People Styles at Work and Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better

by Robert Bolton, Dorothy Grover Bolton

Overview

As cofounders of the leadership coaching and training firm Ridge Associates, authors Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover teach that good interpersonal communication is essential to getting things done.

In this comprehensive and practical guide, they offer a proven method for understanding the key behavioral styles of those around you (including your own) and explain how you can leverage the strengths and weaknesses of each to relate to others more winsomely.

People Styles at Work . . . and Beyond teaches you how to:

• recognize how they come across to other coworkers;
• read others' body language and behavior to identify the best ways to work with them;
• make small adjustments that will dramatically increase the quality and productivity of their interactions;
• find common ground with different people while retaining their individuality;
• relate less defensively and more effectively no matter how others act.

At work, at home, and even while you’re out running errands, your ability to relate to others affects how well you get things done. This book provides a self-assessment to determine which style you are and then uses that information to gauge how you should interact with others.

Now including all new material on personal relationships, parenting, and more, People Styles at Work . . . and Beyond is the ultimate how-to guide that can help you avoid conflicts and enhance important relationships.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780814413432
Publisher:	HarperCollins Christian Publishing
Publication date:	08/22/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	232
Sales rank:	759,296
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

ROBERT BOLTON, PH.D., is known for his expertise in training trainers. He is a cofounder of Ridge Associates, a training and consulting firm that serves many Fortune 500 companies, and the author of several books.

DOROTHY GROVER BOLTON, ED.M., are known for their expertise in training trainers. They are cofounders of Ridge Associates, a training and consulting firm that serves many Fortune 500 companies, and the authors of several books including the perennially popular People Styles at Work . . . And Beyond.

Read an Excerpt

INTRODUCTION

BOTH AT WORK and at home, success and happiness depend on relating

to others across a chasm of significant differences. If you could figure out

how to bridge the gap between yourself and others, you could make your

life—and theirs—much easier, happier, and more productive. How to do

that is what this book is about.

The differences between people are a major source of friction. For example,

our friend Michelle does everything in a rush. She walks fast,

talks fast, decides fast. And she completes projects in a flurry. As luck

would have it, she’s often teamed with John, who is very deliberate.

John walks slowly, talks slowly, decides slowly. Although these differences

may not seem like a big deal, if they’re not managed well they’re

likely to erode Michelle’s and John’s working relationship. You’ve undoubtedly

seen how differences like these can undermine cooperation,

hamper performance, and add considerable stress to people’s lives.

This book shows how you can manage those kinds of differences in

ways that enhance your relationships, increase your productivity, and add

richness and spice to your life. It’s about making people differences work

for, rather than against, you.

There are three parts to the book:

• Part One: Understanding Yourself and Others

• Part Two: Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships

• Part Three: People Styles and Family Relationships

Part One: Understanding Yourself and Others provides a pragmatic

way of understanding the differences between people. Rather than delve

into esoteric psychological theory, it provides a straightforward, practical

explanation of what you need to know to relate more effectively to others.

Chapter 1 notes some of the differences between the four people styles

and how those differences can lead to people problems. Chapter 2 describes

the people styles model and explains how it can help you relate

more effectively to people very different from yourself. Chapter 3 helps

you capture data for identifying your own style. The two dimensions of

behavior that are key to understanding yourself and others are highlighted

in Chapter 4. With this background, Chapter 5 guides you

through an assessment that shows how you come across to other people.

The four people styles are described in Chapters 6 and 7. Chapter 8 depicts

each style’s tendency toward certain strengths and weaknesses.

Chapter 9 describes backup styles—the four dysfunctional and relationship-

straining ways in which people of each style react to excessive stress.

In Chapter 10, you’ll learn how to cope productively both with your own

and with other people’s stressed-out behavior.

Part Two: Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships shows how to

create more productive interactions by applying the knowledge of yourself

and others gained in Part One. Chapter 11 introduces you to style

flex, a way of creating common ground with people very different from

yourself. Style flex is the intriguing ability to be true to yourself while

relating to someone else on that person’s wavelength. The four steps involved

in flexing to another person’s style are presented in Chapter 12. In

Chapter 13, you learn how to identify another person’s style. Chapter 14

describes how to use style flex in several special situations. The final chapter

of Part Two describes basic flex—three personal qualities that undergird

style flex.

Parts One and Two are equally applicable to personal and work relationships.

However, the people styles model has some unique and beneficial

applications to personal relationships. So Part Three: People Styles

and Family Relationships discusses applications of the people styles model

to two of these types of personal relationships. Chapter 16, ‘‘The Art of

Loving Someone Very Different from Yourself,’’ shows how to forge an

even better relationship with your domestic partner. In Chapter 17, you’ll

find style-based parenting guidelines that will help you have more enjoyable

relationships with your kids while helping them increase their selfesteem

and develop their unique strengths.

There are four appendices—one for each of the four styles. The appendix

for your style presents specific guidelines on how to flex to persons

of each of the four styles.

Many of the concepts in this book will come not as news but as

reminders. We’re often told that this way of organizing interpersonal data

helps people sharpen insights they’ve already gained from their life experience.

This familiarity makes it easier for readers to implement the relationship-

enhancing methods found in these pages.

We hope the concepts and methods presented in this book will enrich

your life and relationships as much as they’ve enhanced ours.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part 1 Understanding Yourself and Others

1 No Wonder We Have People Problems 7

2 People Are More Predictable than You Might Think 16

3 What's Your Style? 24

4 Two Keys to Understanding People 28

5 See Yourself as Others See You 38

6 The Driving Style and the Expressive Style 43

7 The Amiable Style and the Analytical Style 54

8 Make the Most of Your Gifts 63

9 Backup Styles: Extreme, Inappropriate, and Inflexible Behavior 72

10 Coping with Backup Behavior 82

Part 2 Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships

11 The Style Flex Solution to People Differences 91

12 Four Steps to Better Relationships 99

13 How to Identify Someone's Style 107

14 Flexing in Special Situations 117

15 Three Keys to Good Relationships 127

Part 3 People Styles and Family Relationships

16 The Art of Loving Someone Very Different from Yourself 137

17 Style-Based Parenting 147

Appendices

I For Amiables Only: How to Flex to Each Style 155

II For Drivers Only: How to Flex to Each Style 169

III For Expressives Only: How to Flex to Each Style 187

IV For Analyticals Only: How to Flex to Each Style 202

Bibliography 219

Index 225