This review is from: Parenting: A View from the Therapist's Chair (Kindle Edition)
The author, Jerry Beare, is a seasoned psychotherapist, who has worked both in private practice and as a probation officer. His outstanding, 153 page book far exceeded my expectations. It is actually written in three parts, all of which will sharpen our parenting and grand-parenting skills. Two the parts will impact how we live with others even as adults, especially those with whom we experience conflict.
At the onset, the author gives solid advice about how to learn from the other person's point of view. He covers the much more effective use of "I" than what he explains as the more confrontational "you" that communicates judgment often puts up the defensiveness in others. In the middle section, the author greatly expands his profound sentence, "Children gain a sense of love from discipline, security from boundaries, respect from consistency, self-worth from contribution, and a sense of commitment from sacrifice." The importance of letting our kids learn that sacrifice is an important part of living is often avoided by our strong desire to make our children's lives somehow better than how we grew up. We are often tempted to give to much to them, so that they never learn the value of sacrifice. The stories he tells about parents and children who are in crisis are moving and compelling. In the final portion he discusses a number of issues that I did not expect to see in a book on parenting. He powerfully addresses how we are to live our lives with a sense of community within the family.
Beare has included a much needed chapter for parents about the reality of the Internet sex offender and how pervasive he is. He provides strong, clear guidelines as to how to protect our children through the peer pressure and the formative pre-teen years where so much of their value systems are put into place. He explains eight areas of personal development which are important to child development, and which, frankly, are lacking in many adults.
Beare asserts than when kids are wild, insolent, and unruly, they are not "out of control," rather, they are "in control of the family." The ability to get kid's attention through surprising intervention will stretch your creativity. The author's many case stories are full of wit, humor with which all of us can identify. This book is full of practical insight for all of us. I wish I would have had access to it when we started our learning process as new parents. I strongly recommend this book, with no reservations.
