| Acknowledgments | ix |
| Introduction | xi |
1 | The Missing Ingredient: What Relationships Really Need | 1 |
| The Missing Ingredient | |
| Real Love and Genuine Happiness | |
| The Destructive Legacy of Conditional Love | |
| Drowning for Lack of Love | |
2 | Getting and Protecting: The Many Faces of Imitation Love | 18 |
| The Many Faces of Imitation Love | |
| The Cost of Imitation Love | |
| Getting and Protecting Behaviors | |
| Getting and Protecting (Why Do We Do That?) | |
| I Love You Because... | |
| Making Choices | |
| Changing Our Choices | |
3 | Being Seen and Getting Loved: The Tale of the Wart King and the Wise Man | 41 |
| The Tale of the Wart King and the Wise Man | |
| How to Recognize and Find Real Love: Truth to Senn to Accepted to Loved | |
| The Truth About Relationships and Individual Choices | |
| The Difference Between Asking and Expecting | |
4 | Taking the Leap of Faith: Everyday Wise Men and How to Find Them | 63 |
| Remember the Wart King | |
| Being Patient: Don't Expect Brass Bands | |
| Having a Desire to Change | |
| Exercising Faith | |
| Telling the Truth About Yourself | |
| Giving Up the Getting and Protecting Behaviors | |
5 | The Effect of Real Love: Like Money in the Bank | 117 |
| Real Love Is Like Money in the Bank | |
| The Effect of Real Love on the Past and the Present | |
| Real Love: The Answer to All Our Relationship "Problems" | |
| The Need for Consistent Real Love | |
| Magnifying the Effect of Real Love with Gratitude | |
6 | Sharing Your Fortune: The Power of Loving Others | 136 |
| Loved: We Can't Give What We Don't Have | |
| Seeing: The Elimination of Our Own Blindness | |
| Accepting: The Natural, Peaceful Result of Seeing | |
| Loving: Caring About the Happiness of Other People | |
7 | Playing a Beautiful Duet: The Joys of Mutually Loving Relationships | 170 |
| Telling the Truth About Ourselves | |
| Telling the Truth About Our Partner | |
| Telling the Truth All the Time | |
| Making Requests | |
| Working Things Out | |
| Faith in Mutual Love | |
| Becoming One | |
8 | Real Love in All Our Relationships: Spouses, Children, Friends, and Co-workers | 188 |
| The Truth About Marriage | |
| Exclusive Relationships | |
| Sex in Relationships | |
| The Truth About Parenting | |
| Family, Friends, Co-workers, and Everyone Else | |
| Our Relationship with God | |
9 | Dealing With Obstacles on the Path to Real Love: Disappointment, Anger, and Getting and Protecting Behaviors | 227 |
| Eliminating Conflict | |
| Dealing with Getting and Protecting Behaviors | |
| Ending a Relationship (Including Divorce) | |