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Overview
Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and headed off to Noosa with Mercedes’ grade three teacher, Martha.
Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry’s suits, has gone after them.
Craig and Lesley have dropped over briefly from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline’s all-night row.
And Janice, Caroline’s sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the girls because Janice is the sensible one. A microbiologist with a job she loves, a fervent belief in the beauty of the scientific method and a determination to make a solo life after her divorce from Alec.
Then Craig returns through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice in her bed, Lesley storms in with a jealous heart and a mouthful of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis—and let’s not even get started on Brayden the pizza guy.
Janice can cope with all that. But when Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated.
Harnessing the exquisite timing of the great comedies to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous, Toni Jordan brings all her wit, wisdom and flair to this brilliant, hilarious novel.
Toni Jordan is the author of four novels. The international bestseller Addition (2008), was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick and was longlisted for the Miles Franklin award. Fall Girl (2010) was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the 2012 Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best General Fiction award and was named in Kirkus Review’s top 10 Historical Novels of 2013. Her latest novel is Our Tiny, Useless Hearts (2016).
‘A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel: cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P. G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs.’ Liane Moriarty
‘A classic farce in the style of Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, complete with physical comedy, exaggerated situations and a spot of class commentary in the form of suburban satire, Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is loads of fun and clever too.’ Books+Publishing
‘Laugh-out-loud funny, yet with real emotion at its core, this is a sexy-smart rom-com about love and marriage…I loved it.’ Australian Women’s Weekly
‘Crisp and clever…conjuring a flawless but vividly rendered romantic hero and a love story that feels fresh and sexy.’ Saturday Paper
‘That Toni Jordan’s new novel manages to be a full-length fiction that simultaneously operates as a hugely enjoyable farce and an emotionally rich domestic drama is a testament to her skills as a writer and the charm of her voice.’ Australian
‘[A] clever and moving comedy about love and marriage. A hilarious and romantic treat.’ Who Weekly
‘Toni Jordan’s novel showcases not a bizarre triangle but a confused love heptagon. With wit and humour, this screwball bedroom farce bends the lines of communication and fidelity out of shape and reconfigures them.’ Best Books of 2016, Sydney Morning Herald
‘Toni Jordan is in that small group of novelists who can write smart, character- and situation-driven humour, which is to say laugh-out-loud comedy: take Our Tiny, Useless Hearts to the beach.’ Graeme Simsion, Best Books of 2016, Guardian
‘Marriage is complicated—and sometimes hilarious—in this novel…Jordan's dialogue is quick and witty, her writing is sharp, and the plot is fast-paced. However, the story's heart comes from the way it deals with the serious issues (like infidelity and infertility) that hide underneath the humor. A funny, pleasant look at love, forgiveness, and second chances.’ Kirkus Reviews
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781922253910 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | The Text Publishing Company |
| Publication date: | 05/02/2016 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 288 |
| Sales rank: | 480,822 |
| File size: | 779 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Henry’s squatting on the floor of the dining room. He’s looking even paler than usual and his face is damp and blotchy, a chubby vampire with a fever. He’s doing his best to eyeball his girls. My nieces, Mercedes and Paris.
‘Let me put it this way,’ he says to them. ‘You like bananas, right? Everyone likes bananas.’
Some conferring is required. Paris stretches on her tippy-toes and whispers in Mercedes’ ear.
‘We like mangoes better,’ Mercedes says, after advisement, ‘but only when Mummy cuts them up for us because otherwise our hands get sticky.’
‘Right. No one likes sticky hands. Mangoes. Sure. Well, marriage is like a mango.’ Henry folds his arms and it’s clear he expects this gem to make his case. But these are solemn little people, staring steady and blue, and they’re not smiling.
‘OK,’ he says. ‘It’s like this. Imagine if mangoes were all you got to eat, breakfast lunch and dinner. Even if mangoes were your favourite food, you’d be pretty sick of mangoes after fifteen years, wouldn’t you?’
‘Are biscuits allowed, for little lunch?’ says Paris, through Mercedes.
‘Mangoes or nothing.’
‘Can we have ice cream next to the mango? We like cookies and cream.’
‘Only mangoes. That’s it. Forever. Oh, you’re surrounded by other fruit all right. Everywhere you go, strawberries brush against you and mandarins slink around the office in their tight little skirts, bending over the photocopier to fix paper jams. And the lychees. Don’t get me started on the lychees.’
‘What’s a lychee?’ says Mercedes. ‘It doesn’t matter. What I’m trying to say is: can either of you comprehend the kind of discipline it takes to be married for fifteen years?’
‘Not really Daddy,’ Mercedes says. ‘I’ve never been married. I’m seven.’