Predators are everywhere and they can strike at any time-- and they come in all shapes and sizes. More than 1.2 million families will report child sexual abuse by the end of this year. Research suggests that many hundreds of thousands more boys and girls from all backgrounds and of all ages may experience abuse that is not reported. To keep your family from becoming part of these frightening statistics, you must read this invaluable book.
Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators details everything you need to know and everything you need to do to keep your child safe. You will learn how to identify potential sexual predators, how to recognize the signs of the grooming behaviors that come before the actual act of sexual abuse, and how to arm your children with the necessary skills to prevent abuse.
Sexual predators commit the most heinous acts against the more defenseless members of our society. They often are disguised as harmless and caring people; they may interact with your children as their baby-sitters, youth group leaders, clergy, teachers, coaches, neighbors, medical professionals, and family members. What these predators hold in common is their ability to earn the trust of both the children they attack and their parents. In Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators, Dr. Leigh Baker gives you the unique opportunity to meet these predators up close and to examine:
* The ten most common characteristics they display, such as refusal to take responsibility for their actions, sense of entitlement, and the need for power and control.
* How they lead their victims through the five stages of sexual abuse.
* The four types of personalities they commonly exhibit.
* How female sexual predators can gain access to your child.
* The ways that juveniles offend against other children.
* How sexual predators travel the Internet and the many ways that they can harm your child through cyberspace.
* How baby-sitting can pose a danger to your child if you don't take the necessary steps to ensure safety.
* How to use the sex offender registry to prevent known predators from gaining access to your child.
By allowing parents to identify sexual predators before their children are harmed, Dr. Baker takes the battle to end sexual abuse to the only front where it can ever truly be won: the home front.
Predators are everywhere and they can strike at any time-- and they come in all shapes and sizes. More than 1.2 million families will report child sexual abuse by the end of this year. Research suggests that many hundreds of thousands more boys and girls from all backgrounds and of all ages may experience abuse that is not reported. To keep your family from becoming part of these frightening statistics, you must read this invaluable book.
Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators details everything you need to know and everything you need to do to keep your child safe. You will learn how to identify potential sexual predators, how to recognize the signs of the grooming behaviors that come before the actual act of sexual abuse, and how to arm your children with the necessary skills to prevent abuse.
Sexual predators commit the most heinous acts against the more defenseless members of our society. They often are disguised as harmless and caring people; they may interact with your children as their baby-sitters, youth group leaders, clergy, teachers, coaches, neighbors, medical professionals, and family members. What these predators hold in common is their ability to earn the trust of both the children they attack and their parents. In Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators, Dr. Leigh Baker gives you the unique opportunity to meet these predators up close and to examine:
* The ten most common characteristics they display, such as refusal to take responsibility for their actions, sense of entitlement, and the need for power and control.
* How they lead their victims through the five stages of sexual abuse.
* The four types of personalities they commonly exhibit.
* How female sexual predators can gain access to your child.
* The ways that juveniles offend against other children.
* How sexual predators travel the Internet and the many ways that they can harm your child through cyberspace.
* How baby-sitting can pose a danger to your child if you don't take the necessary steps to ensure safety.
* How to use the sex offender registry to prevent known predators from gaining access to your child.
By allowing parents to identify sexual predators before their children are harmed, Dr. Baker takes the battle to end sexual abuse to the only front where it can ever truly be won: the home front.
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Overview
Predators are everywhere and they can strike at any time-- and they come in all shapes and sizes. More than 1.2 million families will report child sexual abuse by the end of this year. Research suggests that many hundreds of thousands more boys and girls from all backgrounds and of all ages may experience abuse that is not reported. To keep your family from becoming part of these frightening statistics, you must read this invaluable book.
Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators details everything you need to know and everything you need to do to keep your child safe. You will learn how to identify potential sexual predators, how to recognize the signs of the grooming behaviors that come before the actual act of sexual abuse, and how to arm your children with the necessary skills to prevent abuse.
Sexual predators commit the most heinous acts against the more defenseless members of our society. They often are disguised as harmless and caring people; they may interact with your children as their baby-sitters, youth group leaders, clergy, teachers, coaches, neighbors, medical professionals, and family members. What these predators hold in common is their ability to earn the trust of both the children they attack and their parents. In Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators, Dr. Leigh Baker gives you the unique opportunity to meet these predators up close and to examine:
* The ten most common characteristics they display, such as refusal to take responsibility for their actions, sense of entitlement, and the need for power and control.
* How they lead their victims through the five stages of sexual abuse.
* The four types of personalities they commonly exhibit.
* How female sexual predators can gain access to your child.
* The ways that juveniles offend against other children.
* How sexual predators travel the Internet and the many ways that they can harm your child through cyberspace.
* How baby-sitting can pose a danger to your child if you don't take the necessary steps to ensure safety.
* How to use the sex offender registry to prevent known predators from gaining access to your child.
By allowing parents to identify sexual predators before their children are harmed, Dr. Baker takes the battle to end sexual abuse to the only front where it can ever truly be won: the home front.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781429970525 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | St. Martin's Publishing Group |
| Publication date: | 04/17/2002 |
| Sold by: | Macmillan |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 288 |
| File size: | 351 KB |
About the Author
Dr. Leigh Baker is a nationally recognized expert on child abuse. She holds a doctoral degree in psychology, specializing in early childhood development, from the University of Denver. Dr. Baker has treated abused children and their families for over fifteen years. In 1990 she founded the Trauma Treatment Center of Colorado, where she currently supervises the outpatient clinic and is in charge of the center's research, education, treatment, and outreach programs.
Read an Excerpt
Protecting Your Children From Sexual Predators
Chapter 1
The Ten Most Common Characteristics of a Predator
Sylvia, a divorced mother of two teenage girls, has been dating John for over two months. John is a business executive who had previously been married. He is charming, fun, and attentive. Their relationship is in full bloom; and for the first time in many years, Sylvia is hopeful about her future.
Sylvia decided it was time to invite John over to the house to meet her daughters. Much to her disappointment, John, who was usually witty and charming, sat silent and withdrawn during dinner. He appeared uncomfortable and awkward with Sylvia's girls; and when it was time to clear the table, without offering to help, John retreated into the family room to watch television. After Sylvia and her daughters had washed the dishes, they joined John. Sylvia tried to elicit responses from him, but he continued his mute vigil in front of the television. Her daughters soon became discouraged and went to their rooms.
Sylvia was angry when she finally confronted John. "You've been quiet all evening and you ignored my daughters. What's wrong?" John reacted with noticeable anger as he raised his voice in protest. "I thought you were acting rude! I never had a chance to say one word. I felt left out, Sylvia, like I was a fifth wheel."
Without giving Sylvia time to respond, John left the house, slamming the door behind him. Long into the night, Sylvia remained awake thinking about what had happened that evening.One question kept churning in her mind. Should she continue to see John?
Beth and George have an eleven-year-old son named Josh. Josh is spending the summer at his first sleep-away camp. During parents' weekend, Beth and George meet Josh's eighteen-year-old counselor, Rick.
Rick appears to be a quiet and withdrawn adolescent boy who, despite his apparent shyness around adults, is remarkably comfortable with the younger children. The kids seem to love him; and at times, Beth and George have a hard time distinguishing Rick from the rest of the campers. The day before the parents are scheduled to leave, the counselors plan a family rafting trip. The weather is cloudy that day, and the river turbulent. When the campers and their parents disembark, shivering from the cold, they rush to their cabins for a hot shower.
Beth finishes showering early and decides to walk over to see Josh. As she rounds the bend, she can hear peals of laughter coming from Josh's cabin. Beth smiles to herself, thinking about how much fun Josh is having at camp.
When she reaches the cabin, she is astonished to see Rick and the boys hitting each other with wet towels. Some of the boys have towels around their waists, while others are running around naked. Rick is in the center of the mayhem, and the towel he had secured around his middle has just fallen down, revealing his naked buttocks. Beth is startled by what she sees and is not sure what to do. Should she stop this activity, should she report this incident to a supervisor; but more important, should she continue to leave Josh at this camp?
Sally's thirteen-year-old daughter, Kim, needs braces. Sally takes Kim to Dr. Season, an orthodontist Sally has been referred to through her dental plan. At their initial meeting, Sally is impressed with how friendly and comforting Dr. Season is, particularlywith Kim. On a tour of the office, Sally notices how Dr. Season greets the children with reassuring pats and hugs. One particular adolescent girl with an intricate set of headgear locked onto her teeth sits silently as Dr. Season puts his hand on her knee and asks how she is doing. Sally notices that Dr. Season's hand lingers a bit too long on the girl's leg.
After Sally and Kim leave the office, Sally is aware of a churning sensation in the pit of her stomach. She turns to Kim and asks her what she thought of Dr. Season. Kim shrugs her shoulders and replies, "He's okay. I like him, I guess." But Sally is not sure whether she should choose Dr. Season to be Kim's orthodontist.
Cindy and Justin Morgan moved into their new home two weeks ago. Their seven-year-old twin boys, Jake and Jarred, have already made many new friends. Cindy and Justin feel comfortable letting the boys ride their bikes on the cul-de-sac and play at the neighbors' homes. Most of the families have children except for elderly Mr. Rook. He has lived alone since his wife died eight years earlier, and he enjoys the company of children.
The kids in the neighborhood spend a lot of time at Mr. Rook's house because he has the latest video games and a house filled with candy and soda. However, the Morgans are becoming concerned about how much time Jake and Jarred are spending at Mr. Rook's house. Sometimes the boys come home with toys and special treats Mr. Rook has given them. Cindy and Justin had collected some of these toys and are planning to return them to Mr. Rook.
Just the other night, Cindy had questioned the boys about Mr. Rook. The twins had looked uncomfortable but reassured their mother, "Mom, he's a great guy. You should see all the stuff he has at his house. All the kids go there." Yet the Morgans continue to worry; something just doesn't feel right. Should they allow their sons to continue to spend time at Mr. Rook's house?
The situations you have just encountered are not uncommon. With subtle changes in the actors, the settings, and the dialogue, scenes of this natureoccur everyday throughout the world. And while the above vignettes may appear different, they all have one thing in common: each family had come in contact with a sexual predator, an individual who had the power to devastate the lives of their children.
Sylvia, Beth and George, Sally, and the Morgans had to make a critical decision concerning the safety of their children. With limited information, they had to decide whether to allow their children to continue their relationships with individuals who had displayed questionable behavior.
Each man had manifested actions that were clear warning signs of potential danger. Charming and successful John had displayed inappropriate jealousy of Sylvia's relationship with her daughters. Shy and awkward Rick had engaged in childishly sexual behavior with his young campers. Friendly Dr. Season had made overly solicitous gestures, which included physical contact, with his teenage patients. And finally, elderly Mr. Rook had bribed children with video games and treats to come into his home.
John, Rick, Dr. Season, and Mr. Rook had displayed personality characteristics that are commonly found in predators; and unless a parent knows how to understand these behaviors, their actions can be tragically misinterpreted. For example, we have all known a "seemingly well-intentioned" individual like Dr. Season who makes others feel special and is extremely affectionate or lonely, and "sympathetic" men like Rick and Mr. Rook who appear harmless and in need of companionship. Yet upon further inspection, these men were neither sympathetic nor harmless. They did not have the best intentions for the children they were meeting, and their friendly and affectionate behaviors were manifestations of deeply disturbed personality characteristics that are most commonly found in predators.
John's unreasonable jealousy was an example of his need for complete control and to always be the center of attention. Rick's awkwardness with his peers and his regression to childlike behaviors signaled a pervasive sense of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Dr. Season's friendly pats were a sign that he felt entitled to take liberties with those who were not in a position of power, and Mr. Rook's facade of a harmless old man disguised the perverse sexual fantasies of a pedophile.
Defining common characteristics of individuals who sexually abuse children is complicated. There exists a significant percentage of people who share similar traits to the sexual predator with one exception, they do not sexually abuse children. So just how can parents predict whether a sexual predator is interacting with their children?
The following ten most common characteristics of predators will help you better understand and classify those behaviors that you may be observing. It will help you assess whether you should be concerned about the physically affectionate doctor you have just taken your daughter to, the overly solicitous coach who wants to spend extra time with your son, or the quiet adolescent who frequently asks to baby-sit for your toddler.
TEN MOST COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF A PREDATOR
The following traits can serve as a general map to guide you in identifying potentially harmful individuals:
1. Refusal to take responsibility for his or her actions and blames others or circumstances for failures
2. A sense of entitlement
3. Low self-esteem
4. A need for power and control
5. A lack of empathy
6. An inability to form intimate relationships with adults
7. A history of abuse
8. A troubled childhood
9. Deviant sexual behaviors and attitudes
10. Drug and/or alcohol abuse
Remember that each one of these characteristics alone does not necessarily define a predator. There are many individuals who manifest these traits and will never sexually abuse a child. However, the combination of these attributes and the degree to which they control a person's behavior distinguish a sexual predator from other individuals.
Next, we will take a further look at the four predators you met at the beginning of this chapter in relation to these ten common traits. Some of these traits are readily apparent in the men, while others are not. Remember that it takes time to really get to know someone. However, if you listen closely to what people say and observe carefully how they interact with others, you can assess whether or not these traits are present. Some of the information you will learn about the four predators comes from an in-depthknowledge of the individual and therefore was not readily available to the parents. However, behavior that reflects any of these traits should always be taken seriously, particularly when the safety of your child is in question.
Refusal to Take Responsibility for His or Her Actions and Blames Others or Circumstances for Failures
It is not difficult to determine if an individual is displaying this trait. If you listen closely and long enough to how people describe their lives, you can become adept at picking out those statements that clearly illustrate an inability to take personal responsibility for one's life. Many people present their lives as a series of events that unfortunately drove them to failure.
Ironically, individuals who prey on the innocence of others usually define themselves as "victims." Whether it be a terrible childhood, betrayal by a partner, or being unjustly fired from a job, they find excuses to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior. They tend to see themselves much like helpless animals backed into a corner by a more powerful foe with only two options: curl up in defeat or retaliate. Their explanations for their misbehavior sound as if they were merely reacting to the unjust circumstances around them. Initially, their plights may appear sympathetic to the listener; however, after a while their excuses for bad behavior sound like well-rehearsed tirades against the injustices of the world.
Many predators blame a horrible childhood, an inequitable society, and the unfairness of the legal system for the conditions of their lives. Therefore when a man complains that he has not seen his children in five years because his ex-wife moved out of state and took the kids, it is important to explore this further. This may be a man who blames his estrangement from his children on his ex-wife and doesn't assume responsibility for the fact that he may have abused his spouse or his children. A convicted sex offender may state angrily that he is never allowed to see his children because of the unfair legal system that continues to put sanctions on when and how he visits his children. Once again, this is a man who is blaming the system for his alienation from his children and not assuming full responsibility for the consequences that resulted from his own actions.
Aside from those suffering from mental illnesses that seriously impair their decision making, individuals have the capacity to choose how theywill conduct their lives. Psychologists recognize the importance of early childhood development and environment as providing us with an array of possibilities from which to choose. Certainly a person who was raised in an impoverished environment with abusive parents has significantly different choices than the privileged child who was lavished with love, attention, and material possessions. However, it is ultimately our free will that selects those possibilities we are faced with and makes us responsible for our own lives.
Many people spend years in therapy in order to understand the traumatic underpinnings of their childhood. But when an individual leaves the therapist's office, for the rest of the day he or she alone is responsible for deciding how to treat coworkers, friends, a loved one, and a child. People who understand this concept live more fulfilled and determined lives as compared to the shallow and limited existence of those who believe they are reined in and held hostage by forces beyond their control.
Let us now take a closer look at the four predators we met during the introduction of this chapter to see how they avoided taking responsibility for their behavior.
John sat mute and unresponsive throughout Sylvia's dinner and then stormed out of the house when she confronted him. He admitted feeling "left out" and "like a fifth wheel," and this may be understandable in light of John's first encounter with Sylvia's daughters. It is not uncommon upon an initial meeting with a girlfriend's daughters to feel somewhat awkward; however, he offered this as an excuse for his sullen silence and rude behaviors. He went even further by blaming Sylvia and her daughters for his behavior because they left him out of the discussion.
John did not apologize for reacting in such a childish manner and offered no reassurance that he would change his behavior. This was Sylvia's first clue that John blamed others and avoided taking personal responsibility for his actions.
Sylvia was the only one of the four parents who actually witnessed this personality characteristic in the predator. However, if we delve deeper into the other three personalities, we can find ample evidence of this destructive trait.
Dr. Season, like John, has a pattern of avoiding personal responsibility for his actions. Ten years earlier, Dr. Season had been touching, squeezing, and patting young girls in much the same manner as Sally and Kim observed. During this time, one of his adolescent patients had accused him of touching her breasts. The girl had told her parents, who'd immediatelycalled the police to report the incident. Detectives investigated the girl's allegations, which Dr. Season had adamantly denied. Dr. Season had hired a noted defense attorney, and his case was eventually dismissed on a technicality. Unfortunately for the other adolescent girls who would continue to see him, Dr. Season never was held accountable for the pain and humiliation he had inflicted on his patient and because of this, he was allowed to continue his inappropriate fondling. To this day Dr. Season thinks of himself as "wrongly accused"; and in his mind, the dismissal of his case further justified his innocence. Dr. Season not only adamantly denied the charges, he continues to chastise the parents of the girl who'd reported the allegations to the police. He is still outraged at the victim's parents who "believed such nonsense from a kid" and blames them for all the money he had to spend on his defense.
Rick also does not take responsibility for his inappropriate sexual behaviors. Instead, he blames the taunting mockery of his peers for making him feel insignificant and lonely and is therefore in desperate need of attention and recognition. Rick had never had the opportunity to express his adolescent sexuality through typical teenage interactions, such as dating; therefore he had a reservoir of unmet needs. In truth, Rick had been severely damaged by his ostracism from his classmates; however, this cannot be used as an excuse for his actions. He has to assume responsibility for deciding to channel his anger and frustration into sexually inappropriate activities with younger boys.
And finally, Mr. Rook takes no responsibility for his sexual acts against children. If he were to be caught, his defense would be that the young boys were his friends and that they liked coming to his home because he provided them with the attention and privileges they did not receive at their own homes. He would also project some of the responsibility for the abuse on the victims themselves, claiming that they were excited and aroused by the sex games he played with them.
A Sense of Entitlement
Not only do certain individuals see themselves as victims, they go a step further. They want compensation for their victimization. They believe that the world owes them something in return for their pain and suffering. These individuals feel justified in their actions. They believe they have been unduly wronged, and therefore they deserve to get what they needregardless of the cost to others. They may not report income on their taxes because "the government cheats me by taking so much of my money," steal profits from their place of employment because "my boss is a thief — I never got that raise he promised me," or lie because "no one has ever believed me anyway." As you can see, a sense of entitlement is a dangerous trait because it can justify almost any behavior.
Feeling entitled can also stem from a belief that certain individuals have privileges because of their special attributes. These attributes, whether they be fabulous looks, athletic prowess, considerable wealth, or a highranking position in a corporation, give the "entitled ones" license to disregard others in less prestigious positions. They believe that they are beyond reproach, and that they have earned the right to lord their position over others in order to satisfy their own needs. For these types of men and women, their position of power provides them with dangerous justification for their harmful behaviors.
John is a perfect example of a man who believes that he deserves special consideration. He expects conversation to center around him, attention at all times, and other people to recognize and satisfy his needs. And when this did not happen that night at Sylvia's dinner, John had become enraged and eventually stormed out of her house.
A sense of entitlement is abundant in Dr. Season. After all, he had worked hard to become an orthodontist, and his practice was demanding. He complained to colleagues that he worked long hours; and when he got home, his reward was often screaming kids and a tired wife. He willingly shared with his golfing buddies that his wife did not care about his needs and that she was too busy shopping and playing tennis to ever realize how much he had sacrificed to finance "their good life." What Dr. Season might not tell you directly, but which is implied every time he takes advantage of his lofty position to touch one of his young patients, is that he feels entitled to get some of his physical needs met by hugging and caressing the children in his care. Dr. Season views his diploma on the wall and his letters of recommendation as testaments to his unique abilities. He believes he is special and entitled to a "few indiscretions now and then," no matter how injurious they are to the frightened young patients who sit captive in his chairs.
Low Self-Esteem
Even though a predator may appear confident, self-assured, and entitled, this is merely a facade to hide from view a weak and vulnerable sense of self. In fact, most predators feel deeply inadequate and insecure about themselves. Many of them are survivors of disturbed childhoods, where their developing sense of self was deeply marred. Throughout their lives they learned maladaptive ways to hide this sense of inadequacy by foisting upon others a controlling and belligerent persona.
An inadequate sense of self is a dangerous malady. It can cause undue rage when it is exposed, and it can severely alter the way a person perceives the actions of others. The slightest indiscretion may appear like a slap in the face to an individual who is harboring an already damaged ego. Therefore John's perception that Sylvia and her girls had ignored him all evening caused him to be angry and retaliate with sullen silence. Dr. Season, with all of his accolades and accomplishments adorning the walls of his office, still needs constant reassurance that he is attractive and acceptable for behind Dr. Season's diplomas and awards there hides a damaged self-esteem. He'd learned long ago in his childhood that the only way he could get the love and caring he desired was to "do good things." Therefore, throughout his life, his accomplishments had become mere pathways to obtaining something he'd always yearned for—unconditional love and acceptance.
The teenage counselor, Rick, is also carrying around an impaired self-esteem. Since childhood, he had not gotten along with his peers. He can still remember how he suffered shame and humiliation on the playground when he was called names and physically abused by his classmates, or the humiliation he'd endured in gym class when the captains never chose him for their teams. Years of loneliness and never feeling accepted had scarred his view of himself. The only way that he believed he could gain recognition was through the eyes of a child small enough to look up to him. Yet tragically, Rick had begun to translate his need for attention and recognition into sexual behaviors that he imposed on the vulnerable youth who depended on him. And last, Mr. Rook, who also spends most of his time with children, is a man with a seriously impaired self-esteem. As a pedophile, he has warped his sense of self into a lonely individual who lives solely to satisfy his perverse sexual desires.
A Need for Power and Control
Because many predators experience a deep sense of helplessness, they struggle for power and control throughout their lives. While a certain need for control is common in almost everyone, most adults learn to accept those situations that they can't govern. We learn early on in our lives that, in exchange for complete control, we can ultimately accomplish a great deal through our cooperation with others. We also learn that to have friends and other meaningful relationships in our lives, we must relinquish a certain amount of control. Healthy adults do not always strive to rule others; instead, they respect people's needs for autonomy and allow for the differences among them to diversify and enrich their lives.
To develop trust in one's self and in others, a child must be raised in an environment that adequately meets his or her needs. Therefore, individuals who are raised in homes that lack the consistency and nurturing needed to build this basic trust will struggle throughout their lives with issues of control. A lack of control is frightening and overwhelming for those individuals who learned early on that their environment could be an unpredictable and harmful place. Because predators harbor deep-seated insecurities about themselves and the world around them, control is the only way they can gain a foothold in the rocky terrain that characterizes their precipitous environment.
Unfortunately for those who are caught up in the quest for control, their existence becomes a never-ending struggle for power. The four predators you have already met fought all their lives for power and control.
John's need for control was illustrated in his frustration over not being able to direct the conversation between Sylvia and her daughters. The only way he could gain any control over the situation was to retreat into silence and eventually storm angrily out of Sylvia's home.
Rick, who had always felt so helpless every time a peer mocked him, struggled to counter this with a need for complete power. Through his position as a camp counselor for younger boys, Rick was finally able to have authority over others. However, his power was tragically misused as he orchestrated younger children's play into inappropriate sexual behaviors.
Like Rick, Dr. Season is a predator who uses his position of powerto routinely abuse those beneath him. Consider the adolescent girl sitting supine in the dentist's chair waiting for the omniscient Dr. Season to fix her crooked teeth. This is a perfect example of the inequality of power that Dr. Season took advantage of every time he placed his hand on a teenage thigh or squeezed a young girl's knee.
Sexual behavior between an adult and a child is a clear abuse of power. Sexual behavior should never take place between an adult and a child because of the vast inequality that exists between the two. But for a predator who sees the world in terms of those who have power and those who don't, a child is merely another helpless subordinate who is at the whim of those who dominate and control him or her.
Gaining control over a child is not a difficult task for an adult. The power of an adult over a child is implicit in the disparity in their size, knowledge, and experience, as well as the role that adults have in guiding, teaching, and caring for children.
Winning a child's confidence and becoming a "trusted friend" for the purpose of luring him or her into sexually inappropriate behavior is a clear abuse of power. This is exactly what Mr. Rook did when he used the power of treats and his newest collection of video games to beguile young victims into believing that he was a harmless and friendly old man.
A Lack of Empathy
Empathy is a sophisticated social skill that requires a suspension of one's own needs and emotions to truly understand another person's feelings. It goes beyond sympathy, which, by definition, requires one to intellectually understand the feelings of another. To have empathy, a person must be able to experience and share in those feelings. You may sympathize with the plight of the starving children you see on the cover of your weekly news magazine, but to empathize with them would require that you draw on your own experiences in order to feel the desperation of hungry children.
One of the reasons that predators are able to abuse children is that they have a lack of empathy for others. Because they tend to center their world on their personal quests for power, recognition, control, and sexual gratification, they pay scant attention to the needs of others.
Many predators have not developed the essential skills that are necessary to empathize with their victims. Even though they may have experiencedvictimization in their own childhood, it does not act as a deterrent. Instead, they see their own suffering as unique and separate from others.
The ability to empathize begins from our earliest experiences with our caretakers. A parent who can anticipate an infant's needs and sufficiently fulfill them is giving the child his or her first lesson in empathy. As the infant grows, the parent must continue to care for the child in a manner that takes into account his or her developmental needs. Allowing the child to appropriately express feelings, respecting the child's needs, and teaching the child to respect the needs of others will provide the child with the necessary foundation for developing empathy. Yet few predators in childhood ever had the opportunity to learn about empathy. Most of them came from homes in which they themselves were treated unsympathetically and where their needs as children were routinely ignored.
A lack of empathy sets the stage for objectification of others. Objectification allows the predator to act out anger and sexual frustrations on others by divesting them of all feelings and needs. A predator has the dangerous ability to transform his victims into objects who exist only for his needs. Instead of a relationship with people, the predator has a pattern of admiring, obtaining, securing, and eventually destroying the objects in his life.
Empathizing with children also requires a certain degree of knowledge about child development. Child molesters tend to have little understanding of the developmental needs of children. Predators tend to see children as people who are "not fully formed" and, therefore, don't have the same feelings and needs as adults. By seeing them as less developed people, they tend to minimize the impact their abuse will have on children. A statement such as, "Oh, they are young; they'll get over it. You should see what I had to go through as a kid," reflects insensitivity to the needs of children as well as ignorance about human development. Children "do not get over things" because they are young. In fact, childhood, like a newly planted sapling, is so vulnerable to its caretakers that any type of trauma can cause permanent scarring.
Since predators do not understand how children psychologically mature, they misinterpret children's behaviors and use this as justification for the abuse. An example of misinterpreting children's behaviors to rationalize abuse is the predator who stated, after his conviction for sexual assault on his four-year-old stepdaughter, "It wasn't hurting her, she acted like it was okay, and she never told me to stop." Not only is this man terribly mistakenabout the traumatic impact that his abuse will have on his stepdaughter for years to come, but he is also misinterpreting the acquiescence of a preschool child.
Four year olds normally engage in egocentric thinking that causes them to believe that the world revolves around them, and that they are responsible for whatever happens to them. Thus, the four-year-old girl who "didn't try to stop her stepfather's abuse" was not "okay"; rather she was forced into submission because she believed she was to blame for what was happening to her.
Because predators during their early encounters with a victim can often be extremely charming, likable, and attentive, they may initially appear to be empathetic. Child molesters are experts in feigning empathy in order to get close to potential victims and their families. They will know just what children need and how to interact with them in order to gain their trust and friendship. They are also likely to spend a great deal of time getting close to the parents of their victims so that they eventually can have full access to their children.
Once again we turn to the four treacherous characters we met in the beginning of the chapter in order to assess their ability to empathize with others. John was already letting Sylvia know that he lacked the kind of empathy that was necessary to interact with teenage daughters and their mother. He saw the world through his eyes only, and he was unable to view the dinner from the perspective of Sylvia's daughters, who may have felt uncomfortable in the presence of their mother's boyfriend.
Rick, who is so caught up in his own need for approval and acceptance, is unable to understand the developmental needs of eleven-year-old boys. His romping half clad and slapping children on the buttocks does not respect the developmental needs of boys who are not yet in the throes of puberty but are nonetheless struggling with the concepts of sexuality.
And clearly, Dr. Season is not paying attention to the awkwardness and shame that his fondling has upon the pubescent girls in his office. His belief that they don't mind it because they like and trust him is a clear indication that he lacks the empathy to place himself in their position.
Finally, Mr. Rook, who is so caught up in enacting his own deviant sexual fantasies, is also not concerned with the devastation that his behaviors will have on the children he is abusing. His sexual gratification takes precedence and completely obliterates any sense of empathy for his victims.
An Inability to Form Intimate Relationships with Adults
People who sexually abuse children are often lacking in the ability to have healthy relationships with adults. Their relationships with the opposite sex are often intense, chaotic, and unstable. A large percentage of predators have a series of unsuccessful relationships that terminate after years of fighting, miscommunication, and a lack of physical intimacy. Because a predator may be unable to successfully negotiate a relationship with an adult, he or she turns to a child for a substitute.
Certain individuals, like the counselor Rick and Mr. Rook, cannot sustain fulfilling relationships with people themselves because of their sense of inadequacy, particularly when it comes to sexual intimacy. Inadequate individuals, as you will learn in chapter 3, have a long history of being unable to form healthy relationships with people their own age. As a result of their stunted emotional growth, these individuals never develop the skills necessary to negotiate a healthy adult relationship or find sexual gratification with a suitable partner. Therefore, for these individuals a child is seen, not only as a viable substitute for intimacy, but as the only resource for sexual fulfillment.
The Morgans didn't know Mr. Rook; and if they had questioned any of the other adults in the neighborhood, they would have discovered that he was an isolated man who, except for the children, kept to himself. No one had ever noticed any adult friends at his home. And if the Morgans had understood that his isolation from adults was a clear warning sign that he was singularly focused on children as a source of gratification, they would never have allowed their boys to go to his home.
A History of Abuse
Since the number-one predictor of child abuse is a history of past abuse, it is critical that you know some information about the history of the adults who are interacting with your children, particularly if their history includes domestic violence or sexual abuse. If an individual has ever been accused of sexual abuse, you should take this information seriously.
Many predators have a long history of sexual abuse before they ever come to the attention of the law. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the average molester of girls will abuse 50 females beforebeing caught and convicted, and the average molester of boys will victimize 150 males before being convicted.
The statistics are alarmingly higher for a pedophile, a man who derives sexual gratification from children. This type of predator will molest an average of 117 girls during his lifetime; but for pedophiles who only abuse boys, that figure rises to 280 male victims. Therefore, unless a predator is honest about his or her past history of abuse, or if the person has already been convicted as a sexual offender and you can access this information on the Sexual Offender Registry, you may never know if he or she is capable of harming your children.
Unfortunately, even if you know about legal complications in an individual's past, predators are likely to give you a skewed interpretation that will absolve them of responsibility. They may tell you that they were once arrested for domestic violence and explain the incident in the following manner: "The charges were made up, my ex-wife was crazy, she was the one who hit me, and she had the nerve to call the police. I was only defending myself."
Predators are also likely to minimize or deny past sexual abuse by offering statements such as the following: "My girlfriend accused me of molesting her daughter, but I never did anything to that kid, I swear. I loved that little girl, and she and I were really close. I used to take her everywhere with me, and now I can't even see her. I don't know where her mother got that stuff from; I would never touch a kid."
Implicit in this statement is a clear danger sign that you need to take seriously. Whether or not he maintains his innocence, this person's statement lets you know that there have been allegations of sexual abuse in his past, and that he blames others for these accusations.
Despite his rude behavior, if Sylvia is considering continuing her relationship with John, she should ask him about his past. If she would, she would learn that John has been divorced twice, and that he has a young son from his second marriage who lives in another state with John's ex-wife. John does not see his son because, as he would tell Sylvia, "My ex-wife is a control freak. She won't let me see my boy unless she or someone she knows accompanies us. I'm not going to go along with that. I love my son and I want to see him but not under those conditions. She has turned that kid against me; he doesn't even call me anymore." If Sylvia is smart, she would look further into the situation, for John's explanation may be a decoy that is masking a more dangerous reason for his ex-wife's refusal to let him see his son.
Rick, unbeknownst to his present employers, had been previously firedfrom a job that involved taking care of young children. Although no charges were ever brought up against him, a few parents complained that they felt uncomfortable with some of his behaviors with their children, and he was asked to leave.
Eight years ago, when Dr. Season's patient alleged that he had inappropriately touched her, he was at the height of his success and running a large dental clinic in the city. To avoid any further complications from the allegations against him, Dr. Season decided to close his office and relocate his practice to a small town in a different state. No one in Sally's community knew much about this friendly new orthodontist, except that Dr. Season's name was listed on a number of the dental insurance plans. Many consumers assume that if a doctor is listed on a health plan, he must be an experienced and ethical professional. This is not necessarily true. Although Dr. Season had no legal record, it did not mean that he was innocent. If Sally had the opportunity to talk to the young girl who had brought charges against him and a few other adolescents Dr. Season had treated in the past, she would have learned that Dr. Season had a pattern of inappropriately fondling young girls.
The Sex Offender Registry is a list of convicted sex abusers. Each state differs in the manner in which it makes this information available to the public. You will learn more about the origins and the functions of the registry and how to access it in chapter 10. If the Morgans had been aware of the registry and how to access it, they would have seen Mr. Rook's name listed there. He had been convicted of child sexual assault a number of years before. A review of the case would have informed them that for twelve years, Mr. Rook's wife, Elaine, had operated a day-care center in their home. In a well-publicized trial, Mr. Rook had been found guilty of molesting at least ten young boys during the time his wife ran the day-care center, and he was subsequently sentenced to twenty years in prison.
Mr. Rook had been a model prisoner, but unfortunately, he never received offender treatment following his incarceration. The parole board recognized his good behavior, and they offered him early release on the conditions that he never be alone with any child under the age of eighteen and that he register with the local authorities as a sex offender. Mr. Rook had endured almost twelve years in prison, and promised the parole board that he would never molest a child again. He was released back into the community. With his wife deceased and with no professional support or treatment, Mr. Rook had broken his promise, and unless the Morgans can prevent it, their twins could be his next victims.
A Troubled Childhood
We have all read accounts of the most serious sexual offenders who profess to have had a "normal" childhood. These offenders swear that their upbringings were good, that their parents were always available to them, and that they were taught the difference between right and wrong. So what went wrong? Are these men telling the truth, or are they psychologically naive individuals who have little ability to understand the developmental underpinnings of their deviant personalities? In some instances, the former is true.
Psychologists are often baffled when confronted by the incorrigibly violent offender who apparently had a normal childhood. Some offenders come from intact homes where their siblings have grown up to be well-functioning adults. Interviews with the parents confirm that although the rest of the family functioned well, the offender was always a "problem child" no matter how hard they tried to intervene. Early psychiatric histories and childhood medical records revealed that this individual was diagnosed as oppositional and defiant or with attention deficit disorder; but despite the medications prescribed or the residential treatments, hospitalizations, and special programs that he or she attended, this child's problems continued into adulthood. These are the baffling cases and the ones that defy psychology's recognition of the environment as a key element in shaping human behavior.
During the latter part of the twentieth century and into the new millennium, we have and are learning more and more about the brain, that mysterious entity within us that generates our every thought and movement. And therefore, when unexplainable cases cross our paths, such as the serial child molester who grew up in a loving home, we turn to brain physiology in order to find the answers. It is likely that within the next decade we will learn more about the origins of deviant behavior through brain research and be able to find cures for those human behaviors that cause pain and suffering to others.
But in the meantime, we have to make do with what we have learned through years of studying genetics and the environment and their impact on human behavior. It is generally agreed among mental health professionals that an individual's personality is a product of both inborn characteristics and early childhood experiences. We are profoundly affected by our earliest caretakers. The way in which we were treated and how we saw our caretakers treat each other formed indelible impressions on us that setthe course for our future relationships. Behavioral scientists have demonstrated that role modeling is a very powerful way in which patterns of responses are wired into the brain. For example, it has been demonstrated that an adult who was raised in a violent environment is much more likely to respond to a frustrating experience with physical aggression than an individual who grew up in a nonviolent home.
Furthermore certain environments are toxic to children's development. Children whose parents engage in a bitter divorce, live in homes where abuse and neglect are the norm, and are exposed to substance abuse, poverty, and crime are at high risk for developing deviant behavior. Toxic childhood environments also include various forms of emotional abuse. Even though emotional abuse does not create physical scarring, it insidiously destroys a child's integrity. Name-calling and other forms of verbal abuse denigrate the child and erode self-esteem. A child being raised in an environment where his or her psychological needs are rarely met will learn to substitute anger, resentment, and fear for true intimacy.
When emotional needs are not met in an appropriate manner, a child will attempt to meet those needs in other ways, and this often results in the development of deviant behaviors. A child who is ignored may have learned early on how to manipulate parents to get the attention he or she desires. A child who has been taught that his or her feelings and desires are shameful may find devious ways in which to act out anger and frustration. As children grow, these destructive behaviors will become habitual as they shape and define their personalities.
Many predators are simply unaware of the toxic elements that existed in their childhood for they are psychologically unsophisticated. Many of these individuals have never explored their past and how it relates to their current behaviors. They may describe the alcoholic rages of a father as, "his bad mood when he would drink," and explain away the numerous beatings received from a parent as, "I got what I deserved." Therefore a male predator may not link up his own drug abuse as modeling the daily beer drinking of his father, nor the domestic violence he witnessed in his early years to the battering he now inflicts upon his wife and children. By rationalizing his parents' behaviors, he can then explain away his own transgressions without ever examining the root of deviance that had been planted years ago in his childhood.
Two major characteristics that often result from the toxic environments in which many predators were raised are the inability to deal withanger and difficulty communicating with others. Many predators were raised in an environment where there were inappropriate displays of anger. As children, predators may never have learned to effectively express their anger. Instead, they were taught that adults had the right to deal with anger by physical means, while children's anger was seen as unacceptable. Ironically, the display of anger in a child often resulted in corporal punishment, thus giving the child a confusing message about physical means as a way to handle one's anger.
Predators may express care and love for their child victims, especially when they are their own offspring; however, underlying their sexually abusive acts is a rage that has been brewing inside of them from the time they themselves were children. Sexual abuse is, by its very nature, an aggressive and angry act for it destroys the emotional and physical integrity and trust of the victim.
Haley, an insightful little girl of twelve, was hurt and confused by her father's sexual abuse. She did not understand how her own father could have done this to her, especially since he had been abused as a child. "Doesn't he know the pain and suffering it causes someone to be abused? He was abused when he was a child; how could he then do that to me?" What Haley was too young to realize was that her father's own history of abuse had left him with a reservoir of anger that lay beneath the surface and routinely rose to dangerous levels as it drowned every important relationship he had ever had, even the one with his daughter.
Predators also have a difficult time communicating with others. They learned early on in their childhood that expressing their needs, desires, and feelings was dangerous and often resulted in retaliatory behaviors from their parents. They were often shamed into hiding their feelings of fear and vulnerability, and were harshly punished when they demonstrated anger and frustration. In dysfunctional home environments, communication between family members is often distorted, cryptic, and ineffective. Children from these environments learn that important issues are never discussed openly and that resolution to problems is often resolved by a sudden slap across the face, a harsh command, or utter silence. It is no wonder that predators talk about their inability to communicate their feelings. They have a lifetime of stored up emotions that they were never able to sort out and share with others; therefore, they choose to act them out in destructive ways.
To combat the effects of a troubled childhood, many psychologists prescribe insight-oriented therapy. However, predators are often naive, psychologicallyunsophisticated, and lack insight, and thus are poor candidates for this type of treatment. Jesse, a sixty-two-year-old man who was a repeat child molester, talked about the ineffective treatment he had received after his first conviction. "I was forty-two at the time of my arrest; and because it was my first conviction, I got a lighter sentence. I was court ordered to attend therapy after six months of incarceration. I was sent to a psychiatrist who had me lie on his couch twice a week and talk about my father. It was interesting, but it did not give me the tools I needed to stop my behaviors."
However, if exposed to the proper therapeutic setting, many predators experience a revelation when they begin to learn how their childhood relates to their current behaviors. Let us take a look at Ron, a thirty-five-year-old real estate broker who was convicted of sexually abusing his eleven-year-old stepdaughter. Because this was his first offense, Ron was given a lighter jail sentence; and once he was released on probation, he was ordered to attend an offenders' treatment program. Ron would eventually learn a great deal from the program. However, initially, he was only able to mimic the insights he was being taught about predators. It would take him time to be able to gain the psychological sophistication sufficient to truly understand his inner dynamics.
In therapy, Ron explored his childhood history. His father had been abusive, and he had treated members in the family like objects to gratify his own needs. Prior to therapy, Ron had always looked up to his father as a strong-willed and independent man who had made his own way in the world. Ron had never had the opportunity to examine his own fears and anger at his father and understand the impact that this abusive man had had on Ron's own behaviors as a husband and father.
Ron also explored his own sexual history, which supplied him with the origins of his sexual fantasies. When Ron was only ten, an adolescent male baby-sitter had molested him. He'd never told anyone of this, yet the stimulation that was created by this premature exposure to sexuality lay buried beneath layers of shame and guilt. Ron had never given any credence to the fact that this incident had affected him so deeply; he truly believed that it had happened long ago and had no impact on his current behavior.
Talking to Ron, following eighteen months of offender treatment, he offered the following comments: "When I was growing up, no one ever taught me about myself. No one ever paid attention to feelings and why people acted the way they did. We never discussed those types of things in my family, and I never learned how to express my feelings. I knew how acarburetor worked and how to rewire the speakers to my stereo but I never thought about how my mind operated. It's funny to think about, but we don't come with an operator's manual. We just have to wing it unless we break down and need to be bailed out by someone who understands why we can no longer function and how to fix us."
Deviant Sexual Behaviors and Attitudes
The one distinguishable trait that all predators have in common is that they harbor deviant sexual attitudes and/or behaviors. However, not all predators who sexually abuse children are sexually aroused by children. There is a distinct difference between pedophiles and molesters. DSM-IV, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is published by the American Psychological Association, offers the definition of pedophilia as "recurrent, intense, sexual urges and sexual arousing fantasies of at least six months in duration involving sexual activity with a pre-pubescent child." Thus the target of a pedophile's sexual fantasy will be a child.
A child molester who is not a pedophile is referred to as a situational molester. According to Kenneth Lanning, an FBI supervisory agent, situational molesters aren't necessarily sexually inclined toward children but turn to them to gratify their needs because they are available. They may, for example, use sex with children as a way to alleviate boredom, stress, or anxiety. However, their choice to sexually abuse children is often dictated by the fact that children are "easy victims." Their innocence, their subordination to adults, and their naïveté make them accessible victims to predators. Situational molesters are often angry men who have a pattern of acting out their hostility on others in violent and harmful ways. Sexual abuse for these men is often just another way of releasing their aggression on others.
Many people ask the question, "Is it true that most sexual predators have been abused as children?" While the answer to this is yes, it needs a qualifier. Studies have shown that most child sex offenders do have a childhood history of abuse, whether it was emotional, physical, or sexual. Yet this does not mean that all sexually abused individuals grow up to be predators. As mentioned before, there are more abused children who will live their lives without harming another person than there are abused children who become perpetrators.
When sexual predators are asked to look into their past, a majority ofthem confirm some sort of exposure to sexual abuse. Sexual abuse creates its own brand of psychological damage. Because sexual contact with an adult can be stimulating and exciting for a child as well as shameful and degrading, it is confusing, overwhelming, and extremely harmful to the child's developing ego.
One of the most harmful and pervasive scars that it leaves is a skewed view of sexuality. Sexually abused children learn that sex is often paired with aggression and that sex is a shameful, painful, but often stimulating experience. When children are exposed to adult sexual stimuli at too early an age, they become overwhelmed. It is as if their sexual thermostats have been turned on to high, and they are left defenseless to battle such overpowering feelings. Left to their own devices, eventually abused children will act out their sexual stimulation by excessive masturbation, inappropriate sexual play with other children, a preoccupation with sex, and the development of deviant sexual attitudes and behaviors that continue into adulthood.
There are clear warning signs that will inform you when a man has deviant sexual attitudes or behaviors. An important red flag that indicates a predator's propensity to view women or children as sexual objects is the consistent use of pornography. Pornography depicting children or young teens in a sexual manner is a clear indication of deviant sexual attitudes. The excessive use of pornography of any kind is a sign that the user is substituting the gratification he receives from viewing sexual objects for the intimacy and satisfaction of a healthy adult relationship.
It is not uncommon for sexual predators to use pornography as a means to lure and captivate victims. Children are naturally curious and stimulated by sexual images. A predator may begin his or her seduction by leaving Playboy or Penthouse magazines on display for children to explore. This will arouse the children and prime them for sexual exploration. The predator is likely to increase the explicitness of accessible pornography in order to intensify the potential victim's arousal. Pornography depicting children may also be used to "normalize" the sexual abuse by presenting it as an "ordinary activity" that adults and children engage in.
The accessibility, ease, and relative anonymity of pornography on the Internet have made the use of pornography more widespread than ever, and, for predators, cyberspace pornography is dangerous territory to enter. A majority of pedophiles collect child pornography and view it on the Internet without ever physically harming a child. However, for those selected few who do choose to act out their deviance on children, the useof Internet pornography only serves to stimulate their fantasies and sexually arouse them to higher and more dangerous levels.
Ted Bundy, during a taped interview shortly before his execution, talked about the effects that pornography had had on his deviant sexual behaviors. He alleged that he had been exposed early in his childhood to pornography and become obsessed with the sexual images he'd discovered. According to Bundy, it was his early fixation on pornography of a violent sexual nature that eventually led to his sexually criminal behaviors.
Many predators talk about the impact that pornography had on them as children. They discuss their obsession with it and how it motivated their behaviors and organized their lives. Unlike the other children who were busily engrossed in Little League games, monster movies, and comic books, predators recall becoming singularly focused on pornography. They structured their time so that they could be alone with their stimulating collection of erotica. However, eventually, the pictures, movies, and other pornographic materials did not suffice. As they grew, they began to need more and more stimulation, which led to their decision to act out their fantasies.
Marc, a highly intelligent man in his late thirties, discussed the role that pornography had had on his sexually abusive behaviors.
"When I was a kid, I found pornography in my uncle's house. I was so turned on to it that I began looking forward to coming home from school so that I could lock myself in my room and look at these pictures. I would wake up in the middle of the night, stay at home during weekends, and pretend that I was doing homework at night just so I could be alone on my bed staring at those stimulating and erotic sights. As I got older, I began to purchase pornographic movies and magazines and hide them throughout my home. I knew something was wrong with me, especially since, as I got older, I continued to gravitate toward pornography that depicted adolescent girls.
"I got married, had children, and was employed in a high-level executive position in my company, but my fascination with pornography never ceased. I kept it secret from everyone, including my wife. Eventually, with the advent of the Internet, my preoccupation with pornography was heightened. I could now spend countless hours in the privacy of my home, or even at my office, surfing the Net for those sites that displayed teens in compromisingand sexually arousing ways. I fantasized about those young girls and what it would be like to really have sex with them.
"And then one day my fantasies became a reality. I met a young girl at a track meet for my oldest daughter. She was my daughter's classmate, and she was also on the team. She was very friendly, and over the course of time, we got to know one another. I took her swimming with me in the early mornings, and eventually I began visiting her late at night outside of her home.
"She would leave her house in the middle of the night and meet me around the corner. We would spend hours talking and petting in my car. I thought I was in love with her. What I realize now was that she was the incarnation of all my sexual fantasies. She represented all the young girls who had ever exposed themselves in the magazines, movies, and on the Internet sites with one difference, she was here with me, a breathing, warm, and beautiful young female who professed to be in love with me. I know that what I did was terribly wrong; but from the time I was young, I was so obsessed with pornography that it seemed inevitable that the day would come when I would cross the line to become a sexual predator."
John, Rick, Dr. Season, and Mr. Rook have the potential for deviant sexual behavior. John is a selfish, immature man who would use children to fulfill his needs because he feels intimidated and controlled by women and is therefore unable to have long-term, satisfying sexual relationships with adults. His need for control and power is expressed through his sexual domination of young people.
Rick has a great sense of inadequacy that comes from years of being ostracized by his peers. He feels unacceptable and terribly lonely, and these feelings have settled deep within him to create a seething anger. Unfortunately, the anger and his need for acceptance find their expression in sexually inappropriate ways. Rick's adolescent sexuality has no healthy outlet; therefore he seeks gratification from the younger children who look up to him.
Middle-aged Dr. Season, although not a pedophile, derives satisfaction from sexual activity with young women because it makes him feel desirable and youthful. His objectification of women as sexual objects is in character with his tendency to see the world as "his for the taking."
And finally, Mr. Rook, the embodiment of the "dirty old man," has been a pedophile all of his adult life. He had successfully hidden his child pornography from his wife; and if their sexual relationship was wanting, neither partner discussed it. Mrs. Rook, born in a time when sex was rarely discussed, would have been too embarrassed to confront her husband about his lack of sexual desire for her, and therefore Mr. Rook's perversions went unchecked. Left to his own devices, Mr. Rook developed sophisticated and devious ways to lure young boys into acts that served to satisfy his perverse sexual desires.
Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse
There is no direct causality between predatory behaviors and substance abuse. The misuse of alcohol and drugs does not cause child molestation, and not every predator is a substance abuser. However, substance abuse and child molestation are connected by the fact that a majority of predators have a history of substance abuse. Studies from the Department of Justice indicate that at least 40 percent of predators admitted to drinking or using drugs during the period of time that they were abusing children.
Many individuals who abuse alcohol or drugs are using these substances to "medicate" themselves. Because they have not developed the internal mechanisms needed to successfully navigate their lives, they have learned to rely on outside sources to help them stay afloat. The characteristics of a predator already mentioned, such as low self-esteem, a lack of empathy, troubled childhood, and failed past relationships, define an individual who has significant problems coping with life, and alcohol and drugs are often used as crutches for these emotionally handicapped individuals.
For the insecure predator, alcohol may mask the sense of inadequacy and the fear of failure that continuously plague him or her. Inebriated, and thus temporarily free from an inadequate sense of self, the predator can move about with confidence. It is often during these times that a predator's true personality characteristics will be revealed. Under the influence of alcohol or drugs, the inhibitions that serve to restrict someone who is prone to sexually acting out are significantly lessened.
Other predators may find that alcohol and drugs fill the emptiness inside of them. This inner void has been created by years of disillusionment, early abandonment, and disappointments in work and relationships. With a dried-up reservoir thirsting at the emotional needs of an alreadydepleted individual, alcohol and drugs can feel like a temporary oasis. Many predators feel an inner sense of loneliness, helplessness, and frustration; and when these emotions surface, they cannot tolerate them. For these individuals alcohol and drugs are a way to numb the painful emotions that they have been avoiding for years.
There is a high correlation between antisocial individuals who repeatedly engage in illegal actions and the abuse of substances. Antisocial individuals are often characterized as "thrill seekers" who strive for the incredible "highs" they experience in unlawful activities, illicit sexual behaviors, and the use of illegal substances. Under the influence the thrill seeker may engage in deviant sexual behavior to intensify the high.
The use of alcohol and drugs clouds perceptions, impairs judgments, and significantly influences decision making. Therefore an individual who has the characteristics of an abuser is more likely to act on these traits when under the influence. Thus, one of the fundamental prescriptions for an offender in treatment is that he or she abstain from the use of all harmful substances.
Now that you have learned the ten warning signs of a predator, you can better identify a potential sexual offender and prevent that person from harming your children. If Sylvia, Sally, Beth and George, and Cindy and Justin Morgan had had the list of the ten most common characteristics of a predator, it might have been easier for them to answer those questions they were left with after meeting John, Dr. Season, Rick, and Mr. Rook. The answer to all of their questions should have been an undeniably, "No," to Sylvia's continuing her relationship with John, to Sally taking Kim to Dr. Season, to Beth and George leaving their son at the camp, and to the Morgans allowing their twin sons to continue visiting Mr. Rook. For in saying, "No," they would also be saying, "Yes," to the continued safety and protection of their children.
Being aware of the ten most common characteristics is the first step in identifying a predator. Yet remember that an individual can have a number of these characteristics and still not be a sexual predator. In the next chapter you will be given another vital tool in assessing whether you or your children have come in contact with a predator. By becoming familiar with the five stages of abuse that predators use to identify, stalk, groom, and maim their prey, you will have the advantage of being able to recognize their patterns of behavior and plan your defense accordingly.
PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL PREDATORS. Copyright © 2002 by Leigh Baker, Psy.D. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.