connected with fellow patients and experienced profound breakthroughs, such as when a doctor noted, “There is a you inside that feels invisible to those looking at you from the outside.”

In Men Have Called Her Crazy, Tendler recounts her hospital experience as well as pivotal moments in her life that preceded and followed. As the title suggests, many of these moments are impacted by men: unrequited love in high school; the twenty-eight-year-old she lost her virginity to when she was sixteen; the frustrations and absurdities of dating in her mid-thirties; and her decision to freeze her eggs as all her friends were starting families.

This stunning literary self-portrait examines the unreasonable expectations and pressures women face in the 21st century. Yet overwhelming and despairing as that can feel, Tendler ultimately offers a message of hope. Early in her stay in the hospital, she says, “My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.” By the end of the book, she fulfills that wish.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781668032343
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster
Publication date:	08/13/2024
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	3,308
Product dimensions:	6.10(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Anna Marie Tendler is an artist and writer. She holds a master’s degree in costume studies from New York University. She lives in Connecticut with her three cats, Chimney, Moon, and Butter.

Editorial Reviews

★ 06/24/2024

Multimedia artist Tendler (The Daily Face) recounts her struggles with mental illness and low self-esteem in this devastating personal history. She begins in 2021, when, at 35, she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital at her therapist’s urging. From there, she weaves in flashbacks that describe, in wrenching detail, her teenage experiences with self-harm (“I am not sure how I landed on cutting... but I am certain I would have found my way to injurious behavior eventually”) and a high school relationship that made her “a girl who, well into adulthood, would contort and conform to the desires of a man, overlooking his easy dismissal, and dampening self-worth, all to be loved.” Much of the account examines a string of failed romances that eroded Tendler’s self-worth, including teenage sexual experiences with much older men. (Her marriage to comedian John Mulaney is only ever alluded to.) She also discusses daily life in the psych ward, and the peace brought to her by her dog, Petunia, before she checked in. After contextualizing her depression as a partial by-product of a turbulent childhood spent witnessing blowout fights between her parents, Tendler ends on a hopeful note (“Life has in no way gotten easier..... But I’ve become sturdier”). In a sea of mental health memoirs, this stands out. Agent: Meg Thompson, Thompson Literary. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

"Equally evocative and devastating."
—Wilson Wong, New York Times Book Review

"A modern-day The Bell Jar."
—Lauren Mechling, The Guardian

"[Tendler's] stories on career indecision, dating troubles and mental health struggles resonated with me as a woman in her mid-20s."
—Anna Tingley, Variety

"So, there’s a very specific kind of 90s girl who thrifted her way through high school and found herself in Fiona Apple songs and movies like The Craft and Girl, Interrupted. Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar sat on our nightstands. We ran to NYC as soon as we could, creating memories laced with cigarettes and sketchy late nights. And female friendships were sacred sisterhoods. I am said girl. Perhaps you are too. Well, now that we are adults, we have Anna Marie Tendler to thank for summoning all of us messy, emotional, justifiably angry, artsy girls together with the release of her memoir. I devoured this in a day. I applaud her for her bravery in writing this book. It’s always kinda strange and moving when people tell me they recognize themselves in my books, but I just had that experience myself and it’s wild!"
—Hilarie Burton Morgan, New York Times bestselling author of The Rural Diaries and Grimoire Girl

"An original portrait of a woman who’s reached the apex of her rage against the patriarchy, a field guide to contemporary mental health practices, and a moving testament to the possibility of growth and healing."
—Tara Dalbow, W Magazine

“A stunning self-portrait of a woman trying to make sense of the misogyny and sexism she has faced throughout her life.”
—Shannon Carlin, TIME ("25 New Books You Need to Read This Summer")

"By reclaiming her story, Tendler questions the unreasonable expectations placed on all women in the modern era."
—W Magazine, "The Best, Most Talked About Books of 2024 (So Far)"

“Devastating...In a sea of mental health memoirs, this stands out.”
—Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"A project of self-definition...In mordant, frank prose, Tendler weaves interludes from her past—the musician who took her virginity when she was 17, the wealthy boyfriend who offered to pay her to clean his Hamptons rental—into the account of her psychological breakdown...These stories are painful but not entirely unusual for Millennial women."
—Sophie Gilbert, The Atlantic

"Tendler takes on the challenge of subverting the madwoman-in-the-attic archetype, the crazy ex-wife who has existed in culture as long as heterosexual relationships have been documented...In twining the story of her mental health crisis with an exploration of her subjugation, Tendler makes explicit the literally maddening impact of living within patriarchy."
—Alex Sujong Laughlin, Defector

"While Tendler’s confessional writing style is reminiscent of a long email from a friend or dishy voice note, her memoir is anything but a gossipy tell-all. Instead, she anchors the book with her own psychological evaluations and slow, meticulous attempts to heal in a world seemingly designed to prevent that."
—Fran Hoepfner, New York Magazine

"Dark wit and a shrewd eye for absurdities...[Tendler] has also explored her grief through some truly beautiful photography, but one gets the sense that she found writing to be extraordinarily healing."
—Maura Judkis, The Washington Post

“An intensive, conversational portrait of one woman’s battle with mental illness...The author’s calm, affable narration belies the seriousness of her condition, and the striking detail she provides offers readers a clear sense of the rigorous inpatient psychotherapy process meant to disarm anxiety and return a sense of normalcy. While Tendler admits that her condition is a lifelong struggle, the book ends on a hopeful note, with the author on the path to maintaining a happy, structured life.”
—Kirkus Reviews

“Men Have Called Her Crazy is so many things I didn’t know I needed: a testament to the work of healing, a raw howl of anger, and an indictment of misogyny’s insipid, predictable, infuriating reign.”
—Carmen Maria Machado, author of the National Book Award finalist Her Body and Other Parties and the Lambda Literary Award winner In the Dream House

From the Publisher

Anna Marie Tendler narrates her memoir of a short stay at a psychiatric hospital at the beginning of COVID as she attempts to deal with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and an eating disorder. Along with a brutally realistic take on her stay, she includes scenes of her relationship with her mother, as well as older men with whom she was sexually involved as a minor. There's also a brief glimpse of her life after the hospital. A theme throughout is how men can subtly keep women from becoming self-actualized. Although this story is Tendler's, it's universal. Listeners will feel her angst and, by the end, uplifting triumph. This audiobook is a deep look into the soul of a person who is willing to undertake hard work on herself to find satisfaction in life. L.M.G. © AudioFile 2024, Portland, Maine

SEPTEMBER 2024 - AudioFile

2024-06-15
A chronicle of a woman’s life upended by severe depression and anxiety after a difficult childhood.

In her unreserved memoir, artist Tendler exposes her consistent struggle with depression and self-harm since she was a teenager. In early 2021, at age 35, after decades of severe anxiety and depressive behavior successfully managed by medication, the author’s self-injury tendencies, disordered eating, and suicidal ideation resurfaced. Following her therapist’s advice, she checked herself into a “full-blown psychiatric hospital,” covered in self-inflicted scissor cuts. Seeking out the source of her mental illness, Tendler reflects on her childhood, when she struggled socially and was bullied in grade school. She also tolerated volatile, incompatible parents who “toughed-out” her illnesses with homeopathic remedies, only resorting to conventional medicine after her raging infections became unbearable. Craving love and validation, Tendler dated boys (and a series of older men) “who would pay attention to me.” Her coping mechanisms were cutting and her dog, Petunia. The author writes candidly of her adult years prior to her breakdown when she attended graduate school for fashion, until the mandatory solitude of the Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated an already simmering depression. The author concludes with a psychiatric dual diagnosis, though Tendler contends that some of the source of her rage and depression has been her complicated relationships with men. The author’s calm, affable narration belies the seriousness of her condition, and the striking detail she provides offers readers a clear sense of the rigorous inpatient psychotherapy process meant to disarm anxiety and return a sense of normalcy. While Tendler admits that her condition is a lifelong struggle, the book ends on a hopeful note, with the author on the path to maintaining a happy, structured life. She does not elaborate on her former marriage to comedian John Mulaney.

An intensive, conversational portrait of one woman’s battle with mental illness.

Kirkus Reviews